


Sweet Sacrifice

by Ginger_Pop, jlcamp09



Series: Amas Veritas [3]
Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-06
Updated: 2015-11-17
Packaged: 2018-04-25 04:20:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 30
Words: 122,044
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4946467
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ginger_Pop/pseuds/Ginger_Pop, https://archiveofourown.org/users/jlcamp09/pseuds/jlcamp09
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Choices must be made between what is wanted and what should be sacrificed for the greater good. If there is anything to be learned from the situation, it’s that nothing is inevitable and that there is always another way.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Part 3 of our series.

The Inquisitor set down Josephine’s report and pinched the bridge of his nose as he sighed. It had been a long morning already, going over reports with his advisors, making endless decisions that only seemed to give him a headache. He’d tiptoed around this next one, but knew he couldn’t put it off anymore. He dropped his hand and stood up straight again, looking to his spymaster. “Has there been any report on Erimond?” he asked, his eyes flicking briefly to Cullen. He knew this was a sore subject with the commander.

Cullen groaned and clenched his hands into fists. “No, Inquisitor. It’s been six long months and we haven’t seen hide nor hair of him. Every time we close in on a lead, he manages to slip away. The spies we have stationed around Adamant fortress report Warden activity, they are gathering there, but there had been no notice of Erimond making a move to go forward with their plans to raise a demon army. It’s infuriating, honestly. Lindsey and Varric have waited far too long to have justice for the horrible acts committed against them by this man.” 

“We’ll find him, Cullen. Bringing Erimond to justice is still the top of our list,” the Inquisitor assured the other man. He himself had been furious when he heard about what had happened, especially to one of his inner circle. Thankfully in the time since then, Dorian had perfected a poultice that was able to greatly reduce the scars left on Varric and Lindsey, though they would never be completely erased. “We cannot move on Adamant until we are certain Erimond is there. Otherwise it’s a waste of time. And lives. We have to wait until the proper moment to strike.” He shook his head. “Any idea on what’s taking him so long?” he asked Leliana. “I thought Jennifer said all these things should’ve happened by now.”

Leliana looked down at her own reports. “Perhaps it’s because he knows that we have the sisters and their predictions on the future. Without being able to decide what to do, it appears he has chosen to delay the plans of raising the demon army. It is a dangerous gamble, delaying his plans, thinking perhaps that we would grow lax in his silence. Hawke and his Warden contact have confirmed what Jennifer told us months ago, but like everyone else, they are becoming agitated the more time passes.”

“Or he could have changed his plans completely,” the Inquisitor said, more to himself than to his advisors. He frowned as he stared down at the map. He didn’t like this any more than the rest of them. “We need more eyes and ears out there. Erimond is bound to slip up at some point. And when he does, we’ll be ready.” It was lame, he knew that, but at the moment his hands were tied. He pushed away from the war table. “I think that’s enough for today.”

Josephine seemed to breathe a sigh of relief as she gathered up the papers and straightened them. It had been a very long morning and tempers were running high as everyone’s frustration grew over the situation with Erimond. She hurried out of the war room and nearly walked right into Lindsey, who was waiting outside. 

“Sorry, Josie,” Lindsey said and moved out of the ambassador’s way, peeking through the door to catch Cullen’s eye. He’d been in this meeting longer than usual and she thought that perhaps he would like some lunch before he had to go and train the troops or calibrate trebuchets or whatever it was he had on his endless list for that day. She offered him a smile when he finally came out of the room. “Long morning?” she asked, adjusting the towel that covered the basket she carried on her arm.

Cullen smiled warmly at Lindsey as he pulled her into his arms, giving her a firm hug. “You have no idea. I’ve been suffering through a headache since I walked out of our room this morning.” He kissed her gently before he pulled back. “I’m sorry, still no new information on Erimond. It’s been too long for my liking. Knowing what was supposed to happen and then comparing it to what is happening…” He rubbed at the back of his neck and turned away from her, going to look out a window. “It’s put a lot of people on edge.”

She chewed her lip for a moment before she moved to stand beside him, refusing to look out of that window. Way too high for her liking. “Cullen, it’s okay,” she said, giving his arm a squeeze. “I think we all know by now that everything’s changing since my sister and I showed up here. Telling you what we knew might happen, you know, changed it even more. Maybe we’ve pointed you all in a completely wrong direction since things have changed.” She paused and sighed. “It’s not like I’m exactly eager for you to go and face Erimond. I mean, I know he has to pay for what he’s done. I’m just… worried about the process of actually fighting him.”

He turned back to her. “You have given us the best chance we could possibly want to have when we get to face him. Your sister,” he laughed, “actually gave us a walkthrough of what would happen when we assault Adamant. With some luck, it will be enough to save lives.” Cullen rubbed at her shoulder, before he tilted her chin up. He brushed a thumb over her cheek. “But, it’s causing me a headache and you unneeded stress. You work too hard enough as it is.” He smirked at the look she gave him and he held up a hand, “Yes yes, I know. I’ll be the pot this time, Miss Kettle.” He offered her his arm and walked them out into the Great Hall. “Let’s move on to happier topics, perhaps over lunch?”

“I figured you’d be hungry. I know you skipped breakfast again,” she said and bumped him with her hip as they walked. She held up the basket she carried. “I’ve got fried chicken and potato salad in here. You wanna eat in the garden? Maybe I’ll even let you beat me at a game of chess before you have to go back to work,” she teased, knowing full well that not once had she ever “let” him win. She understood the game, she just wasn’t very good at it. Still, she enjoyed playing with him anyway whenever they had a moment. “Or is your schedule too busy this afternoon?”

Cullen smiled at her. “I am never too busy to enjoy a moment with you,” he said honestly as he moved to open the door for her that led to the gardens, “It sounds like just what I need after the morning I’ve had.” He led them over to the table where he kept the chessboard and he carefully cleared it away before he pulled her chair out for her, sniffing at the air as he caught a whiff of the scent that was coming from the basket. “Maker, that smells amazing,” he said as he sat down across from her, watching her as she pulled items from the basket she set down. He loved this, whenever she would surprise him with a meal, a snack. Some sort of distraction to make his day easier. It made him long to have the war over so he could look to the future. Being free from the hold of lyrium had brightened his outlook on the future and he often found himself daydreaming, wondering what she would think if she knew what he was pondering. “I think I could get used to this,” he said.

She gave him a smile as she fixed their plates. “You mean you aren’t used to it already? I’ll have to try harder,” she teased, giving him a wink as she licked a bit of potato salad from her finger. She took a moment to eat a few bites of the chicken before she sat back in her chair, chewing thoughtfully. “If I have time, that is,” she added. “I think I might be on my own in the kitchen here before too long. Jen’s baby bump is getting so big, and it’s hard for her to stay on her feet all day. I swear she’s got two in there.” She paused and snickered. “Oh man, can you just imagine? I think poor Solas would fall over and die. He’s worried over her enough as it is.”

Cullen laughed at that, though it was hard to stop eating the delicious chicken. Crunchy, but so juicy in the middle and the potato salad. Lindsey really was trying to put some weight on him, thought he could stand to gain a few pounds, he had to admit. “That he is. I’m not certain who has lost more sleep. Solas or your sister.” He smiled at her. “I’m certain Dorian will cut you some slack, seeing as your sister is moving into the nesting phase of her pregnancy. And someone should warn her that Josephine is trying to plot a celebration for the little one. Again.” He shook his head a moment before he reached across the table and covered her hand with his own. “Her situation has certainly gotten everyone thinking. Me, in particular. About what comes after.”

Her heart gave a little jump at that, not entirely sure where he was going with this conversation, though she had a suspicion. Months ago, when they’d met her grandmother in a dream, the old woman had goaded them about great-grandchildren. “Oh?” she asked, trying to keep her tone light. There was a sudden nervous feeling in her stomach as she forked up another bite of potatoes. “What, ah, exactly are you thinking about?” Okay, perhaps she was playing dumb, but she didn’t want to jump to assumptions. Better to let him steer this conversation. There was a look in his eyes, like he’d been trying to find a way to broach this subject for some time.

He picked up her hand, brushing his thumb over her knuckles before he kissed at her fingers before he looked up at her. He couldn’t stop the blush that crept over his cheeks as he studied her for a moment. “Being with you has me thinking of a better life. Something quieter, something selfish I suppose,” he said as he took a breath, “I won’t want to move on from you after the Inquisition is done. I have some idea of what I want to do after all this is over, but I don’t think words could express how much I would want to see that future with you at my side becoming a reality.” 

She squeezed his hand, a smile crossing her lips. “I like the sounds of that,” she said softly. By the gods, this man knew how to melt her heart. And he didn’t even have to try. She thought about it, about what might come after the final confrontation with Corypheus. Damn, she wished she’d had the chance to play the last DLC of the game so she would know what to expect. But then again, things had changed so much already that it might not matter now. “I can’t see a future without you in it,” she said. “Whatever comes, wherever you may decide to go, I want to be there with you.”

Cullen smiled at that, a weight lifting from his heart as he studied her face. “It’s a lot to think about. I know with the war and everything, it’s hard to even see that future, but your sister…” He trailed off, not sure how to bring up the topic, “Sorry.” He rubbed at the back of his neck. “I mean, would you be interested in… er, that is…” he stuttered and finally pulled back and rubbed at his face. “Maker’s breath, give me strength,” he muttered and looked over at her, “A family was something that I had given up hope on. I’m still not rather sure about it, given the problems that I deal with on a daily basis. If it’s something you would want, I want that as well, but I’m worried about what my life choices might cause.” 

Oh gods, there it was. “A family?” she asked, feeling nervous and excited at the same time. Watching her sister go through her pregnancy hadn’t exactly encouraged Lindsey to want the same thing any time soon. It wasn’t as glamorous as some women made it seem. Yet at the same time, having Cullen’s babies? The idea sent a shiver down her spine, a tingling warmth low in her belly. “I… yes,” she stammered breathlessly, a smile on her face. “Of course I want a family with you.” She paused and tipped her head slightly. “What do you mean your life choices? What are you worried about?” she asked, stroking her thumb over his knuckles.

He smiled sadly at her and sighed as he looked at their joined hands, locking their fingers together. “The lyrium use,” he said plainly before he looked back up at her, ashamed of himself for not bringing that part up first. He shouldn’t have gotten his hopes up. “Lyrium has destroyed a greater part of my life, tainted the people around me, not only myself. I’m not certain what that would mean for any child that I would want to bring into this world. I would never want them to end up as…” He wasn’t sure what. “I’m afraid that the lyrium use might cause complications, though I’m not certain how, but knowing my luck, it would find a way.” He smiled at her. His heart was thudding in his chest. She had said yes. Maker, but he was all over the place, asking the wrong questions first. 

“I didn’t realize that lyrium could affect something like that,” she said. It made her think of alcoholism, how that could be hereditary and passed on to children. “I think any complications could be dealt with. You’ve been off the lyrium for a long time now. Maybe it’s had time to work itself out of your system, you know? If this is what you really want, then we’ll do it.” She smiled and squeezed his hand, her heart racing and the fluttering in her stomach growing stronger. She felt breathless and her smile widened. “By the gods, I bet you’ll make beautiful babies,” she grinned, giving him a wink.

He felt a blush growing on his cheeks and he gave her a light tug, holding her hand as he guided her around the table so she could sit in his lap. He tilted his head back as he looked up at her, reaching up to brush a few strands of red hair behind her ear. “You always know what to say to make me a blushing stuttering man. Everything I’ve been through and the one thing that fells me, is you. Not that I am complaining of course.” He cupped her cheek, giving her a sad smile, “I just want to be absolutely certain that I don’t ruin a life before it’s even had a chance. But Maker, I want to try with you.”

“Don’t think like that,” she said, running her fingers through his hair as she leaned into his touch. The idea of a family with him excited her more than she would’ve thought possible. She pressed a kiss to his lips, her eyes fluttering shut as a happy sigh escaped her. She met his gaze as she pulled back, losing herself in his eyes. “You make me so happy,” she said softly, brushing her thumb over his firm lips, tracing the line of the scar there. She swallowed hard, searching his eyes as she searched her own heart. She knew what she wanted and surely if he wanted a family he wanted the same thing, didn’t he? Oh to hell with tradition. “Marry me?”

Cullen’s eyes went wide as he stared at her, his mouth going dry and he blinked at her. “I… ah… but you, I should be…” He felt his heart jump out of his chest and he looked at her again, seeing the absolute seriousness on her face and he laughed, warm and happy. “Yes,” he said wrapping his arms around Lindsey’s waist, “Yes, I will marry you.” He smiled at her, leaning forward and catching her lips in a passionate kiss, feeling the blush on his face and not caring one moment.

She smiled against his lips as she wrapped her arms around his neck, kissing him back just as enthusiastically. Had she really just proposed to the commander? She hadn’t planned on that, but it made her ridiculously happy. She giggled as she rested her forehead against his, their noses touching. “I’ve never been so happy,” she breathed, then kissed him again. “And here I thought we were just having a quick lunch,” she laughed. “I wasn’t expecting all this.”

Cullen chuckled and looked back up at her. “Certainly not,” he said as he ran his hands up and down her back, a weight lifting from his shoulders at the thought that he was holding his future wife in his hands. “Neither have I, been happy, that is. This is amazing,” he breathed as he kissed her again, “Maker’s breath Lindsey.” He smiled at her. “We should, ah… should not… let Josephine know just yet. You know how she gets.” He was a mess. 

“Oh my god, you read my mind,” she laughed. She shivered in his arms at the feel of his hands up and down her back. She bit her lip, smiling again and brushed a happy tear from her eye. “She’d make it all into a big fuss. You’ve seen what she’s doing to Jennifer.” She pulled back a little bit so she could see his face better. “We could just elope,” she said, thinking that she didn’t need all the attention and that he probably wouldn’t want it. “Just you and me, my sister and a couple of our friends. No fuss, no big deal. I don’t care about a wedding, I care about what comes after.”

“Mmm,” he hummed against her, pulling her down to him, kissing at her cheeks, “The idea has merit. I think we could do that. Grab your sister, she’ll bring Solas. Dorian would personally murder us if we didn’t bring him along I’m certain.” He leaned back, smiling at her. “Maker, this is for real, isn’t it?” He tilted his head at her. “Who else would you like for witnesses?”

“Varric and Cassandra,” she answered quickly. “And Bull. I think that’s plenty, don’t you?” Just their closest friends and her sister. That would be more than enough to make her happy. She shifted in his lap to rest her head on his shoulder, then reached over to pick up a bite of chicken and offered it to him. “Unless you want your sisters and brother there, too. We can invite them if you want.”

He leaned forward, biting at the chicken, smiling at her, “Oh no, trust me, you don’t want my sister to get wind of a wedding. Mia would interrogate you and then she might be worse than Josephine and demand a proper wedding.” He smiled and leaned his head against hers. “I think that list is more than enough. The only question that I would have is when. Can’t have it around time your sister goes into labor. She would hate us for stealing her thunder. Do you think it’s too soon? Perhaps we should wait a bit…” He chuckled. “It doesn’t matter. As long as I am with you, I’ll be happy.”

“We can talk about that later,” she said, giving a sigh. She turned and pressed a kiss to his stubbled cheek. “Now eat up, Commander, before they hunt you down.” She kissed his lips again as she got out of his lap, moving to sit in her own chair. “I’ll talk to my sister, see what she thinks. You’re right, I don’t want to take away from her and the baby. We’ll figure it out.” She gave him a sultry look as she slipped off her shoe under the table and stretched her leg out to tease the inside of his thigh. “And later, you and I are going to celebrate our engagement.”

He shivered and he smiled at her, the blush creeping on his cheeks. “I like the sound of that,” he murmured as he caught her hand and kissed at her knuckles. “Maybe I can have a word with Dorian, tell him to give you the night off so we don’t have to worry about being interrupted,” he said, “But yes. It sounds lovely. And give your sister my best. I haven’t seen her in the last few days.”

“You can thank Solas for that,” Lindsey laughed. “He barely lets her out of his sight. But I’ll tell her. Now eat before it gets cold. You’ll need your energy later.”


	2. Chapter 2

Lindsey practically skipped all the way back to the kitchen after her lunch with Cullen. She couldn’t remember ever being so happy and giddy in all her life. She heaved a sigh when she reached the kitchen, seeing her sister already there, ingredients spread out over the worktable, reading over notes to herself. “What are you doing?” she scolded as she set the basket on a counter. “You prepping supper already or is the baby demanding food again?” She paused and pulled a face. “Is that a bowl of  snow ?”

Jennifer jumped at suddenly being caught, whirling around, half expecting to see Solas, but spotted her sister. “Shhh, I think he’s been following me.” She turned back to her work and picked up the cup of milk she had before pouring it into the snow. “I am DYING for ice cream and the best I can do is Gramma’s snow ice cream. Now, if I could come up with a good way to make dill pickles I’ll be all set with my afternoon snack. I have been craving pickles and ice cream for like three months straight.”

“You are a hot mess,” Lindsey teased, watching as her sister stirred the bowl. She’d forgotten about making ice cream out of snow, it had been so long since they’d done it. “That looks good. Gimme a bite,” she said, grabbing a spoon off the counter, but she held her hands up and let the spoon drop at the look Jennifer gave her. “Right, don’t come between the pregnant lady and her food. Good way to lose a hand,” she said and actually took a step back. She waited until Jennifer had settled herself in a chair before she continued. “So, ah, I have something to tell you,” she said with a grin. “Cullen and I are getting married!”

Jennifer sat up straight as she held her bowl and she grinned at her. “You are shitting me! Really? Girl! Congratulations!” she said, struggling to stand back up before she sighed and sat back, holding her arms open, “Get over here and give me a hug, you lucky woman you!” She couldn’t believe it, she knew that Lindsey loved Cullen, she could see it in her eyes. “You deserve him, after everything that you’ve been through!” she exclaimed.

Lindsey grinned and hugged her sister tightly before she grabbed another chair and pulled it over to sit in front of her sister, their knees touching. “Thanks, sis,” she said. She pushed a piece of hair behind her ear, thinking for a moment. “We don’t want anything big, just you and some of the inner circle, ya know? But, ah, I don’t want to steal your thunder. I don’t want to take away from you and Solas and the baby,” she said, pausing to put a hand on her sister’s belly, smiling when the little one kicked her palm. “Would you rather we did it before or after baby comes?”

“Oh gods, please, take all of the thunder if you want it. Josephine is driving me NUTS. Its baby this and baby that. I think Solas is plotting her murder if she recruits him for his opinion on the latest fashions of cribs from Val Royeaux,” she murmured as she pulled back and and spooned up a bite of the ice cream, moaning out at the flavor and sighed as Lindsey gave her a look. She scooped up a large bite and held it out for her sister to take. 

“Eeeeee! Ice cream,” Lindsey squealed and happily took the bite before handing the spoon back. “Mmm, that’s good,” she hummed, letting it melt on her tongue for a moment before she swallowed it down. “Make me some of that if I ever get knocked up,” she teased with a wink. “And no, you can keep all of Josephine’s attention. I’ve seen her in action. I don’t even want to think about her being turned loose on a wedding.” She stopped and shuddered at the thought. “So, in the interest of sparing both of us from Josephine’s…  enthusiasm…  again, I ask you. Before or after baby?”

She smiled at her sister. “Hmmmm, well, It’ll probably be easier to do without a baby, but you’ll get a fight from Solas if I travel now,” she said as she ate her ice cream, “I have no idea. It’s whatever you think would be best. Traveling after might be a bit out too, Solas will be very protective of his little cub.”  

“We don’t have to travel for it,” Lindsey said. “We could do it here. In the garden or the Great Hall or something. Bah, we’ll figure it out. Doesn’t have to be decided right this minute. I’m getting ahead of myself.” She looked over her shoulder as the kitchen door opened and she sat back with a smirk.

“Found you, vhenan,” Solas said, the slightest hint of a smile making the corner of his mouth twitch. He came to a stop next to Jennifer’s chair and looked down at her. “It isn’t much of a challenge when you keep hiding here in the kitchen.” He raised an eyebrow at the confection she held in her hands. “Decided to make yourself a treat?”

Jennifer hunched over the bowl protectively as she eyed him. “I am going stir crazy in that room. I just had to escape!” she said and she smirked up at him, “I had to have a walk and is it really my fault when the cravings hit?” She reached out and caught his hand with hers, kissing at his fingers.

He chuckled at her. He rather enjoyed this little game they played. “I never said you were confined to that room,” he reminded her. “I only meant that I do not want you to push yourself too hard. I know you too well.” He leaned against the wall, letting his long fingers play through her dark hair as she began to eat again. He noted the way the sisters were facing each other in their chairs and wondered if he’d stumbled upon a private conversation. “Am I interrupting?”

Jennifer leaned into his fingers and smiled over at Lindsey before she grinned. “Lindsey just told me that she and Cullen are going to get married!” She looked back at her sister. “Well, she was wondering when the wedding should happen, before or after the baby comes. Might be easier if they do it before the baby gets here. If they have it here at Skyhold, I think it would work out. Though, Josephine might catch wind of it.”

“Let her,” Solas said firmly. He appreciated the ambassador’s concern over the new baby, but really it was wearing on him. He managed a smile for Jennifer’s sister though. “Congratulations,” he said. “So our dear commander finally worked up the nerve to propose, did he?”

“No, I asked him,” Lindsey admitted with a giggle. She felt her face go a little hot and she shrugged. “Well, he sort of brought it up and then I just asked the question. You know me. I’m impatient as fuck.” She sat back with a sigh, a smile on her face as she watched her sister and Solas for a moment. She could see how happy they were, the way her sister seemed to beam whenever Solas was nearby, the quiet yet fierce protectiveness he exuded over her and the baby. “If I do the bouquet toss, I’ll be sure to aim at you,” she teased her sister with a wink.

Jennifer laughed, peering up at the elf before back to her sister. “I’m not sure if that’s a custom here, but it should be! Oo! Maybe I can go into the Fade and have Gramma to do a handfasting for us. I prefer the simpler ways,” she murmured as she looked up at Solas, smiling at him. “Here,” she said getting another spoonful and offering it to him, “Ice cream!”

He raised an eyebrow at her, but leaned down and let her feed it to him. His eyes widened in surprise; he hadn’t expected it to be so sweet. He quickly swallowed it down and immediately regretted it. His face screwed up as an intense pain hit his forehead and he pinched at the bridge of his nose, ignoring Lindsey’s snort of laughter. “It’s… an interesting dish, vhenan,” he said, blinking at the brainfreeze began to fade. 

She giggled at the expression on his face. “Slowly, ma lath. It is a dish meant to be savored. You eat it too fast and it hurts,” she said, pausing for a moment before she looked at her sister, “There’s a dirty joke in there, I know it, but it is eluding me!” She leaned back, pausing as she groaned and put a hand on her belly. “Ooof. Tell your daughter to settle down.”

Solas chuckled. “Daughter, is it?” he asked as he kissed her forehead and placed a hand over her rounded belly, feeling the little one squirming inside her. “Who am I to argue? You are the seer after all.” Unlike some parents, he wasn’t fussed over whether the child would be a boy or a girl. All he cared about was that Jennifer and the baby were healthy. “Your grandmother’s spirit would be pleased. I have not forgotten her demands about a namesake.” 

“Alright, ya’ll are getting too lovey for my taste,” Lindsey said as she got up out of the chair. “I’mma go pester Dorian or something until it’s time to fix supper.” She gave them a wave as she headed off. “Vhenan, ma lath, sappy mushy pet-names,” she mumbled.

Jennifer waved her hand in the air. “Bah, today’s a good day for me, so the pet names are a good sign. I’m lucky to have a man who can put up with me and the hormonal mood swings,” she said as she ate more of her ice cream before setting the bowl aside, rubbing at her belly. She wished she felt beautiful, Solas assured her that she was, every time he got a chance. But her body did weird things and weird hours of the day, not all of them graceful or dignified. Peeing her pants while sneezing had been an interesting day, but he didn’t think less of her, or she hoped. “I’m ready to pop this one out.” 

He gave her a sympathetic look as he moved to sit in the now vacant chair in front of her. “Not too much longer, ma lath,” he said softly. He placed both hands on her belly, a smile crossing his lips. There was a nervous excitement that filled him every time he thought about their child, and what the future would hold. It only steeled his resolve to set the world right, to see the world put back the way it was supposed to be for his child to grow up in. He was eager to proceed forward with his plans, as soon as they could travel. “Perhaps we should both find a better hiding place so the dear ambassador doesn’t try to track us down again,” he said with a slight smirk. “I fear she has spent too much coin on the little one as it is. We will not be able to take it all with us when we leave.”

She smiled, despite the tears that formed in her eyes at the thought of leaving everyone behind. Her sister, her friends. She wanted to, a life with Solas, a child, it would be wonderful, but her hormones were going crazy and it was just one more thing to make her cry. “Maybe a wagon we could take. Unless you wanted to travel light,” she murmured before she reached out to cup his cheek.

Solas wanted to kick himself, seeing the tears in her eyes. “I’m sorry,” he said softly and brushed his thumbs over her eyes, wiping the tears away. “I should not have brought it up. You needn’t think about such things right now. We can discuss it at another time.” He turned his face to press a quick, firm kiss to her palm. An idea came to him and he smiled at her. “You said you were feeling cooped up. Would you care to go for a walk around the garden? The fresh air might make you feel better.”

Jennifer smiled and she nodded. “You always know what to say to cheer me up,” she said, “I’m sorry, Solas. I just can’t control myself right now. One minute happy, one minute sad. I just want what’s best for the baby. I know you won’t steer me wrong, us wrong.” She caught his other hand and kissed at his fingers. “Good gods, we are being all sappy and romantic, aren’t we?”

“It would seem so,” he agreed with a chuckle, offering her a smile even as he felt a stab of guilt pierce through him. He suspected that his idea and her idea of what was best for the baby might be very different. He stood and offered her a hand to help her up, tucking her hand into the crook of his elbow. “And there is no need to apologize for anything. You are hardly the first woman to deal with such emotions. It is to be expected. You should know by now that I would not judge you for such things.”

He led her out to the garden, into the cool air and bright sunshine. It was beautiful there, but he was growing weary of Skyhold. In his mind, it was ridiculous that it was taking this long to track down Erimond and he was beginning to question the Inquisitor’s competence. He cleared his throat. “At the risk of upsetting you again, you never did elaborate on the events that will take place at Adamant,” he said as they walked, keeping his voice low so others in the garden wouldn’t overhear them. “I know you and your sister are trying to help the Inquisition without giving too much away, afraid it might change things even more, but in this instance, it might help.”

“You might be right,” she said quietly and hugged his arm tightly and she leaned against him as she looked up at the sky. “It’s one heck of a clusterfuck,” she said as she sighed, “So, I know you aren’t a fan of the Wardens, an entire power that’s unchecked by everyone, who can take whatever they want, when they want, with little explanation to none. They’re being tricked into hearing this calling and their answer is to raise a demon army and go into the Deep Roads to kill the old gods before they die off. Except, you know, it’s for Corypheus.”

She sighed and took his hand, holding it out in front of her and studied it. “So, the Inquisition goes. Stops the summoning, but the slime bag calls the archdemon and it causes like a part of a bridge to collapse and the Inquisitor and the party are on top of it. They fall and would be crushed, but then the Inquisitor opens a rift and the party falls into it. Into the Fade. The Warden, Hawke…” She trailed off and her eyes widened and she stopped short. “Hawke! Shit,” she cursed and looked back towards the Great Hall, a horrible feeling coursing over her, “Shit.”

Solas listened with rapt attention to details she hadn’t shared with him before. His heart missed a beat at her sudden words, the look he saw in her eyes. “Jennifer, what’s wrong?” he asked, alarmed, and his hand automatically went to her belly. No, he could tell by the look in her eyes that she wasn’t hurting, but something had startled her. “What is it?”

Tears gathered in her eyes as she thought about it, remembering everything that could possibly happen with the Adamant situation. She swallowed harshly. “It’s Hawke. When he goes into the Fade...there’s a choice when the party tries to leave. Someone has to stay behind to buy time for the other’s to leave safely. There’s always a fifty fifty chance that Hawke is the one who has to stay behind, but with everything that’s changing…” She held a hand to her mouth and leaned against Solas carefully. “Shit. Varric… he’s devastated… I… he deserves to know. Shit.”  

Solas swallowed hard and hugged Jennifer tightly. Though he didn’t know Hawke, he knew that Varric cared deeply. And he respected Varric, considered the dwarf a friend even. He pulled back and took Jennifer’s face in his hands. “You should speak to him,” he said in an even tone. He brushed the tears from her eyes. “But you shouldn’t do it alone,” he said, thinking she was far too emotional to have this conversation on her own with Varric. He could see emotions getting quickly out of hand if that happened. “Would you like me to accompany you? Or would you like me to find your sister and have her go with you?”

Jennifer searched his eyes, crying only harder before she leaned forward and caught his lips with her own. She could taste the salt from her tears and she wanted to slap herself, tell her to snap out of it, but Varric was too dear a friend now. “I would never say no to having you at my side, but Lindsey… she should be there when we tell him. She and him, you know how close they’ve gotten over the past few months. She should be there too.” 

“I understand. It would be best not to overwhelm Master Tethras,” he said in an understanding tone. He ran his fingers through her hair, trying to comfort her. “Try to calm yourself, vhenan. The less upset you are when you speak to him, the better it will be for him to accept this news and process it.” He pressed a firm kiss to her forehead. “Take a moment for yourself, I will go find your sister and have her meet you in the Great Hall. Though you may wish to speak to Varric somewhere more private about this matter.”

“Good idea,” she murmured against his lips. “You’re the best. You know that, right? This.” She gestured around them, “All of this, is worth it. The friends, the family. It’s worth it.” She swallowed and pulled back to look at him and rubbed at his neck. “Thank you, Solas. Really,” she said as she turned back to look towards the Great Hall, “This isn’t going to be easy.”

He gave her a sympathetic smile before he nudged her on. “The right thing often isn’t, vhenan.”


	3. Chapter 3

A sick feeling filled Lindsey’s stomach as she hurried through Skyhold. Of all things, how could they have forgotten to mention this to Varric before? Maybe part of her pushed it out of her memory because she didn’t want to see him upset. Or because she hoped that the Inquisitor wouldn’t choose Hawke. But that possibility was very real and Varric deserved to know. But oh, she really didn’t want to tell him.

She found her sister in the Great Hall, lingering near the door that led to Josephine’s office. “Hey,” she said softly, seeing that Jennifer was visibly upset. “Come on, let’s go talk to him.” She took her sister’s hand and held it tightly as they made their way across the hall. “Breathe. It’s going to be okay. He’d be more upset with us if we didn’t tell him.” She did her best to keep a semi-pleasant expression on her face as they came to a stop next to Varric’s fireplace. “Hey Varric. You busy?”

Varric glanced up, over his glasses, a smile growing on his lips as he spotted them. “Well, if it isn’t my favorite sister duo. Perfect timing! I’ve been looking for an excuse to take a break for at least a few hours now. What can I do for you?” he asked as he took his glasses off to set them on the table before he set his quill in the inkpot. He paused when he looked back up at them. “Uh, is everything alright?” 

“Yeah, we just… need to talk. Something that could possibly happen in the future that we need to warn you about,” Lindsey said. She scratched at the back of her neck. “I feel really stupid that we didn’t think to talk to you about it before. Is there somewhere we can talk for a minute? Too many prying ears around here,” she said, gesturing around. She shot a look at a servant who ducked his head and hurried off. “See what I mean?”

He pressed his lips thin for a moment before he nodded. “Yeah, hard to talk freely when the walls have ears. This isn’t, ah… another secret I’m going to regret knowing, is it? I really don’t want to add to my pile of shit I can’t tell anyone. You saw how well it worked the first time,” he muttered, but gestured for them to follow him back to his rooms. He looked at Jennifer, “You sure you’re okay to be walking around here without your shadow? I don’t want to be blamed for exhausting you either. No offense, but Chuckles has gotten a little bit more than overprotective of you.”

She laughed. “I’m fine, Varric. Still have at least two months to go. I’m not an invalid. Well, you know. Not completely,” she said quietly as they walked along to Varric’s room. He opened the door with a flourish and held it open for them both before he followed them inside and went to the fire to stoke it.

“This one isn’t a secret,” Lindsey said. “You can tell the others. We just wanted to talk to you about it. It’s about the whole thing with Erimond. At Adamant.” She paused and had to stop herself from shuddering. Just thinking about that asshole made her want to cringe. The scars may have faded, but the memories hadn’t. “During the fight, the Inquisitor has to make a choice. Someone has to stay behind, sacrifice their life so the others can escape. The options are the Warden… or Hawke.” She hated stating it so bluntly, but she really didn’t see a way to ease him into it.

Varric stared at Lindsey for a long moment, trying to process the words she said and he pinched the bridge of his nose a moment later and held up a hand. “Wait, wait. What?” he asked, looking between the both of them, but ultimately resting on Lindsey. “What do you mean someone has to make a life and death choice? And that Hawke has to be a part of it? And stay behind where? There’s no way I would leave Hawke on his own to just face whatever the bad guys are going to throw at us.” He ran a hand through his hair, tugging out the tie before he tossed it to his desk and moved to sit down, watching as Jennifer settled down on the bed, looking as guilty as he had ever seen her. “Shit, Freckles. Maybe you should start at the beginning.”

Lindsey sighed, feeling as guilty as Jennifer looked. She recounted the events at Adamant, just as Jennifer had for Solas. Her sister chimed in here and there, having played through the game more times than she herself had. “You didn’t have a chance to put in your say-so on it. Everyone else had already gone through the portal when the Inquisitor has to make the choice. I know you would never just go along with that,” she said, shifting her weight from foot to foot. “Varric, I’m sorry. We just, you know, thought that you should be warned. Maybe there’s something that can be done to change it before it happens.”

“Shit,” Varric breathed as he rubbed at his temple. The thought terrified him, Hawke was his good friend. One of the best he’d ever had. They both had been there for each other through lots of shit over the years. To hear that he could possibly be killed, sacrificed for more. He felt tears sting at his eyes and he found himself shaking his head. “Why? Why Hawke? Hasn’t he been through enough bullshit through the years? His brother, his sister, his mother. Anders, for fuck’s sake. I lied to protect him from getting hurt any more and now you are telling me that it was all for nothing?” He looked at Lindsey, wanting to beg to her, for her to tell him something, that it could be avoided somehow.

She shook her head, not knowing how to answer his questions. “It doesn’t mean that Hawke will be the one left behind, but it is a possibility. We didn’t think it was fair to not tell you,” she said, her tone apologetic. “I wish we didn’t have to tell you this. And hell, who knows? With the way things have changed, it could turn out completely different. But in case it does happen, we wanted to let you know.” She frowned at the look on his face, the hurt and worry she could see in his eyes. She had to swallow a knot in her throat. “Varric, I’m sorry.” She didn’t know if it would be welcomed or not in that moment, but she moved to hug him anyway. “We might be able to change it somehow,” she said softly as she wrapped her arms around his neck.

“Shit, Freckles,” he breathed as he let his arms come up around her, hugging her back tightly. His mind was swimming with the new information and it made him sick to think about it. He pulled back slowly, rubbing at his face. “Ah, shit,” he muttered as he rubbed at his face before he leaned back, letting out a heavy sigh as he gave Lindsey’s hand a squeeze. “I hate knowing this shit. What am I supposed to do? We all know the risks, if I tell Hawke, he’d just laugh and go in swords swinging any way.” He tilted his neck, a bone popping before he pushed himself up and went for the chest in the corner, taking out an aged bottle and three glasses. “Don’t know about you ladies, but I need a drink,” he said as he uncorked the bottle and poured a healthy measure into two of the glasses before he gave Jennifer a wink and reached for the water that was on his desk in a glass pitcher and poured her a drink as well. His smile didn’t last long.

“Aww, I was gonna drink her share,” Lindsey said as she accepted the glass from Varric and shot her sister a wink. She took a big swallow and moved to sit on the floor, leaning against the bed next to her sister’s legs. “We don’t know how long until they go to Adamant. We probably have time to try to come up with a plan.” She looked down at the glass in her hand, running her finger around the rim. “I don’t know what, but we can try. You could talk to Cassandra about it, too. She’s smart when it comes to battle strategies and all that. She might have an idea.” She didn’t know if anything she was saying was helping at all, but she just hated the sadness she saw on Varric’s face.

Varric gave them both a slight smile as he took a sip of his drink. “Good idea,” he said, already thinking about asking Cassandra what she thought about the situation. Hell, he knew that they had put that whole thing behind them and he really hoped that this wouldn’t stir up more shit. “Thanks for telling me. I know it isn’t easy,” he said before he knocked back the drink in one go. 

“We didn’t mean to upset you,” Lindsey said softly, still feeling guilty about the whole thing. “And I don’t know why either of us didn’t think about it sooner. I’m sorry about that. I think we were just so wrapped up in being here, her with the baby and Solas, and, well, you know how I am with Cullen,” she said, looking down at her glass again, her face going a little hot. “It was stupid and forgetful. You’re a better friend than that to us, Varric. We should’ve said something.”

He shook his head. “Don’t worry about it, Lindsey,” he said quietly as he leaned over in his chair, looking at her. He only used her name in private, serious conversations. Often the morning after she’d have nightmares and then come to him to talk it out. He didn’t have dreams, but the memories more than kept him up at night. “It’s okay, we’ve all had a lot on our minds.” He sighed and gave her a smile, “You told me now and that’s what counts.”

She gave a half-hearted shrug before she finished off her drink, then smacked her lips, looking at the empty glass. “Yeah,” she muttered, still mentally kicking herself for not telling him sooner. She didn’t want to make this about her, but she felt selfish for getting so wrapped up in her own stuff that she forgot something as important as that. She leaned her head back against the bed with a sigh, then turned her face to look at him and reached for his hand. “We’ll find a way to fix this. Talk to the Inquisitor or something. There has to be a way. Without, you know, changing the timeline too much more. Goddess knows this shit has gone off course enough as it is.”

He caught her hand in his, giving it a firm squeeze before he looked at her. “Shit, don’t have to remind me, Freckles,” he said quietly, brushing his thumb over her knuckles for a moment before he sighed and rubbed his face. Hawke was out in Val Royeaux at the moment, he was just as infuriated about what happened to Varric and Lindsey that he personally went out with Inquisition forces to help look for Erimond. He would have a talk with him when he got back. “Thanks, I know it’s not easy, but we’ll find a way through this shit. I’d prefer the ending where we all live and Corypheus is beaten down into a pulp.” 

Jennifer looked down at her glass as they talked. She felt almost like she was intruding on something personal, something only the two of them could share because of what they went through together. It was a connection that had been born in another world and then solidified through shared pain and fear. It was intense and she almost got up to leave, but stayed where she was. 

The door creaked open and Cassandra stopped short when she saw the sisters sitting there with Varric. Her lips pinched together and she gave Varric a suspicious glance, her eyebrow raising. “You know, most women would be furious to find their man in the bedroom with two other women, sharing a drink,” she teased. She crossed her arms over her chest, trying to appear intimidating, and kicked the door shut behind her. It honestly didn’t bother her in the slightest, and she could tell by the look in Varric’s eyes that he knew she was bullshitting. She was used to finding him and Lindsey talking here in this room, sometimes having a drink. And she knew why. 

Varric only gave her a smile and casually leaned back in his chair, reaching a hand out for her so he could draw her close. “As if I would start anything without you, Seeker,” he murmured as he pulled her down to sit in his lap as he looked at the sisters before leaning his head against Cassandra’s shoulder, “Thanks again for telling me. I’ll keep you girls in the loop of whatever is going to happen.”

Lindsey nodded and got up, setting the empty glass on Varric’s desk before she offered Jennifer a hand and pulled her to stand. She couldn’t help but to tease her. “Won’t it be nice to be able to get up on your own again?” She snickered at the look Jennifer gave her, then waved as they left the room.

Cassandra tipped her head, seeing that Varric looked troubled and that he had pulled the tie from his hair. She let her fingers slip through the strands as she reached out her other hand to grab the bottle and poured more drink into his glass. “So something is troubling you,” she said. “Is it what happened with Erimond? Or is there something new you need to tell me about?”

“Nothing new about that bastard,” he murmured before he reached out and took another healthy swallow from the glass, savoring the burn down his throat before he set the glass down and leaned into Cassandra’s touch, his eyes slipping closed for a moment. “They had something else to tell me, about what happens at Adamant.” He swallowed harshly, thinking over their words, “About a sacrifice that the Inquisitor has to make to save everyone else. There’s a chance that Hawke…” He trailed off and shook his head, “Shit.”

She felt her heart stop and he didn’t need to explain more. “They saw this in their game,” she said, understanding now why both sisters had come to talk to him. She ran a hand down her face, trying to think. “We can change it. Now that we know, we can change it,” she said. She knew how important Hawke was to Varric and she didn’t even want to imagine how horrible that would be for him to lose his friend. No, she wouldn’t let that happen. “When we move on Adamant, you and I will insist on going with the Inquisitor. We will stick right with him through the whole thing. And whenever it comes time for this decision, we will change it somehow. We will find a way.”

He looked up at her, surprised. “You’d do that?” He licked his lips as he searched her eyes, wrapping his arms more securely around her waist. He could feel the heat and the dampness from her training out in the courtyard. “But what if messing with this, however much I want to, makes things worse? I wouldn’t forgive myself if you got hurt or worse trying to…” He pressed his lips thin. “I don’t want to lose either of you,” he murmured.

“Someone has to go with the Inquisitor. It might as well be us. If we make a plan, we can stick to it, we can change it,” she said. She would have to get all the details from him later, or maybe even go talk to the sisters for more information, but right now she wasn’t going to push him. She trailed her fingertips along his scratchy jaw, lifting his face to look in his eyes. “I know what Hawke means to you. Of course I will help you prevent this. I do not want to see you hurt.”

Varric smiled at her. “Shit, how did I get lucky enough to have you around? Book stabbing and all.” He breathed out a sigh, feeling better that he had Cassandra at his side to help him stop his friend from sacrificing yet another part of himself for a world that didn’t appreciate him. “Thanks. For understanding. I know I’m an ass and after everything we’ve been through together,” he muttered and sighed, rubbing at his face. “Sorry. I’m doing that thing again, aren’t I?” he asked as he smiled up at her, reaching up to cup her face, brushing against the scar there. They would make it right. They would save Hawke. 

“Stop,” she said softly but firmly. She hated it when he talked about himself like that. When she called him an ass now, it was usually in teasing. But hearing him say it about himself, with that serious tone, bothered her more than she would care to admit. “After everything we’ve been through, it has only made us stronger. Now take a minute to calm down and let’s think about this clearly. We will come up with an answer. I promise you.”

He leaned forward, pressing his face into her shoulder as he held her, content to do nothing else while he thought over the matter with Hawke. It was like a knife, twisting deeply inside of him as he thought about it. “I think I’ve started to rub off on you, Seeker. What’s all of this thinking before we act? Are you the person who stabs first and asks later?” He kissed at the bare skin he could reach before he pulled back, running his hand up and down her leg before he patted her hip. “Okay. Let’s think it over. We still have time, if Erimond is content to just hide like a coward.”

“He is a coward. He is waiting until he thinks we’ve given up, that we’ve moved on to something else before he makes his move,” she said, her eyes narrowing suddenly. “I wonder if there is a way to trick him into believing that,” she murmured. She chewed her lip for a moment, a thousand questions swirling through her mind, and she made a mental note to discuss it with Cullen later. She shifted in Varric’s lap; the plan for keeping Hawke alive was more pressing at the moment. She could think of tricking Erimond later. “Now,” she said, wrapping her arm more securely around his neck, “Start at the beginning and tell me everything the sisters told you.”


	4. Chapter 4

Cullen could feel the headache nearing his breaking point for pain tolerance as another messenger stopped him just short of the doors leading to his office and room. It had been an absurdly long day, his only reprieve coming from lunch when Lindsey had… he smiled at that. He just wanted to have a nice dinner with his bride to be and just enjoy the peace and quiet with her. He took the missive, another one of Leliana’s scouts reporting from Adamant, quiet as always. 

Lindsey stretched out on the desk, a smirk playing across her lips as she waited for Cullen to return to his office. Goosebumps crawled across her bare skin in the cool air of the office. Or perhaps that was just the anticipation of his return. She’d expected him sooner than this, but it wasn’t surprising that he was late. He was always working too hard. Footsteps outside the door made her heart skip and she turned her face, smiling when he opened the door. “Long day, Commander?”

Cullen sighed, his eyes on his report as he closed the door behind him. “You have no idea, my darling,” he murmured finally finishing his reading and he glanced up, stopping short. He barely registered the report slipping from his fingers as he took in the sight before him. Lindsey. Spread out quite enticingly on his desk. Quite devoid of all clothes. He felt a hot blush creeping up his cheeks and his length gave a twitch of appreciation at the sight. “Oh… my… ah. Lindsey, you are… Ah. Oh,” he stuttered, his mind drawing a blank as he swallowed and stepped back to lock the door behind him and he moved forward, his eyes locking with hers. “Maker, how long have you been waiting here for me? Like that? Andraste preserve me, anyone could have walked in and seen you like this!” He reached up and unclasped his cloak, eyes roaming over her generous curves. 

A smile split her lips and she gave a shrug. “A while,” she answered, watching eagerly as he began to undress. By the gods, she loved that blush on his face, the way he could get so tongue-tied. It melted her heart every single time. “And yeah, that occurred to me after Dorian walked in, something about a game of chess. Poor thing is probably still scrubbing his eyes out right now.” Anyone else and she would’ve felt incredibly awkward. But Dorian? That was just hilarious. She licked her lips, then bit them as she watching him pull the shirt over his head. “Gods, you are sexy,” she murmured, a heat settling low in her belly as he began to unlace his breeches.

He looked up at her, his embarrassment vanishing at the look he saw in her eyes as she gazed at him. He laughed at her words. “Dorian saw you like this? Maker preserve me. I suppose it’s just as well it wasn’t anyone else,” he breathed as he kicked off his breeches, his hard length springing free, and he moved to the desk, looking at her laid out for him. He reached out with a hand, gently running his fingers over her flesh, thumbing over a hard nipple. “Not that I’m complaining, but this is new. You weren’t lying when you said you wanted to celebrate.” He was a lucky, lucky man.  

Her back arched into his touch, a sharp intake of breath, a shiver down her spine. “Oh gods, Cullen,” she whispered. Her mouth ran dry at the sight of him. The hard flat muscles of his chest, his abs, the deep line of his hip. Her eyes finally traveled lower to his hard length and she suddenly found herself parched. She reached for the bottle of wine that set on the corner of his desk and she propped herself up with an elbow to take a drink. “Would you like some?” she asked, offering the bottle before she drizzled a bit of it down the valley between her breasts.

His eyes widened at the display and he opened his mouth to answer her, but no words came out. He stumbled forward then, nearly tripping as he leaned over to lap at the ruby red droplets that spilled down her skin. He moaned at the taste of the wine upon her skin, his cock throbbing in time with his heartbeat as he laved his tongue over her. He closed his eyes at the sensations. It was more than amazing. He buried his face between the valley of her breasts and suckled them clean. 

Lindsey gave a soft cry as his hot mouth licked away the cold liquid from her skin. She reached for him, wrapping her fingers around his hard length. She shivered at the feel of it, hot and hard in her hand. A hiss escaped her as his mouth captured her nipple. “Oh baby, mmmm, that feels so good,” she purred as she stroked him, moaning softly as her hips lifted slightly off the desk. She turned her face into his hair, squeezing his cock gently in her hand, and whispered, “You’re making me wet.”

Cullen shivered and he gently pushed her back to lay flat on his desk as he knelt between her legs, nuzzling at the damp curls between her thighs. “Maker, you are so beautiful. What did I do to deserve you?” he murmured against her skin as he looked up at her and he nosed at her clit before he tasted her, “I prefer you over any dinner plans I might have had.”

Her eyes widened at the brush of his tongue on her and she had to bite her lip hard to keep from bucking up against his face. “Oh gods, Cullen!” she cried, her toes curling at the jolts of pleasure that shot through her. Her fingers threaded through his hair, gently pulling at it. She didn’t know how much longer she could stand it. “That’s so good,” she whimpered.

“Mmm,” Cullen purred against her before he pulled back and kissed his way back up her chest. He was surprised that his desk was this sturdy as he climbed onto it with her, settling over her body as he pressed against her before he nosed at her neck. “I never thought this would actually…” He blushed. “Well, you know,” he murmured as he felt his length slip between her legs, and he shuddered. “You are so beautiful.”

She tilted her head to give him better access to her neck as she wrapped her arms around him, her nails trailing lightly over his back. She nose and cheeks burned slightly at his compliment. “Thank you, love,” she murmured in his ear. She lifted her hips, rubbing herself against his hard length, and another moan escaped her. “Please,” she begged as her core throbbed. “I can’t wait to feel you inside me.”

He groaned and pulled back just enough that he could grasp himself and he thumbed at her clit a moment while he lined himself up with her slick center. “Neither can I,” Cullen breathed as he pushed inside of her, crying out at the tight heat that suddenly surrounded him. It stole his breath away as he sank down into her. He braced himself over her on his elbows. “Oh, my love. This is perfect.”

She nodded, her face screwing up at the pleasure as he stretched her body, sliding deep into her. “You’re perfect,” she breathed, keening beneath him as he began to thrust into her. It was amazing. The hard, unforgiving surface of the desk only made his thrusts seem more powerful and made her cry out his name again. 

Cullen smiled, pulling back and running a hand through her hair, tangling his fingers in the curly red strands. How he was keeping his balance was beyond him, but Maker, he wanted this woman. He kept the pace slow and torturous, the wood creaking as he did so beneath their weight and he chuckled against her hotly. “Lindsey,” he breathed, “My wife to be. Andraste, I think I could get used to that.” 

Oh gods, that sent a pleasant shiver down her spine. She smiled at him, breathless, and squeezed her body around his cock as he slid into her again. It blew her mind to think that this man would become her husband. “Me too,” she answered. She leaned up to kiss him, teasing the tip of his tongue with her own. Never would she have guessed that she would end up here, with him like this. She trailed kisses across his jaw, his neck, his collarbone as he moved steadily within her. “I can’t wait to be your wife and to start our family,” she whispered against his shoulder.

He shuddered in delight at that and he moaned softly against her as he leaned down and claimed her lips in a passionate kiss, drinking her down as he thrust into her, more urgently than before. He groaned, “Should we start? Do we want to try now? Oh, Maker, we should wait, shouldn’t we?” He ran his hands up and down her sides. “It would be too much right now, with everything going on.” He gasped as she squeezed him again, he felt his balls drawing up against him the more he thought about her like that, swelling up with their child. He moaned louder against her.

The responsible thing to do would be to wait until the war against Corypheus was over. She knew that. They’d been careful in the past months to avoid pregnancy, but now? Oh, the idea was very appealing. She pressed her hips up against him, taking his length to the hilt with every thrust, an intense heat pooling low in her belly. Now was probably not the time to have this conversation. But she wanted it. “If you want to,” she breathed in his ear, scratching her nails down his back. 

He bowed his head to her shoulder as he thrust into her hard, the sound of skin slapping skin filling his office. The whole situation was so good, too good. “My love, I can’t... I can’t wait. I’m going to come. Come with me, please Lindsey,” he groaned before he came with a shout, her name a prayer upon his lips as he did. His length twitched within her, spilling his essence deeply in her body.

She gave a strangled, high-pitched cry as pleasure overwhelmed her senses, her body clenching around his. “Cullen!” she cried as she felt him fill her, a heat spreading through her. “Oh gods,” she gasped as she relaxed beneath him, trembling and breathless. Her mind was still dizzy with the pleasure as she kissed him, an excitement and nervousness welling up within her. Were they really trying to start their family already? The idea thrilled and frightened her all at the same time. She ran her fingers through his hair, over and over as they took a minute to catch their breaths, and she gave a nervous giggle. “I guess it’s too late to ask if you’re sure, huh?”

He smiled against her skin. “I suppose so,” he chuckled and lifted himself up a little so he could press his lips to hers again, “There are few things in this world I have wanted more than a woman who loves me as much as I love her and a child to raise in that love.” He felt his blush creeping across his cheeks. “Maker, I sound as bad as one of Varric’s romance novels.”

She threw her head back and laughed at that. “Oh tell me you didn’t actually read those,” she teased and cupped his face in her hand. Her laughter died away, but her smile didn’t. “It sounds wonderful,” she said softly, drawing her thumb across his cheek. “I want to be that woman.” She pressed a long kiss to his lips, her heart sighing contentedly. “Shall we go upstairs? I imagine you’re hungry after all that and the long day you’ve had.” It wasn’t much, some fruit and cheese and bread, but it would do.

Cullen smiled and nodded, pushing himself off of her carefully before he helped her to stand. “Starving, but first,” he breathed as he pulled her closer, wrapping his arms securely around her as he kissed her thoroughly. “Mmm, thank you for the wonderful surprise,” he said as he pulled back, resting his head against hers, “Let’s not forget the wine.”

She gave a giggle and reached for the bottle. “Definitely can’t forget the wine,” she agreed and kissed him again before she went to climb up the ladder. “Come on, Commander,” she called over her shoulder. “I wanna celebrate our engagement again. And again.”


	5. Chapter 5

It was a warm beach and Jennifer was content. At least she would be if she wasn’t about to pop a kid out. She was ready to have this baby, half of the excitement was that she really wanted to see her child. She was pretty sure it was going to be a little girl. What color hair would she have? Would her eyes be as dark as her own or blue like her father’s? She sighed and leaned back in her chair, looking up at the sky she could see from under the umbrella.

“I wouldn’t get too comfortable there.” A familiar sneering voice met her ears and she jumped in her own skin, looking around, her eyes going wide as she spotted Erimond striding towards her. He looked around with disgust, “Your world is about to change. Your little bastard child is going to die along with the rest of the world. You know you are an unfit mother, with a do nothing elf as the father who doesn’t even see you as a real person. You and your sister should come back to me. Come back and work for the Elder One.”

“Fuck you,” Jennifer hissed as she moved to get up, stumbling a little as she backed up  behind the chair as he advanced towards her. She wrapped her arms protectively around her belly. “You stay the hell away from me and my child. We’re coming for you, you sick bastard. You hurt my sister. You hurt my friend. You are going to die, your head rolling on the cold stone ground.”

“Am I? Things are changing and you know it. There’s nothing that you can do about it,” Erimond said as he gestured around the beach and in a moment, the bright sunny day was gone, replaced with fire and darkness. The roar of a dragon made the very ground shake and it looked as though the sky was on fire. “You and the others are going to be wiped out and you helped us.”

Solas felt that something was wrong. He’d been peacefully exploring another part of the Fade when the hair on the back of his neck stood up. His thoughts immediately went to Jennifer. Without hesitation, he sought her out, and rushed to get to her side. A nightmare? Something worse? He wasn’t certain until he saw her, a demon sneering at her, disguised as Erimond. He thought his heart had stopped when he heard her scream in pain and horror, her arms around her belly as blood spilled down her legs. A snarl ripped from his throat as he transformed into the wolf and lunged at the demon.

He saw red as he attacked it. How dare this demon put such thoughts and fears into her head. He snorted as the demon fell and the sky returned to normal, the sound of the dragon’s roar fading away. He rushed back to her side, the wolf vanishing and he pulled her into his arms. “It’s not real, vhenan,” he said in a low voice as he held her tightly. “Shh. It wasn’t real.”

Jennifer sobbed out as she fell into Solas’ arms, “Oh my gods…” She closed her eyes and hung onto him as she shook, the dream all too real for her liking. “Solas, Erimond, he was here! He was here and he wanted me to.” She swallowed the hard lump in her throat as she turned her face into his shirt. “I don’t know what I would have done if I had… If I lost the baby. If I lost you,” she choked out and ran a hand through her messy hair.

“Never,” he swore fiercely. He tucked her head under his chin, a protective hand over her belly. It infuriated him to even think of such a thing. He squeezed his eyes shut. Even for him, the vision of her losing their child was hard to bear. He was usually immune to such tauntings from the demons, but this got to him. He drew a deep breath to calm himself so he could calm her in return. “You will not lose me. You will not lose our little one.” He ran his fingers through her dark hair, shushing her and holding her close.

Movement out of the corner of his eye caught his attention and he turned abruptly to see Erimond. Only this time, it wasn’t a demon masquerading as the magister. “You!” he snarled and moved protectively in front of Jennifer. “Did you set that demon on her? I will kill you for putting such a thought in her head!” He knew that attacking Erimond here in the Fade was pointless, but that wouldn’t stop him from doing it anyway just to give Erimond a little preview of his future.

Erimond laughed, “Well well, I certainly didn’t think I would find the flat ear elf protecting the seer from the nightmare demons.” He smirked as he walked around them. “We know more than you think and I have to ask why you think your world is so different from the one my Master is trying to bring about. It would seem our interests align. You should join us,” he said as he walked around them both, relishing in the way the gaze of the elf tried to burn him so deeply, “After our failed attempts to break our two guests, we had to find other means to get the information we needed. There are more dreams connected to the Fade than you realize. How many secrets are held within? I wonder, elf, how you think that your world will be better. Do you honestly think that you will have less blood on your hands when all is said and done? You are both the same. It would be better if I killed your child and loved one now, lest they suffer.”

Solas felt fear lance through his heart at Erimond’s words. How was it possible that he could know such things? “You will not touch them,” he hissed, moving around Jennifer to keep himself between her and Erimond as the magister circled them. “The world Corypheus would bring about is not the same. You are a fool to think I would ever entertain such an idea.” Every muscle in his body was tense, alert, ready to spring into action should Erimond make a move to attack. “You cannot hurt us here. Now be gone,” he spat.

“Oh but I can hurt you here. Just not in the way that you are thinking.” He smirked and looked to Jennifer who shrank back against Solas, “You should ask him of his plans once he retrieves the orb from my Master. I fear he is using you. Lying to your face while having some fun on the side. He is the reason why the only good elf is a slave. He is going to destroy everything and everyone you love and he expects you to be complacent about it,” Erimond said smugly.

“Shut up,” Solas cut across Erimond. How the magister knew anything of this, Solas didn’t know. But he was not going to let Jennifer hear it from Erimond. Not in that tone, not like this. He turned sharply to her. “Jennifer, wake up,” he commanded and a small relief washed over him as she disappeared from the Fade. He turned a fierce, predator-like gaze on Erimond. “I don’t know how you know this, but my plans for this world do not concern you. For you will not be around to see it.”

He sat up in bed the next moment, covered in a cold sweat, and he turned to see Jennifer already sitting up. His mouth went dry and his stomach twisted itself into a knot. He didn’t know if she believed what Erimond had said. If he denied it now, she would see him as a liar later. If he confirmed it, she would surely protest and want nothing to do with him. He was damned either way. “Vhenan?” he asked carefully.

Nothing of what Erimond had made sense to her, she thought as she sat in the bed, her hand over her mouth before she let her eyes flicker to Solas as he tried to get her attention. She had speculated before what Solas would do when he got his orb back, and then what he would do with Mythal’s power at the end of the game. There had been rumors of a DLC where all of it was answered, but she and her sister had come to Thedas before either of them knew. She felt her gut twist at the feeling and she cursed her hormones that brought tears to her eyes. “You… you haven’t been lying to me. Have you? What he said… you…” She closed her eyes and pressed her lips together. “Ma lath, please, tell me.”

It broke his heart to see the tears in her eyes and know that it was his fault. He shifted in the bed and ran a hand over his face. “I have not lied to you,” he said softly. He’d avoided this conversation thus far in their relationship. That wasn’t technically lying, though he felt his stomach swoop with guilt. “I have told you I intend to set the world right, to restore it to what it once was. You once asked what I did to the evanuris to punish them for killing Mythal. I did not kill them. I created the veil and banished them. Doing so exhausted me and so I slept in uthenara for thousands of years.” He bowed his head, his heart sinking. “When I awoke, I found the world completely changed from how it had once been.”

She blinked at him, trying to wrap her mind around what he said. “You created the veil? Physically created it?” She held a hand up to her head and moved to recline back against the headboard, placing her hand on her swollen belly, thumbing over the tight skin. “So, you aren’t going to free the elves all over Thedas. You were going to, what? Tear the veil down?” She remembered the conversation her Inquisitor had with Solas after the Temple of Mythal. The strange conversation he had about making a change and waking up to find the world worse than what he left it. “And what happens to this world when you undo that?”

He swallowed hard, knowing she would be upset with the answer. There was no easy way to put it. “This world will be destroyed in the resulting chaos,” he answered quietly. “It is the only hope of restoring this world to the world of my time. The elves will be freed, as many of them as possible. I have plans to save them, if they will listen.” He turned to her, shifting on the bed to face her. “You have to understand, this is not the way the world is supposed to be. The veil took away everything from the elves, it destroyed people’s connection to the Fade. This is not a world I want our child to grow up in.”

She felt sick. Literally and she moved off the bed, her legs getting tangled in the sheets, but she caught herself as she fell to the floor and ran for the chamber pot, retching into it as tears fell down her face. It felt like the whole world was laughing at her, crushing the breath from her lungs. The world would be destroyed. Her mind immediately went to her sister. The friends around them that they had made, that had become like family to her and to see them all destroyed while she stood next to the one who was going to bring it about. She threw up again, not certain what to say. Her skin crawled and she clenched her hands around her stomach. “You... you can’t do it, Solas, you can’t do it.”

He threw himself out of the bed and hurried to her side, distressed to see her this upset. But he didn’t touch her. He didn’t know if his touch would be welcomed at the moment or not. “Vhenan, you must calm yourself,” he said in a soothing tone. He grit his teeth, a muscle flexing in his jaw, and he wanted now more than ever to kill Erimond for this. For letting her know of his plans before she’d had the baby. He had always intended to tell her, but in his mind it was always after the child had been born. “We should discuss this another time. You are in no condition to be getting so upset.”

“Solas,” she breathed, sobbing out, “Please, we have to talk about this. This can’t be your plan. You… you aren’t like that. You can’t just tear down the veil now. My sister, our friends here. Everyone… how…”  

Over the months, he’d learned how stubborn she could be. And he could see it in her now; she was not letting this go. He scrubbed at his face with his hand before letting it drop back to his side. “Come back to bed,” he said gently but firmly. “If you truly wish to have this conversation now, we will. But you must calm yourself for the baby’s sake.” He held out a hand in offering to help her up.

She was shaking her head as he reached out to her, clutching the pot in front of her. “The thought that you were keeping this from me, planning to take me away from my sister never to see her again…” Tears slipped down her cheeks, her hormones in full swing now as she thought, the world burning around her like from the dream. Solas holding her and their child while they stared down at their friends below as they screamed and cried out in the pain of the world crumbling down around them. “I’ll not be part of it. I will not bring a child into this world and then have you stain your hands red all in the name of a better life in a better world.” Her stomach twisted and she winced at the pain, but it was nothing compared to the pain in her heart. “There has to be another way. I won’t do that. I won’t do that to you, I won’t do it to our child. I won’t,” she said a little too loudly as she pushed herself to her feet and went for the door, “I WON’T!”

“Jennifer, stop!” he shouted, a little louder than he meant to, and grabbed her wrist to stop her. “What would you have me do? Leave the world as it is? To never restore the immortality to the elves? To watch you grow old and die while I linger on? To see the same happen to our child? You could both be immortal. Watching either of you die is something I will not do!” He knew she wouldn’t take this well, but he never would have thought that she would react this passionately. “Now come back and talk with me! You have to understand!”

She froze, her hand over the door knob as she heard him yell at her. Immortality. She remembered the Fade and the tombstone with his name on it. Jennifer turned back to him, seeing the passion, the fear in his eyes. That fear of dying alone. “Solas,” she breathed and sighed, “Something this important…” She closed her eyes, before she looked at him again. “There has to be another way to do all of that and more without destroying everything and everyone we love.”

“You think that they would agree to such a thing?” he asked, skepticism dripping from his voice. He knew that they would never. He nearly laughed at the thought. “They would not understand. They would do everything in their power to stop me. Who would you choose who to save and who to sacrifice? Think about what you’re saying, Jennifer! You think for a moment that any of them would agree? Varric? Cassandra? The Iron Bull or Dorian? Even your sister or Cullen. Not a one of them would agree. And you mean more to me than all of them.”

“Of course they wouldn’t agree to you destroying the entire world, but there has to be a better way to do this! To restore the elves immortality. To give immortality to our child. Maybe even to me. Can’t there be a way to do that without destroying the world? We could ask them, maybe with everyone working together, we could figure it out!” She pressed her lips thin and could see the look on his face, the pain there. More tears slipped down her face.

“There is no other way, vhenan,” he insisted. “I wish there was. I take no joy in this. But I must fix the mistakes I made. My actions have already destroyed this world from what it rightfully should be. I must make it right.” He breathed hard, his heart racing. He never wanted to see her look at him like that. It made his own eyes sting with tears. “The people of this world are doomed to die anyway. Not a one of them is immortal. But I can save the elves, give them back what is rightfully theirs. And you, I can do the same for you and our child. Please, vhenan, see reason.”

“What value does life have if someone lives forever? People think they can become gods, think they can rule over anyone and anything. Wasn’t that what happened with the ‘elven gods?’” She backed up. “I need to think this over… I think you do too. Think of what you are asking me to do. What your child will think of you if you do this.” She hated the look on his face as she opened the door. “I love you, vhenan, but this…” She shook her head and swallowed the lump of tears in her throat before she left, closing the door behind her as she breathed in the cold air. She needed help. Companionship… She felt betrayed.

At that thought, she groaned, rubbing her face as she started walking in no particular direction. “Great. In and out of the game he hurts me. Stubborn elf.” She threaded her fingers through her hair as she pulled at the strands. She didn’t know what to think, trying to get through to Solas was hard. Did she even know anything about him? More tears slipped down her cheeks and she rubbed at her face before she realized she was standing outside of Bull’s room above the tavern.

Bull was still awake, lying in bed next to Dorian as the mage blinked sleepily, staring at the book in his hands. “Put it down, Kadan,” he rumbled. He must’ve said the same thing five times already. “You’re falling asleep. How many times have you read that same page now?” He chuckled when Dorian ignored him. But a noise outside his room drew his attention and he got up with a groan. His eye widened in surprise to see Jennifer standing there, looking thoroughly upset, her eyes bloodshot and her face red. “Hey, what’s wrong?” he asked gently as he put a hand on her shoulder and guided her into his room before shutting the door behind him.

Dorian blinked before he looked over at the door, his eyes widening when he saw Jennifer, looking terrible. “My dear,” he breathed and shut his book before he got up, crossing the room to get to her, lifting her hands in his own. She looked, well, as if someone had just burned down her house, but worse. “What in the name of the Maker happened to you?” he asked as he reached up and wiped her tears away before he lifted her chin, seeing the unshed tears quivering in her eyes.

Jennifer didn’t know what to do, but the gentleness of the touch, the honesty had her crying harder and she fell forward into Dorian’s arms as she sobbed. “I need cuddles.” She tried to suck in a breath of air, her shoulders shuddering and she felt Bull’s large hand rubbing up and down her back, Dorian’s fingers tightening on her shoulders, “Solas and I… we… we had a fight,” she cried, unable to see anything save for the blurry images of the world through her tears.

A scowl crossed Bull’s face at that. Whatever they had argued about, it must’ve been bad for her to be this upset and to come to them in the middle of the night. He shared a look with Dorian before he looked back down at Jennifer, still rubbing at her back. “You want me to kick his ass?” He wasn’t joking, either. He could tolerate Solas, but that was about it. If he’d upset her this badly, he probably deserved to have his ass kicked.

Jennifer shook her head. “I think he’s got enough on his mind tonight.” She closed her eyes. She wanted to go talk to her sister, but she knew that Cullen and Lindsey had plans for that evening and she wasn’t going to climb that ladder in his office. “He’s just so thick headed, there’s no talking any sense in him.”

Bull wanted to comment that he was surprised she hadn’t figured that out yet, but he knew she wasn’t in the mood to be teased. “Come on,” he said with a jerk of his horns towards the bed. “You can stay with us tonight,” he offered, knowing Dorian wouldn’t mind. Dorian had such a soft spot for Jennifer and Lindsey, there was no way he would be bothered by her sleeping with them that night. He crossed the room and laid down, patting the bed next to him.

Dorian chuckled and escorted Jennifer over to the bed, helping her to lay down. “Now, don’t get used to this. I am a very selfish man, I don’t just let anyone share the bed with my Amatus and I.” He made sure she was settled down next to Bull before he climbed in after her and pulled the covers up over them. “There we are. Thank goodness for these Orlesian beds, big enough even for this sap of a Qunari.”

Jennifer chuckled and turned onto her side, her hand resting over her belly as she felt held and cherished. It only made the lump grow in her throat and more tears gather in her eyes. If Solas went through with his plan, her friends would pay the price. She felt more tears in her eyes as Dorian turned towards her and wiped her tears away.

“I never hear you complaining when you’re sleeping next to this big sap of a Qunari,” Bull growled at Dorian. He heaved a sigh as he shifted in the bed, his side against Jennifer’s back as he listened to her cry. “So you wanna talk about it?” he asked, though he wasn’t entirely convinced that he wanted to know. Knowing might make him want to kick Solas’ ass all the more. But at the same time, it was killing him not to know. He was used to reading people, knowing the whole story. This didn’t make any sense. Usually Jennifer and Solas were damn near inseparable and he couldn’t remember a single argument between the two since they’d met. His eye narrowed as he stared up at the ceiling. “Something happened that you didn’t see coming,” he commented. That seemed to be happening more and more as time went on. The longer the sisters were here in Thedas, the more things seemed to veer away from the timeline they knew.

“You can say that again,” she muttered, knowing she couldn’t say much and another wave of regret washed through her. She didn’t regret having the baby, she didn’t regret loving him as much as she did, but damn, it hurt. “I don’t think he trusts me. Or anyone. He’s so set in his ways.” She pressed her lips thin and turned her face into the pillow. It smelled of the two of them. Warm and comforting. “I’m so sorry I came here like this. I shouldn’t have bothered you. I just can’t do anything right.”

“Ah, knock that crap off,” Bull said and nudged her with his elbow. “You’re fine. You don’t have to apologize for anything.” He frowned as he thought over her words. It surprised him to hear her say that she felt like Solas didn’t trust her. He shook his head. “If Solas trusts anyone, it’s you. You’re probably the only one he trusts. The only one he cares about, for sure. That much is obvious to anyone.”

“Obvious to all of us, at any rate,” Dorian said quietly as he rubbed at her arm. He hated seeing her like this, the sad look in her eyes, the tears that wouldn’t stop. Oh, he would have words with that elf in the morning. This was ridiculous. “Hush now. Try to rest. Being this upset cannot be healthy for you or your little one. We will have a nice talk with our friend tomorrow and see what we can do to resolve this.”

Jennifer nodded and hiccuped as she tried to calm herself. Maybe if the others talked to Solas, he would see. He would see that he didn’t have to go through with this plan. That there were other ways to accomplish what it was that he wanted to do, because he had to realize that doing this... whatever he was going to do, it would put the blood on her hands as well and she was not going to be responsible for her friends dying. It would destroy her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We'd love to hear everyone's thoughts on the story so far! (Yes, I am a comment whore. XD - Ginger)


	6. Chapter 6

The next morning found Lindsey cheerily working away in the kitchen, humming a little tune to herself as she fixed breakfast for Dorian and Bull, and a little something special she intended to sneak to the commander. She heard the kitchen door and glanced over her shoulder to see Jennifer. “Hey sis,” she said, returning to her work. “You know what? I had the most awful realization this morning. I totally should’ve thought of it sooner. Being here means I’ll never find out how the Walking Dead ends! Doesn’t that suck?” she chattered before she dusted her hands off and turned to face her sister. “I really wanted…” She trailed off at the look on Jennifer’s face, the dark puffy circles under her bloodshot eyes. Lindsey’s expression turned to one of concern. “Honey, what’s wrong? What happened?”

Jennifer looked up at her sister, pressing her lips thin. She couldn’t even tell her own sister what was wrong because of the oath she was under with Solas. It brought even more tears to her eyes and she just stumbled forward, hugging her sister tightly as she sobbed. “I can’t tell you,” she breathed as she relished in the feeling of her sister’s arms around her. It only made her cry harder to think that it would be ripped away from her. “He doesn’t trust me. He doesn’t.”

“Ah shit,” Lindsey murmured as she hugged her sister tightly. For a moment she’d thought something was wrong with the baby and her heart had nearly leapt into her throat. She frowned the next minute, though, an anger burning in her to hear that something Solas had done had made her sister this upset. “Why do you say that?” she asked, pulling back and wiping at Jennifer’s face. “Solas trusts you. Don’t kick me for this, but are you just being hormonal again or is this really a big deal?”

She sobbed harder. “It might be part of that, but shit, Lindsey,” she cried, “It’s to do with what happens after the end of the game.” Jennifer hugged her tighter, not wanting to let go. “I can’t say more than that, but it’s horrible. What he wants. He doesn’t think there’s another way to do it. He doesn’t trust me. I can’t, Lindsey. I can’t. I love you and everyone too much.”

“What do you mean?” Lindsey asked, totally confused. “Why can’t you-” She stopped short, realizing why her sister couldn’t tell her what had her so upset. The oath they’d made to Solas. This was a secret of some sort and since Lindsey didn’t know, Jennifer couldn’t tell her without being struck dead. “That bastard,” she muttered. It killed her to not know what happened after the end of the game. But more than that, it infuriated her to know that whatever was coming would make her sister this upset. “He’s doing that stupid stubborn emo fucking loner thing again, isn’t he?”

Jennifer hiccuped and nodded against her sister’s shoulder. “I want to tell you, I do. I can’t… I can’t Lindsey. I don’t want to be a part of it,” she sobbed, and yeah, her hormones were going crazy and it hurt her, “Hurts so much. I can’t do this. I can’t I cant.” She cried as she moved and sank to the floor. “I don’t know what to do.”

“Shh. No, you don’t have to tell me anything. You can’t,” Lindsey said, crouching down with her sister. “Just breathe, try to calm down.” She stood again and grabbed the water pitcher, pouring a glass and handing it to Jennifer. “Try to calm down. You’re gonna put yourself into early labor if you’re not careful.” That thought only added to her anger. She narrowed her eyes and stared at the door to the kitchen. “You can’t tell me his secret. But he sure the fuck can.” And with that, she strode from the kitchen, slamming the door behind her.

Solas leaned over his desk, staring blankly at the papers in front of him. He hadn’t slept at all last night, sitting up waiting for Jennifer to return to her room, but she never did. His eyes were dry and burning from crying all night and he felt as though he had a bad head cold. His stomach twisted painfully. He’d lost her for sure, he just knew it. He hadn’t expected her reaction to be that violent.

“Solas!”

He turned sharply at the sound of Lindsey’s voice. She looked furious and he had to stop himself from groaning. “Not now,” he said in a flat tone and turned back to his desk. “I haven’t the strength or the energy this morning.”

“Too bad,” Lindsey snapped as she strode forward, her irritation only growing as he kept his back to her. “What did you do? What did you say to her? She’s nearly made herself sick crying her eyes out over whatever it is you’re planning. And obviously she can’t tell me because of that now-pointless fucking oath you made us take! So what are you planning to do that’s made her so upset?”

His heart sank to hear that Jennifer had probably not slept most of the night either, being so upset with him. He wanted to go to her, to talk this out, to explain his side. Make her see that what he wanted was in her best interest. And the best interest of the child. The whole world. But discussing that with Lindsey was not an option. “It does not concern you,” he said tonelessly, keeping his back to her.

“Like hell it doesn’t,” she snarled and launched herself onto his back, wrapping an arm around his neck. She’d expected to knock him over in the process, she didn’t care if either of them got hurt. Instead he only wavered, and probably just because he hadn’t expected it. “You tell me now what’s got her so upset, you jackass! I swear to the gods, I will murder you in your sleep if you hurt her! Now tell me!”

Solas’ eyes went wide at the sudden attack and he grabbed her arm, trying to pry it away from his neck. If he hadn’t been so exhausted, both physically and emotionally, fighting her off would’ve been no challenge at all. As it was, she had an advantage. “Get off!”

Varric heard the commotion from his seat in front of the fire and he almost groaned as he pushed himself up, it was too early for this shit. He hurried when he heard something loud clatter against the floor and he threw open the door to the rotunda, his eyes going wide as he saw Lindsey trying to strangle Solas from her perch on the back. His chair had been knocked over in the process as he tried to get her off of him. “Andraste’s tits, what is going on here!” he cried out before he stalked over, seriously rethinking what got into him that made him think that he would be able to separate the human and the elf who towered over him to begin with. “Stop it! The both of you!” he said as he reached up and grasped Lindsey’s arm, “Let go of him, Freckles!”

“Never!” she cried, even as Varric’s grip threw off what little balance she had and she fell backwards, managing to kick out at Solas as she fell. She was breathless as she stared up at Solas from the floor. “Asshole,” she spat at him and got to her feet, slicking her hair out of her face. She rounded on the dwarf. “Dammit, Varric, I had him!” She shot Solas another hateful glare. “You better start talking.”

Solas rubbed at his throat, returning the glare back at her. He had to admit, her strength was surprising. Though people often showed exceptional strength when angry or frightened. “It is not your concern,” he repeated as he stood up straight, able to breathe properly again. He shook his head as he righted his chair and picked up some of the papers that had fallen to the floor in their scuffle. “I wish to discuss this with no one but your sister.”

“Yeah? Well tough titty said the kitty. You’re gonna talk to me about it and you’re gonna talk to me about it  now, ” she insisted. She crossed her arms firmly over her chest and looked expectantly at him. A long moment of silence fell between them as each waited for the other to give in. “I can do this all day, motherfucker. No one upsets my sister that bad and gets away with it. I will hound your ass morning, noon, and night until you tell me what the hell is going on. And there ain’t shit you can do about it because you promised to protect me. Pretty sure that includes from yourself.”

He gave a heavy sigh and pinched the bridge of his nose. “It was not my intention to upset her,” he said, turning away so they wouldn’t see his face screw up with emotion. He didn’t like this any better than Lindsey did, but unfortunately, he had no one to confront but himself, no one to take out his frustration on. “Leave me,” he pleaded, his voice heavy and heartbroken. 

“Varric, you should have let her carry on for a while longer,” Dorian said as he came down the stairs from the library, “I was rather enjoying the show.” He came to join the circle of people, crossing his arms as well. He could already see the way Varric stood next to Lindsey, both protective of each other and he knew that Solas was going to have zero luck in moving either of them until they got their answers. “Jennifer showed up at Bull’s door last night, was so distressed she couldn’t get to sleep. Not even sandwiched between the two of us. Said you were being stubborn and that you weren’t going to listen to reason.”

Solas ran his hand down his face, hoping the gesture disguised the way he wiped the tears from his eyes. “I’m sorry to have involved you,” he apologized sincerely. “But thank you for offering her comfort. I would have done so myself, but…” He trailed off, staring at his desk and shook his head. He didn’t like this feeling, like they had him cornered. Perhaps staying here was no longer in his best interest. But Jennifer wouldn’t leave with him now. And he could not leave her or his child. 

“But you were the one that pissed her off in the first place,” Lindsey finished for him, her tone cold. She gave a snort of disapproval. “I knew this would happen. It was bad enough in the damn game. But now you’ve hurt her for real. I don’t know what you did exactly, but I’ll find out. One way or another. Even if I have to beat it out of you. And if I can’t, I bet I can talk Cassandra into it. Shall we get her in here as well? I bet she wouldn’t care for you upsetting Jen either.”

Typical. _‘_ _ Yes, let’s threaten bodily harm until we get what we want,’  _ Solas thought bitterly. Just what he’d come to expect from the people of this world. That just made him want to carry on with his plan all the more. “Threatening me is doing you little favor,” he stated, fixing her with a glare. “This isn’t up for debate. I will make it right by your sister, but it does not concern you. Any of you.”

“Freckles,” Varric sighed and pinched the bridge between his nose, “You and I know better than anyone in this room that isn’t going to work. Quite frankly, it’s disturbing you would jump so quickly to that.” 

“It would make me feel better,” Lindsey pouted, quite childishly, and crossed her arms. “Don’t judge me.”

Varric looked to Solas and pressed his lips thin. “And you should know better than to even think of doing something to upset the love of your life when she’s two months away from having your child. I don’t know what you did, it’s none of my business, but Chuckles… think about it. Whatever it is you did or think you’re going to do, just think. Everything is changing and you are not immune to it.”

Solas sighed heavily, nodding at Varric’s words. “I did not mean to upset her. It was… unintentional,” he explained lamely. Damn it all. There was no way to explain himself out of this one. Or if there was, he was far too exhausted to try. What a right mess this all was. And he was still unable to figure out how Erimond had learned such things about him. Were there others who knew of his plans? There had to be for the magister to find the information in the first place. But that didn’t matter now. Now he had to focus on Jennifer, on getting her to trust him again. “I cannot think clearly,” he muttered to himself, unaware that he had even spoken aloud as he rubbed at his forehead.

Lindsey narrowed her eyes and stared hard at him for another minute or so. “Yeah, well, you better start thinking clearly. Start thinking about how you’re going to make this right by my sister,” she spat. She pressed her lips thin before she snorted at him and turned on her heel. “Come on, Varric. Let’s go check on Jen. Dorian, you coming? Your breakfast is almost ready,” she called as she stormed out of the rotunda, heading back to the kitchen to check on her sister.

Dorian stared at Solas a moment more before he nodded and followed Varric and Lindsey. “You would be amazed where honesty can get you, Solas. You really think we won’t understand? After everything we have been through together? You mean more to us than you give yourself credit for. We might be more understanding than you thought,” he said.

“Honesty is what got me into this mess in the first place!” Solas snapped before he caught himself and let his shoulders sink. He saw the way Dorian paused in the doorway. “Forgive me, Dorian. It is myself I am angry with. Go. Just… go,” he said defeatedly and sank into his chair, feeling miserable all over again.

“You should’a let me kick his ass,” Lindsey muttered to Varric as they walked. “I know it wouldn’t fix anything, but dammit, what else am I supposed to do? I probably couldn’t have hurt him even if I tried. Not really, anyway.” She felt a little stupid then, threatening to beat the information out of Solas after what she and Varric had been through at the hands of Erimond. She paused outside the door to the kitchen and ran a hand over her face. “I’m sorry,” she breathed, crossing her arms and leaning against the door. “I just… the big sister in me came out and I want to protect her. I know I shouldn’t have jumped him like that. Or threatened to beat him. That was really stupid on my part.” She looked between him and Dorian, feeling foolish. “I’m sorry you saw that side of me.”

“Shit,” Varric said as he took her arm in his and he gave her hand a squeeze. “Don’t apologize, just...” He closed his eyes. “You know,” he muttered as they made it to the kitchen and he saw Jennifer sitting on a chair in the corner, wiping away the tears on her face. “Yeah, maybe I should have let you hit him a little,” he muttered, never before seeing the sister look so beaten down, “Hell, what did Chuckles say to get her like this?” He looked at Jennifer and then at Lindsey, picking up on the look that she gave him. “Well, shit. It has more to do with that Maker forsaken oath you both took.”

Lindsey gave a nod and moved to sit on the floor next to her sister’s chair. A pout pulled at her lips as she looked at Jennifer. “It didn’t work,” she said. “I tried to tackle him and make him tell me. But no luck.” She sighed and rested her chin on Jennifer’s knee. She hated seeing her sister so upset, especially when there was nothing she could do to make it better. “I’m sorry,” she murmured. “I love you, Sissy.”

Dorian stood next to Varric, offering Jennifer a smile. “It was quite the sight, truth be told. You should have been there. Jumped on his back and tried to strangle the brute,” he said before he gave a sigh, “If it’s any consolation, he looked as bad as you do, my dear.” He looked around the group and could see the expression there, like he was intruding on something. He gave them a small smile. “Well, you know where to find me if you need me. Jennifer, Bull and I are here for you. Our room is always open if you need anything. Just ah… you know, knock first.”

“Wait, wait, wait,” Lindsey said and scrambled to get up off the floor. “You need your breakfast.” She hurried over to the food she’d been working on before she had been distracted. Thankfully it was still warm. “Jeezus tits, all this bullshit before breakfast,” she muttered before she turned and handed Dorian his plate. “Okay, now you can go,” she said and turned to plop herself on the floor in front of Jennifer again.

Dorian paused as he found his arms full of food that smelled divine. “You know, I feel as though I work you too hard. You know the cook thing was all just an elaborate ruse so I could enjoy your company here?” He sighed and gave Lindsey a smile, “Just, you know. Thank you. And take some mornings off.”

“You’re welcome. And no,” she answered without looking at him. She was too concerned over Jennifer to argue further. She felt helpless, unable to even discuss what the problem was. “This oath thing is bullshit,” she grumbled. She chewed the inside of her cheek, trying to figure out a way to get around it. “I’d say let’s play a guessing game, but if I got it right and you confirmed it, that’d probably still count as telling me.” She gave a sigh and rested her forehead on Jennifer’s knee. “We never should have taken that oath.”

Jennifer nodded as she looked to Lindsey and Varric who stood near to her. Varric looked ever the concerned friend and her sister looked as if she was about to kill someone. “We shouldn’t have.” She closed her eyes. “He hasn’t done anything yet. We can still change his mind,” she murmured, “We talked about it, Lindsey, I don’t know if you remembered it.” 

Lindsey thought hard about it for a moment, looking over her shoulder to make certain they were still the only ones in the kitchen. “You said it had to do with the end of the game,” she said. “I remember you thought he’d killed the elven gods. I thought he had them locked away in an eluvian or some shit. We both thought it was because the other gods killed Mythal. So was I right? Is he planning on releasing them or something? Wait, don’t answer. I don’t wanna see you drop dead in front of me.” She chewed her lip again, sitting back a bit. “That’s the best I can come up with. But why would he do that? Lock them away only to turn around and release them? Don’t answer that either.” She looked at Varric, hoping perhaps he had an answer.

Varric sighed heavily and tapped his finger against his lips, trying to think. “No, it wouldn’t be that. What would he do that would make her break down like this? What happens if he releases the elven gods? What happens to the world? To us? I think, and this is just a long shot guess here, she’s more concerned about what his actions will do to us. Am I close? Friends and family are everything. You said he didn’t trust you or any of us… Shit, this is making my head hurt.”

Jennifer looked up at that, swallowing and wished she could tell him how close he was to the truth. “I don’t want you to die. He doesn’t want to kill anyone.” She bit her lip so hard it drew blood. “I don’t know how to tell you without breaking the oath. He’s a good man. He is. He doesn’t want anyone hurt, but he doesn’t see any other way to fix things,” she muttered, “Help him see… we are all connected, family. I don’t want to lose any of you. I don’t want my child to grow up hating him.”

Lindsey raised a skeptical eyebrow. “How can you say something like that and still call him a good man? Good man my ass. He’s a self-centered asshole.” She stopped herself and had to breathe hard through her nose. She wanted to shake her sister, but that wouldn’t help matters. She had to push aside her personal feelings on the matter. They needed to figure this out, or at least get somewhere close to it. “So the elven gods, how powerful were they? I bet they’d be pretty pissed off if they were released. Obviously, whatever he’s planning, it doesn’t end well for any of us. I guess right now the how doesn’t matter.” She leaned back on her hands, letting out a heavy sigh. “You’re gonna have to talk to him, Jen. You’re the only one who knows any of the details. He wouldn’t listen to the rest of us anyway.”

Varric nodded, “Yeah, he wasn’t going to budge on the subject.” He rubbed at his face. He couldn’t believe that Solas was going to be involved with their deaths. Or at the very least, something that would lead to their death. It made his stomach cramp painfully to think that someone so close to them all would even think of… He shook his head and winced. “Talk to him. Get him to talk to the rest of us so we can talk some Maker damned sense into him.”

“Hold on,” Lindsey said, sitting up straighter again. “He said something about he didn’t mean to upset you. Surely he would’ve known that whatever he told you would upset you. How did this conversation even happen between the two of you? Surely you can tell us that much without telling us  _ what  _ he told you.”

Jennifer swallowed hard, almost forgetting the terrible dream. “Erimond,” she said quietly, watching as the two drew back a little at his name, “Somehow he got into my dream. He was taunting Solas. Said that Solas’ plans were no better than Corypheus. It was really Erimond, and he knew things. Things he shouldn’t know, but he did. Said something about all of the dreams were connected in the Fade. I think he was talking about dreams from our world and this one… somehow they are all part of the same well.”

“Ahh… shit,” Lindsey muttered. A sick feeling welled in her stomach at the thought. “So you mean that even though Varric and I didn’t tell him a damn thing, he found out the information he wanted anyway?” She clenched her hands into fists, feeling her nails biting into her palms. “That means he tortured us for NOTHING! It didn’t matter if we told him what we knew. We could’ve…” Angry tears burned her eyes and she shook her head, trying to push away the memories. She drew her knees up and rested her elbows on them, grabbing at her hair. “All of this is bullshit.”

Varric closed his eyes remembering the torture they suffered through. “So, we didn’t tell him shit and he still ends up with something.” He shook his head. “So, he was forced to find other ways to get the information he wanted when we didn’t talk.” He turned to Lindsey, grasping her arms, “Stop, don’t you go down that path. We’ve talked about this, dammit. There was nothing we could have done. We did what we could, no one could have asked us to do differently.”

She nodded. He was right. There was no use in picking apart the past, analyzing it over and over again. They’d already done that many times over. She looked up at Jennifer. “You need to go talk to him. I know it’s hard right now, but try to stay calm if you can. Not that I’d blame you if you went psycho on his ass, but still. If you’re calm, maybe he’ll listen to you.” She pushed herself to stand, looking over at the food that had long-since gone cold, and wrinkled her nose. Oh well. She wasn’t very hungry anyway. “I’m gonna go talk to Cullen. He needs to know about Erimond. Don’t worry, I won’t say anything to him about Solas.”

Varric watched as Jennifer nodded and pushed herself up to stand with the help of her sister. He rubbed at his hair as he watched them go, a sense of foreboding settling over him. Normally he didn’t care much for talks of death and the like, and to bring up Erimond on top of all that? Shit, it was just bad news all over. His thoughts immediately went to Cassandra and he tried to remember the last time he had done something for her. Maybe it was time to spoil her again.


	7. Chapter 7

Jennifer didn’t know what to do, what to say or anything. She felt sick and sad and being pregnant in that moment with the man’s child who caused her pain was not helping. She stood outside of the rotunda, staring at the door before she shook her head at Lindsey and Varric’s offer to go in with her. What was she going to say to him? Could she convince him to set his plan aside, to find another way? “Oh Gramma. I need your help with this one,” she said quietly, “I don’t know what to do.” She swallowed harshly before she started crying again. She should at least let him explain, though she knew she wouldn’t agree. Could this even be fixed? She opened the door and slipped inside. 

The library was unnaturally quiet and she realized it must have cleared out after Lindsey had confronted the elf. She walked in and saw some papers lying on the floor with Solas standing at the table, bent over it with both hands braced on the piece of furniture. She tried to clamp down on her emotions, the tears that wanted to surface, and she moved to the couch, sitting down before she stared at the floor. What did you even say in this situation?

Solas looked up slowly, his heart in his throat when he saw her sitting there looking so broken. For a moment, he wasn’t even sure if he trusted his own eyes. Had she really come to him now, after everything that had happened the night before? He stood up straight and swallowed harshly before he slowly approached her. He crouched before her, not touching her, but leaning over slightly to catch her eyes. The knot in his throat was back and his eyes stung with unshed tears. “Vhenan… Jennifer,” he said softly, speaking in a low tone so that hopefully his voice wouldn’t crack. He didn’t know what to say, so many things came to his mind and yet nothing at all at the same time. What she thought of him, how she felt about him now, he didn’t know and he wasn’t sure if he wanted to know. “I never meant to hurt you.”

She licked her lips before she looked at him, her eyes blurry from crying so much. They had been right, he did look as bad as she knew she must. His face a splotchy red, his eyes watery, dark circles around them as if he hadn’t slept a wink. “I know,” she said quietly, cursing under her breath as her voice cracked. “It hurts. It hurts so much,” she said sadly and as she rubbed at her belly, “But I want to hear what you have to say, but I’m going to try and convince you otherwise. Death can’t be the only answer.”

A tiny bit of hope flared in his chest to hear that she was willing to listen. That was more than he’d dared to hope for ever since this began. “Thank you, vhenan,” he breathed. He wanted to draw her into his arms, to hold her and his child, but not yet. She wasn’t ready for that yet, he could tell. Now if he could just choose his words carefully, perhaps she would understand. “I always planned to tell you,” he said softly. “I only wish it could have been on my terms, so I could explain it to you, instead of our enemy dumping it all in your lap the way he did.” He breathed through his nose and shook his head. “I am sorry you found out the way you did.”

Jennifer closed her eyes. “You would have waited until we were far away from this place, my friends, my sister. Our little one already born and growing up. You would have waited until I had little to no choice to do or say anything about what you are planning to do.” She opened her eyes and looked at him, “You aren’t alone any more, Solas. How did you even think that would be a better way for me to find out?”

She made him sound so manipulative. Guilt curled around his heart. Perhaps he was. He looked down at the stone floor and rubbed at his face. “It was not to give you no other choice. I had hoped, once we were alone, that you would be content with just me and our child. That the three of us could be happy together, with or without anyone else,” he answered, barely able to get the words out around the lump in his throat. Voicing it aloud made it sound so selfish. “I am sorry, Jennifer. I thought… It doesn’t matter what I thought,” he muttered and stood up again, turning to look around the rotunda for a moment, trying to gather himself, his thoughts.

“And when you tore down the veil and turned the world into nothing but chaos where many will die. Our friends, my sister. All of their blood on your hands… did you think I would just idly sit by and be content? Why can’t we protect the ones we love? Why do they all have to die?” She thought about it, really, the issue she had was with imagining her friends and family dying with with world when he carried out his plan. She didn’t know what would come after that, surely more people would be hurt. “I suppose I am selfish too. Content to let the rest of the world fend for itself, but I don’t want to leave the people here out to die. And then the rest of the world. There are so many others, Solas. So many people who don’t deserve what you are planning.”

“I never said they deserved it,” he said as he turned to face her again. He gave a sigh and moved to sit on the couch next to her, still making sure he didn’t touch her. “I told you that I take no joy in what must be done. The elves did not deserve to lose their immortality, their conscious connection to the Fade. I cannot save all of them, vhenan. But I can save you. And I can save her,” he said with a nod at her belly. He shifted slightly, turning to face her a bit more. “They are all going to die anyway. Whether in battle or from old age, they  are  all going to die. Nothing you or I do can stop that. They would still have years of peace before I tore down the veil.”

Tears slipped down her cheeks. “Not decades? Not a full life? No growing old together while cherishing our children, grandchildren. My sister’s kids or her grandkids?” Oh she shouldn’t have thought of that, it only brought more tears to her eyes and made her want to cry harder at the thought she wouldn’t have all of these things. “My sister and I… Solas…” She didn’t know what to say, “I love you. I do, but does that mean I have to stop loving everyone else, stop loving them and not care that they are going to get hurt? That my sister might die trying to protect her children, scared and in pain because of something I’ve done. Because I couldn’t convince you how terrible this idea is? I don’t think I will be able to live with myself.” She closed her eyes and leaned her head back. She honestly didn’t know what to do and her heart was torn. 

He understood why she felt the way she did. “And I love you,” he said sincerely, his expression softening. “You do not want to watch your sister and your friends die. You say you cannot live with yourself. Yet you are asking me to do the same, or worse. To watch you grow old and die. To watch the same happen to our child, while I remain.” He had to stop talking then because his voice wavered and a tear slipped from his eye. He turned to stare at the floor again, trying to regain his composure, and used the cuff of his sleeve to hastily wipe his eye.

She blinked, turning to him as he cried. She hadn’t seen him cry and it hurt even more than she thought. “Solas,” she breathed and hesitantly reached out for him, cupping his cheek to touch the wetness on his face. He was willing to destroy the world to bring back his people that he had wronged in order to not be alone, that he wouldn’t die alone. The last of his kind. “I don’t know what to do about this.” 

A breathless sob escaped him as her hand touched his cheek and he leaned into her touch. “Think on it?” he whispered to her. His eyes were pleading as he met her gaze. “I cannot bear the thought of losing you or the baby. Ever. This is not a decision that has to be made right now. There is still much to deal with here, things that need our attention. I do not expect you to agree right away. I just… I cannot stand this divide between us. I love you so much.”

She choked on a sob and nodded, leaning forward to her head met his. “I love you too, Solas, but please. Please promise me we will think about this. I don’t want to leave you, ever. I don’t want you to be alone any more. I don’t want anyone to have to die for the elves to be immortal again. I just… I don’t know. I don’t know. I don’t want anyone to die.”

He let his eyes fall closed as their foreheads touched and he longed to just hold her, to tell her over and over how sorry he was for hurting her. He swallowed again. “If you are willing to consider my plan, then I am willing to consider other options,” he said softly. “I do not know if there can be a compromise, I cannot promise you that. But I can promise that I will do whatever I can to find another way, if such a way exists. I will try, vhenan.”

Jennifer could work with that. She didn’t want to tell him that if he couldn’t find another way, it was probably going to break her heart if he went through with his plan. There was nothing that could be done about that. She loved him, more than she had loved anyone, but she wasn’t sure if she could live with that much guilt over her head for an eternity. “You have to talk with the others about this. My sister at least. Maybe the spellbook has something.” She swallowed, thinking of her Gramma’s spellbook. It had been the reason why so many things around them were changing, perhaps it as the key to this. “We have to look at the spellbook. It has to have something to help you without destroying this world.” She knew he felt like he didn’t have any other choice, but he was still on the plan from when he didn’t have anyone there to care about him. When he didn’t have her. Now, this plan was unacceptable. 

He was skeptical that the book would have anything that might help, but he nodded anyway. “It is worth researching,” he answered. Though he knew his plans were what had started this whole argument, it was the last thing he wanted to think about at the moment. What he did care about was fixing the hurt it had caused, the rift he felt between them. And he was open to finding another way, if it could be found. He didn’t know how to fix the world without destroying it. He’d been sincere when he told her he would take no joy in what he had to do. But maybe there was a way, somehow he could save this world while fixing it for the elves as well. He hoped there was. “We will find a way,” he said softly as he reached with a trembling hand to touch her cheek. Her skin was warm and smooth against his palm, and he nearly sighed with relief when she didn’t recoil. “I am so sorry. Sorry that I hurt you, that you found out the way you did. I never meant to hurt you.” He leaned closer, wanting to kiss her, but hesitated, letting her decide if she was ready for that yet or not. “Please forgive me,” he whispered.

Jennifer studied his face for a moment. He looked well and truly broken and in truth, he had done nothing yet deserving of her coldness save planning for a future he thought was right. Taking a small bit of happiness for himself after everything he had done for his people. “Solas. You are the most selfless, caring man I have ever met. I would not see you hurt or damn yourself from your own actions just to make things right when you were trying to do right from the start. I will be with you and we are going to find a way to make this work. No more death. No more sacrifices,” she said as she swallowed hard, reaching up to thumb over his cheekbone, drawing his gaze. Her heart broke as she saw his eyes, so sad and lost. “We’re together now, we will make it work.”

Solas exhaled shakily, hearing her words. “I do not deserve you, vhenan,” he whispered. She was too good, too understanding, too forgiving. He struggled to understand what she could see in him. Even after hearing what he intended to do, she was willing to work with him, to help him, even if she intended to change his plans. It was such a strange mixture of guilt and acceptance and love that curled around his heart. He squeezed his eyes shut against the tears that tried to fall again and he leaned his forehead against hers. “Ar lath ma,” he choked out.

“I love you too, Solas,” she breathed as she lifted his head, watching the tears slip down his cheeks. He wasn’t a monster. He was just a broken man trying to make the world right again in the only way he knew how. She wiped away a few of his tears before she leaned in and kissed his cheek gently, the saltiness of the tears on her lips before she pressed a kiss to his. She had missed him, an entire night away from him and it felt like an eternity had passed. “We will find a way. Together.”

“Together,” he breathed and kissed her again, pressing his lips firmly to hers. It was all he needed, to feel her soft full lips against his own. To know that she still loved him, that she didn’t hate him for what he intended to do. That somehow she managed to still find some good in him. He touched their foreheads together again as he broke the kiss, his fingers curling gently in her hair. He licked his lips as he swallowed, wondering… “Would you lie down with me?” he asked carefully. “I just want to hold you for a little while. Please?”

She nodded against him, sobbing out in relief as he asked her. “Please. I am so tired. I don’t want to be upset any more. I’m not going to hate you for something you haven’t done yet. Hopefully something you will never have to do,” she breathed against him and let him pull her into his arms. His presence was strong and welcome and she curled around him carefully, slipping her arms around his waist. They would be okay. They had to be.

Solas had to choke back a sob of relief as he found his arms filled with his vhenan and he curled protectively around her, burying his face into her hair. He was so exhausted, his body aching from emotion and lack of sleep. “I hope not either, vhenan,” he whispered, already feeling sleep pull at him. He kissed the top of her head, then let his eyes close, and for the first time in his life, he prayed he didn’t dream.


	8. Chapter 8

Lindsey was still flaming mad by the time she reached Cullen’s office. There were a thousand things on her mind, none of which were things she actually wanted to think about. She cracked open the door to his office and, seeing that he was in the middle of discussing something with some of his officers, she quietly slipped through the door and moved to stand against the wall. She wanted to tell him about Solas so bad. It was eating her up to keep this secret from him. Damn that wolf. Damn him and his secrets. 

She looked down at her feet, the toe of her boot drawing little patterns on the dusty stone, and she swallowed as she thought carefully about what she could and could not tell Cullen. The whole thing was one big hot mess. 

She heard him dismiss his men and she waited for them to leave the office before she looked up and met his eyes. She usually tried not to interrupt his work day, save for when she brought him lunch. “Hey,” she said softly, not moving from her spot. She felt like the stone against her back was grounding her, keeping her from lashing out, or losing her temper again. “Do you have a minute? I know you’re busy, but we need to talk. It’s important.”

Cullen smiled warmly at her after he sent his men away. He went to the door and locked it before he turned to her, resting his hands on her shoulders. “Of course, I was hoping you would stop by. You brighten my day even when it's been ruined by meetings and Maker damned messengers,” he murmured before he tilted his head at the look in her eyes. His brow furrowed. “Is something wrong?”

“Just… Jen and Solas. They had an argument and she’s upset, so now of course I’m pissed because I can’t fix it. It’s a mess,” she sighed before she waved her hand dismissively. “But there was an incident last night, when they were sleeping. Erimond found them in the Fade.” She tried to fight the thrill of fear and disgust that shot up her spine at even speaking his name. “He knows the future. Jennifer thinks that the dreams of people from our world connect to the Fade somehow, that he found the information he was looking for that way. And if that’s the case, then both he and Corypheus know everything that’s coming. They… they know even more than my sister and I do.”

Whatever he was expecting to hear, it wasn’t that and he felt his heart stop at the idea that the enemy could know more than they did. What was worse, he knew that Erimond still gave Lindsey nightmares and he wanted nothing more than to deliver that man’s head on a platter to her. “And he can start planning accordingly to anticipate our every move.” He ran a hand over his face. “Maker give me strength. I’d be willing to bet that half of what he says is just a smokescreen to see what we will do. A misfire to see where we scramble to protect what is most important. I remember your report on the Arbor Wilds, it could be possible that Corypheus and Erimond are waiting to see if we go for anything in particular. Or they want us vulnerable. I need to give this information to the Inquisitor and Leliana… we will have to plan for this development.” 

He sighed and looked at her, cupping her cheek. “You look like you are about to murder someone. Come with me. I will need your insight in the meeting, then afterwards I want you to tell me what happened between your sister and Solas.”

She gave a curt nod and pushed away from the wall, taking his hand as she let him lead her from the office. Telling him about Solas and her sister wasn’t exactly possible, not in complete truth. She would have to figure out what she could tell him without breaking oath. She was getting sick of this bullshit already, of not being able to be honest with the man she loved, not being honest with her other friends. All because of Solas and his fear of being found out. The more she thought about it, the angrier she became with the elf. And she hadn’t even wanted to make the oath in the first place. “Let’s take the long way round to talk to the Inquisitor,” she said. “I think Jen was going to try to talk to Solas. I don’t wanna walk through the rotunda right now. I might tackle him again.”

“He should have known better than to upset Jennifer in the state that she’s in. I don’t think I would blame you,” he said as he looked towards the rotunda before he led them around the long way. “I don’t understand it, they were as close as peas in a pod. Are you certain she isn’t just overreacting again? You know how she is with her mood swings. The recruit she chewed out last time for brushing past her still has this look in his eyes like he’s expecting her to come out of the shadows.”

She would’ve laughed if she’d been in a better mood. “No, I don’t think so. Not this time,” she muttered and crossed her arms as they walked. She wanted to roll her eyes. Everyone was going to think her sister was overreacting because she was pregnant. But Lindsey knew her sister. She would’ve been that upset anyway, if what she and Varric suspected was correct. That Solas was somehow going to undo what he’d done to the elven gods and that it would end badly for everyone. “We’ll… talk about it later, after we talk with the Inquisitor and Leliana.”

“Hey,” he said softly, pulling her to a stop. He looked at her for a moment, studying her as he tilted his head to the side. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to offend. I just wish I knew what happened between them. I wouldn’t want to make the same mistake, not with you. Not ever,” he said as he let his hand cup her cheek a moment before he let his fingers slip into her hair, curling around the back of her neck as he massaged the tense muscles there. 

She closed her eyes and shook her head, giving a sigh at his touch. “You wouldn’t,” she said softly. There was something comforting in that, knowing that she would never have to worry about Cullen doing something like that. “You’re better than that, Cullen,” she said. She sighed again and met his concerned gaze. Her stomach seemed to twist in a knot, knowing he would want to know what happened, and she wouldn’t be able to tell him. “I wish I could tell you,” she said softly, “But I can’t. I’m sorry.”

Cullen felt a little hurt at that, but he came to terms when they first arrived in Thedas that there were going to be things that they had to kept from him. He wasn’t entirely sure if he wanted to know them anyway. If his future was to become some starved man, begging in the streets wearing nothing but rags and his mind half gone from lyrium, he didn’t want to know it was coming. “I understand, Lindsey. I do. I trust you, future wife of mine. If we didn’t have that, I think we would be doomed from the start of this. You haven’t given me reason to doubt you thus far.”

She flung her arms around his neck and hugged him tightly. “Damn you for being so understanding,” she scolded, burying her face into the side of his neck. Somehow his acceptance, the way he didn’t push the issue, just made her feel worse for not being able to share with him. “I don’t deserve you. This is why I love you so much. I’m sorry, Cullen. I want to tell you. I really do. But I can’t.”

He kissed her softly then, pulling back a moment later and resting their heads together. “Hush, you have enough on your plate to worry about without having to figure out what you can and can’t tell me. It’s like your Gramma said, things are going to work out, right?”

"I hope so," she said softly. The truth was, beneath her anger at Solas and her protectiveness over her sister, she was scared. Jennifer had said that she didn't want to see any of them die. That had to mean that whatever Solas had planned, it would bring war or worse. "I don't know what to think anymore. I thought I knew what to expect and now it's all different. If only I had my damn cards with me, or if I'd had a chance to get that last DLC. Some way to see what Erimond knows. What my sister knows and can’t tell me..." She trailed off, wanting to kick herself. "Goddamn it all."

Cullen held her close to him, kissing the top of her head as he shushed her. “You will find someway, I know you will. You’ve mentioned your cards several times,” he said slowly as he pulled back, “You are aware that Varric is an artist? In more ways than one. I’m sure he could make you a brand new set.” He held up a finger as she looked as though she was going to protest. “I happen to know for a fact that your Gramma, spirit or otherwise, has a deck in that home of hers. You put your mind to it, you might be able to have something of your own again. Take back some of that control that the others have taken from you.” 

She chewed her lip as she thought about his words. That would be a lot of work for Varric to do, but she supposed she could ask. She nodded against Cullen, hugging him tighter. “You’re brilliant,” she murmured. “You always know how to make me feel better. Thank you, baby.” She kissed him again, then pulled away with a sigh. “We should talk with the Inquisitor while it’s still all fresh in my head.” She took his hand, slipping her fingers between his.

“That we should,” He said as he curled his hand around her own, “I wish I could be of more help to you.” 

“You already are,” she said, feeling calmer now. She would figure this out, how to help fix things for her sister. “More than you know.”

* * *

After discussing everything with the Inquisitor and Leliana, Lindsey let Cullen return to work and she headed towards Varric’s room, thinking of asking him about the cards. Part of her felt guilty for even asking, she knew Varric was busy with other things, but her need to figure this all out drove her on. She knocked on his door and poked her head in, flashing him a big grin when she saw him at his desk. “Who’s my favorite dwaaarf?” she sing-songed.

“No, Freckles,” Varric said as he dipped his quill into the inkwell and tapped it before he started writing again.

“Dang it, that never works,” she muttered to herself as she stepped into his room and shut the door behind her.

“As hilarious as it would be, I just don’t think Curly would appreciate it if I made a sign for his door that says ‘Come back later, we’re having private time.’” He smirked at that. “Especially not from me,” he said as he continued writing in the book, more Swords and Shields. His publisher was going to hurt him for not writing more Hard in Hightown, but he couldn’t resist. There was too much inspiration to not be writing it. 

“It’d be even better if you replaced ‘private time’ with ‘sexy time.’ He might end up with a permanent blush,” she snickered and moved to sit in her usual spot on the floor, looking up at him at the desk. “Actually, Cullen gave me an idea, he thought you might be able to help. If you don’t have time or, you know, don’t want to, just say so. I totally understand. But rumor has it you’re quite the artist. I was wondering if, maybe, you might wanna make me a deck of tarot cards?”

Varric sat back in his chair and looked over at Lindsey. He had gotten used to seeing her cozy up to that spot on the floor. Usually he’d join her near the fire and definitely with a drink of some sort if they were talking out some issues. He chuckled at the expression on her face. “Why Freckles, are you asking me for a favor?” He placed his quill back in the pot and looked back at her as he scratched at his chin. “But I think I owe you one anyway. I know those cards meant a lot to you. Mean a lot to me too, seeing as how they turned things for me. How many cards are we talking about?”

She screwed up her face, a bit nervous at telling him. “Seventy eight,” she answered. She gave a sigh and looked down at the floor. “I know it’s a lot to ask. I just… it’s driving me nuts not to know what’s coming. I miss my cards so much.” She looked up at him again. “I’ll make it up to you somehow. I can pay you. Or cook for you and Cass more often if you want. I don’t like owing anyone anything,” she muttered, rubbing at the back of her neck. She hated asking favors.

He chuckled and turned to her, reaching out and grasping her hand. “You won’t owe me a thing. I’d be happy to help you out. I certainly don’t need any money or things like that.” He paused when she mentioned Cassandra and an idea came to his mind. “Actually, I’m planning something for Cassandra later on this week. You help me with a little bit of the setup and I’ll call us even,” he said, raising an eyebrow at her in question, “Just a special dinner, with some flowers and things like that.”

Lindsey perked up at that. “I can do that,” she said. She thought back to the game, about the kinds of things Cassandra liked. She’d never romanced the Seeker in the game, but she had watched videos of it on YouTube. “She’s such a romantic,” she giggled. “I don’t want to make it cliche, but she likes all the typical things. Roses, candles, poetry. We can definitely pull this off.” She gave him a smile. “You two are so good together. Good thing you listened to me,” she bragged exaggeratedly, puffing her chest a bit before she snickered.

Varric laughed and pulled back from her, turning back to his desk where he pulled a fresh sheet of parchment towards him and picked up his quill again. “My mother didn’t raise idiots for sons. A pretty woman gives you advise, you better listen.” He paused as he thought about it. “And keep your pants on. Eh, I could never remember the whole lesson. The important bits,” he said as he quickly wrote out a letter to one of his contacts in Kirkwall, “I’ll send this out with the post today, hopefully in a few weeks, they’ll send me a blank deck of cards, plus the extras to make a solid seventy-eight. I wish I had taken a look at the whole deck when we were in your world.” He paused as he signed the letter and looked back at her. “Is there any kind of… special treatment the cards need? Some kind of spell or whatever it is you do? Blessings?”

“Nah, I’ll do that part after they’re done,” she said with a dismissive wave. A sudden idea struck her and she sat up straighter. “Wait! Maybe I can make this worth your while. They make the cards for Wicked Grace that people can buy, right? Do you think we could have copies made of the tarot cards and have them sold? I could write up a little booklet-thing to go with them, showing how to use them. I bet those things would sell like fucking hotcakes in Orlais. Would your publisher be interested in something like that?”

His eyebrows went up. “Well, now that’s certainly an idea. Are you sure that’s wise to put something like that out on the market where anyone can get their hands on them? I’d rather not have anyone else in danger because of something else I’ve managed to royally fuck up,” he said. grudgingly, “But you are right. The nobles would love this. Anything that they think will give them an edge.”

“In the hands of most people, the cards aren’t much more than a fun parlor trick. Sure, they can tell you all sorts of things about someone, but there’s more to it than that. Just like Jen and her tea leaves. We wouldn’t be as good as we are if it hadn’t been for Gramma. She taught us how to see more, if that makes sense. We’re… different. Well, you know that much. But we can see things in the cards, the tea leaves, that others can’t, even with proper instruction. I dunno. It’s some weird family trait that’s been passed down. I don’t think it would be dangerous. I mean, anyone can buy them back home and nothing catastrophic has happened. I think it’d be safe here too.” Lindsey paused and sighed. “I wish you could dream, Varric. I’d take you to meet Gramma in the Fade. You’d like her.”

He smiled warmly at Lindsey. “I’m sure I would. I’d like to meet the woman who raised you and Firefly. One heck of a lady, for sure. Though, I heard what she did to Sparkler. I’m not sure how Cassandra would feel about me getting handled without her there to stab a book.” He folded up the letter and sealed it. “You think she’d like me? Or would it be like the first time Cassandra and I met?” Varric chuckled at the memory, “That could be dangerous.”

“Gramma would love you,” Lindsey insisted. “With as much as you like to talk? She’d have a blast sitting in her kitchen all night with you, drinking margaritas.” She smiled at the thought, wishing so badly she could introduce the two. “And if Cassandra gets jealous, I’m sure Gramma could pinch her butt for good measure. Gramma wouldn’t discriminate,” she said with a laugh. She gave a sigh. “Talking about her reminds me of all the things I’ve been wanting to do and haven’t done yet. Like making those protection amulets I talked about. I need to get busy. Maybe it’ll take my mind off of shit too, ya know?”

“Shit, I know,” he muttered and ran a hand through his hair, “I know how hard it’s been for me to focus on the simple tasks. The mind likes to wander off into places I don’t want to be in and the next thing I know, the page is full of blotches and scribbles. It’s not a good place to be.” 

She nodded. Though she didn’t spend her time writing like he did, the blotches and scribbles resonated with her. That was what her mind felt like whenever the memories of her time as a captive with Erimond crept up on her. She sighed and managed a smile for him. “One day at a time, right?” she asked, something they said often to each other. She groaned as she got to her feet and leaned over to hug him. “Thanks, Varric. You let me know when you wanna do that thing for Cass and I’ll help. I’ll tell Dorian to fend for himself that day.”

Varric chuckled and hugged her back. “Sure thing, Freckles. I’ll let you know when the cards get in, then we can plan some time when we start working on them. You remember all the ones that you need, right? Or can you do that dream thing and go visit her to see what you need?” He stood up and walked her to the door. “Eh, whatever you do, tell her I said hi. And that she did a damn fine job raising you and your sister.”

She grinned and nodded. “I will.”


	9. Chapter 9

“Perfect,” Josephine smiled as she took a step back, her hands out cautiously in front of her as if she were afraid the display would completely fall apart if she misstepped. Normally she wouldn’t venture into someone else’s room without their permission, but she thought this rather an exceptional circumstance. She smiled as she reached the door and backed out of it, pausing one last time to look over everything with a critical eye as if she might’ve missed something. Finally satisfied that it truly was as perfect as possible, she turned on her heel and strode down the corridor, wondering to herself where Jennifer might be. 

It was mid-afternoon, so chances of finding her in the kitchen were slim. Unless, of course, she’d decided to slip away to satisfy another strange craving of hers. The things Josephine had seen her eat, well… She shook her head and reminded herself not to judge. She paused for a moment before heading to the rotunda, the other most likely place to find Jennifer.

She nearly tripped over her own feet as she entered the rotunda and found Jennifer asleep on the couch, wrapped up in Solas’ arms. “Oh dear, this will never work.”

Solas stirred at the sound of a voice that was entirely too close. He sleepily blinked awake, looking up at the ambassador who stared down at him, her arms crossed firmly over her chest. For a moment, he was reminded of a mother preparing to reprimand a child. “Lady Josephine,” he said, his voice still thick with sleep, as he carefully moved to get off the couch. He had been rather comfortable there, finally able to sleep now that he had his vhenan back in his arms. “Do you need my assistance?” he asked, a bit confused as to why Josephine was there. 

“You could say that,” she said, a disapproving tone in her voice. “How can you let her sleep on that couch when she is this far along? That can’t possibly be comfortable for her.” She heaved a sigh, remembering why she’d come to find Jennifer in the first place. “I have a surprise for her. And you as well. Would you mind waking her? I know she needs her rest, but it would be better if she were to sleep in a  _ proper  _ bed. The surprise is in her room anyway.”

He gave a slight chuckle. “You are quite right, of course,” he said as he inclined his head. “Forgive my thoughtlessness. She and I did not sleep well last night. Napping here was spur of the moment, if you will.” He turned to Jennifer and gently shook her shoulder. “Wake up, vhenan,” he purred, smiling softly when she blinked her dark eyes at him. “The lady ambassador has a surprise for you. And she is insisting that you continue your nap in bed, rather than here.”

Jennifer gave a soft groan as she was shaken awake. “Five more minutes,” she murmured as she turned her face into the couch, already missing the solid warmth at her back. Dreaming was better. She could pretend that everything was alright, that Solas had found another way and they were all as happy as clams. She blinked her eyes open at his insistence and she found herself smiling stupidly up at the elf. Oh, she didn’t want to be mad at him. And if he was as remorseful about his plans as she was, perhaps they would be alright. They would find another way. “Ugh, stupid hormones, making me all happy again… just gonna take it away the next moment,” she muttered as she pushed herself up, “Hi Josie. I’ll have you know this couch is quite comfy.”

Josephine wrinkled her nose. “I do not believe that for a second,” she answered. Perhaps she was being too pushy, but she was just so excited to show Jennifer the surprise. “This will only take a moment and then you can rest again,” she smiled, gesturing for Jennifer to follow her. “And as I told Solas, the surprise is in your room.” She was positively beaming as Solas helped Jennifer up and they followed after her.

Though he was still tired and didn’t know what to expect, Josephine’s persistent positivity was catching. Solas smiled as he offered Jennifer his arm and walked with her towards her room. “Don’t look at me,” he chuckled softly. “I had no part in this.”

“Mmmmhmmm,” Jennifer said as she looked up at him, “I wouldn’t put it past you though.” She leaned against him as they followed the Ambassador towards her room. “Is it a way to have this little one and be free again?” she only half joked and shrugged at the look Solas gave her, “Hey, don’t look at me like that. You should be hoping for it as well. Has Gramma given you the birthing lesson for fathers to be?”

Solas looked away from her and rubbed at the back of his neck. “I have not visited her in the Fade for some time,” he admitted sheepishly. Truth of the matter was, he was afraid that the old woman’s spirit would learn of his plans if he spent too much time around her. He rather liked her and he didn’t want to face her disapproval. And he feared what she may think of Jennifer, her own granddaughter, because of his actions. He looked at Jennifer again, raising an eyebrow at her. “And I certainly hope you are not implying what I think you are. There is a reason we have a midwife.”

“Who will be there just in case,” she said with a slight smirk, taking too much pleasure from the look on his face. After what happened, it was gratifying. “Are you saying you don’t want an active role in bringing this little one out into the world?” She laughed and leaned against him at the look on his face, “Oh, I love you. You are fun to mess with, ma lath.” 

Solas pinched his lips together, keeping his expression stoic as possible to hide the way his heart raced. For a moment, he had believed that she was serious. “Remind me to not believe a word you say when you are sleep deprived, vhenan,” he said as they came to a stop outside Jennifer’s door. “I do believe a lack of sleep has made you delirious.” 

Josephine turned to them, looking as though she might burst from excitement. “Now if you don’t like it, just tell me. There is still time to exchange it,” she said as she opened the door and stepped aside for them to enter, revealing the antique-white cradle she’d set up in the corner of the room. It was hand-carved with little hallas on the sides, and a satiny pink blanket was draped over the side. “I went with pink because you said you thought it’s a girl. But I do have blue stored away in my office just in case.”

Jennifer let out a soft gasp as she saw the little cradle sitting in the middle of the room, complete with a little blanket and everything. Tears came to her eyes as she walked forward and ran her hands over the wood so smooth it felt like silk beneath her fingers. “Josephine!” she breathed, feeling tears gathering in her eyes, “This is so beautiful, but this is too much. I couldn’t… I can’t pay you back for this.”

“Nonsense,” Josephine laughed lightly. “It is a gift!” She watched Jennifer for a moment before a smile spread across her lips. “Do you like it? Truly?” Her smile only grew when Jennifer nodded. “Oh good, I was worried,” she breathed in relief. 

Solas couldn’t help but to smile at the cradle, the design Josephine had chosen. “Thank you, Ambassador,” he said sincerely. “Your gift will be very appreciated in the near future.” He gave her a slight bow as she nodded and slipped out of the room, still smiling brilliantly. He didn’t know what to think of Josephine’s generosity and he shook his head as he turned to Jennifer, placing his hands on her shoulders. “I do have to say that the Ambassador has exceptional taste,” he said and leaned forward to press a kiss to her cheek. “Are you happy with it?”

Jennifer held a hand up to her lips, trying to keep herself from crying at the simple gesture. She leaned back against him and nodded, her eyes shining with tears unshed. “Oh my gods, Solas. It’s perfect,” she breathed as she reached back and covered his hand on her shoulder, “It’s just perfect.” She rocked the cradle back and forth for a moment. “It makes everything worth it. Don’t you think?”

He chuckled softly, a warmth in his heart at the feel of her hand over his, her back pressed to his chest. “You make everything worth it,” he murmured and kissed the top of her head, resting his face against her hair as he looked at the cradle. There was a nervous excitement in him again as he thought about the short amount of time left before their baby would be born. He let his hand slowly trail down her side and around to her belly, resting his hand over her. “I am so sorry I upset you, ma lath. I never want to feel that way again, to feel like I have lost you,” he said quietly and buried his face in the back of her hair. “Please forgive me.”

“I don’t want to feel like that either. It was terrible, Solas,” she said as she looked over her shoulder at him, letting her other hand cover the one on her belly, “I don’t want to lose you, in any capacity of the meaning. I need you, this baby needs you. Our friends and family need you. We will find away to help the elves. I swear to you that we will. We will help them without tearing the world to pieces. I’m putting my foot down on this one.” 

He nodded into her hair, his emotions threatening to overwhelm him again. He slid both arms around her to hug her tightly. There was relief in his chest that she was still here, that she still loved him, that he wasn’t losing her. And there was guilt in his stomach because he knew he didn’t deserve her. “Let us not speak any more about it today,” he quietly begged. He pulled his face back and turned her in his arms so he could look down at her. He ran his fingers through her messy hair, brushing it back from her face. She still looked so tired. “You should rest more,” he said softly and urged her towards the bed. He turned and went to lock the door before returning to the bedside, stripping away his clothes. He just wanted to lay and hold her, to feel her skin against his, her warmth in his arms as they slept.

Jennifer felt a thrill run through her at the sight of him and she smiled. “Now you are just spoiling me. Sorry you have to put up with all of,” she gestured to herself, “this. I feel like a balloon and you are the sculpted Adonis,” she said as she sat down on the edge of the bed and peeled off her shoes and socks. It was a little warm in the room, but she would manage. “I’ll spare you the sight.” 

“No,” he said with a shake of his head as he set his clothes aside and kneeled next to the bed. It bothered him to hear her speak of herself like that. He reached for her breeches, giving her a pointed look when she tried to protest. “Do not think so poorly of yourself, vhenan. Your beauty is beyond words.” He shifted the pants down over her hips and slowly pulled them from her legs, folding them and setting them aside before he raised up on his knees and reached for her shirt. He paused to kiss the bare skin of her belly, his lips brushing against her as he murmured, “Hello, little one.” He met Jennifer’s eyes as he lifted her shirt away, revealing her completely to him. “You have never been more beautiful to me.” He leaned in and kissed her lips, not liking the self consciousness he could see in her eyes. “Please, ma lath, allow me to hold you just for a little while.”

For once, Jennifer felt as if she was the one at a disadvantage and she felt her face heat up at being cared for so gently by him. Then soft words and gentle touches from Solas only made her heart race and she gave him an exasperated sigh. “You know, it’s very hard to stay cross with you when you are so charming,” she said as she covered his fingers. “Alright,” she said as she leaned her forehead against his. The air was chilled and she wanted nothing more than to curl back up in bed and sleep for a week. Especially next to him, all lean muscles and long limbs. She didn’t know how he could still call her so beautiful when she just felt like little more than a lump of a human. Soon to be complete with stretch marks and everything else that came with the joys of childbirthing.

He smiled and guided her to lay down on her side before he climbed into bed behind her and pulled the blankets up over them both. Oh, he could lay there like this with her for a week. He pressed his chest against her back as his arm slid around her, his hand resting over her belly, and he stared at the cradle in the room. Something about it seemed to make everything more real, made it sink in just how close they were to being parents. He pressed a long kiss to the back of her shoulder, grounding himself, reeling in the emotions he’d been dealing with since the night before. “Ar lath ma,” he murmured against her soft skin.

She settled back against him, relishing in the feel of his skin against her own. It was wonderful, warm and comfortable. He smelled good too, like old books and spice. She felt like he really was going to do his best to make sure that the world didn’t have to end. He had to. She didn’t stifle the yawn that made it past her lips and she turned her face into his arm. “I love you more.”


	10. Chapter 10

“Good news, Freckles,” Varric said as he filled his travel pack with a few essentials. Poetry books, sketch pad, bottle of wine. He looked over at the basket that Lindsey insisted he take as well for the food and a few other things. “Talked to Ruffles this morning and she says that the cards should be here by this time next week. We can get started whenever you like on the designs,” he said as he tied off the pack and lifted it up to sit in his chair before he smiled at her. 

“Well shit, that was fast,” Lindsey said, blinking at him in surprise. “I guess I better get busy making notes of what each card is supposed to look like. And writing the accompanying book, if we’re still thinking about selling them.” That prospect excited her more than maybe it should have, but she was thinking ahead about her life with Cullen after the final battle with Corypheus. She couldn’t stay and cook for Dorian forever. She shook her head to clear her mind. “Here,” she said and handed him the basket, topped with a folded quilt he could lay out for the evening picnic he had planned. “Cass is gonna love this.”

He sighed as he looked at the basket. “I hope this isn’t too cliche for her,” he said as he moved it to the side. Everything was just about ready. “Oh, who am I kidding? This is the Seeker we are talking about.” He looked everything over and nodded to himself before he turned back to Lindsey, crossing his arms. “And thanks for helping me set up everything this morning. Hopefully the flowers will all be intact and not eaten by those rams from earlier. The way they were eyeing them, you would have thought that we brought them a gourmet lunch,” he muttered as he moved and slung his pack over his shoulder before he picked up the basket. 

“Stupid goats,” she muttered and had to stop herself from snickering as she remembered a scene from the game where Skyhold had been attacked by a goat. She smiled and gave an approving nod. “Get going before they decide to come back and you end up with an audience for the evening. I don’t think Cassandra would appreciate that part,” she said as she opened the door for him. “Have fun. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do,” she teased, “Which, you know, pretty much leaves your options open.” She snickered and gave him a shove towards the door. “And don’t worry. I don’t think anything romantic is too cliche for her.”

Varric laughed as she shoved him playfully towards the door. “Yes, yes, hold down the fort while we are out. And try not to let Curly over do it too much today. If you ask me, everyone of the regulars needs to take the year off after all the shit we’ve been through,” he muttered as he headed down the steps. He’d gotten a small wagon from the barn set up and ready to go, waiting by the front gates to Skyhold. It wasn’t a long trip, just a short ride out to the grove that rested outside of the castle. “And if you end up needing to talk to anyone, like we’ve discussed, you know Sparkler has a good ear for those things. Heck, even Curly, but you know what that would do for his nightmares anyway.” He waved a hand in the air. “You’re a big girl.”

“I’ll be fine,” she drawled with an exaggerated roll of her eyes. “Now go on, quit worrying about me. I can manage one evening on my own. Maybe. I dunno, maybe I should tag along, just in case I need my dwarf.” She snickered again and waved him on. “Go. And tell me about her reaction when you get back! I wanna know!” She shrugged at the look he gave her. “Well, you don’t have to tell me  everything.  I just wish I could see her face when she sees everything all set up an’ shit.” She clapped her hands happily. “Okay, I’ll get out of your hair. See you later, Varric!” She waved and hurried off, picturing Cassandra’s reaction in her mind.

He chuckled and waved at her with his free hand as he headed down the steps and towards the stables. She was something else. He couldn’t deny the unique friendship that had grown between them since they had been kidnapped. In truth, he was grateful to have her as his friend, perhaps something more than that. Akin to family in a way. 

He smiled as he spotted the wagon, seeing Cassandra standing next to it, fidgeting like some nervous Chantry sister. He hoped the surprise wasn’t driving her too crazy. “Ah, Seeker. So glad you could join me for a little outing. And before you start, no, I’m not telling you. You can wait a bit longer now. “

Cassandra raised a skeptical eyebrow at him. She’d been curious all day as to where they were going. He’d been so vague about it when he asked her to meet him here this evening. She was sore from training all day; she’d tried to work out her nervous energy on the dummies. It drove her nuts to know that he was up to something and she didn’t know what it was. 

“You know I hate it when you do things like this,” she said in a warning tone. She eyed the basket on his arm and her eyebrow raised higher. A frustrated huff escaped her. “Varric, just tell me!” she pleaded impatiently. “I have thought of nothing else all day long. You do this to me on purpose.”

“What?” He acted hurt, setting the basket into the wagon before he held a hand over his heart. “You wound me, my dear Seeker. It’s not as though I live to antagonize you. There are other people I have to make room for in my schedule. Although, that blush on your face certainly doesn’t help your case,” he said as he hauled himself up into the seat and picked up the reins before he patted the seat next to him. “Come on then, I’d like to get there before sunset,” he said as he gave her a wink. 

“And here I thought you were a better liar than that,” she said dryly as she climbed up into the wagon and settled herself next to him. “You  do  live to antagonize me.” She had to look away from him to hide the smile that pulled at her lips and the blush that stung her cheekbones. This was certainly different than anything they’d ever done before. She relaxed a bit in the seat and tried to nonchalantly peer over her shoulder into the back of the wagon to get a peek at what he’d brought with him, but she caught him looking at her and she quickly stared straight ahead again. She sighed. “You know how impatient I am. You cannot blame me for being curious.”

“Curious. That’s a rather tame word considering it’s you,” he said, pausing for a moment as he crooked a finger at her, beckoning her down so he could press a kiss to her lips. He smiled and leaned against her as he picked up the reins and urged the horse forward and out of the gates. “You should know better than anyone that the suspense is half of the excitement, Seeker,” he purred, “That being said, I think you’ll like this. Just a little secluded spot for the two of us. I imagine we will be teased about this date for several more weeks by some of the others, but I think I can suffer through it.” 

“You won’t have to,” she said and reached for his hand, lacing their fingers together. “If they try, I will just threaten to stab them.” A little smirk touched her lips and she gave a quiet snort of amusement. She had to admit, this was nice, to get away from Skyhold with just him. It always seemed like there were too many people around and it was a rare thing to find some true privacy there. She sat up a little straighter as the grove came into view and she strained to see it better. Her heart gave a little jump. “Are those roses?” she asked, unable to mask the excitement in her voice.

Varric chuckled. “Oh, they might be,” he said, the smile growing on his face as he watched her as she eagerly looked ahead to the little grove where he and Lindsey had worked to set up what he hoped would be a memorable evening for them both. He smiled at her and urged the horse to slow down as they got closer. The light in her eyes made getting up at the ass crack of dawn completely worth it. He pulled the wagon to a stop and hopped down to the ground with a solid thud before he walked over to Cassandra’s side and offered his hand up to her with a flourish, “My lady.”

Cassandra’s heart skipped a beat as she took Varric’s hand and let him help her down from the wagon. She couldn’t help the silly, happy smile on her lips and she leaned down to kiss him. “What is all this?” she asked as she wandered closer and bent down to smell the beautiful red roses. There was a perfect view of the horizon, the sun sinking below that line casting vibrant hues of red and purple across the sky. She turned to him again, seeing him walking towards her with the basket over his arm. Warm, happy butterflies filled her stomach. “Varric, I… I don’t know what to say.”

He chuckled at the expression on her face and took her hand, walking them further into the clearing before he set the basket down and opened up the blanket next to a log that stretched across the way, making the perfect backrest to the sunset. “You don’t have to say much, Seeker. Come on, let’s eat. Freckles had it all ready to go and it won’t stay hot for long. Then, if you are interested, we can talk.”

She sat down on the blanket, watching as he began to unload the basket. She felt a blush touch her cheeks. “You did not have to go to so much trouble for me,” she said as she shifted her legs to tuck them against her side. A smile touched her lips. “But I do appreciate it,” she said and caught his wrist, tugging him closer so she could kiss him again. A sigh escaped her as he took a couple of candles out of the basket and lit them. “So romantic,” she breathed dreamily before she blinked at herself and her blush burned hotter.

Varric chuckled at the look on her face. “Ah, completely worth it,” he said as he watched her as he poured her a glass of the wine he brought before handing it to her. He paused, catching her hand and kissing at her fingers before he moved to fill his own glass. “I love that blush that touches your cheekbones when you are really touched by something. It’s adorable,” he breathed, “You’re beautiful.”

“Flatterer,” she murmured into her glass as she turned her head slightly to look at the sunset. The scent from the basket wafted up to meet her nose and her stomach pinched with hunger. She’d been so preoccupied with trying to figure out what he was up to that she’d forgotten to eat lunch that day. She tilted her chin up and tried to peer into the basket. “What did she make for us?”

He chuckled as he reached in and pulled out a covered bowl. “Some sort of shrimp and dumpling dish that I am not even going to try to pronounce. I smelled it when she was spooning it out. I think you’ll like it,” he said as he set the bowl between them before he reached back in and pulled out the two little chocolate cakes that Lindsey had made as well. “And dessert, of course, then we can eat these cakes if you still have any energy left,” he said, giving her a wink.

A giggle escaped her and she clapped her hand over her mouth at the girlish sound. “You are terrible,” she scolded as she took a plate he offered her and helped herself to the dish. It smelled wonderful and she didn’t wait as she forked up a bite of it, her eyes fluttering shut at the creamy sauce. “She and her sister are spoiling us all.” She licked her lips and looked at him, her expression softening. “And you are spoiling me,” she added.

Varric smiled, reaching over to cup her cheek, drawing her down so he could press a kiss to her lips. “That’s the idea, Seeker,” he murmured against her before he pulled back, trailing his fingers down her arm, to rub gently against the skin on the back of her hands. “It’s been awhile since we’ve really had a moment to ourselves. Tensions have been high for all of us, you know. I know you’ve been training nonstop, I just didn’t want you to forget to take time for yourself now and then.” 

“I know what you mean. It is easy to lose ourselves in our work. Everyone is on edge, especially since our enemy seems to be in no hurry to act.” She stopped herself and shook her head. “I do not wish to discuss this now. I would rather focus on us.” She speared a shrimp on her fork and fed it to him, an affectionate glow in her eyes. “I would enjoy more times like this, with you.”

He sighed happily as he closed his eyes as he took the bite from her fork. “It would be nice. Not running for our lives, hiding away from the rest of the world.” He trailed off and looked at her, a smile tugging at the corners of his lips. “You know, Kirkwall is a good place. It’s a bit shitty at the moment, what with the reconstruction efforts, but you know, might be a decent place to rebuild the Seekers while we rebuild the city.” 

Her eyebrows raised in surprise at that. She knew he planned to go back to Kirkwall after the fight with Corypheus was said and done. “Are you inviting me to join you?” she asked, then slightly cringed, hoping her question wasn’t too forward. Maker, could she ever stop being so blunt? She twirled her fork around the plate, thinking about it for a moment. “I haven’t thought that far ahead. I mean, yes, about rebuilding the Seekers, but not exactly about where or how I will go about doing so.”

“I want you to come with me,” he said suddenly, studying her face, “Being here with you, with the Inquisition, I know I don’t want to run away any more. I need to do better and Maker, Cassandra, you make me want to do better. To be a better man. After Freckles and I were kidnapped, all I could think about was getting back to you. Wondering if I would have another day with you in it. If I would get the chance to tell you how much I love you. I don’t want to stop, Cassandra.”

She let her fork clatter to the plate as she suddenly wrapped her arms around his neck, kissing him passionately. She could taste the wine on his tongue and she moaned softly against his mouth. “I love you too,” she murmured against his lips before kissing him again. “I thought the same, that I didn’t know if I would get another day with you. And the very thought of it broke my heart. I cannot see my life without you in it, Varric.”

He let his arms wrap around her, pulling her into his lap and firmly against him as he leaned up and kissed her back with just as much passion. Varric smiled and paused a moment, running his hands up and down her sides, resting them on her hips as he looked up at her, studying her eyes a moment before he dipped in again and claimed another kiss from her lips. “Yeah, I think I have to do this, but with you… I have to do it right, don’t I?” he asked her before he gently urged her off of his lap before he pushed himself up with a groan, reaching down to pull her to stand as well. 

Her brow furrowed in confusion as he stood and helped her up. They had just gotten there. Surely he wasn’t planning on leaving or going somewhere else, right? This didn’t make any sense. “Varric, what are you-?” Her question died on her lips. Oh. Oh! Her eyes went wide as he took her hand and he got down on one knee. For a moment she thought that her heart might leap out of her chest, that her knees might completely give out on her, or that she might faint from the sheer dizzy excitement that jolted through her.

Varric smiled at her brightly. He reached back to his pocket and pulled out the small box he had stashed there. “I’ve been thinking about this ever since the Winter Palace, to be honest with you, Seeker,” he said as he opened it and showed her the ring that was inside, “It was my mother’s. I think she would have approved of you.” He took the ring out of the box and held it as he cupped Cassandra’s hand between his own. “So, marry me?” he asked, his breath nearly catching in his throat.

Tears sprung to her eyes at the sight of the ring, the almost nervous way he asked the question. “Yes,” she gasped, her own throat tight with emotion. She met his eyes and a huge smile split her lips. “Varric, yes!” she cried and dropped to her knees to fling her arms around him again, kissing him fiercely. Oh, this night couldn’t get any better. She brushed away a tear that slipped from her eye as she continued to kiss him. She finally pulled away with a breathless laugh and looked down at her hand as he slipped the ring onto her finger. “It’s breathtaking,” she whispered.

He smiled as he slipped the ring on over her finger. It was a little big, but it looked amazing against her skin. “Heh, guess we can get that sized later,” he breathed as he turned it around her finger, the ornate carvings glinting in the waning sunlight as they wrapped around a glimmering sapphire. “It’s perfect,” he murmured as he looked up at her, reaching up to brush her hair behind her ear, “Not as perfect as you, Seeker.” He kissed her, letting his fingers curl around her neck. 

A soft cry escaped her throat at his kiss, her heart racing in her chest. All that talk of what they might do in the future didn’t matter now. All that mattered to her was that her future had him in it. She moved closer to him, closing the space between them, and slid her arms around his shoulders as she laid back, pulling him down on top of her. Oh, she could spend all night like this, kissing him senseless without a care in the world. “I love you,” she breathed hotly against his lips before kissing him again.

Varric sighed as he settled over her, kissing at her deeply as she sighed against him. He thought if he took a moment to try and think it all over he would explode from the sheer excitement. She had said yes. He smiled down at her and leaned down, kissing her deeply as he let his hands roam over her curves, slipping underneath her shirt. He loved the little sting of her fingernails as she clung to his back. He could do this for a lifetime. “I love you too, Cassandra,” he murmured, “So much.”

She gave a gasp as his strong, rough hands slid up her ribcage, his thumb brushing the curve of her breast. It sent shivers down her spine and she suddenly wanted him more than she’d ever wanted him before. And that was saying a lot. She dipped her head to kiss along his neck up to his ear, letting her tongue flick against the hoop he wore, teasing him as her nails ran down his back. “I never thought I would find someone like you,” she whispered in his ear as she pressed her hips up against him.

He chuckled. “Oh, I don’t know about that. The world is full of conniving little shits like me,” he teased her as he groaned, pressing his hips down against hers, relishing in the warm body beneath him. She was perfect and he wanted her. Had to have her. “Maker, I need you before I lose my mind, Seeker,” he breathed as he nuzzled at her ear, leaning down and sealing his lips against the soft skin of her neck. His hands went for his shirt, pulling it off over his head and tossing it to the side before he helped her out of her clothes. 

Cassandra shivered as she was suddenly bared to him, and he to her. “Oh Maker,” she breathed as she reached for his length, wrapping her fingers around the hard thickness of it. She had to bite her lip to keep herself from moaning out again as the heat from his body seared her palm. “I need you too,” she said, using her free hand to tug him down on top of her again. Her body ached to feel him inside her, for their bodies to join like their lives were about to. The thought brought another happy tear to her eye and she kissed him again, trying to hide the breathless little sob that escaped her.

He sighed as he leaned back, reaching down between them to grasp himself. Shit, she was already so wet for him. He laughed as she slid his head against her slick folds before he pushed into her with a sigh. He felt so silly, he couldn’t get the smile off of his face as he sank into her. He settled over her, brushing the hair off of her forehead as he smiled at her, holding himself above her. “I think I could get used to this. If you think you can put up with me,” he breathed, pressing a soft kiss to her lips. 

“Stop doubting yourself,” she said and whacked his shoulder. She threw her head back the next moment as he pressed deeper into her. Oh Maker, that was perfect. She met his eyes with a stern gaze. “I love you, just the way you are. I know what I want. And what I want is to spend the rest of my life with you,” she said and squeezed her body around his, lifting her hips to meet his steady thrust. She held his face in her hand, her gaze boring into his. “I love you, Varric Tethras. With all that I am. I would not change anything about you.”

He shuddered at the certainty of her words and he smiled, leaning down as he kissed her deeply. It felt right. More than right. He could be as selfish as he wanted and she would let him. “You have such a way with words, Seeker,” he said as he leaned down and kissed her deeply before he began to thrust into her at a leisurely pace, moaning out at the wet heat of her body, the way she was nothing but pure silk upon his hard flesh. His wife. She would be his wife and he would never have to want for anyone else. He could face the world with her at his side.

She gave a low moan as he slid deep into her body over and over, no rush to it, just enjoying the closeness and the sensations of pleasure that rushed through them both. Her eyes rolled and her toes curled as she planted her feet firmly on the ground and lifted her hips, allowing him as deeply as possible into her body. “Oh Maker, Varric!” she whined as her nails dug into his back. “You’re so perfect,” she breathed against his shoulder before she kissed the firm, smooth skin. 

Varric groaned as he made love to her, dropping his head to her shoulder as he buried himself over and over into her. “So good, Cassandra. It’s so good. Please. I know we have all night, but please. Come with me now. I can’t… I can’t hold out for much longer. You’re too good.” He was blubbering, he knew that. Leave it to a woman to strike him speechless. “You are so good,” he breathed as he stilled inside of her, crying out as he came suddenly.

She gave a cry as his thrusts became quicker, harsher, his need seeming to drive him. “Yes,” she breathed as she squeezed around his thick length and she clung to him as if he were the only thing anchoring her to the earth in that moment. Her breath came in short, sharp gasps as her pleasure built, her vision narrowing. She screamed out the next moment, his body pouring into hers triggering her own orgasm. “Varric!”

Maker she was like a vice on his body as she clenched around him and he gave a gasp as she clenched him tighter than before and he finally stilled against her, sighing out as he felt himself quiet. His flesh throbbed pleasantly in time with his heartbeat as he came down from his high with her. “Mmm. I could definitely get used to that.” He gave a shiver as a cool breeze washed over his fevered skin and he chuckled, moving to lay down on top of her, leaning down and kissing her sweetly. 

She smiled breathlessly as she stared up at the first stars beginning to twinkle in the sky. “I will never get used to it,” she said, running her fingers through his hair as she let him rest his cheek against her chest. “It will always seem new and exciting to me. And I would not have it any other way.” She let her other hand trail up and down his spine, her body beginning to relax, her center still throbbing slightly, and she let out a contented sigh. She looked down at the ring on her finger again and smiled. It meant the world to her that he would trust her with his mother’s ring. “I’ve never been happier,” she whispered.

He smiled as he laid next to her, pulling her firmly against his side as they laid back to look up at the sky and watch the stars. “I’m glad. I hope you aren’t too tired. I still have a few things left for tonight. As soon as I get the energy back up, I’ll make us a fire and we can see what else we feel like,” he purred as he turned his face into her neck, “Mmm, got some dessert and then I’m sure you remember that artwork we like.”

“More artwork?” she asked as she raised an eyebrow at him. She settled against his side with a smile. “I would have thought that sketchbook would be filled by now.” Not that she was complaining. The artwork he created was beautiful and she always felt flattered when he drew her. But she was enjoying the moment with him too much. “It can wait,” she said softly. “Like you said, we have all night.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fluff, fluff everywhere!


	11. Chapter 11

Solas groaned as he shifted in the bed, barely awake, yet conscious enough to feel Jennifer’s back against his chest. He nuzzled into her hair as his arm curled around her, his hand brushing over her belly. Her skin was smooth and warm against his, her hair scented of flowers. She was so beautiful to him, and he knew he was lucky to have her. His length twitched at the feel of her body against his. “Mmmph,” he groaned and pressed his hips firmly against her rear, his fingers trailing up between the valley of her breasts. He blinked his eyes, more awake now, and pressed a wet kiss to the back of her shoulder. The room was dark, it had to be the middle of the night; they must’ve slept most of the day. “Vhenan,” he murmured as he cupped the full curve of her breast and pressed his hips forward again.

Jennifer groaned and waved her hand over her shoulder at him. “Mmmnh, not now, Solas,” she murmured, turning her face into the pillow beneath her. She shivered at the feel of his hard body pressing against her from behind and she wanted to turn to him, to let him have his way with her, but she wasn’t feeling it. She ran her hand over the swell of her belly. “I don’t know how you can even feel attracted to me right now.”

“Because as I told you before, you are still beautiful to me,” he answered, running his hand over her belly, down to the V of her legs, and let his fingers tease against the soft curls there. He shifted in the bed to kiss at the side of her neck, his length hard and demanding already, and he rocked against her again. “I wish you could see how beautiful you are to me,” he murmured. He paused and looked down at her. “Are you truly not in the mood? Or is it because you are feeling self-conscious?”

She smiled, groaning as he smoothed his fingers over her skin. “As if I would ever not be in the mood for you. I just really don’t feel sexy right now. I just feel so fat and I don’t know. You know how my body does weird things and I can’t control most of them and it just sucks.” She sighed and looked over her shoulder, peering up at him. She smiled, loving how the moonlight cascaded over his bare skin. “I wish I felt beautiful for you.”

He gazed into her eyes, not understanding how she could not see what he saw. He ran his hand back up, resting on her belly. “How can you not think that you are beautiful?” he asked. A sudden thought struck him and he turned her over, pressing a long, passionate kiss to her lips. His hand curled around her breast, his thumb teasing a nipple. It took a great amount of willpower to not just slide into her body and have his way with her right then and there. He pulled back, his lips hot and throbbing from their kiss. “Would you permit me to try to convince you otherwise?”

“Convince me otherwise?” She smiled and she reached down, taking his hand and threading their fingers together. “You are welcome to try, but I feel like I am pretty set in my ways for the moment. Maybe after the baby is born?” Jennifer wasn’t sure what his plan would be. “And no lies,” she teased, “I’ll know. Really, Solas, it’s okay.”

All he needed to hear was that he was welcome to try. That was good enough for him. He kissed her again as he got out of the bed, then went to her wardrobe and pulled out one of the silk robes Dorian had purchased for her. He paused to pull on his breeches before he held the robe out, offering to help her into it. “Trust me, vhenan,” he said, though a nagging voice in the back of his head told him she had no reason as of late to trust him at all. “If you do not like it, we will stop.”

She paused a moment, watching him, thinking the same thing that he had to be thinking. She gave a sigh and held her arms out for him, letting him slip the sinful fabric over her and tie it in the front. Jennifer was hopelessly in love with him, it was the same thing that had her coming back to him game after game. “I do trust you,” she said as she looked him over, seeing the same look in his eyes. The raw excitement, the desire to please, to be loved, to be accepted. 

Solas gave her a soft smile and leaned in to press a gentle kiss to her lips. “Come with me,” he said, taking her hand and leading her from her room. The corridors of Skyhold were unusually and blissfully silent as they made their way through the fortress. He loved the feel of her hand in his, the way she trusted him even after everything that had happened. It was a forgiveness and an understanding he’d never experienced before. 

He carefully opened the door, the old hinges groaning loudly in the otherwise silent place, and he took her hand again, slipping through before locking the door behind them. With a gesture, he lit the candles in the room, throwing enough light to illuminate the area, their light glinting off the towering eluvian set against the wall. “Here,” he said and guided her to stand in front of it, smiling over her shoulder at her reflection. Slowly, cautiously, his hands went to the sash of the robe and eased it open before his long fingers peeled the silk from her shoulders. He pressed a kiss to her ear as the fabric rustled to the floor. “Look how beautiful you are.”

Jennifer gave a soft gasp as he pulled the robe from her, it fluttered to the ground and exposed herself to him. A hot blush bloomed across her face and she nearly ducked her head, trying to turn away.  She didn’t like looking at herself, she could always pick out all of the flaws. Now, full with child, there were more than ever. Stretchmarks on her belly, her feet were swollen, her bellybutton had become an outie. She met the elf’s eyes in the mirror and she pressed her lips together, watching the predatory gaze with which he met her with. He really did look like a wolf when he bent his head and kissed at her neck. “You are something else, ma lath,” she sighed and looked to where his palm stretched over the baby and she touched her fingers to his, making a little heart with them. She giggled at the sight.

He chuckled at her, his lips still pressed against her skin. The little heart shape their fingers made seemed more than appropriate. He rested his chin on her shoulder and smiled at her, sliding both arms to wrap around her ribs in a tight hug. His length throbbed, trapped against the tight fabric of his breeches, and he shivered as her body pressed back against his as he held her. “I will always think you are beautiful, vhenan,” he murmured before he turned and tugged away one of the drop cloths that covered a chair and set the chair in front of the eluvian. He bent his head to kiss at her neck as his fingers worked the laces loose on his breeches and he slid them down over his hips before kicking them aside. Wrapping her up in his arms again, he moaned softly at the feel of their bare skin together. “Let me show you,” he begged softly.

She shivered against him and smiled, running her hands up and down his arms. She sighed out at the presence of him, letting her fingers span out over his chest as she passed her thumbs over his nipples before she let her hands fall down to his hips. “And how would you like to show me, charmer?” She felt goosebumps spread over her arms, and she almost shied away under his gaze. It was so intense. If he wasn’t looking at her with the utmost passion, without any doubt in his eyes, she might have waviered.

He kissed hotly at the side of her neck, one hand cupping her breast and teasing her nipple as the other trailed down to tease her sex. He moaned against her neck, feeling the heat of her body on his fingertips. “Jennifer,” he gasped, letting his teeth graze over her neck, “I have to have you. Please.” He slid a long finger into her, listening to the soft sounds she made, and his cock throbbed again. He kissed her lips before he pulled back and sat in the chair, reclining slightly, and tugged at her hand to encourage her to sit in his lap.

She swallowed thickly and nodded, groaning out as she rocked her hips into his touch. Her body was already so tight, so full, but to feel him pressing his fingers into her as well, it sent sparks of pleasure through her and she licked her lips as she moved over him carefully. She smiled at him as she used his hands to help steady herself as she settled over him. “I feel so awkward,” she breathed as she felt the head of his cock brushing against her folds. Her head fell back as she sank down on him, by the gods, he felt huge within her, “Solas.” She keened.

He groaned as her tight heat swallowed him up and he let her lean back against his chest. He guided her legs to rest on the outside of his, then spread them wide as he peered over her shoulder and looked into the mirror. “Vhenan,” he growled as he thrust up into her, watching his length slide deep into her body. That was even more of a turn-on than he’d expected. He kissed and bit at her shoulder as he let his fingers play over her clit, driving his cock even deeper into her.

Heat spiked through her as she looked into the mirror in front of them. She squeezed her eyes shut at the sight. “I feel ridiculous,” she moaned against him as she pressed her face into his neck. She was quickly approaching the level of zero fucks given as he thrust up into her body and his fingers danced over her sensitive flesh. “Oooh, I’m too big,” she moaned as he snapped his hips forward and she cried out, clenching down around him, “Oh my gods. You feel so good. So big inside of me.”

“Please stop doubting yourself, vhenan,” he groaned as he rocked his hips faster, his pleasure building with every thrust into her hot, wet body. He couldn’t stop watching their reflection, the way she swallowed him up. “Look,” he insisted, tilting his head to suck at the side of her neck, his fingers working faster over her clit. He moaned as she tightened around him. “Can’t you see how amazing you look?” He drew his fingers over her lips, trying to draw her attention to where their bodies joined. “I’ve never seen anything so amazing,” he breathed in her ear.

Blush threatened to swallow up her whole body at his words and she was pulled back towards the mirror and she watched, transfixed as he thrust into her body over and over. The way his fingers swirled around her, their connection was something erotic in its own right and she clenched her muscles instinctively. “Gods, that’s hot,” she breathed and she turned her head, pressing her lips to his throat before she looked back at the mirror, tears coming to her eyes, “Thank you, ma lath.” 

He hissed through his teeth as she squeezed around him, and a smile tugged at his lips the next moment, hearing her approval. His hips jerked up harsher, driving himself harder into her. Oh, his control was slipping, the pleasure building intensely, and he didn’t know how much longer he could last. He teased her clit mercilessly, trying to bring her to orgasm before he spent himself. “Jennifer,” he panted, watching her reflection in the mirror, feeling himself swelling within her. “Come for me.”

Jennifer cried out as she reached back, cupping his face with her hand as she stole another glance at the mirror. It wasn’t her, but the look he gave her. The sheer passion she saw in his eyes, the way he looked at her with a predatory gleam that made every ounce of doubt chase away from her mind that made her come, screaming his name out as she clenched down on him. It was so hot, so tight, she was spread so wide. “Solas!”

He came with a strangled cry, his face screwing up as he grabbed her hips and pulled her down tightly on his lap. He nearly whimpered as he spilled inside her, rocking his hips against her until he shivered with relief. He rested his forehead against the back of her shoulder, panting for breath. “Vhenan,” he whispered as he gently, affectionately ran his hands all over her. “You are so beautiful. Ar lath ma.”

She shivered under his touch, melting back against him as she came down from her high. She watched Solas in the mirror, the loving way he brushed his fingers over her. She smiled lightly at that, rubbing her belly. “You keep saying that, I might be inclined to believe it, you crazy wolf,” she murmured as she caught his hand with hers and entwined their fingers together as she relaxed back, “Though I feel that if we do too much more of this, the baby is going to hop out just to tell you to stop poking her.”

Solas snorted with laughter at that. He shook his head and buried his face in her hair. “I truly never know what to expect from you next,” he chuckled. He wrapped his arms around her, hugging her for a moment. “We should return to your room,” he murmured. “I think I have exhausted you enough for one evening.” His lips brushed against her neck as he stole one last glance at their reflection. “Thank you, for humoring me. For trusting me.”

Jennifer cracked an eye open to look at him in the mirror, a smile on her lips. “It wasn’t easy, but I do. I trust you to do what’s right.” She relaxed against him, leaning into his touch. “I still feel like little more than a bloated person, but I think I can see the appeal to this.” She smirked and turned her face into his neck. “I’m not sure I can get up like this, vhenan,” she teased him as she wiggled on his lap, testing his expression, “I think I’m stuck.”

He gave a groan and met her mischievous look with one of his own. “Testing my endurance?” he asked with a quirk of his eyebrow. He nibbled at her shoulder, up the side of her neck to her ear. His hand trailed up to cup her breast, teasing at her nipple. “You should know better than that, vhenan.” He suckled at the side of her neck, teasing her. “We can continue this wherever you like.”

She hummed appreciatively and nodded. “Let’s do this on a bed this time. The mirror was a delicious touch, but this position, I think, wasn’t made for expectant mothers.” She laughed before she moaned as he pinched her nipple and she arched her back against him, “That, and I’m sure whoever is watching from the other side of that mirror might be not as grateful for the show as I am.”

He chuckled, though he doubted there was anyone on the other side. In fact, he felt quite confident that there wasn’t. But still. “They should be honored to have the privilege,” he said before he helped her to stand, shivering as the cool air hit him. He picked up the robe and helped her to put it back on before tugging on his breeches. With a smile, he offered her his arm. “Come. I would not have you uncomfortable all night,” he said, an almost predatory gleam in his eyes, “And I intend to keep you up  _ all night. _ ” 


	12. Chapter 12

Varric leaned back in his chair, pushing the candle away as he took off his glasses and stretched. His back was starting to hurt from being bent over the desk, but it was only a little bit more than he was used to. “Three cards a day for three weeks and you are really pushing for these cards to be finished now that you can see the finish line,” he said as he looked down at the card he was working on. He was busy hand painting the details for the death card and it was nearly finished. “Then I suppose with just fifteen cards left, I would be chomping at the bit as well,” he said as he leaned over again and dipped his brush back into the paint so he could go over a few of the lines before he tilted his head at it and smiled. He gently blew on it before he handed it over to her with a flourish. “For your inspection.”  

“Like I really need to inspect these. They’ve all been gorgeous,” Lindsey teased as she took the card and looked at it. Her eyes went wide and she smiled as she looked at it. All of the cards had been exactly what she’d hoped. “You kick ass, you know that, Varric?” she grinned up at him and carefully handed the card back to him before she picked up her book and began writing again. “I hate this thing,” she growled at the quill. “I want a regular ol’ Bic ballpoint pen. I always thought the quill and ink was so cool. Until I actually  used  one of the damn things.” She sighed and pushed her hair out of her face. “And I realized how hard it is to write shit that people can actually follow. Like, I know how to use the cards because I’ve done it for so long. But writing out how to do it for others and making sure I get all the descriptions right is completely different.”

He chuckled at that and gave her a smile as he set the finished card to the side and pulled another to him that was ready to be painted. “And here I was going to say the same thing about those odd pens you had in your world. I’ll admit, they were less messy, but they just didn’t feel right. I like it when you can see the page soak up the ink.” He had gone through and sketched out the basic design out on each of the cards first thing, showing them to Lindsey before he had started painting them. “The Empress,” he said, reading the words on the card. “Color scheme for this one?” he asked as he washed his brushes and looked at her as she frowned at the book, “Don’t get too caught up in the instructions. I’m sure they’ll come to you.” 

“Mostly green and gold,” she answered, frowning as the ink splotched the page. Her fingers were already covered with ink stains. “I will get the hang of this,” she growled as she set her face in a determined expression and began to slowly write again. “I will make you my bitch,” she hissed at the quill. Feeling Varric’s eyes on her, she looked up and flashed him what she hoped looked like an innocent smile. “Ah… threatening inanimate objects makes them work better?” she offered with a slight giggle. She heaved a sigh, her shoulders slumping, and she looked back down at the book. “Don’t judge me, Varric.”

“You know, you and the Seeker would get along just fine. I hear her threatening objects, inanimate or otherwise to try and get them to work better,” he said, the smirk growing across his face as he thought about his future wife. He was going to elope with her. He didn’t care what the others said, he was going to grab her and they were going to run away and get married. He wasn’t going to be left at the altar again. “Which reminds me, we need to talk business about these things.”

Lindsey held her tongue between her teeth in concentration as she slowly wrote out the rest of the sentence she was working on. With a snort of accomplishment, she set the quill in the inkpot and looked up at him. “Talk business?” she asked, shifting around on the floor to see him a little better. “I thought that was your end of the deal. Well, most of this has been your end of the deal,” she corrected herself. “I’m not good at that sort of thing. The closest thing I’ve ever done to ‘business’ is to read the cards for someone and then stuff the cash in my bra. Don’t think that really qualifies me as someone to discuss business with.”

“Well it’s a good thing I’ve handled most of the business then,” he said with a smirk as he began painting. “I was thinking about setting it up so that you and Curly get around eight-five percent of the profits from sales. Ten percent goes to production costs and five percent towards reconstruction efforts in Kirkwall. I can change it around a bit if you think that’s unfair or whatever you like. Think of it as an early wedding present for you and the Commander. After this war is finished, you and him deserve to get away from all of this mess. These cards would be a good start to that. I’ll handle the mess, don’t worry about that, but I need to okay the details with you.”

She blinked in shock at him. “Varric, that’s not fair!” she protested. “You’ve done most of the work! Way more than I have. You should take more of the profit for yourself.” She ran a hand through her hair, thinking that yes, that much money would definitely help her and Cullen once they started a life on their own, but it really didn’t seem fair to Varric. Not after he’d put so much into the cards, had given so much of his time to them. She looked up at him, shaking her head slightly. “I can’t take that much. You… you’ve done too much as it is.”

He smiled at her and winked. “Don’t you worry about me, Freckles. My friends come first and you need this. I’ve got plenty, especially since I don’t buy all that frivolous stuff that most wealthy people do. You’ve seen the Hanged Man, you know where I like to hang out, what I like to do. I don’t need all that money to have a good life, but you do need a break and this one is yours,” he said as he sat back in his chair and put his brush down, “Trust me on this one.”

“You’re a shit,” she grumbled but got up and hugged him anyway. She didn’t think words could express how much this meant to her. “Thank you, Varric,” she said and squeezed him again before she pulled back. “Seriously, you don’t know what this means to me. I owe you.  Again.”  She looked at how far down the candle had burned and gave a sigh. She could hang out all night with him, but she knew Cassandra would be returning soon. While she and the Seeker got along just fine, Cassandra didn’t appreciate it when they stayed up most of the night and kept her awake while she was trying to sleep. “I should probably head out before Cass runs me off,” she said with a teasing wink. She bent over and picked up the book and quill. “I’ll get this done. Eventually,” she said, shaking her head at the quill.

Varric stood up and peered over at the little book she was writing in. “Don’t worry, we still have a few days before we finish the cards. I’ll help you figure out the writing when we are done with those. You’ll love my editor. She’ll make sure everything’s squared away and perfect before it gets copied out.” He smiled at her and led her over to the door, “Now, go and rescue Curly from that mountain of reports you know he’s buried himself under.”

She grinned and gave him a nod. “Alright. Tell Cass I said hi. And I’ll be back tomorrow to bug you. Not too early, of course. I know better than that,” she said and headed off down the corridor, reading over the pages she’d written. “Yeah, like your editor is going to be able to make heads or tails of this hodge-podge smudged up mess,” she muttered to herself. She barely even noticed where she was going, her feet automatically carrying her to Cullen’s office out of sheer habit. She didn’t even look up as she went through the door and shut it behind her. “Hey,” she muttered to Cullen, frowning at two pages that were smudged so bad she couldn’t even read her own writing. “Ugh, I turned the page before the ink dried,” she groaned.

“I hate it when I do that,” Cullen murmured before he looked up at her and smiled. He stood up straighter from his desk with a groan and he walked around to her, peering down at the pages that she had open. “You and Varric have certainly been putting away the hours on this tarot card project. How much longer before you need to have this cleaned up and ready for production?” he asked as he pulled her into his arms, resting his chin atop her head as he looked down at her.

“With the way Varric’s flying through these cards? A few more days,” she answered and leaned into him, sighing. “He’s doing too much, again. Taking on most of the work and then offering me most of the profit. I swear, most of the time I don’t know if I want to hug him or kick him. Maybe I should just start doing both.” She turned her face to kiss his neck. “And how was your day? Anything exciting happen?”

Cullen smiled against her and kissed the top of her head. “Only if you consider reports about the recruits being harassed by the Bull’s Chargers exciting. Well, considering Krem actually got one to sit in the trebuchet… eh, it got a bit messy.” He pulled back and gave her a tug towards his ladder before he started climbing up. “And Leliana gave me another report on Adamant fortress. Said that several more groups of Wardens showed up over the past three days. Almost as if they were gathering for something. I’m holding out a bit of hope that Erimond is finally going to make his move. You and Varric have waited long enough for justice.”

Once they were in his room, Lindsey set the book and quill aside, her fingers lingering on the cover of the book for a moment. “Yeah,” she said softly, her shoulders giving a violent shiver as visions of Erimond flashed through her mind’s eye, the abuse she and Varric had endured. “Evil bastard deserves everything he’s going to get,” she murmured, tracing her finger along the edge of the book. With the way everything had changed since she and her sister had come to this world, she didn’t like the way it was all looking now. She swallowed harshly. “I just wish you didn’t have to go to deal with him.”

He let his hands go to his armor and undid it all, freeing himself until he stood in nothing more than his simple tunic and trousers. “I know, love, but you’ve given us the best possible chance we could have to make it through whatever he is going to throw at us. I know, we have to be wary. They are prepared for us in ways we could never imagine. I have faith in this Inquisition, we will see this through to the end and then you can have the first row view to judge Erimond. I promise you that,” he said as he went to her and pulled her into a tight hug. He sighed. “Lay with me for a little while. I feel a headache coming on.”

She nodded and hugged him back before she changed into a simple nightgown and laid down on the bed next to him. “C’mere,” she said, reaching to pull him closer so he could lay his head on her chest. She ran her fingers through his hair, rubbing at the back of his neck, behind his ears, trying to relieve the headache. She was torn between trying to go to sleep with him and her urge to stay up and work on fixing the book. Stupid damn quill. “I know Dorian’s still been trying to replicate the showers and plumbing from back in my world, but really I wish I could convince him to create a normal damn pen,” she grumbled, though there was a slight laugh in her voice. Maybe talking about something besides work would help him relax.

He smiled and let out a contented sigh as he turned towards her hands, kissing at the wrists that passed close enough to his lips. “Ah, but trying to get Dorian to focus on something else that doesn’t have to do with improving personal hygiene is certainly going to be quite the feat, wouldn’t you agree?” He let his hand fall back and he traced nonsensical patterns on her skin beneath the gown as he let her fingers work at making his headache go away. It had been bothering him most of the day. “What is this pen that you keep mentioning? Perhaps the blacksmith or someone else could take a look at it. Dagna might like to take a shot at it.”

She snickered. “They’re made of plastic back home. I don’t think you all even have plastic here,” she answered. A wistful sigh escaped her as she stared up at the hole in the ceiling. The hole he  still  hadn’t gotten fixed. “Never thought I would want a ballpoint pen so much. It’s like when someone tells you you can’t have something. And at first it’s like, meh, whatever. And then you think about it. And the more you think about it, the more you want the thing. Like not having it makes you want it more. I. Want. A. Damn. Pen.” She could feel him snickering at her and she smiled. “I know. Such hardship, right? Ah well.”

He laughed and nodded. “I’m sure you will find some way to overcome this challenge. Perhaps you could be the first person to create such a pen in this world. You will make a fortune and I will live off of your success,” he teased, her gentle touches lulling him into a peaceful state, “Talk with some of the others, I am sure that they might have some ideas on what you can do. Maybe your sister?”

“Ah, there’s more important things to worry about,” she said dismissively. Her eyes narrowed slightly as she stared up at the night sky. “Besides, it has now become a personal challenge to master the quill and inkpot. You know, without staining my fingers,” she added, pausing to look at her fingertips. “I swear, that shit does not wash off.” A smile pulled at her lips as she resumed playing with his hair. “Wouldn’t that be something? If the cards do turn out to be successful enough for us to live off of, I mean. I would love that. We could have our own little house…” She trailed off and shook her head, her face blushing. 

Cullen smiled at her. “Is that what you want?” he asked as he shifted a bit and lifted his hand to cup her face. “A little house, one or two little ones running about… and maybe a Mabari? I’ve always wanted one. Do you have them where you are from? Orlais doesn’t sell them, or breed them. Too inelegant I think. It’s a shame, they are really amazing dogs.”

She gave a little laugh. “No, we don’t have Mabari back home. But I like dogs. I wouldn’t mind having one,” she answered. A smile pulled at her lips as she thought about having her own home with Cullen, starting their family, children that would grow up without being feared by crazy townspeople like she and her sister had to deal with. “Yeah,” she said softly, “I think I like that idea.”

He smiled at her and turned his face into her side, wrapping his arms around her. “Then that’s what we’ll do,” he murmured before he sat up with a groan, pushing himself up so he could rest his head on a pillow. He tugged her to him, wrapping the blankets around them as he turned his face into her hair. “I love you,” he said, because he could, because he needed to say it, to remind her. She shouldn’t be a day without knowing how much she meant to him. “Maker. I want nothing more.”

“I love you too,” she said and kissed him before she settled at his side with a happy sigh. Even though she was tired, she couldn’t stop picturing it, the house, the kids, and him as her husband. It was sappy and picturesque and cliche and she loved it. “I can’t wait,” she murmured sleepily just before she drifted off to sleep.

* * *

 

Lindsey didn’t know how long they’d been asleep when she woke to the sound of heavy boots on the floorboards, the curt professional voice of one of Cullen’s soldiers. 

“Commander Cullen,” the soldier spoke a bit too loudly, standing stiff and square-shouldered at the foot of the bed. “Sorry to wake you, ser, but the Inquisitor is insistant. Sister Leliana just received news about Adamant. The Inquisitor wants to set out as soon as everyone can be assembled. The inner circle is being informed as we speak.”

Cullen jerked awake, raising his head from Lindsey’s as he tried to make heads or tails of the words being spoken to him. Adamant, Inquisitor, shit. He untangled himself from Lindsey, moving over to his armor and worked to pull it on. “Erimond is making his move then?” He felt an excitement thrum in his chest and he wanted nothing more than to have that man’s head on a pike. “We cannot leave Skyhold defenseless. We will leave a few battlements behind to guard those who are unable to come with us. We are going to nail that bastard.”

The soldier gave a sharp nod. “The Inquisitor is asking everyone to meet in the War Room. Knight-Captain Rylen is organizing the troops. We’ll be ready to move at your word, ser.” He turned to leave, but hesitated just a moment as he saw Lindsey in the bed. “Sorry to disturb you, ma’am,” he said before he disappeared down the ladder.

Lindsey sat up in bed, drawing her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them. She tried to keep a stiff upper lip as she watched Cullen don his armor. But the truth was, she was terrified. Things had deviated so much from the game already, what if this changed as well? What if someone got hurt. What if… “You’re coming back to me, right?” she asked in a tiny voice before she even realized she’d spoken.

Cullen paused as he drew his mantle over his shoulders, looking over to Lindsey, worry evident in his face. He crossed back over to her and moved to sit at the edge of the bed, cupping her cheek. “I swear to you that I am coming back. I would never leave you. Remember what your Grandmother said. That everything will work out. Perhaps… perhaps you should see her while we are gone. The trip out there is not going to be easy. I would rest easier if I knew that you had some peace of mind here. And, if… ah… you sent some of that magic with us.”

“Oh! I almost forgot,” she cried and kicked away the blankets in her rush to get out of the bed. She hurried to a small trunk she had in his room for some of her things and began to rummage through it. “I gave the others theirs the other day, but I… well, I put a little more into yours,” she admitted as she withdrew a chain attached to a small stone amulet. She crossed the room to him and showed it on her palm. “It’s protective. It’ll help keep you safe,” she said as she clasped it around his neck, then let it slip down between his chestplate and his skin. A stern look crossed her features and she pointed a finger at his nose. “But that does  _ not _ mean you get to be careless or hotheaded out there, you hear me?” she said firmly.

He chuckled and held a hand over the stone where he could feel it against his skin. It felt warm, pleasantly so. “I wouldn’t dream of it, my dear,” he said as he pulled her into his embrace, studying her for a moment before he leaned down and sealed his lips against hers, moaning so softly as he did so. Committing it to memory should… no. That was not going to happen. “I promise I will come back to you.”

She nodded as she slowly pulled back from his kiss, running her tongue over her lips as she looked down at the floor. His words sank into her, calming her in a way she didn’t think was possible. “I know you will,” she said as she looked up at him again. She pressed a fierce kiss to his lips. “You should go. You can’t keep them waiting. I think I’m gonna go find my sister, stay with her while you’re away. I imagine she’ll be stressed about Solas, too. Either we can comfort each other or at least freak out together,” she said with a slight laugh. She met his eyes with an intense burning gaze. “I love you.”

Cullen felt his heart swell with the intensity and sincerity that she professed her love to him. He leaned his forehead against hers. “And I love you. I swear, I will bring this man in to face what he has done to you. I will come back to you in one piece. A horde of dragons could not keep me from you,” he promised her and kissed her one last time before he pulled back, gazing at her as he took a step back towards the ladder and finally turned to head down. 

She swallowed and managed to keep a small, forced smile on her face until he was out of sight and she heard the door to his office downstairs shut behind him. Her chin dropped to her chest and her eyes squeezed shut as she silently begged the gods to bring him back to her. 

After a moment or so she sighed and went to the trunk again to pull out some clothes, thinking that Jennifer probably wouldn’t be taking the news any better. “At least we can keep each other company,” she muttered as she pulled on her clothes, then headed down the ladder herself.


	13. Chapter 13

Solas dressed quickly, rushing around the bedroom to make sure he had everything he needed before he would set out. His heart raced in his chest, eager to get to the war room before the others if possible. He would insist on being at the Inquisitor’s side for this mission. To be physically in the Fade? He would not miss this opportunity. And perhaps, if things were different from the way Jennifer said they went in the game, he would have the chance to reclaim his orb. Or to at least influence the way this particular chapter of their fight went.

Jennifer sat in the bed, watching Solas as he moved about the room like a whirlwind. Her hormones were not being kind to her and she brushed the tears off of her cheeks before she ran a hand through her hair. “Solas, please don’t go. This trip is going to take a few weeks at the very least. I’m due in like, a month. What if something happens, what if something goes wrong and I don’t even know about it until it’s…” She trailed off and squeezed her eyes shut as she bit her lip, “What if something goes wrong here!?” 

Solas stopped what he was doing and went to the bed, kneeling next to it. He could see the near panic in her eyes, the tears there. “Shh,” he hushed her softly and wiped the tears away. “You will be alright, vhenan. I will be alright. There is plenty of time for me to return before the little one arrives,” he said as he let his hand rest over her belly. Though his stomach turned in a knot even as he said it. Her concerns were more than valid, but it was his job to calm her, to reassure her that everything would be fine. He leaned forward and pressed a kiss to her lips. “There will still be plenty of good people here to look after you while I am away. And I will return swiftly, I promise you.”

She swallowed hard as she studied his face before she nodded. “You had better. Or so help me, I’m going to… to do something. I don’t know what, but you won’t like it! I’ll send Gramma after you and then you’ll be sorry.” She nodded before her tears surfaced again and she wrapped her arms around his neck. “Goddess watch over you,” she breathed, closing her eyes as the tears slipped down her cheeks, “Be safe, Solas.”

He smiled as he held her tightly, turning his face into her hair for a moment. “Always, ma lath,” he answered in a hushed tone before he pulled back and kissed her again. He stood up and gently but firmly pushed her to lay back down so he could cover her with the blanket. “It is still late. You should try to rest. I will be back before you know it,” he said softly and smoothed the blanket over her before pressing a kiss to her forehead. “Ar lath ma, Jennifer,” he whispered to her, then turned to head for the door.

Jennifer watched as he left, moving to curl up on her side as she hugged her belly. “It’s not fucking fair,” she breathed as she watched the door close behind him. She never really felt alone, but knowing he was going to be leaving, in danger, it just set her nerves on edge. The scary notion of “what if” hung heavily over her head and she shuddered to think of what might happen to him. “Stupid game, stupid characters, stupid real world where Solas is my baby daddy.”

The door creaked open again. “Like you’d have anyone else’s baby,” Lindsey teased as she slipped through the door, a frown on her face as she saw the tears in her sister’s eyes. Without a second thought, she slipped off her shoes and crawled into the bed with Jennifer, taking her hand. “It’s going to be okay,” she said, though her tone betrayed her own doubt. “They’re going to come back to us. Something has to stay the same as in the game, right?”

“You would think,” she murmured and gripped her sister’s hand tightly. “They wake you and Cullen as rudely as they woke us? Those stupid soldier assholes. Sleeping just fine until they got here. It’s so hard to fall asleep.” Jennifer licked her lips and tried to blink away the fresh wave of tears that threatened to spill. “Gods, and what about the others? They’d better make it back to us all… I don’t want to think… Gods, Lindsey, what if our coming here kills them all?”

“That’s not going to happen,” Lindsey said, more firmly than she meant to. She shook her head, refusing to even entertain the idea. “No. Things have changed, but they’re not going to change that much. I won’t believe that.” But her heart sank, knowing that anything could happen now. She had to blink her eyes several times to keep her composure. “You tell those hormones to shut the fuck up. And keep ‘em to yourself while you’re at it, would ya?” she teased.

Jennifer gave a watery laugh and rubbed at her sister’s hand. “Sorry,” she mumbled, “They seem to be contagious.” She sighed and closed her eyes. “You think we can find Gramma on our own? Maybe she has some way that we can watch what’s going on. I just… I don’t know if I can handle it if one of them doesn’t come back.” She swallowed harshly. “And now Varric knows what happens to Hawke. What could happen to Hawke…” 

Lindsey nodded. “Let’s try to sleep. See if we can find Gramma. If nothing else, at least that would calm us down,” she said. She kissed her sister’s forehead before settling more into the bed and closed her eyes, waiting for sleep to claim her.

* * *

 

Cassandra could barely keep up with Varric as they rushed through Skyhold, heading for the war room. She couldn’t remember ever dressing in her armor so quickly. Varric’s face was white as a sheet and he’d barely spoken a word since they were woken by the soldier. And she knew why, she knew what was on his mind. Hawke.

“We will go with the Inquisitor,” she said firmly, her long strides barely keeping her even with him as they hurried. “We will change how this ends. We will save Hawke and we will bring Erimond in to make him answer for his crimes.” Just mentioning the magister’s name made her see red, made her think of the scars that still marred Varric’s back. Her hand went to her sword, her fingers clenching around the grip. “We will make this right, Varric.”

Varric nearly stopped in his tracks at what Cassandra said, remembering a conversation he had with Hawke a few weeks ago while they waited for word on Adamant. What happens when you try to change things. Things change. And not always in the way that you want them to turn out. “I just hope we can change things in our favor,” he turned and caught Cassandra’s hand, “Thanks for, you know, standing with me on this.”

She squeezed his hand and nodded. “Of course,” she answered before she tugged at his hand, urging him forward again. “We have to move quickly. I want revenge on Erimond just as badly as anyone else, if not more so.” Her eyes narrowed as she hurried forward again. That bastard would pay for every mark he’d left on Varric. She would see to it personally if given the chance. “We know what is supposed to happen. We have an advantage. We can change this now. In our favor,” she said confidently.

He nodded and pushed the door open to the war room. “I hope so, Seeker. I’m just sick of all the war and death.” He could see the flurry of activity that was going on inside. The Inquisitor stood amongst his advisors as they were haunched over the table pointing to the map as they were talking about strategies. “Inquisitor,” he said as he went to stand in front of them, “We have to be part of the main party for the assault on Adamant.” 

The Inquisitor looked up. He’d expected this, after all the predictions about Adamant, about Hawke. It was no surprise that Varric would insist on being part of that. He stood up straighter and walked around the war table to look down at the dwarf. There was no harshness in his eyes, but his tone was serious as he spoke. “Are you sure you can handle this, Varric?” he asked. “That you won’t let your emotions cloud your judgement while we’re out there? I trust you. You know that. But I need to know that you will keep a clear head while we’re in battle.”

“It’ll be a lot clearer knowing that I will be in there with everyone watching their backs. I’m not going to fuck this up. You can trust me,” he pleaded. He had to go. He had to have an eye on these things. Varric swallowed and looked down at the floor. “I have to go because this is my mess. I have to clean it up. The red lyrium, Corypheus, everything. And I’m not going to keep having my friends pay the price for it. I’m going.”

The Inquisitor gave a nod and clapped Varric on the shoulder. “I know I can trust you. I just had to be sure you’re ready for this,” he said, giving the dwarf’s shoulder a squeeze before he released him. “I suppose there’s no point in asking if you’re going,” he said to Cassandra, giving her a knowing look. He didn’t blame her one bit. After what had been done to Varric by Erimond, he knew that she was chomping at the bit to get a hold of the magister. “Alright, it’s settled. Varric, Cassandra, and Solas with me,” he said and turned to look at the rest of the inner circle who were already gathered there. “The rest of you with our soldiers. We’ll get this bastard.”

“Fine by me, Boss,” Iron Bull said as he pushed away from the wall he’d been leaning against. In truth, he’d hoped others would volunteer for this particular mission if it meant going into the Fade. That was something he would rather avoid if at all possible. “I’d rather be killing assholes on this side anyway.”

Dorian made a face at the predicament. “To be honest, I’m not certain if I should be relieved or envious. That being said, the last time a Tevinter mage went into the Fade it caused the Blight and created Darkspawn,” he muttered as they all headed out towards the stables, “Then again, Solas, are you certain going into the Fade is the best idea right now? Jennifer will have our heads and somehow yours as well, should anything happen to you.”

Solas set his face determinedly, his lips pressed to a hard line, and gave a nod. “She understands,” he said, staring straight ahead as they walked. As much as Varric felt responsible for the red lyrium and Corypheus, Solas knew he himself was even more at fault. “No one else has my level of experience with the Fade. I would not feel right allowing anyone else to take my place. That is, of course, if Jennifer’s prediction is true. There is a possibility that events will change. But better safe than sorry.”

Varric shouldered his crossbow as they neared the barn, looking at the wagons that they were making up as well as saddling several horses. “Shit, it’s going to be at least a few days to make it to Adamant. I hope we can make it in time. Then we have to get Chuckles back in time for his kid to be born,” he said, trying to lighten the mood he felt, his chest was heavy and he shook his head as he hauled himself up into a covered wagon before turning around and offering a hand down to Cassandra. 

Cassandra took his hand and climbed up behind him. Such a pressing matter and they were forced to travel so slowly. For the first time since they’d arrived back in Thedas, she wished for one of those vehicles from the other world. “Should have brought that SUV with us,” she muttered as she settled herself next to him. “Could have made it there in a fraction of the time. Well, as long as Dorian was not the one driving.”

Dorian laughed as he climbed in as well. “Hey, I would have gotten us there yesterday if I had one of those with us. I would have taken out several Venatori along the way.” He smirked despite the dire situation. “What we need is one of those flying contraptions they showed us. Marvelous inventions really, though I don’t think I would be caught dead in one, but it would be the faster way to travel,” he said, looking at Bull as the Qunari climbed up into the wagon, mindful of his horns. “At least we can rest a bit before we get there. Though, I’m sure Varric, you and your lady love have had more than enough time to think of what you want to do to that slimy bastard Erimond. Just remember that Lindsey deserves a piece of that action.”

Bull cast a glance at Varric, seeing the dwarf nod his head. “They’ll all get their turn,” he said to Dorian. He knocked his fist on the side of the wagon to signal they were ready to go and the wagon lurched forward. He settled back as best as he could and pulled Dorian to his side. “Get some rest, if you can. At this speed, it’s going to be a rough ride, but it’s at least worth a try,” he said as the wagon hit a bump and his head jerked forward, the tip of one of his horns catching the cover of the wagon and tearing it slightly. “Crap,” he growled and shifted down a bit more.

Dorian chuckled. “As long as you don’t tear down the entire thing while we are trying to sleep, Amatus,” he said as he made himself as comfortable as he could against the Qunari’s side, stealing a glance over at Varric and Cassandra who looked too worried and stressed out to even think about sleep. Perhaps Solas as well. It couldn’t be easy leaving the woman you loved alone, about to give birth behind while you possibly went off into a dangerous situation, not knowing if you were going to make it out.

Solas felt Dorian’s eyes on him. He crossed his arms over his chest and stared hard at the floor of the wagon. There were too many thoughts in his head, too many worries, and if he hadn’t been so stressed out, sleep would’ve been a welcomed relief. But he knew that he could not rest now. Worry about Jennifer and their baby made his stomach clench painfully. He had to make it back in time before the baby was born. He had to. And then the thoughts of what would come at Adamant, of entering the Fade, of all of it… He shook his head and closed his eyes for a moment, trying to clear his mind. “I believe resting now is easier said than done, Iron Bull.”


	14. Chapter 14

Adrenaline was high as they had rounded the corner to see Clarel advancing on Erimond. Varric couldn’t hear much as he spotted the Venatori backing up, all he could see was red and he kept his crossbow up and aimed at his head. The only thing that stayed his hand was the thought that Lindsey needed to be there for it as well. “I could kneecap him. Freckles wouldn’t hate me too much for that, right?” he muttered.

“Do it,” Cassandra growled, her grip tight on her sword as she watched. “She would approve. If we have to kill him here instead of bringing him back, she will understand. Do not let that cloud your judgement.” Like Varric, all she saw was red ever since she laid eyes on the magister. Normally her fights weren’t personal and she took no joy in hurting others. But this? This was beyond personal.

Erimond narrowed his eyes at the group that advanced on him, keeping a barrier up around him while he discretely called for the dragon. His eyes landed on Varric and he smirked. “Almost didn’t recognize you without the rags. How’s the back?” he said with a grin as the group bristled as a whole, “You and that woman were excellent, telling us so much even when you didn’t speak.”

“I’ll kill him,” Cassandra snarled, her hand gripping her sword shaking with anger. Not only had this bastard had the nerve to mark Varric the way he did, but now he really had the balls to stand there and gloat about it? “How dare you,” she growled. “You are finished and you know it! Stop being a coward and surrender now! Do not make this harder than it has to be.”

Erimond laughed and tapped his staff against the ground. “How charming, you brought your girlfriend. If you wanted me to give her and your friends matching marks, you should really have sent a raven ahead. I’m afraid I have no time for you all now.” He narrowed his eyes at Clarel, “That demon is going to be summoned and if you won’t do it, I can find someone else!” He grinned as he saw the dragon roar and swoop down, grabbing up Clarel.

Varric started and grabbed Cassandra’s arm, tugging her back as the dragon flew around behind them and dropping the Warden behind them. “Shit. I’ll just send Freckles a fruit basket, this bastard has to die,” he growled looking back. Erimond stood between them and the edge of the bridge, with the dragon behind them and advancing slowly. They had nowhere to go. “Shit! This isn’t right! How is this supposed to work!?”

Solas thought his heart might leap out of his chest, it banged against his ribs so hard. The dragon gave them nowhere to go, nowhere to escape. He remembered what Jennifer had warned them, this was it. Nothing had changed thus far from her predictions. Except for the fact that Erimond was behind them. Where was he supposed to be? He had little time to think on it as Clarel gave one last effort and attacked the dragon, causing it to fall, and the stones beneath his feet began to shift. 

“Run!” he commanded, knowing in the back of his mind that things could change, they might not end up in the Fade and could fall to their deaths. That was not a gamble he was willing to take. Not now, not with Jennifer and his unborn child waiting for him back at Skyhold. His long legs carried him as swiftly as the falling stones allowed, but even that was not enough and with a shout of surprise, he found himself falling.

Varric cursed as the stones literally fell away from beneath him and he turned and ran. He tripped, feet scrabbling for purchase as he did. Knowing about it didn’t help calm him down now that it was happening. What if things changed, what if one of them died? He dropped, his eyes going wide as he spotted Cassandra running back for him. “No! Get out of here! Save yourself!” he shouted as she grabbed his arms, but it was no use, they were already slipping and falling through the air. He clutched at Cassandra, holding her tightly as he squeezed his eyes shut as the swooping sensation filled his stomach. _ ‘Please Maker. Don’t let it end like this. ’ _

Cassandra gripped Varric tightly, clenching her eyes shut as the terrifying feeling of falling overwhelmed her every sense. The wind roared in her ears, biting at her skin. There was nothing. Nothing but Varric and the vast expanse of air, then a sudden bright flash of green light. She gasped as she felt their fall slow until suspended strangely in the air. She opened her eyes wide, her jaw falling open in a gasp as they dangled mere inches from the ground. “Maker,” she breathed, then gave a surprised cry as they crumpled to the ground. She got up quickly and looked around. “Is this it? Are… Are we in the Fade?”

The Inquisitor was less concerned about where they were and more concerned about who was there with them. “You,” he growled, his eyes landing on Erimond. The magister wasn’t supposed to be there, not from what the predictions had said. “And now what will you do with no dragon to command, no Wardens to stand between you and us? You are finished, Erimond, and you know it.”

Erimond’s eyes went wide and he glared the next moment, raising his staff at them as it glowed with a dangerous power. “I’m not finished! I’m just getting started! You think that this changes anything? It changes nothing!” he cried out as he fired a barrage of fire at them as they started to advance on him. He grinned as he saw his attack strike Stroud in the chest, but it vanished the next moment as an arrow landed in his shoulder, jerking him back and he fell. “Hahaha, you think this is the end for me? My Master will raise me.”

Cassandra hurried to the Warden’s side, her hand going to the healing potions on her belt as she rolled him over. She would let Varric have Erimond. He deserved to be the one to end the magister’s life. A horrified gasp escaped her at the gaping hole burned through Stroud’s chest and the emptiness of his eyes. “Shit,” she breathed and reached out to close the Warden’s eyes, leaving the potions where they were on her belt. She turned to look at Varric who had Bianca raised and aimed at the magister. “Do it, Varric. Kill him.”

Varric could barely see anything aside from red as he pressed Bianca against Erimond’s chest. He had seen the hit Stroud had taken. He couldn’t even begin to think of this, what losing Stroud meant. He grit his teeth. “You weren’t supposed to die this way. Death is too good for you, you son of a bitch!” he all but shouted at the man, pulling the trigger. He watched as Erimond twitched as the bolt went into his chest. He watched Erimond as the life drained away from the magister’s eyes. “This was too easy,” he gritted out.

Solas shook his head. Varric and Lindsey deserved better justice than that. But what was done was done and Erimond was no longer their concern. “We must move on,” he said, gripping his staff tightly in his hands. There was a sinking feeling in his stomach. Now things were deviating from the prediction, from the way events were supposed to take place. And that didn’t bode well at all. Not here, not in the Fade where things could be unpredictable as it already was. “Be alert. We do not know what we may encounter, how events may change now.”

* * *

 

Jennifer closed her eyes, turning away from the television. “Shit, fuck,” she muttered and rubbed at her belly. She knew things were going to change, but this? This wasn’t good. “Stroud wasn’t supposed to die! Erimond isn’t supposed to be in the Fade with them!” She ran a hand through her hair and bit her lip, swallowing harshly as she looked back at the screen, her eyes locking onto Solas as they treked through the area. The possibilities were making her sick and she didn’t even want to think about what all could happen. Who would stay behind now? Maybe they wouldn’t have to have anyone stay behind and they all would escape. Or maybe something else happened. If Solas, Varric, or Cassandra had to stay behind, she knew she wouldn’t be able to handle it. Especially Solas. “I don’t know if I can watch this, Gramma… if Solas doesn’t…” She trailed off and squeezed her eyes close. 

Gramma reached over and comfortingly squeezed Jennifer’s knee. “Now you hush,” she said firmly. “He knows that you and that baby need him. He’s not going to do anything stupid. I know he doesn’t have the best track record for making smart decisions,” she added in a lower tone and rolled her eyes to the ceiling. “Goddess knows that him asking you to join him while he destroys the world had to have been one of the most idiotic things he could’ve done.” She saw the look in Jennifer’s eyes and waved her hand dismissively. “Yes, I know all about that. And don’t worry about your sister. She’s still banging around that kitchen doing Goddess knows what. She didn’t hear me. Anyway, that’s neither here nor there right now. What matters is you stay calm and trust Solas. He’ll come back to you.”

She nodded and wrapped her hand around her Gramma’s and looked down at herself. “I do trust him. I just, I don’t know. It hurt to find out that he was going to take me away and then destroy the world. I hope he understands now that I can’t, I won’t be a part of that. He’s just been alone for so long, he doesn’t see any other way for the world to be better. I’m hoping this little one, if not me, can change his mind for good.” She sighed and leaned her head to rest it on her Gramma’s shoulder, “I don’t need this shit right now.”

“I know,” Gramma said and patted Jennifer’s cheek as she watched the television screen. She tsked her tongue and shook her head as she watched Solas and the others making their way through the Fade. “Erimond was not supposed to be there. And the Warden wasn’t supposed to die,” she murmured as her eyes narrowed. “That Erimond deserved a worse fate than that. For what he did to Varric. For what he did to Lindsey.” Anger sparked in the old woman’s eyes and she pressed her lips thin. She knew why Varric had just ended it, the dwarf had bigger problems to deal with, but still. She wondered if there was still something she could do, some way to punish his spirit on this side…

“Did I miss anything?”

Lindsey’s voice snapped Gramma from her thoughts and she looked up to see her granddaughter hurrying back to the couch with a large bowl in her hands. “Really, Lindsey?” Gramma asked, cocking an eyebrow. “You made popcorn?”

“Wha?” Lindsey asked as she sat herself on the other side of Gramma and placed the bowl in the old woman’s lap so they could all reach it. “Not just any popcorn. Cheesy popcorn!” She frowned at the looks from her grandmother and sister. “Don’t judge me,” she huffed and shoved a handful of popcorn into her mouth. “Erimond is dead,” she said slowly around the mouthful. “I’m celebratin’.”

Jennifer managed a smile for her sister. “As well you should be,” she said as she looked over and helped herself to some of the sinful treat. “Mmmm, I missed this though,” she said quietly as she looked to the screen, watching as the group fought their way through the Fade. It was different than the game, but not by much. If she wasn’t paying attention, she would have thought someone was playing, but the Inquisitor wasn’t front and center. It was Solas and Varric that they were keeping an eye on. “Shit, Varric… I wish there was something else we could do for him,” she said as she glanced to Solas, “And he looks more like a kid in a candy store…”

“You expect anything different from that Fade-nerd?” Lindsey asked, then cringed and snickered. “Ow!” she cried as Gramma smacked her upside her head.

“That nerd helped save your life,” Gramma hissed. “Now be nice.” She took a couple bites of popcorn and put her arm around Jennifer’s shoulders as she watched the screen with a keen eye. “You would think that since we are here in the Fade as well that we should be able to help them. But I suppose since they are here physically and we are not, there is nothing that can be done.” She looked at Lindsey out of the corner of her eye; the redhead was still snickering. Gramma hugged Jennifer tighter. “This is why you are my favorite.”

Jennifer stuck her tongue out at Lindsey and then laughed a little when it earned her popcorn to the face. It felt like they were young again in Gramma’s house and nothing could go wrong. A sudden gasp from the television had Jennifer sitting up straighter again as she watched as Solas slipped on the rocks beneath his feet, the stone crumbling away as one of the giant pride demons slammed their fist into the ground. “SOLAS!” she shouted, moving quickly to sit up. “Damn it! Come on! Get up!” she cried, watching as Hawke stooped to help Cassandra pull the elf up.

“Shit,” Lindsey hissed and sat up straighter as well, leaning her elbows on her knees. She could hear that deep voice taunting each of them, trying to make them doubt themselves, to break them down. She’d always been impressed in the game at how they kept their cool, how they each managed a snappy comeback. At least that much hadn’t changed. She gasped as she watched the Inquisitor take a blow to the head and fall. “Get up,” she growled, feeling like her nerves were on edge. “Get up, get up!” 

Jennifer bit her lip so hard she tasted blood as they finally pulled Solas back up to safety and killed off the demons attacking them. The horror that grew on their faces at seeing the unconscious Inquisitor though. “No… no no no. Shit…” Varric rubbed at his face, turning around and pinching the bridge of his nose as he looked around at the rest of them. He looked broken when his eyes landed on Hawke. “Shit, who’s going to stay behind now?!” 

Gramma rubbed at Jennifer’s back, trying to calm her. “Maybe no one will have to,” she said in a calm, soft tone. “Things have changed. If they’re lucky, they all may get out of this alive.” She frowned as she felt the stress and the fear growing in Jennifer, and felt her muscles tightening in her back. “You need to calm down or you’re going to get yourself in a mess,” she warned. “You may not be here physically, but all this stress is still affecting your body. You’re getting yourself too worked up.”

She swallowed hard and nodded, trying to relax, but she couldn’t. The look on their faces, the fear that someone was going to be left behind. The very real possibility that it was going to be the family they had come to know and love. “It’s not going to be much longer. Look, there are the gravestones,” she said as she watched their friends look at their greatest fear. The look on Solas’ face was heartbreaking.  The view pulled back and movement at the corner of the screen caught her eye. “Shit! It’s another demon and they are looking at their markers! Turn around, please please turn around!” she cried and then gave a shocked gasp as a pain hit her and she grit her teeth as she clenched her hand at her belly.

“Jennifer,” Gramma warned, her tone lower and firmer now. “You need to calm down. Breathe. They’re going to be fine. You want that baby to come early?” She watched as Jennifer shook her head, her arms around her belly. “Then try to relax.” She gave a sigh and sat back, her own heart racing in her chest. The demon was advancing on them and they still hadn’t turned around. It was right behind Solas, he still hadn’t moved, staring at the gravestone… “Shit,” Gramma hissed as the screen went black.

“The fuck happened?!” Lindsey cried and moved quickly to kneel in front of the television, thumping the side of it and looking to fix the wires. “Where’s the plug-in?” she demanded, hearing her sister breathing heavier behind her and knowing a freak-out was coming on if she didn’t fix it soon.

Gramma rolled her eyes. “You’re in the Fade. You think it’s something technical?” she asked exasperatedly. “Something else is interfering. You can’t fix it. Maybe we’re not supposed to see what happens.” She glanced at Jennifer and her frown deepened. “Well shit.”

It was too much to handle and Jennifer found herself short of breath as she sat there, looking at the blank television, her heart pounding so fast she thought for sure that it was going to pop out of her chest any second. Another cramp hit her and she cried out in pain. “Ah shit. I think I feel… wet.” She gasped out and looked to her Gramma. “Keep watching over them. Please. Goddess let them be alright.” 

She gasped again and this time when she opened her eyes, she was back in her room at Skyhold. She felt wet between her legs and for a moment she thought she had peed herself again before the contraction hit again. “Fuck, Gramma. Why do you always have to be right?!”

Still in the Fade, Gramma turned a knowing eye on Lindsey as Jennifer disappeared. “You better wake up and go find the midwife for your sister,” she said. She nearly laughed at the way Lindsey’s face went white as a sheet. “Go on. Wake up. I’ll be watching over everyone.” She gave an approving nod as the redhead disappeared as well and she settled herself back on the couch, staring at the television for a moment, waiting for it to come back on so she could keep an eye now on Jennifer as well as the others in the Fade. She picked up a piece of popcorn and popped it in her mouth. “Certainly never a dull moment with this bunch.”

* * *

 

Varric was cursing under his breath as they felled the last of the demons while the spirit or whatever of the Divine worked on bringing down the final barrier that would lead to the rift out of there. He let his eyes flicker to the Inquisitor, draped over Solas’ back as they walked forward. “So much for everything staying the way it was supposed to,” he muttered and looked to Hawke who walked next to him and he felt like there was a knife in his chest, twisting about. “We’re all going to get out of this. Maybe no one has to stay behind this time,” he said, sounding like he was trying to make a bargain with something.

“That’s right. We’re all going to make it out of this, Varric,” Hawke said as he walked next to his friend, keeping his staff at the ready in case more demons decided to show up. “I’m not sure which time I prefer more. I think I like the first time we went into the Fade together. Even if Isabella and Fenris turned on me.” He laughed and clapped a hand to the dwarf’s back, “Hey. Don’t listen to what that fear demon said. I’m to blame as much as you. You never got me into anything that I didn’t want to be a part of.” 

“That’s kind of you to say Hawke, but that thing is right,” Varric said as he looked up at the human before he glanced at Cassandra. “I’m to blame for a lot of things that happened, but I’m trying now. To make up for them,” he said quietly, letting his gaze fall to Solas for a moment before he looked back at his friend, “We just need to make a mad dash for the rift and get the hell out of here.”

Cassandra gave a nod and moved to help Solas with the Inquisitor. At least he was still breathing, but that had been a hard blow to the head and she was worried. Without the Inquisitor and the mark on his hand, they had no hope of closing the breach and stopping Corypheus. “We must hurry,” she said as she looped one of the Inquisitor’s arms around her neck to take some of the weight off Solas, letting him move faster. “The sooner we get out of here, the better.”

Hawke nodded and let out a sigh of relief as they cleared the corner and the rift was open on the other side of the way. There was nothing between them and the freedom they sought. “Look! See Varric? We’re going to make it!” He stopped short when he saw the giant spider demon rise up from a chasm and step in front of them all. “Oh...shit.”

Varric groaned and cocked Bianca again. “Hawke, I really have to talk to you about saying things too soon,” he grit out as he raised his crossbow, “Shit, we can’t handle both of them!” He watched the Divine float past, speaking in a musical voice to have them tell Leliana that she was sorry, that she had failed her too. But instead of flying towards the giant spider, it went towards the fear demon and a brilliant light blinded them all for a moment. The fear demon was gone when they could see again, leaving only the giant monster between them and escape. 

This was it, the moment Cassandra had been dreading since she’d heard the way the events here were supposed to go. Only now, there was no choice between Hawke and the Warden. And the Inquisitor was incapable of making a decision anyway. She knew how heartbroken Varric would be if Hawke died. She didn’t think she could bear to see him like that. She squeezed her eyes shut for a moment before she shifted the Inquisitor’s weight back to Solas. “I will do it,” she said, reaching for her sword. “I will draw its attention and the rest of you go.”

Varric felt his blood run cold at the sound of Cassandra speaking up and he turned towards her. “Like hell you are. I’m not going to make anyone else pay for my mistakes and least of all you! I’m going to stay behind,” he said it and the words tasted like ash in his mouth. His heart ached at the thought of being separated from Cassandra after everything that they had been through, but he would give anything to make certain she lived. She deserved that. “Go! I have your backs!” he cried, feeling the tears slipping down his cheeks.

“No!” she shouted at him, her hand shaking from gripping her sword so tightly. “I will not let you! They need you, Varric.” She felt a knot in her throat, her eyes stinging. But she refused to let him do this. “You have been through too much. I could not protect you from Erimond, allow me this! I cannot live knowing I let you die. I cannot!” Fear lanced through her as she looked at the giant spider again. “We are running out of time! Do not argue with me anymore or we’ll all end up dead!”

Hawke shook his head and smiled at them both as he pulled his staff up, charging it with magic before he gave them both a shove towards the rift before he ran towards the giant spider. “Varric! Take care of yourself out there! Name one kid after me, Cassandra!” he called as he turned back and ran for the demon. He had nothing to lose. He could see that. If this last act could save his friend and give him a future worth having, then it was worth it. “Why is it always the Maker Damned spiders?!” he yelled at the monstrosity as he used his staff to slice and burn the demon at the same time.

Solas saw the horror cross Varric’s face, the way the dwarf almost chased after his friend. “There is no point, Varric! We must move! NOW!” he barked. He hefted the Inquisitor up on his back, slinging the man over his shoulders to carry him better, and ran forward towards the rift. “Cassandra! Varric! Come on!” he shouted desperately. 

Cassandra grabbed Varric’s arm and all but dragged him with her as she ran for the rift. Her heart was breaking because she knew Varric’s was as well. His friend, his best friend, had to be left behind after all. She squeezed her eyes shut as they raced through the rift and stumbled back into Adamant fortress. Breathless, frightened, and with a terrible ache in her chest, she turned to Varric. “I am sorry,” she said, her voice cracking. “Varric, I am so sorry.”

“HAWKE!” Varric screamed as they fell through the rift. “You can still make it! Come on! Hawke!” he cried out, vaguely aware that healers were rushing around them and tending to the Inquisitor. His eyes searched through the tear, desperate to see even a glimpse of his friend, but there was nothing but the mass of the demon on the other side. He made to go back through, but hands on his arms stopped him. “No! No, let me go! It should be me! I should be in there!” he screamed, his heart breaking as he suddenly heard the crackle of the Anchor fire up. “NO!” he cried out as the rift snapped closed and he fell to his knees. 

Cassandra was horrified as she watched the rift close. She rounded on the Inquisitor. “You could have waited! Hawke might have made it!” she shouted, anger coursing through her veins. She’d never been so upset with the Inquisitor before. “Hawke distracted that thing so we could get through safely, and you didn’t even give him a chance!” She turned sharply towards Varric, who had his back to her, and she wrapped her arms tightly around his shoulders, leaning over him protectively. 

The Inquisitor blinked his eyes slowly as if he were still in a daze. “Hawke…? What? I…” he stammered, feeling his heart sink. “I didn’t realize he was still in there! All I know is the healers woke me and told me to close the rift.” He felt horrid as he looked to Varric. “Varric, I’m so sorry,” he said, his tone pleading. “Forgive me. Please…” He took a step towards the dwarf, but a hand reached out and stopped him.

“Inquisitor, don’t,” Solas said softly, though his tone was firm. He had to swallow as he looked at Varric, then back at the Inquisitor. “Hawke would not have made it through,” he said, his tone even quieter now. “You did what you had to. No one here is to blame.”

Varric felt cold, felt so numb, as he stared at the spot in the air where the rift had been. Knowing Hawke was still on the other side, still fighting, dying for his mistakes once again. He let out a strangled noise and bent over, tears slipping down his face, dripping off of his nose into the stone beneath him. He felt as though the world was crushing him and he didn’t know what to do. Hawke had given him a chance at a future. A future to be happy, but he was selfish. Why couldn’t that future had been large enough for all of them? He swallowed the lump in his throat as he broke down, sobbing in Cassandra’s embrace. 

The Inquisitor stepped back, giving Varric some space. He didn’t know if the dwarf would ever forgive him, but pressing him now would not help matters. He looked around, his head still throbbing, but happy to see the rest of the inner circle approaching them. Good. A couple of them looked a little banged up, but otherwise unhurt and most importantly, alive.

Cassandra wasn’t listening as the Inquisitor spoke to the Wardens. Her only concern in that moment was Varric and her desperation to somehow soothe his broken heart. She sank to her knees with him, still holding him as sobs shook his shoulders. “Varric,” she whispered in his ear, squeezing him tighter. She wasn’t sure what to say, she wasn’t good at this comforting thing, but she had to try for his sake. “Let it out, my love,” she said softly. “It’s okay. I am here.”

He had been right there. Right there. “I failed… I should have been able to do something. It should have been me! He’s paid enough. He’s done more than enough for this world and they don’t give a shit!” He couldn’t breathe and he sucked in a breath of air, his chest aching as he did so. His hands clenched into Cassandra’s armor, her shirt. “Shit…. There has to be a way… He can’t ...he can’t…” He closed his eyes against the flood of tears at the thought of his friend dying alone in there, surrounded by monsters.

“I know, I know,” she said, her eyes tearing up as well as she clung to him. This wasn’t right, making him grieve here in front of everyone, so many strangers around. She sniffled and blinked away her own tears before she stood and tugged at him to stand with her. “Let’s get you away from here, from prying eyes. You need space,” she said softly. She wanted to go somewhere private, where she could just hold him and let him go through whatever emotions he needed to. It hurt to see him so broken like this.

Varric let himself be tugged up to stand. His legs and arms felt numb and he couldn’t force himself to walk away from that spot. He remembered Hawke yelling at them, name your kid after me. He squeezed his eyes shut at that and he ducked his head, pressing his fingers against his eyes as he let Cassandra lead him away. He didn’t know where they were going, but he suddenly felt the eyes on him. The eyes that had just watched, not helping. Who had let Hawke just sacrifice himself. “Cassandra,” he breathed, his voice broken and thick with grief. He wasn’t sure what was worse, knowing or not knowing. He felt worse for knowing, for knowing what was going to happen, knowing he could have done something about it.

“Shhh, I know,” she said as soothingly as possible. She didn’t know where to go, where they could have a moment to themselves. So she just walked, leading him through the soldiers and the rubble, trying to get him away from it all.  ‘There.’  The wagons they’d arrived in would have to do for now. She climbed up and helped him up behind her, then settled him onto a bedroll that had been laid out there. She set aside her shield and her sword, and quickly pulled off her armor so she could lay down with him. “I am so sorry, Varric,” she whispered, laying on her side to watch him. “I wish I knew something more to say.”

The wagon was like an entirely different world than what was going on outside of the canvas shield. He wasn’t sure what he was supposed to be feeling. He felt drained and there was nothing he could do to stop the emotions that coursed through him nor the flood of tears that slipped down his face. He barely registered that Cassandra was in front of him, rubbing at his shoulder. Cassandra. Hawke’s final gift to him. “I couldn’t… I couldn’t save him. He shouldn’t… What have I done? It’s all my fault.” Even as he said it, he remembered Hawke’s hands, pushing him towards the rift. Pushing him away. They could have all died.

“It is not your fault,” she said firmly, perhaps a little harsher than she should have, but dammit she was not going to let him blame himself for this. “You warned Hawke about this before we came here. We did everything that we could to save him.  You  did everything that you could. Hawke gave his life because he wanted you to live. He would not want you to blame yourself.” She reached out and brushed a piece of hair from his forehead, then scooted a little closer to him, giving him the chance to either pull away or come closer. She didn’t know which he wanted, to be held or to have his space, but either way she was willing to give. 

He swallowed hard and tried to will away the headache that was forming in his mind. The words that the fear demon had said to him echoed around his head and started to eat him alive with guilt. “I could have done something more. It wasn’t good enough,” he said in a small voice before he let his head dip forward, leaning against her shoulder, “My best wasn’t enough.”

She closed the space between them and wrapped her arms around him tightly. “But you tried,” she said softly. “That is what is important. Hawke knows that.” She felt tears burning her eyes as her heart ached for him. It wasn’t fair. After everything he’d already been through, it wasn’t fair for him to lose his best friend now too. “I wish I could take this all away,” she whispered, burying her face into his hair. “If I could, I would bear it myself for you, Varric. I am so sorry.”

“No,” he choked out, “I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy. Let alone you.” He slipped his arms around her and held her close as he took in her scent. The smell of battle, blood, smoke, and sweat strong in his nose, but he didn’t care. “Just don’t leave me. Not now. I just… I don’t want to be alone. I might not,” His voice caught in his throat, “I might not come back.”

“Don’t say that,” she pleaded, her voice a whisper. “I love you too much.” She clung to him tighter as he began to cry again. There was nothing she could do, no words that would ease this hurt. Physical wounds would heal, emotional ones took much longer and sometimes they didn’t heal at all. And even though she knew that, she couldn’t bear the thought of losing him that way. She’d nearly lost him already because of what Erimond had done to him. “I can’t lose you.”

Varric drank in the words she spoke. She didn’t spin tales or cover up the truth because she had to hide it. It was plain and simple and he loved her for it.  “I love you. I love you so much.” He wondered if that was why it hurt so much. That Hawke had given himself up so that he could be happy. So that he could have this moment with Cassandra and many others. “I’m a selfish bastard,” he muttered.

She knew it wasn’t true. But now was not the time to argue with him. He just needed to get it out, to say whatever came to his mind so that he wouldn’t stew on it. “Shhh,” she soothed, not knowing what to say or do. She rubbed at his back, trying to calm and comfort him in some small way. She could hear movement outside the wagon and knew that the Inquisition forces would be moving back to Skyhold soon. And while she knew she should probably be helping in some way, Varric was far more important in that moment. So she stayed where she was, holding him, letting him cry, and trying to be the anchor he needed in that moment. It was the only thing she could do.


	15. Chapter 15

Solas ached with exhaustion as he made his way back to the wagon they’d traveled in. It didn’t surprise him to see Varric and Cassandra already there. With the way things had gone, this was to be expected. Very little justice with Erimond and then Hawke’s death. It was all very disappointing, to say the least. He gave Cassandra an apologetic look as he climbed into the wagon and settled himself in the corner. He felt as if he were intruding on something private, but he also knew that it would be better for them to be surrounded by friends than some random soldiers who might not understand the situation. He cleared his throat and reached out a hand to place it on Varric’s shoulder for just a moment. “I am very sorry for you loss, Varric,” he said in a low voice before he withdrew his hand, not wanting to invade the dwarf’s space anymore than was necessary.

Cole appeared next to Solas, moving to sit on the floor behind Varric where he put his hand on the dwarf’s shoulder, rubbing at it. “Hawke didn’t want you to be sad. He did this so that you would be happy. He wanted to go. To see Anders again. He knew that you deserved happiness here,” Cole said quietly before he looked back at Solas and then to Cassandra, “He didn’t want you to hurt any more.”

Cassandra managed a small smile for Cole and gave a nod, knowing that the spirit was doing his best to help ease Varric’s hurt. And she appreciated that. If anyone might be able to help Varric, it was Cole. She was eager to get back to Skyhold, just so they could hide away for awhile until Varric felt ready to face the world again. But if they had to be on this long trip back, she was glad that they were surrounded by friends. 

Bull hauled himself up into the wagon and sat down against the back, then reached his hand over to help Dorian in as well. Already rumors were spreading through the army about what had taken place in the Fade and each account sounded more ridiculous than the last. He’d already gathered that Hawke had been the one to sacrifice himself, but beyond that, he didn’t know any of the details. A frown crossed his lips as he looked at Varric and Cassandra, at how hurt Varric was. “Well… crap,” he growled in a low tone. “I’d hoped this would go better. Shit.”

Dorian winced as he settled down next to Bull and he let out a heavy sigh. That hadn’t gone as planned at all. The sisters had changed things, but he wasn’t sure if they had changed things from how they were supposed to happen or how they played out. “He got to choose what happened. Not many get that choice. But thanks to you, he was able to have that.” He pressed his lips thin as Varric just seemed to exist at that moment, staring off over Cassandra’s shoulder at nothing in particular with Cole rubbing at his back, humming a tune that Dorian figured someone in Varric’s past would sing to calm him down. 

Solas crossed his arms as the wagon lurched forward. He felt horrible for Varric, yet at the same time his thoughts were drawn to Jennifer. It seemed like it would take ages to get back to her. With traveling and the stress and anticipation of everything that revolved about Adamant, he hadn’t even had the energy to try to look for her in the Fade as he slept. He knew she had to be worrying herself into a fit by now. Hopefully her sister was keeping her calm and distracting her from the stress. He ran a hand down his face and looked at Varric again, trying to focus on what was happening around him now. If he thought too much on Jennifer, on the baby, he was going to lose his mind with worrying over them. “Listen to Cole. He is right. Hawke would not want you to be sad,” he said softly, hoping that his words would give Varric some small comfort. 

Varric knew they were trying to help, but it was too soon. Much too soon. Hawke had been right there, right in front of him. He shook his head and closed his eyes. He didn’t know what to say, think or do in that moment so he was just going to lay there and sort out his grief in his own way. 

Cassandra appreciated what they were trying to do, but just as she knew she couldn’t fix it for Varric, she knew none of them could. In fact, she suspected that they were almost making it worse and she was grateful when they stopped trying. Hours and hours seemed to pass as the wagon bumped slowly along the road and she was only vaguely aware of Solas recounting the events in the Fade to Dorian and Bull, speaking in a soft tone that sounded far away to her. Eventually she felt Varric relax in her embrace, his breathing evening out, and she realized that he had fallen asleep. That was probably for the best now, a small escape from the pain and the heartache, and she closed her eyes as well.

“Man, that’s such crap,” Bull growled as Solas told them of how Erimond had died. He crossed his arms stiffly over his chest. “That bastard deserved worse for what he did. Not a quick and easy death like that. Maybe I should have gone. I’d have ripped that bastard apart piece - by - piece,” he said slowly, almost picturing it in his mind, the blood, hearing the magister scream and beg for death. Bull gave an angry snort and shook his head. “They deserved better justice than that.”

“He did, but in a way it was fitting,” Dorian said as he leaned against the Qunari, “Men like him think they deserve entire parades, even his trial would have been a grand ceremony, giving him a chance when he deserved none. Still, it would have been nice to see that man suffer for what he did to our own.” He looked down at them on the floor of the wagon, seeing Cole look up, his eyes growing wide. “Something the matter?”

“Fingers tight in the bed sheets, screaming, pushing,” he said as he looked to Solas, “It’s been hours since it started, but still no little one. She must be waiting for her father to come home. Damn him, why isn’t he here yet?” The spirit blinked as if coming out of a daze and he looked in wonder at the elf, “I think it’s on its way. She wanted to wait for you, but she can’t wait any longer.”

Solas would later swear that his heart had stopped in that moment. He felt the blood drain out of his face as he listened to Cole speak. This couldn’t be happening, not now. “But this is too early!” he tried to protest. “There should have been enough time…” He stopped himself and shook his head. He had to get to Jennifer. He had to get to her  now.  He stood unsteadily in the wagon and carefully stepped past Cassandra and Varric, then jumped out the back. There was no way the wagon could travel fast enough to get him back to Skyhold in time. 

“You,” he said, his eyes narrowing at a random soldier on horseback. He reached up and dragged the poor unsuspecting man from the horse before he hauled himself up into the saddle. He should’ve apologized, or at least offered some explanation, but there was no time. He spurred the horse forward, feeling breathless, his heart racing faster than the hooves of the animal beneath him. He had to make it back in time. He had to.

Dorian blinked as he lifted the flap to see where the elf went to. He blinked at the now confused soldier who was left standing in the middle of the road. “Did Solas just do what I think he did? It looked as though he just…” He trailed off, never expecting him to do something so sudden and rash.

“Stole that guy’s horse? Yeah,” Bull said flatly. He sat back and couldn’t stop the chuckle that escaped him. “Can you blame him? If the Kid’s right, that baby’s on the way. You’ve seen him hovering over Jen like a mother hen. You really think he won’t do everything in his power to get back in time for that? You know better, Kadan.”

* * *

Jennifer screamed again as she pushed hard when the midwife told her to. “Son of a bitch! Why couldn’t I have gotten pregnant in the other world where they have the good drugs?!” She cried out as the contractions were near constant now. Sweat poured down her face and she groaned as she laid back. “I’m killing that elf the next time I see him. He’d better still be alive,” she swore to her sister and clenched her hand tighter, “He’s got to be alive. He has to be.”

“He is,” Lindsey promised, sitting on the floor next to the bed her sister lay on. This was ridiculous. Jennifer had been laboring for over two days now, and Lindsey hadn’t left her side. Of course this would have to happen now, with Solas away. “And when he gets back, he owes me a new hand,” she muttered, flexing her fingers from where she’d held Jennifer’s hand. “How much longer?” she asked the midwife, her tone worried and tired.

“Not much now,” the midwife answered. The baby had been breech and it took a lot of walking and moving Jennifer into various awkward positions, but the baby had finally turned the right way. She knew Jennifer was beyond exhausted at this point, but she had to admire the other woman’s strength. “Alright,” she said as she saw Jennifer begin to tense up with the pain of another contraction. “Remember, work with your body, not against it. Push.”

She whimpered for a moment before she grit her teeth and cried out again as she pushed, “Gods, it feels as if I’m splitting in half!” She swore she could feel something tearing and a panic came over her as she wondered if it would ever come out at all. She was sobbing from the pain and she pushed through the contraction. “Please, please I just want it out, I want it over with,” she cried, “I’ll do anything. “

Lindsey reached for a cloth and wet it, wiping it across her sister’s forehead. “You’re doing good,” she said softly, not knowing if she was really helping or if she was about to get her hand bitten off. Really, it could go either way at this point. “Just think about the happy part when it’s all done, when you get to hold the baby. And when you get to kick Solas in the balls for not being here,” she said, trying to lighten the mood, to see her sister smile for just a second. She hated seeing her in so much pain.

Jennifer managed a small smile at that thought. “Gonna kick him so hard,” she grit out as she felt another contraction coming on and she screamed through it as well, “Gods, please! I want pain medicine, don’t they make fucking potions for this shit!” She was past caring at that point. “Come on, out. Please baby. Out. Arghhhhh!” She felt it then, a rush, a relief that came and she sobbed out at the feeling and heard her baby cry. “Oh gods.”

“It’s a girl,” the midwife announced with a smile as she laid the squalling infant on Jennifer’s chest. She moved quickly to grab a small blanket to lay over them, then stood back with her hands on her hips. “See? Completely worth it,” she said proudly before she moved to start cleaning up, to let Jennifer have a moment with the baby.

“Oh wow,” Lindsey breathed, her eyes wide as she looked at the little one. “Look at her little pointy ears!” She had to wipe away the tears in her eyes, a knot forming in her throat at how utterly adorable the baby was. “Jen, she’s perfect.”

Jennifer choked back a sob as she looked down at her little crying baby. She had extremely pointed ears that made her smile and she cried at the sight of her. Her heart swelled as she fell immediately in love with the little bundle in her arms. “She’s beautiful,” she breathed as she looked over her baby girl. Her daughter. “Holy shit, I’m a mother.”

The midwife chuckled at that. “You know, I see that look in all new mother’s eyes. But I think you’re the first to say it out loud,” she said as she dried her hands and stepped back with a sigh. “We’ll let you rest for a bit and then get you moved back to your own room. I’m sure you’d be more comfortable there.” She smiled as she stepped closer and looked the baby over with a critical eye. Now that it was all said and done, she could feel her own exhaustion setting in. “I’ll leave you to it then. You know where I am if you need me.”

Lindsey watched the midwife leave the infirmary and she moved to sit on the edge of Jennifer’s bed. “She is too cute,” she breathed, staring at the little one who had quieted down and was nuzzled against her mother’s side. She couldn’t help herself and reached out to gently touch the pointed tip of the baby’s ear with her finger. “I can’t wait for you to show her off to everyone,” she giggled.

“Think I’m going to sleep for a week before that happens,” she said as she managed to look up at her sister, “You’re going to steal her aren’t you? You want a pointed ear baby.” She smirked as she looked back down at the little one. “You’ll have to take it up with Solas. And Cullen might have a thing or two to say about it.” She sighed and sank back into the bed. “I’m not sure what to name her. I should wait until Solas gets here… if he gets here,” she added, a worried look on her face as she looked down at the baby, “She looks so much like him.”

“It’s the bald head,” Lindsey teased, though the little one wasn’t completely bald. There was a tiny tuft of hair on the top of her head that just added to the adorableness. “There is too much squee going on in my head right now. She’s just so… I can’t even. I think I’m gonna puke.” There were no words for the level of cuteness she felt for that little baby and it only made her want to have one of her own all the more. She shook her head and snorted at herself. “You know, after seeing you go through damn near three days of this, you’d think it would make me want to run the other way, screaming. But seeing her makes me want one too.” She pointed a finger at the baby’s nose. “You are a bad influence.”

Jennifer chuckled at that. “It was fun making her and fun seeing her, but man, that middle part I could do without,” she said as she felt her eyes start to droop, “I’m exhausted, in pain. I’ve been naked and stared at for more than I care to admit. It’s no good. But she’s worth it.” She leaned down and kissed her head, it was so warm to the touch. “Mmm, not a cat, but definitely cuddly.”

“You’re so silly,” Lindsey scolded affectionately and stood up to grab an extra blanket, then laid it over her sister. She grabbed the chair the midwife had been sitting in and pulled it to the bedside, settling herself into it. “You go ahead and sleep. I’ll be right here. You just snuggle that baby and rest for awhile. She’ll be fine. I’ll keep an eye over you both until Solas gets back.”

* * *

 

The sun rose over the horizon as Skyhold came into view. “Hold on, vhenan,” Solas begged as he urged the horse faster. He’d never ridden so fast and so hard in all his life. Jennifer would never forgive him if he missed this. For two days he rode without food or sleep, stopping only for water, and twice at Inquisition camps along the way back for a fresh horse. Though in his heart he knew that he couldn’t possibly make it back in time, there was still the small hope that perhaps Cole had been wrong, that it wasn’t true labor and that perhaps he could make it back before the baby was born. 

He barely even slowed the horse as he rode through the gate and dismounted before the animal ever came to a stop. He saw the midwife outside of the infirmary, some of the other servants gathered around, and he knew Jennifer was inside. Without apology, he pushed past them all and threw open the door. “Vhenan!” he gasped.

“Shh!” Josephine scolded him, turning sharply in the chair next to the bed. “She’s sleeping,” she whispered and beckoned him closer as she rose from the chair. She’d come to check on Jennifer first thing that morning and had sent Lindsey to Cullen’s room to rest, promising she herself would watch over the new mother and baby.

It was in a daze that Solas stepped forward, his heart banging against his ribs as he looked down at Jennifer and the little bundle cradled against her side as she slept. He’d never seen anything more breathtaking in his life than this, the sight of his child and his love sleeping peacefully together. “Ma vhenan,” he whispered as he bent over the bed, gingerly moving a long lock of Jennifer’s dark hair out of her face. He smiled as the baby stirred, opening little blue eyes to blink up at him.

Josephine smiled at the emotion she could see in Solas’ expression. “Your daughter,” she said softly. “Jennifer hasn’t decided on a name yet. Or if she has, she was waiting for you to arrive before she announced it.”

His daughter. It made his head reel, his heart felt like it was going to burst, and he had to hastily wipe tears from his eyes with his thumb as a smile split his face. “Shh,” he soothed as the little one began to fuss and he carefully picked her up, tucking her into the crook of his arm as he sat in the chair at Jennifer’s bedside. “Atisha, ma da’len,” he said in a low voice. 

When the baby girl quieted and nuzzled into his embrace, he felt it. That falling, overwhelming sensation of falling completely and totally in love. It hit him so strong and so fast that he was glad to be sitting in a chair because surely his knees would have given out beneath him. He held her close and let her curl her tiny hand around his index finger as tears of joy slid down his face. There was a strange mixture of newness and familiarity as he gazed at his daughter. 

“Andaran atish’an,” he murmured, welcoming her to the world. Something struck him in that moment, a jolting pain through his chest. This world. The world he intended to destroy in order to bring back the world he had already ruined. An incredible guilt filled him then, to think that he could destroy the world his child had been born into. The world he had met Jennifer in. Perhaps this place wasn’t as bad as it seemed. How could it be if it gave him something so perfect as the love he had with Jennifer and his new daughter? No, he could not destroy this world. It was no longer in him to go through with it. While he’d agreed to consider other possibilities, he’d always kept that in the back of his mind that there might not be an option besides tearing down the veil. Now he knew that that was no longer an option at all. 

He bowed his head and pressed his lips to the baby’s forehead. “Ir abelas,” he whispered against her soft skin, his eyes screwing shut with guilt and frustration with himself. “Ir abelas, ma da’len.” He rocked for a moment, holding her tightly but carefully against his chest. No. No, no, no. He couldn’t do it now. Damn it all. He couldn’t do it. “I will make this world a better place for you without destroying it,” he vowed, his voice a whisper. 

Solas didn’t know if he was ready for this, to be a father, to watch over the new little life he and Jennifer had created. Yet at the same time, there was a new excitement, like a breath of fresh air, at the thought of raising this new little person. Watching her grow, teaching her, helping her to understand. He would not be someone she would be ashamed of. He would be the man he was supposed to be, the father he was supposed to be, and make her proud. 

That thought calmed him and he wiped his eyes on his sleeve before he sat back in the chair and looked at her again, unable to stop the smile from spreading across his lips again. “Ar lath ma, da’len,” he said softly. He looked up when he heard Jennifer stir on the bed and a sad smile pulled at his lips. “I am so sorry, ma vhenan,” he said to her. “I tried. I arrived here as fast as I possibly could. I wanted to be here. Forgive me, please.”

Jennifer blinked over at Solas, still exhausted from the long labor and delivery that had only ended a few hours ago. She smiled at him holding the baby and any anger she might have had just vanished. “She tried to wait for you. She came out a few hours ago.” She smiled at the way that he looked at the baby, the way he held her so carefully. “Fatherhood looks good on you,” she said. 

He smiled down at the baby in his arms. “She is perfect,” he said before he looked back up at Jennifer. Concern crossed his features and he shifted from the chair to sit on the edge of her bed. “How are you feeling? Are you alright?” he asked softly, looking her over for any sign of pain or discomfort in her expression. He took her hand in his, soothing his thumb over her knuckles. 

She threaded her fingers through his, so happy that he had made it back. “I feel like I just gave birth to a mac truck, but other than that, I feel fine. Just exhausted, sore, but content.” She looked up at him, letting her eyes wander over his face. “I was with Gramma, we were watching you all in the Fade. The screen cut out just as another thing of demons was headed for you. I panicked. I didn’t think you…” She closed her eyes and breathed deeply, “I worked myself into a mess and I went into labor.”

He gave a heavy sigh and squeezed her hand. “I wish you had not,” he said sadly. “What happened in the Fade did not end well. None of it went as it was supposed to,” he said. So she knew about Erimond and Stroud. Might as well fill her in on the rest. He knew how worried she was over Varric, what might happen if he lost Hawke. “The Inquisitor was knocked unconscious, but there was still a decision to be made about who would have to stay. Hawke volunteered, charged ahead before any of the rest of us could argue. Varric is very upset, to say the least.” He hated to tell her this, to taint the moment of joy over their daughter with news of death, but he could not bring himself to keep things from her anymore.

Jennifer winced and closed her eyes. “Shit,” she said as a tear slipped down her cheek, “I tried to warn him. I tried to help him prevent this.” She swallowed hard. “I hope what we tried to do didn’t end up bringing about his death in the first place. Well… likely his death. The game didn’t actually confirm that he WOULD die… just that it was likely. We never find out or not.” She shook her head. “And I know that if he hadn’t gone in there, someone else would have had to stay behind and if it had been you…” She cut off and shook her head again, “I don’t think I could bear it if you had stayed.” 

“I couldn’t,” he said with a shake of his head. “Not when I knew you were back here waiting for me. I would not do that to you.” He decided not to mention the part where Varric and Cassandra had each offered to stay behind. He feared that might upset Jennifer too much in that moment and since it had not happened, it was a minute detail. “We all owe much to Hawke’s memory. But let us talk of something happier,” he suggested, smiling down at the little one in his arms, who had fallen back asleep. “Have you chosen a name for her?”

Jennifer smiled, looking lovingly at the little babe in his arms and she gently rubbed at her head. “If it’s alright with you, I was thinking Olivia. It’s gramma’s middle name, so she will be happy, but more than that, I think it suits her.” She looked up at him, enjoying the rare look of wonder and love in his eyes as he looked down at their daughter. “If you want to name her something else or in addition to that, I will keep an open mind.” She rubbed at his arm, “But you look exhausted, Solas.”

He smiled at the baby. “Olivia,” he said, testing the name on his lips. He liked it. “You are right. It suits her.” He smiled at Jennifer. “I love the name. It’s beautiful.” In his excitement, he’d almost forgotten how tired he was. It had been days since he’d slept. The bed Jennifer lay in was narrow, but he was slender enough that they could make it work. He shifted around to lay down beside her, baby Olivia between them. He kissed the top of her little head before he leaned closer and kissed Jennifer slowly, firmly, savoring the quiet moment with her. “Ar lath ma, ma vhenan.”

Jennifer sighed against him, after being away from him, thinking he had died, the closeness was perfect. She giggled, kissing him back as she smiled at him. “I think we both have morning breath,” she teased him as she leaned her forehead against his, “But I don’t think I have ever loved you more than I do right now.”


	16. Chapter 16

Lindsey chewed her nails as she paced around Cullen’s office, waiting for him and the rest of the Inquisition to return. It had been two days since Solas had returned, and she thought they would’ve been back by now. Of course, Solas had raced back as fast as he could, so she supposed it was a bit much to expect the rest of them too soon. Still, they should be returning any moment now, shouldn’t they?

It was midday before she saw any sight of their forces returning. “Thank the gods,” she breathed as she stared out the window before she turned and hurried as fast as she dared down the steps. She pushed her way through the jumbled chaos of soldiers, wagons, and horses, her eyes scanning every face until she finally spotted him dismounting his horse. “Cullen!” she cried and ran forward to throw her arms around his neck. She didn’t care if she was interrupting anything, if he had important business to attend to right away or not. “I missed you so much,” she murmured into the side of his neck, hugging him tightly.

Cullen had turned just in time to catch the woman as she threw herself against him and he smiled as he wrapped his arms around her. “There’s my girl,” he breathed, unable to describe the feeling that was in his chest at having her in his arms again. The whole trip back to Skyhold had been… dismal at best. Everyone silent and contemplative. A lot of which had to do with the resident storyteller absent by the campfire at night, telling them all sorts of heroic tales and whatnot. It made Cullen think about how cruel life could be and that it might have been himself inside the Fade that day, due to some unfortunate turn of events and he wouldn’t have this. He ducked his head against her neck, breathing in Lindsey’s familiar scent. “Maker, but I missed you.”

She turned her face to catch his lips, kissing him fiercely. Oh finally. The days since he’d been gone seemed to drag on forever. She pulled back and touched her forehead to his, a smile pulling on her lips at just being close to him again. “Oh! I have something to tell you,” she said as she took a step back to see some of the others climbing out of the wagons. “Well, you might already know, but Jen had the baby! A little girl. She’s so adorable. You should come see her.” She looked over at the others, her heart breaking a little when she saw Varric. “You should all come see her. Babies make everything better. And you’ve never seen one as cute as this.”

Cullen smiled at her. “I had my suspicions when Solas knocked one of my men off his horse and raced off ahead of us. Apparently Cole said something along the lines of the baby is on it’s way.” He looked over at the others as they stepped down from the wagon, Dorian smiling widely at them before he wandered over. “I think it would be a great idea to go see the little one.”

Dorian smiled at them, holding his arms open for Lindsey before he gave her a tight hug. “Be careful, my dear. I’m afraid there was very little time for bathing on our way back. I think I might have to freshen up before I go see this little newcomer. Ah, but it can wait a moment while I peek in the room. I have to admit, I am rather curious as to what this half baby, half elf will look like. Most human and elf hybrids look no different than human babies, did you know?”

“I am not certain I’ve ever seen one. Or if I have, perhaps I just did not realize it,” Cassandra answered before she paused and looked at Varric. He’d been unusually quiet the whole journey back to Skyhold, barely eating anything at all, and sleeping more than usual. She placed a hand on his shoulder, rubbing at his back slightly. “Would you like to go see the baby?” she asked quietly. “Or would you rather wait? We can always go see the little one when you’re… feeling up for it, if you don’t want to go right now.”

Varric knew what she was trying to do and on some level he appreciated it, but it was just too much of an effort. His mind was elsewhere and his soul seemed to ache for the loss of his friend. “You can go on ahead. I would be poor company to be around a baby.” He thumbed towards his room, “I have some letters I need to write anyway. Maybe another time.”

Cassandra gave a nod before she looked at Lindsey. “We’ll come see the baby soon. Your sister doesn’t need to be bombarded by everyone all at once anyway,” she said before she grabbed Varric by the shoulders and steered him away towards his room before he had a chance to protest. He needed privacy and she needed to be there with him and she wasn’t taking no for an answer.

Lindsey frowned slightly as she watched them go. “Poor Varric,” she muttered, then sighed. “I guess he just needs some time to himself,” she wondered aloud as she slipped her hand into Cullen’s, then reached over to tug at Dorian. “C’mon. You can at least say hi before you have to go get cleaned up,” she said. “And then I’ll fix you all a big meal. You both look like you could fall over.”

Dorian linked his arm with her unoccupied one. “You have absolutely no idea how wonderful that sounds right now. Didn’t have much time to eat when you are fighting a whole horde of demons. What’s that? Trying to have a spot of tea and toast for your breakfast? No! None for you! We are going to possess you first. Demons do that, you know.” 

Cullen chuckled, “It was rather trying. What I wouldn’t give for at least ten minutes to stop and clear my mind of everything that happened. Everything turned out as well as could be expected, save the part where I couldn’t bring back Erimond’s head for you. Varric had no choice but to shoot him in the heart in the Fade. I only wish there was something more I could have done.”

“It’s okay,” Lindsey said, squeezing Cullen’s hand as they walked towards Jennifer’s room. “We watched the whole thing in our dreams. We went to visit Gramma again. I don’t care about Erimond. He’s dead and now I can breathe again cause I know he’s not hurting anyone else. Maybe now the nightmares will stop,” she murmured as they came to a stop outside Jennifer’s room and she knocked on the door before she peeked in. She grinned when she saw her sister sitting up in bed, the little one cradled in her arms. “Baby has some admirers out here who’d like to see her,” she said as she opened the door fully and tugged Cullen and Dorian into the room with her.

Jennifer looked up at the knock and smiled widely as Cullen and Dorian followed her sister into the room with her. “I knew it was only a matter of time before this day would come. When strangers come to steal my baby and just stare at her for hours on end while gushing about how cute she is.” She gave them a wink. “And you are lucky daddy stepped out to get some food from the kitchens. He’s been attentive,” she said as she watched Cullen walk over to her. 

The Commander’s breath was stolen away as he looked down at the little bundle in her arms and he knelt a little bit so that Jennifer could place the child in his arms. He couldn’t stop the smile that spread across his lips as he looked down at her. “Andraste’s grace… those are certainly the most pointed ears I have ever seen on a baby. I can see she gets a lot of her features from her father. He must be proud.”

It was Lindsey’s turn to feel breathless as she watched Cullen holding that baby and her grip on Dorian’s arm tightened to keep her knees from giving out under her. He looked so natural holding the little one, smiling at the tiny bundle in his arms. It made her want to give him a family so much more. But saying so now probably wasn’t the appropriate time. “Don’t even think about it, dear,” she teased Cullen. “I’ve already tried to steal baby Olivia for myself. Twice. They won’t let me.”

Dorian smiled warmly down at the baby in the Commander’s arms. “Marvelous,” he murmured quietly as he waggled his fingers at the baby in greeting, laughing as a little hand wrapped around his finger. “Oh she’s a strong little one, isn’t she?” he cooed before he caught the look on Cullen’s face and Lindsey’s, “Oh, it is dangerous for you two to be around this thing, unless you are going to start considering having one of your own.” He cupped his hand up to his lips and mock whispered to Lindsey, “Might want to end the war first.”

A slight blush touched Lindsey’s face. “I don’t know if I can wait that long,” she admitted, catching Cullen’s eyes for just a moment before she looked away. She cleared her throat and pretended to be interested in a spot on the wall as she waited for the heat on her cheeks to fade. Dorian didn’t know how accurate he was in that moment. She looked at the baby in his arms again and reached over to lightly touch the tip of her finger to the baby’s little nose. “I told you you’re a bad influence,” she whispered teasingly. “Yes you are. Adorable, cuddly little bad influence.”

Jennifer laughed as she relaxed back into the bed as she watched them coo and aww over the baby. “She is rather cuddly, I do have to admit. It’s good to know that Solas and I won’t have a shortage of babysitters if we decide we need a moment to ourselves. I’m still not sure how this is all going to work out with the war and everything. I really really, just want to hide that elf away so he doesn’t have to run off and get into who knows what kind of trouble.”

“I may be able to hide away on occasion now,” Solas said as he came into the room, carrying a tray laden with food for himself and Jennifer. He set the tray over her lap and sat on the edge of the bed, reaching over to tuck a piece of hair behind her ear. “Eat, vhenan, while you have the opportunity to have your hands free,” he said as he took a bite from the tray. Though his tone and movements were casual, he watched the Commander with a keen eye as the man held his daughter. Not that he didn’t trust Cullen, but he suddenly felt himself doubting everyone who wanted to get too close to the baby.

Cullen smiled and looked up at the two seated on the bed. “I know you both are probably sick of hearing it, but congratulations again. What better reminder do we need than her to show everyone what it is we are fighting for? That there is still light in the darkness,” he murmured as he looked back down at the little one who just blinked up at him in response, “I wish Varric had come to see her. It might be just what he needed. Asides from time.”

Solas nodded as he chewed for a moment. “It is a reminder that Varric will need more than anyone,” he agreed. “But he must come around to it in his own time. Trying to press the issue will not help him now. That wound is still too fresh and he has not had proper time to himself to grieve the loss of his friend. Give him space. He will come see her when he is ready. And hopefully then he will realize that Hawke’s sacrifice was not in vain.”

Dorian nodded as he finally stepped back to give them some space. “I’m not sure if it gets any easier. Seeing or hearing a friend die. When I found out that Felix had passed, I had known it was coming. Prepared myself for it, but that didn’t make it any easier to accept it once it did happen. I still wonder if there was something more that I could have done to help him.” Dorian shook his head and waved at the air. “And there I go rambling again. I’ll give you all some space. I need to go and wash Adamant off of me once and for all.” 

“Yeah, go get cleaned up. You smell funny,” Lindsey teased, then snickered at the look Dorian gave her. She gave him a playful shove towards the door. “Go on. I’ll bring you something to eat in a bit.” She watched him go before she went to the corner and pulled the rocking chair closer for Cullen, who looked like he wasn’t going to put the baby down anytime soon. There was a longing that grew in her heart as she watched him with the infant in his arms, the warmth she could see in his eyes. He would make a fantastic father. And she wanted to give him that. She sat down on the floor next to the rocking chair, a little smile tugging at the corner of her lips. “Yeah, Sis, I don’t think you’re getting the baby back any time soon.”

Jennifer smiled as she reached out, rubbing affectionately at Solas’ arm as she watched Cullen sit down into the rocking chair with her child. “I have to say, Cullen rather does look like the fetching father. Doesn’t he?” She sighed and looked back at Solas, unable to stop her own butterflies in her chest at the memory of him holding the baby as well, the way he would speak to her in hushed tones of elven. It was almost enough to make her chest burst with the emotion. 

Solas chuckled. “He does look quite comfortable,” he agreed. He sat back as he finished his food, still carefully watching the Commander holding the baby. “I’m glad to see everyone returned safely. Though I suspect it will take some time for everyone to recover from the events at Adamant. Some more than others.” He paused, thinking of one person in particular. “How is Master Tethras?”

“He still looked really upset when they got in,” Lindsey answered. “I saw most of the inner circle when they came through the gate. I offered for him to come with us to see the baby, but he didn’t seem like he was in the mood. Cassandra took him to his room, I think.” She sighed and chewed her lip, looking down at the floor. “He’s done so much for me, the cards and helping me deal with what happened with Erimond. I wish there was something I could do to help him deal with Hawke’s death. I owe him that much,” she murmured, chewing at her thumbnail as a frown crossed her face.

Cullen managed to pull his gaze from the baby in his arms to look down at Lindsey at his side. “I’m certain you will think of something to help him out. I know the two of you have been there for each other over these past couple of months since the Winter Palace. He does need time, but perhaps not left alone. Being alone right now could be dangerous for him. It is good that he has Cassandra. You are right though, it would be nice for him to have some sort of closure for Hawke. There wasn’t even a body to mourn over.”

Lindsey sighed again and ran both hands through her hair, clasping them behind her neck. “Maybe we could put together some sort of memorial service or… or something. Or maybe the spellbook has something to help ease a grieving heart. I don’t know,” she muttered, shaking her head. “I want to be a good friend and help him, but I don’t want to smother him or step on Cassandra’s toes either. I mean… I don’t know what the fuck I mean. I wish Gramma was here. She’d know what to do.”

“Why not ask her?” Solas offered, his eyes flicking over to baby Olivia as she gave a little squeak and wiggled in Cullen’s arms before settling again. “You seem to be able to find her in your dreams on your own now. Go to her in the Fade tonight while you sleep and ask her what she suggests. It is a shame that Varric cannot dream. You could take him there to meet her himself.”

Jennifer blinked at that, memory tugging at her. “Hold on a sec, doesn’t the spellbook have a spell for lucid dreaming?” she asked, looking at her sister, “I know dwarves can’t dream, but if we give him a spell specifically for it could it possibly connect him to the Fade?” She winced. “I have no idea about dwarves.”

Lindsey looked up at her, blinking as she thought about it. “It’s worth a try,” she said. “I mean, if it doesn’t work there’s no harm that can come from that. Maybe meeting Gramma will help him somehow. She always knows what to do.” She pushed herself to her feet. “I’ll get the spellbook from Dorian when I take him lunch. I should probably get started on that now,” she said, then leaned over to kiss Cullen. “I’ll meet you in your office in a bit.” She paused and looked at the baby in his arms. “And you have to give it back before you leave.”

Cullen chuckled and smiled at her before he looked back down at the baby a moment longer before he stood up and carefully handed her back to Jennifer. “She is beautiful. Congratulations again. Should you need anything, you have but to ask,” he said as he turned and followed Lindsey out of the room. “So, I’ll ah… meet you back in the office?” he asked her, catching her arm and pulling her back into his own. He felt like a fool, smiling down at her as brightly as he did, but he was so happy to have her back in his embrace. “I missed you.”

“I missed you too,” she smiled as she slid her arms around him and kissed him again. “I thought I was going to go crazy without you here.” She hugged him tightly, breathing him in, feeling herself relax for the first time in days. She looked up at him, resting her chin on his chest, not wanting to let go of him yet. “Unless you wanna come hang out in the kitchen with me while I cook. I wouldn’t say no to that. But if you have things you have to do, I understand. You all need to eat, though. I’m not taking no for an answer, you look like you’re about to fall over. And I have to get the book from Dorian. I want to try to help Varric if I can.”

He smiled. “I know you will. Whatever magic you and your sister possess, I believe it can help in some small part. If not, then just being there for him will help him through this,” he said as he leaned down and placed a kiss on the tip of her nose, “As much fun as it would be to watch you in the kitchens, I fear I would just get in the way. Besides, I should give my reports and square away a few things with my recruits before we settle in for the night. I wouldn’t want to be interrupted with you.” 

A shiver raced down her spine at the way he said that. “No, we wouldn’t want that,” she answered and reached up to brush her fingers through his hair as she leaned in to kiss him again, letting her lips linger on his. “Go on then, Commander. I’ll see you in a bit,” she purred at him and kissed him one last time before she finally pulled away, giving him a wink as she headed off to the kitchens. Though she knew there were still serious matters to attend to, she couldn’t help the lighthearted feeling in her chest and a bit of excitement about having an evening to herself with Cullen. Now that everyone was back, and Erimond had been dealt with, perhaps things would finally settle down.


	17. Chapter 17

Writing letters had never been so hard before in his life. His quill poised above the parchment as he tried to find the right words, swallowing past the lump in his throat. His hand was shaking and every so often tears would fall down onto the page beneath him as the candle flickered on the table next to him. The words Junior written across the top, but little else. Hawke’s brother needed to know, but the words were fighting him and they refused to form coherent sentences. “Damn it all,” he cursed and sat back, crumpling the paper before he threw it into the fireplace and he pulled another one to him, “Shit.”

Cassandra looked up from the book in her hands, a frown pulling at her lips. She wasn’t really reading, she’d probably read the same page at least three times now without really absorbing what it said. She was more focused on Varric, on how he was struggling to get through the letters he was trying to write. Quietly, she set the book aside and got up, crossing the room to stand behind him at his desk, and leaned over to wrap her arms around him. She hated seeing him like this, so heartbroken, yet trying to remain strong. “Shh, it’s okay,” she whispered, kissing the top of his head. “Let it out if you need to. It’s just you and me here.”

He felt a few more tears slip down his cheeks as Cassandra wrapped her arms around him and he let out a breath that sounded more like a sob. “I still don’t know how you can be here,” he said, his voice quiet, “I failed him. I did. No matter how many times you tell me otherwise, no matter how much I tell myself, it doesn’t change the fact that he’s dead and I’m alive. It’s not FAIR.”

Correcting him now wouldn’t help. Instead, she hugged him tighter, just trying to give him some small amount of comfort. “I know it isn’t fair,” she said. At least that much she could agree with. She rubbed at his arm and kissed his jaw, feeling completely lost as to how to handle this situation. “I am always going to be here for you. That part you should not question,” she said softly. She sighed as she held him, looking over his shoulder at the blank sheet of parchment in front of him. “I want to be here for you,” she whispered. “Don’t shut me out.”

He turned his head, leaning his forehead against her own. He sighed out, trying to sort his thoughts but all it was getting him was a terrible headache that he couldn’t shake. “Shit, Cassandra. I’m sorry. I’m not very good company right now. I just don’t feel very useful right now. I’ve barely finished one letter back to Kirkwall about this and now I’m trying to write to Hawke’s brother.” He closed his eyes. “Writing it out just makes it seem like I’m really ending it.”

A sympathetic frown tugged at the corners of her mouth as she met his eyes. She swallowed hard, praying silently to the Maker to give her the right words to say. “Ending it doesn’t mean that you forget,” she said softly. “Hawke’s memory will always be with you. I know that doesn’t change anything, that it doesn’t make it better. But he will never be completely gone as long as you remember him.” 

Varric nodded and gave her a weak smile. “Didn’t think I would ever see the day you would be comforting me like this.” He swallowed hard and shook his head. “I’m not sure if I want to talk about this. I’d rather just write my letters and look to I don’t know. A memorial service or something like that.” He sighed and rubbed at his face, starting only a little bit when a knock came on the door.

“May we come in?” Lindsey asked, poking her head through the door. She waited for Cassandra to nod before she and Dorian walked in and quietly shut the door behind them. “I hope I’m not interrupting.” She felt her heart sink when she saw the look on Varric’s face, fresh tears in his red-rimmed eyes. She moved to hug him tightly. “I’m so sorry, Varric,” she whispered. “I would’ve come sooner to see you, but I thought you could use a couple days to yourself.”

Dorian stepped to the side, moving next to Cassandra as he watched Varric hug Lindsey tightly and he gave the warrior a sad smile. “How is he holding up?” he asked quietly as he shifted his grip on the spellbook he had tucked under his arm, “We have been working on something that may or may not work. Lindsey’s grandmother is certain that it will work.”

“He is alright,” Cassandra answered back in an equally hushed tone. “Well, as well as can be expected. It will take time. You know just as well as anyone how much it hurts to lose a dearly loved friend. There are some hurts that will never heal.” She sighed and looked at Varric before turning her attention to the book in Dorian’s hands. “What is this plan?”

Lindsey pulled back from Varric, studying him for a second. “You don’t have to agree if you don’t want to, but hear us out,” she said, glancing at Dorian before she continued. “We’ve been trying to think of something that might help you, a way to sort of ease the hurt. I’m not very good at this sort of thing. But my Gramma is. She always knows the right thing to do. She wants you to come visit her. In the Fade. I know dwarves can’t dream, but we have a spell that we think might let you do it. Just this once.”

Varric wiped away the tears in his eyes as he shifted in his seat, his eyes going to the book Dorian held. “You have a spell that would make me dream?” He winced and shook his head out of instinct. “I’d rather not. Memories haunt me enough during the day. If I wasn’t able to escape them at night, Maker forbid dream about them, I don’t think I would be the same man. I mean, is this a permanent thing? How would it work? Dwarves are resistant to magic in the first place.”

Lindsey shook her head. “It isn’t permanent. It’s just for the one night,” she answered as she reached into her pocket and pulled out a small satchel. “This has herbs in it that are supposed to help promote dreaming. You just stick it in your pillow when you go to bed. And as you’re falling asleep, you just repeat to yourself in your mind, ‘I will dream tonight,’ over and over. It’s… more of a meditation thing. If it works, we should be able to find you when we go to sleep and I can introduce you to Gramma.” She offered the satchel to him, watching his expression. “You don’t have to do it if you don’t want to. She just thought that if she got a chance to meet you, she might be able to help you. Say no if you don’t want to do it. You won’t hurt my feelings, Varric. Or Gramma’s.”

Dorian nodded in agreement with Lindsey. “We’ve already put the magic into the herbs, saying the words is more like an activation of sorts, so it’s not really casting any magic on you. You know how their magic works. It’s so different from the magic of this world that it just might work on you and if it doesn’t, what’s the harm?”

Varric took the pouch of herbs and turned it over in his fingers, looking down at it. “So, you want me to stick this into my pillow and chant over and over that I’m going to dream tonight and that’s it? I’m going to dream?” He frowned and looked over to Cassandra, thinking for a moment, “I don’t want to be, I don’t know what happens in dreams, possessed by demons or something like that. I’m not sure about this.”

Cassandra wasn’t certain about it herself, yet she’d heard some amazing things about Lindsey and Jennifer’s grandmother. “If I remember correctly, it was their grandmother who taught Dorian to make that potion that helped fade the scars Erimond left on you. It seems she knows what she is doing. If she thinks it is safe, then I think you would be okay,” she reasoned, tipping her head slightly as she looked at the pouch in his hand. “Do… do you want me to try to go with you? My dreams are not usually very vivid, but I could try if it would make you feel better.”

Varric blinked over at her and he thought about it for a moment. “I suppose there’s no harm in trying. If she really did help to heal the scars on my back, least I could do would be to thank her.” He reached out, taking Cassandra’s hand in his own as he thought about it some more, weighing the pros and cons in his mind. “And if I’m going into the Fade, I’d rather have you there to make sure I don’t do anything stupid.”

Dorian smiled and nodded, “That’s the spirit. We shall try this tonight then, yes? This woman has been driving me absolutely crazy to meet you. I think because you don’t dream it has only made her that much more determined to meet you. Word of advice, cover your backside. She is a real fiend.”

Lindsey tried to stop herself from laughing, but ended up snorting loudly. “That’s Gramma,” she said before she paused and narrowed her eyes at Dorian. “Just how often have you been visiting Gramma?” Her eyes widened the next moment. “You’ve been sneaking there in your dreams and getting her to cook for you, haven’t you?” she accused. “Spicy soup and chocolate cake. Shame on you.”

Dorian grinned at her. “Well of course I have. Mind over matter, it seems like I’m eating the best food in the world and yet I don’t gain a pound. It is marvelous,” he said as he patted his flat stomach, “If I have to suffer a few pinches to my posterior as payment, so be it.”

Cassandra slowly shook her head at him. “You are incorrigible,” she scolded before she looked to Varric again, giving his hand a squeeze. “If you are certain you want to try this, then I will do it with you. Perhaps this woman will be able to give you some peace of mind. If there is even a chance of that, then I say it is worth a try.” She wanted nothing more than for Varric to at least forgive himself for what had happened to Hawke. The pain would still be there, but maybe the guilt at least could be erased.

He nodded and watched as Lindsey and Dorian smiled at him as they told him that they would see him that night before he watched them go. He let out a sigh and rubbed at his temples. He felt so drained, emotionally, physically. He wasn’t himself and he hated that. He should be at the bar, drinking to Hawke’s honor and telling wild, crazy stories about his dear friend. Laughing and living life. He just didn’t have it in him to be around all those people. He could see the way that they looked at him, the pity in their eyes. He leaned back and looked up at Cassandra as she moved to cup his cheek in her hand, her fingers cool against his skin. He sighed as he closed his eyes and leaned into her touch. He swallowed a moment, licking his lips before he spoke, “Did I ever tell you about the time Hawke was on a merchant guild’s hit list?”

* * *

 

Cassandra sighed as she and Varric settled into bed that night. He’d barely even bothered to pick at his dinner and she was starting to worry about him. She prayed that this dream would work tonight, that perhaps the grandmother she’d heard so much about would be able to help Varric in some way. 

She laid on her side, watching Varric as he climbed into bed and placed the pouch of herbs in the middle of their pillows. The earthy, slightly flowery scent met her nose and already made her feel as if she could fall into a deep sleep. She reached over to touch his face, offering him a small smile. “I love you,” she murmured. “This will work. If you believe in it, it will work,” she said, even though she wasn’t certain herself. But you had to believe in things for them to work, right?

Varric rolled onto his side, facing her as he studied her face for a moment, reaching up to cover her hand that covered his cheek. He could hardly believe that he was here, she was with him. His future wife. He felt horrible for the way he felt, that he couldn’t pull himself out of the rut he had fallen into. “I really don’t deserve you,” he said quietly as he turned his head and kissed at her fingers before he drew her into his arms, bowing his head to press a kiss to the top of her head as he stared off at the wall. “I don’t think it will hurt, no matter how silly I will feel doing it. A dwarf dreaming. I’ll be locked away for sure.”

She couldn’t stop the tiny laugh that escaped her. “We won’t tell a soul,” she vowed as she snuggled into him. She blinked her eyes sleepily and tried to fight the yawn that escaped her anyway. “Let’s go to sleep. Remember to tell yourself that you’re going to dream tonight. We shall see if this will really work.” It was unheard of for a dwarf to dream, she knew that, and yet something deep down in her chest assured her that tonight he would be able to. “Goodnight, Varric,” she whispered and kissed him.

It didn’t take long at all for Cassandra to fall asleep. Before she knew it, she was standing in the yard in front of the old Victorian house, the salty sea breeze blowing in her face. “Maker,” she breathed in awe. “I never thought I would see it again. Not whole again, anyway.” A smile split her lips and she gave a wave to Dorian and Lindsey, who stood on the front porch. “No Varric?” she asked, looking around as a disappointed frown crossed her lips.

Dorian smiled. “Oh, he’s just taking a bit longer because dwarves are like that, aren’t they? I’m actually going to be insulted if he doesn’t make an appearance, I went through so much trouble of blessing those herbs to specifically bring him here,” he said, a smirk growing on his lips, “Though, more cake for us if he doesn’t show.”

“And here I thought this whole thing was to help me,” Varric muttered as he stepped up next to Cassandra, rubbing at his head as he looked around. “Okay, this is beyond weird.” He looked down at himself, wearing his normal red tunic and trousers, before he looked up and around everything. “It’s so real. Sparkler, are you sure you just didn’t send us through another rift back into the otherworld? I mean… shit,” he breathed and lifted a hand, pinching Cassandra’s arm, his eyes widening when it was solid between his fingers. “Yeah, this is going on my top ten of weird shit I’ve done.”

Cassandra laughed at him. “All dreams are not always this vivid,” she said as the grabbed the hand he pinched her with. A weight seemed to lift off of her heart just by being here with him. It was nice to see the house intact again, to be here with Varric in the place where they fell in love. Oh Maker, now she was really getting sappy. She shook her head and slipped her fingers between his as they walked up on the porch.

“Eeeeeeee!” Lindsey squealed happily, clapping her hands. “It worked, it worked, it worked!” She opened the door and beckoned for them to follow her. “I mean, I knew Gramma said it would, but I was still worried. I thought we might have to go looking for you, Varric. I didn’t know the spell would bring you right here to the front yard.”

“You know better than to doubt me,” Gramma scolded as they entered the kitchen. She turned from the sink and put her hand on her hip, smiling at Varric and Cassandra as they stepped through the doorway. “Nice to finally meet you both,” she greeted, her tone sounding only slightly impatient. “Varric, you’ll never guess who I found,” she said and nodded at the table, at the person sitting there.

Varric’s eyes widened and he felt his stomach drop out from him, his jaw going slack. It couldn’t be. No, there was no way in hell that he could be sitting there at the table, eating cake like it was something he did every day. “Andraste’s tits, Hawke?” He swallowed hard and blinked at the man who grinned up at him, warm and familiar, “Shit, this isn’t real. You’re some spirit or demon or Maker…” He reached out and gripped the chair in front of him as Hawke stood up and went to him.

Hawke embraced Varric tightly. “Sorry to disappoint, but it’s me.” He pulled back, smiling at his friend. “You have Gramma here to thank for it. Found me out wandering the Fade and this place is a hell of a lot better to be in than where we were. Maker, that spider.” He shuddered as he pulled back. “Nasty piece of work, but I once you and Cassandra were clear and the portal closed behind you, I was able to distract it.” He winced as Gramma smacked his arm with a spoon, “With some help, of course.” He bowed his head to her. 

Gramma gave a sharp nod and a snort before she turned to her stove. “Tell it right, Hawke,” she scolded as she stirred the soup, using it as an excuse to take a moment to collect her thoughts. She could feel the emotions from Varric, the hurt, the shock, the guilt, the confusion. “Goddess, this is going to take a while to sort out,” she muttered to herself. 

Cassandra felt frozen to the spot, watching Varric and Hawke together. She had never imagined that Hawke would be here. “We… we thought you were dead,” she breathed, wondering what this meant, if there was still a chance to save Hawke from the Fade. “Maker, I need to sit down,” she said bewilderedly and sat down heavily in a chair at the table, grasping her forehead with one hand.

Hawke smiled widely as he moved to sit down next to where Varric and Cassandra seated themselves, barely blinking as Dorian and Lindsey moved past to help Gramma with the cooking. “I did too. Could barely believe it when she showed up, force of nature she is. Got a lot of spark for someone her age,” he teased, “I’m not sure how it all is supposed to work, but I’m alive, in the Fade. Physically, mentally.” He waved his hand, “What I’m trying to say is that I’m fine, Varric. You don’t have to worry about me. Don’t feel guilty about that. I told you to run, didn’t I? I chose this. You haven’t done anything to me except be the best friend a man could ask for.” 

Varric tried to drink in all the details, but it was really just making his head spin. “So, are you trapped in here? Maker’s breath Hawke, there has to be some way to get you out of here! Another rift, a spell, something? Shit.” He ran a hand through his hair and looked around the kitchen, but Hawke and Cassandra were the only ones paying attention to him at the moment. “None of this was supposed to happen. I didn’t want you hurt again because of something I did. Shit, Maker knows I’m just bad luck when it comes to these things.”

“It wasn’t your doing,” Cassandra reminded him firmly. She’d tried to be gentle before with him, to comfortingly tell him that none of this was his fault. Now? She didn’t know if she could keep that up. “Hawke is alive, right here in front of you! You need to stop blaming yourself for every little thing, Varric. What we need to do now is focus on how to get him out of here. But he’s safe and that means there’s still a chance.”

Hawke chuckled and leaned over the table a bit to try and loudly not-whisper to her, “He’s a bit headstrong if you haven’t figured it out yet.” He grinned before he looked to Varric, giving him a smile to counter the look on his friend’s face. “Varric, honestly, do you really think you are to blame for everything? You can’t say that. We were looking to go on the expedition before you approached us. If your brother hadn’t been such an ass, we would have been on the team any way. Isabela was really the reason the Qunari came to Kirkwall in the first place. Anders was… well... he was what he was way before you or I ever met him. And Corypheus? Unfinished business of my father and myself. Not you. So cut it out or I’ll have to think of something embarrassing about you to tell Cassandra.”

Varric couldn’t stop the smile that spread across his lips at that, with each word Hawke spoke, it seemed to lift a huge weight off of his shoulders until Varric sighed and leaned back. “You know, there’s no talking to you when you start to go all Champion of Kirkwall on me.” He raised a hand as Hawke opened his mouth, “Yeah yeah, I know. That one is my fault. Shit…” He pressed his lips together for a moment before he looked at him again. “I’m glad you’re alright Hawke. We’ll find some way to get you out of here.”

Cassandra couldn’t stop herself from sighing, a relief seeming to seep through her. “We should have asked Solas to come with us tonight,” she said as she sat back in her chair, her arms crossed over her chest. “This seems like the sort of thing that he might be able to figure out.” She jumped slightly when Gramma plunked bowls of steaming hot soup on the table before them, along with a large basket of breadsticks. “Oh! Ah, thank you,” she stammered and sat up straighter, almost forgetting the old woman was there. “It is nice to meet you.”

Gramma nodded at the Seeker as she sat in her own chair. “Nice of you all to finally come visit me,” she countered, a smirk playing across her lips. “I honestly didn’t think I would ever get the chance to meet you, Varric,” she said, watching him carefully. She could feel some of those emotions from him easing already. Good. “So what do you think of this dreaming business? I can’t imagine not being able to dream. Is it as odd as you thought it would be?”

“That would be the understatement of the year,” Varric said as he looked down at the food in front of him and allowed himself to smile. “You’ve raised a couple of amazing granddaughters,” he said and bowed his head at her, “And I suppose I should be thanking you for this, ah, dream experience. Not sure if I’ll do it again, it looks too real. More real than my experiences in the Fade have been, anyway.” He studied the older woman, drinking in the details of the dark hair, streaked with grey. Her clothing that was ornate and matched the house in a way. “But this is my first real dream, I have to say, it’s taking the cake.”

“Speaking of cake,” Gramma said and turned sharply in her chair to look over her shoulder at the mage still standing by the counter, “Dorian, you better not be sneaking more of that cake. Save some for the rest of them.” She snickered at the way he slightly cringed and she turned back to the table, rolling her eyes. “He visits me here more than he’ll admit to. Sneaking food and hot showers. He claims it’s research for back in your world, but I don’t believe a word he says.” She couldn’t help but to tease Dorian, she adored him so. 

Dorian turned around, holding slices of the cake before he set them down on the table, moving to wipe the crumbs from his chin. “My dear, it is for research. I cannot simply figure out how the water stays so hot without magic! Yes, yes, electricity, but I am just astounded by how it all works. It really is quite marvelous. And you can hardly blame me for sneaking in your meals. I’ve become downright addicted to the cooking you and your granddaughters are capable of. I may just have to follow Lindsey once she’s married to the dear Commander and beg her to keep feeding me.”

Lindsey snickered and had to clap a hand over her mouth to stop herself from spitting soup all over the table. She managed to swallow and sat back with a laugh. “I think Cullen might have something to say about that one, Dorian,” she said. “Besides, why would you need to follow us when you can just visit Gramma every night?”

“He wants to do both,” Cassandra deadpanned, giving Dorian a look. She leaned slightly over the table as she took a bite, forcing herself not to moan. It was so good. She reached over and rubbed at Varric’s back, knowing that everything wasn’t completely fixed, but this was the first time since they’d returned from Adamant that he didn’t look completely depressed. “We can talk to Solas first thing in the morning,” she said quietly. “He is our expert on the Fade afterall. It wouldn’t hurt to see if he has some ideas.”

Hawke smiled at the way Cassandra handled Varric and he nodded. “Don’t you worry about me, Varric. I have this wonderful woman here to help me out until something or other happens. And when I get to eat like this all the time, you don’t have to rush finding a way out of here too quickly,” he said with a wink.

Varric chuckled and leaned into Cassandra’s touch. “Only you, Hawke, only you,” he said as he dipped his spoon into the soup and tasted it. His eyes fluttered shut at the warmth that seemed to fill him and he sighed out, feeling the ache that had been growing in his chest ease up. “Mmm, but I can see where this dream business has its benefits.”

It was Gramma’s turn to chuckle. “Well I can understand not wanting to dream all the time if it’s something you’ve never done before. But perhaps every now and then you could come visit. I like keeping up with my granddaughters and their friends. And I have to say, you lot are an interesting bunch. Now if we can just get that Iron Bull to agree to come visit. Last I heard, he wasn’t interested in having anything to do with the Fade. Pity,” she said, a slight pout on her lips. “Or we could always bring Sera, see how bad we can freak her out. Would serve her right for all those pranks she pulls.”

“Please don’t,” Cassandra said. “I fear it would only antagonize her more. She’s hard enough to handle as it is.” She dipped her bread into the soup, swirling it around. “Are you certain you are alright here, Hawke? I think I speak for everyone when I say it is rather unsettling to think of a living person being trapped in the Fade.” She cast a glance at Varric, hoping she wasn’t speaking out of turn. “Earlier, Varric was writing to some of your friends, when we thought you were dead. What… what would you have him tell them now?”

Hawke leaned back in his chair as he tilted his head for a moment, catching Varric’s eyes as he did and he smiled. “I’m sure that the world’s greatest storyteller can come up with something. This isn’t the first time I’ve disappeared into thin air, nor will it be the last, I’m certain. Just throw in something with a dragon, maybe a griffon for balance and you’ll be golden,” he said with a wink and Varric burst out laughing at the private joke, “I’m glad you came tonight, Varric. I know it wasn’t easy. I hope you understand why I did what I did.”

“Well, I think I can come up with something,” Varric said as he smiled at his friend. “To be honest, I’m just glad you didn’t die like I was sure you had. Thanks, you know, for making the hard choice when we couldn’t.” He exchanged a look with Cassandra, reaching under the table to give her knee a firm squeeze, relieved that she was in fact, alive and well with him. He grinned and pushed his empty plate away and rubbed his hands. “Well, Hawke, you knew this was coming. How about a game of Wicked Grace? Wouldn’t want you getting rusty just because you’re stranded here.”

“Oh, you are on.”

* * *

 

They spent several hours playing Wicked Grace and listening to Varric telling stories, often sharing inside jokes with Hawke. All in all, the entire thing went better than any of them had expected. None of them noticed how quickly the time passed until Lindsey suddenly vanished from the dream and Gramma chuckled. “Well, looks like someone woke her up,” she said with an almost knowing smirk on her face. She sighed and gathered up the cards, straightening the pack before she handed it back to Varric. “I suppose the rest of you should go. You’ll all be waking up soon.”

Cassandra nodded and got up from the table. “Thank you, for everything,” she said gratefully to Gramma. It was a lame thank-you, she knew that, but words could not express the level of gratitude she felt. To feel like she had Varric back, after those few days of absolute misery, was a greater relief than she could express. Even as she stood, she felt her surroundings starting to fade in and out, and she knew she must be getting ready to wake back in the real world. “I will see you back in our room,” she murmured in Varric’s ear as she bent to press a kiss to his jaw. 

Varric couldn’t stop the smile, nor the bloom of warmth in his chest as she kissed his cheek. He felt whole again. He turned to Hawke as Cassandra faded from the dream and they hugged once again. “You keep yourself out of trouble while you’re here, Hawke. A feat, I know, but try,” he said as he pulled back, laughing as Hawke pouted and reluctantly promised before he trudged off. Dorian vanished too, rather suddenly by the looks of it. He smiled at the grandma, “Seems like everyone is getting up in time for morning.” 

“Mmhmm,” she hummed, “More like getting up in time for some private time before they start their days.” She chuckled at the expression that crossed Varric’s face. “Just because you don’t want to think about them like that doesn’t mean it isn’t happening.” She was glad for a moment alone with him. “Now you listen here, young man. I know that spending time with Hawke made you feel better, knowing he’s still alive. And you put up a pretty good front when you want to, but I can still feel that guilt eating at you. Don’t ask how,” she said with a dismissive wave, seeing him about to voice the question. “You don't need to beat yourself up about Hawke being trapped here. That wasn’t your doing. He made that decision because he wanted you to be happy and to live your life. Letting that guilt eat you up isn’t going to help anyone.”

It was odd and rather disconcerting to have his thoughts and feelings voiced by someone whom he had just met, but he knew this lot was a special bunch. “I keep trying to tell myself that,” he said, rubbing at the back of his neck, “I just… need to keep reminding myself. I need to do better. They said you’ve been watching everything. You should know I have to do better. There’s too much at stake.”

Gramma gave a nod. “There is much at stake,” she agreed, fixing him with an intense stare. “More than you know. Which is why you don’t need to spend your time sitting around feeling bad about what has already happened. You can’t change it. But you  can  change what may happen in the future. Focus on that, on a way to rescue Hawke. Channel that energy and that want to fix things into a way you can actually fix it. Dorian figured out how to get back to Thedas through the rift. No one, and I mean  no one,  knows the Fade like Solas. There has to be a way to… bring back what’s been lost… without anyone getting hurt.”

He rubbed at his head. “Oh shit. You are being cryptic. I think I’ve had more than enough of deals with Solas. I know he’s trying to be better… but I don’t want to have any more secrets between him, the sisters. Anyone.” He paused and looked over his shoulder in the direction that Hawke had disappeared to. “Still, I would hope that there’s a way to save him.” He looked back at Gramma, “Still, it’s a place to start. Thanks. For everything. I think you have a hand in more than what you are giving away.”

A smug little smirk pulled at Gramma’s lips, but she didn’t answer that. “Don’t you worry about Hawke. He’s more than welcome to stay here with me. I rather enjoy having the company. Just think on what I said, talk it over with the others. No need for secrets. Finding a way to save the ones you care about is never cause for a secret.” She opened her arms and when he didn’t shy away, she hugged him. “And thank you for what you’ve done for my granddaughters. It’s good they have a friend like you they can trust.” She pulled back and rubbed at his shoulders. “Like I said, talk it over with everyone.”

She smelled of smoke and spice, yet she was warm and comforting. It was a peace that fell over him and he could only think of one other embrace that could compare. “Thank you. For everything. I don’t think we would be the same without them. I know that I wouldn’t have been able to manage what Lindsey and I did without her.” He smiled, thinking of Cassandra and the tarot reading that put her on his radar. “In more ways than one. Shit,” he said as he rubbed his head, “I need to finish those last few cards for her.”

“I think that means more to her than you realize,” Gramma said with a smile. “Now go on. Wake up to that beautiful fiancee of yours and figure out how to fix all this. I have faith in you.” She grabbed him by the shoulders again and spun him around towards the front door. A mischievous little smile made the corner of her mouth twitch and just before he disappeared, she gave his rear a firm, sharp pinch.

Varric’s eyes went wide as the sharp pain registered in his head and turned around just as he was starting to fade awake, but he couldn’t think of anything to say and he just laughed loud and rich as he woke. He was smiling as he drifted back to consciousness and he couldn’t believe he had dreamed. It was more enlightening than he thought it would be. He stretched and blinked his eyes open, catching Cassandra watching him, her short hair sticking up around her face. It was adorable.

“Good morning,” Cassandra said, her voice thick with sleep as she smiled at him. It was amazing to her that it had worked, that this simple spell had allowed him to be able to dream. While she knew that the magic the sisters did was different, she was still in awe of how powerful it was, how it seemed able to break the rules of magic here in Thedas. She reached over and dragged her thumb across his stubbled cheek, seeing a light in his eyes for the first time in days. It made her want to sob with relief. Perhaps it was too early to ask, but patience was never her virtue. “Do I have you back now?” she whispered.

There was something in the tone of her voice that had his heart aching for her. Even in his grief he was being selfish to her and to others who might have needed him to be strong. He nodded. “Yeah. I think I’ll be back now,” he said quietly as he reached out and ran a hand over her shoulder, relishing in the warm skin beneath his fingers. “Thanks. For, you know, sticking around when things got bad. I should have pulled my head out of my ass sooner. I wasn’t thinking,” he said as he moved to lay on his back, tugging Cassandra on top of him before he settled the covers around her, hugging her close.

“You didn’t have your head in your ass,” she corrected him as she laid her head on his chest, listening to the sound of his heart. “But I was afraid I was losing you. I’ve never seen you so upset before. Not that you didn’t have a right to be upset, just that… I thought… I thought you might never come out of it.” She bit her lips together and sighed, squeezing her eyes closed. “Now I am the one being selfish. Forgive me, Varric.”

Varric stared up at the ceiling as he ran his hands over her back. “Let’s just agree to disagree on that one, Seeker. I didn’t know if I was going to pull myself out of that one or not. As cheesy as it sounds, if you hadn’t been here for me, I might not have.” He enjoyed her weight on him and he wanted nothing more than to spend the day with her, but perhaps it was time to venture out into the world again. He needed to find a way to help Hawke and the grandmother had said that he needed to talk to Solas. There was hope for his friend yet and with him safe, he could relax enough to focus on the important tasks at hand. “I guess if I said I wanted to just hide in bed all day long, you wouldn’t buy it.”

“Mm-mm,” she hummed, shaking her head at him. She hugged him a little tighter and kissed his jaw. They’d been cooped up in his bedroom for days now and she was ready to climb the walls. “If you want to lay here for a few more minutes, I’ll allow it. But that is all. Then we are taking a hot bath, you’re going to eat breakfast for once, and we’re going to go see Jennifer’s baby.” She fixed him with a stare as if daring him to argue with her. “I’m not taking no for an answer, even if I have to drag you out of this room myself.”

A smirk tugged at the corner of his lips and he raised an eyebrow at her. “So forceful today. Are you doing to stab one of my books while you’re at it?”

“I might.”

Varric smiled at her and nodded then, leaning up and kissing her lips gently before he laid back with a groan and gave her ass a playful slap. “Alright, if we’re getting up before noon, breakfast had better be damn good. We’re going to steal Sparkler’s.” 


	18. Chapter 18

Solas rocked slowly in the rocking chair, looking down at the tiny baby in his arms. His eyes felt heavy and dry, like he could nod off at any moment. He knew this was to be expected, new parents always complained of sleepless nights, but damn if he didn’t just want to curl up and sleep for a week. Still, he couldn’t stop the hint of a smile on his lips as Olivia gave a squeak and snuggled into him. “Shh, da’len,” he soothed. He looked over at the bed and smiled at Jennifer as she watched him before a knock at the door drew his attention. He actually perked up when he saw the dwarf and the seeker standing there. “We wondered when you would feel up for a visit,” he greeted them.

Varric gave them both a smile, raising a hand in greeting to Jennifer who smiled widely the sight of them. “Didn’t think I’d be up for a visit, to be honest, but someone’s grandmother is rather persuasive,” he said as he shut the door behind Cassandra as they walked in further, his eyes rested on the little bundle in Solas’ arms and he felt his own heart melt at the sight. “I have to say, Chuckles, fatherhood looks good on you,” he said as he moved over to the elf’s side and and peered down at the little one in his arms. Her eyes blinked open at him and she smiled at her, “Hey there.”

The oddest sensation of her heart melting and sheer fear washed through Cassandra as she looked at the baby. “Maker,” she breathed, taking in the big blue eyes, the little pointed ears. Baby Olivia had to be the cutest thing Cassandra had ever seen. But she looked so tiny, so fragile, that she was certain the little one would break if she even attempted to touch her. She looked over at Jennifer and moved to sit on the edge of her friend’s bed. “How are you feeling?”

Jennifer smiled at Cassandra. “Much better now that she’s come out to play. Tired more than anything, and super dad over there is trying to do too much. Ever the wonderful protector,” she teased as Solas looked up at her. “It’s not going to kill me if I get up to take care of her at night too. You need to sleep as much as I do,” she said before she looked back at Cassandra, “How are things? We were worried for the both of you. Lindsey told me what she had planned, did it work? It must have worked if you both met Gramma.”

The corner of Cassandra’s mouth twitched in a smile. “It did,” she said with a nod. “Your grandmother is a very interesting person. And now I see where you get your talent for cooking.” She exchanged a look with Varric, wondering if he would want to be the one to tell them about Hawke. She cleared her throat. “We also met someone else at your grandmother’s house that we didn’t expect to meet.”

Varric looked up at that. “Hawke,” he said, his voice holding that touch of excitement. He didn’t know if they could save him, but it was worth a try. He could see both Jennifer and Solas look to him with a shocked expression on their faces. “Yeah. Hawke’s alive and somehow he’s with your grandmother in the Fade. She says he’s safe with her, but stuck in the Fade until we find some way to free him.” He looked to Solas, knowing everything he did about the man. Who he really was and all that. “She said that you might have some idea on how to get him out without anyone being hurt.”

Solas blinked at that, shock still ringing through him to hear that Hawke was alive. He never would have believed that anyone could survive taking on that monstrous spider. And now Gramma expected him to know a way to bring Hawke back from the Fade? “I…” he stammered, thinking it over. “It is worth researching. It is possible, it has to be. But it will have to be done carefully. We do not want to cause more harm than good by doing so. I will need time.”

Varric nodded at that. “Yeah, I didn’t think it would be that easy, but shit. Hawke wouldn’t want us to destroy the world just to bring him back. I mean, I don’t know what we could do to find him and then open a rift just for him. Seems like it would be a lot of wasted time and resources, so we’d have to think up of something else. I’d be willing to sit down with you later, maybe after this mess with Corypheus is over and done with so we can figure something out. Before if it’s not going to mess with the big battle that’s no doubt coming,” he said and rubbed the back of his head, “It’s something to hope for.”

Solas gave a nod. “I’m more than happy to discuss it with you whenever we both have the time,” he said, then paused and smiled down at his daughter. “It would seem my hand are rather full at the moment. Literally and figuratively,” he added with a slight chuckle. It always made him nervous to do this, but he thought perhaps that Varric might need it. He looked to the dwarf, slightly raising an eyebrow. “Would you like to hold her?” he offered, even though the protectiveness in his chest made him want to renege on the offer immediately.

The dwarf was taken aback by the question and raised an eyebrow at the elf but then smiled the next moment. “Sure, Chuckles, if you think you can part from the little one,” he said and carefully accepted the baby from the elf when he stood and he moved to sit down in the rocking chair that had been vacated. She was beyond a doubt, the most adorable thing he had ever seen. Warm, solid, smelling of fresh powder and flowers. Her eyes blinked up at him, as if she were trying to figure out who he was. “That’s right, I’m probably the first dwarf you’ve ever seen. I’m a little ass backwards though.”

“Varric!” Cassandra scolded, her eyes wide and her lips pinched. “Don’t swear in front of the baby!” She shook her head slowly at him, a disapproving look in her features before she looked at Jennifer again. “I am so sorry,” she apologized, not even bothering to lower her voice. “I cannot take him anywhere.”

Solas chuckled. “Do not worry yourself, Seeker,” he said as he went to a bookcase in the room and browsed over the titles, looking for a particular one. “I’m fairly certain she cannot understand such things yet.” He paused and shot a look at Varric over his shoulder. “But perhaps it is best if we do not make a habit of it,” he said before he returned his attention to the books he’d had brought in. He tipped his chin up slightly as he found the one he was searching for, then moved to sit at the foot of the bed. A sigh escaped him as he began to scan the pages. “There will be much research needed if we are to save Hawke,” he murmured, more to himself than to them.

Jennifer smiled at Solas, a thrill of excitement welling up inside of her. Gramma had told Varric to come to Solas to try and get him out of the Fade. Perhaps she knew that Solas had planned to tear down the Veil. What better motivation now than to attempt to free Hawke? “If there’s anyone who can figure it out, I know you can,” she said as she poked his thigh with her foot from under the covers. She smiled at Cassandra, before she looked over at Varric, it was a good purpose to have. Though she wasn’t certain how long it would take to accomplish such a feat. It was going to be a very involved quest. “Anything for you two.” Especially Varric. He held a place in her heart, more so after what he and her sister had endured together. She smiled at the dwarf holding her daughter, the way he smiled down at it, gently rocking back and forth. “I swear, what is it with all the manly men wanting to hold the baby? Not many women have been fumbling over themselves to come hold the baby, but Cullen, Dorian, hell, I think Blackwall has been eyeing her.”

“Well it is not like we have many babies around Skyhold,” Cassandra answered, watching Varric as he rocked the baby, looking as if he was just itching to tell her a story. “And you cannot tell me that Josephine hasn’t been here every five minutes.” She nearly laughed when she heard Solas snort behind her. “She is adorable. But they are all braver than I if they wish to hold her. She looks far too fragile for me.” Though she tried to stop it, a violent shiver raced down her spine, shaking her shoulders. “No, I’m much better suited for fighting than all this motherly… whatever it is,” she said with a dismissive wave of both hands at the baby.

Varric chuckled and looked up with a smirk on his face at Cassandra. “Aw, Seeker, you mean you don’t have any interest in having one of these little things? They certainly can grow on you,” he said with a wink before he looked back down at the babe in his arms, wondering for a moment what it would be like if it was his own. He smiled softly at the thought. “I’m sure our kid would be the most stubborn thing ever created with the mouth to back it up.” 

Cassandra felt the bottom drop out of her stomach at his words. “No,” she deadpanned in a low tone. If looks could kill, he certainly would’ve been a pile of ashes in that moment. “Do not get that idea in your head for even one second, Varric.”

“Too late! I’m already picking out names.”

“Ugh!” she huffed and snappishly crossed her arms over her chest, throwing one of her legs over the other as if closing herself off from him could protect her from any of these crazy ideas he was getting in his head. She was almost certain that her expression made her appear to be sulking, and in that moment she didn’t care. She shot a glare at Jennifer. “I blame you for this, you know.”

Jennifer giggled at the look Cassandra had and reached over to pat her arm. “There, there. I’m sure Varric’s just trying to get your goat,” she said smiling, “Besides, I think one baby is enough for Skyhold right now as it is. And I think Lindsey and Cullen have claimed the next spot, so, Varric, you have some time to convince Cassandra of the joys of pregnancy.” She looked back to the warrior, “It sucks, but the baby is worth it.”

“No,” Cassandra repeated firmly. She prayed that Varric was joking about picking out names already. She never could tell when he was lying and it drove her insane. She scowled at him, tempted to threaten him if he brought the subject up again. Yet somehow she couldn’t bring herself to do it, not when he had finally snapped out of that depression, and not when he looked so damn happy holding that tiny baby. “You are lucky you’re holding that little one,” she said flatly.

Varric looked up, eyebrow raised at Cassandra before he looked to Solas and Jennifer. “Yeah, I’m going to have to hold onto this one, for my own safety.” He grinned at the Seeker, but he was wondering if she was really so opposed to having a child of her own. True, he was no spring chicken, they both had some years on them. And to be honest, his current lifestyle was not in the best place to be having a child where they would have to grow up around the threat of assassins and the Carta and all that wonderful stuff. Still, something about it was appealing. He’d have to discuss it in detail with Cassandra later. They had time.

Solas glanced over his shoulder at Varric, and a smile made his lips quirk. “I believe Josephine may have more babies to dote upon soon if Olivia keeps having this affect on people,” he commented, a slight chuckle in his voice. Not that he blamed anyone. In his heart, he truly felt she was the most beautiful child he had ever seen. And he didn’t care if he was biased or not on the subject. He sighed and let the book in his hands close with a dull thunk. “I may have to visit the Inquisition library,” he said, turning to look at Jennifer. “Finding a way to bring Hawke back without causing more damage than necessary is going to take some time. I may have to speak to Dorian about it as well, seeing as how he has some experience with a similar matter.”

Jennifer smiled at the elf, feeling a warmth spreading in her at the thought of him working to find a new way to reach, not only his goal, but to help Varric and Hawke as well. “It might be worth trying to look at the spell that allowed us to travel between this world and our own. Maybe the spellbook might have something there that could help. I’ve not gone through the whole thing before. Lindsey might have though. I would ask her as well,” she said, watching as Varric stood up carefully and walked over to her to hand the baby back. She winked at Cassandra, “Sure you don’t want to hold her a little?”

Cassandra pressed her lips to a thin line and quickly shook her head. “She is beautiful,” she said, her tone softer, “But I really do not feel comfortable holding her. Perhaps when she is a little bigger?” She hoped she didn’t offend her friend, but she honestly felt as though she might break the infant if she touched her. She stood and moved to look over Jennifer’s shoulder, getting a better view of the baby in her arms. She couldn’t stop the warm smile that crossed her face and she ever-so-gently reached out to touch her little hand with her finger. “Hello,” she said softly. She felt Varric’s eyes on her and she stood up straight again, clearing her throat. “We should be going.”

Varric suppressed the urge to roll his eyes. “Yes, yes, come along, Seeker. Can’t have you catching the baby fever. It would seriously damage your stoic warrior persona. They all know you read the passionate romance novels.” He gave Jennifer a wink at that. “It’s more of a shock to find out that you aren’t interested in having a little one. I mean, think of all the passion that goes into making one.” 

She felt her face burn a bit at that and she grabbed at him, trying to tug him towards the door. “Congratulations again,” she said to Jennifer and Solas before she finally managed to get Varric through the door and shut it behind them. “Really?” she asked, folding her arms over her chest as she looked down her nose at him. “You had to bring the novels into it, didn’t you? And what does that have to do with wanting a child? We can have all the passion we want without there being an end goal.”

He chuckled and slipped an arm around her waist as he looked up at her. “Oh come on, Seeker. You know I enjoy teasing you. It’s been a while so that was overdue,” he said as he let his thumb stroke over the band of her breeches, “Don’t worry. I have everything I need to be a very happy man for a long time.”

A shiver raced up her spine at his touch and she smiled at him. “Good,” she stated and leaned down slightly to kiss his lips. She couldn’t stop the slight snort of amusement that escaped her. “At least you were teasing. Sometimes it is so hard to tell with you,” she said, a light feeling filling her heart to know that he was in a good enough mood to joke again. She straightened up and looked at him again. “One of these days I’ll be able to figure out when you’re telling the truth and when you are not. Someday.”

He laughed at that and turned her towards the direction of the tavern. “I hope not. I have to have some kind of upper hand over the wife. You should know I’m not going to lie to you. Ever again. Well, maybe if it’s only really necessary that I have to keep utmost security on a matter. I’ve been on your bad side and I’d rather not go through that experience again. Your punches hurt.” 

She laughed at that. “As well they should,” she stated matter-of-factly. Something in her chest went  _ squee!  _ at hearing him call her his wife, and she immediately scolded herself for being such a girl. She wrapped her arm around his shoulders and walked with him down the corridor. “I really should return to my training,” she said. “It has been days since I’ve been out there. Would you… care to keep me company? I wouldn’t mind being read to while I work.”

“Seeker, it would be my genuine pleasure.”


	19. Chapter 19

Lindsey loudly shut the door to Cullen’s office behind her and leaned back against it, trying to catch her breath. She gave an airy laugh when Cullen looked up at her from his work. “I think I’ve made too many jokes about stealing the baby,” she panted. “I thought Solas was gonna bite me for sure this time.” She pushed away from the door and walked around behind his chair, wrapping her arms around his shoulders. “I say you take all those reports and chuck ‘em in the fire,” she murmured, her lips brushing his ear.

He felt a pleasant shiver run through him at the tone of her voice, the warm breath brushing against his ear. He smiled and leaned back against her. “You know, I think that is the best idea that I have heard all day,” he said as he turned his head so he could kiss her gently, “Mmm and please don’t antagonize Solas so. I would hate to have to explain to the healers why he bit you.” He chuckled as he turned his chair so he could tug the woman down into his lap. “Though, you have a point. Little Olivia has certainly stolen a lot of hearts around Skyhold in such a short amount of time.”

She smiled as she settled into his lap, her arms around his neck. “Well of course. She’s easily the most adorable thing here,” she said. She paused and giggled, drawing the tip of her finger down the bridge of his nose. “If I’m not mistaken, I’d say one of those stolen hearts is yours.” Not that she could blame him. He was right, just about everyone was infatuated with the new little person in the Inquisition. “I think everyone around here’s almost forgotten why the Inquisition exists in the first place, they’re so distracted by all that cuteness,” she laughed.

Cullen attempted to kiss at her fingers as she touched his face and he peered up at her. “I think everyone is relieved to have the distraction. To know there is more out there in the world than death right now.” He rubbed a gloved hand over her arm, biting his lip as he thought. “It makes me want to just throw all caution to the wind and maybe do something a bit ill considered and reckless. Your influence, I think. You know I’ve been off of lyrium for a while now. Maybe… maybe it’s safe.”

Her heart jumped and she pulled slightly back to look him in the eyes. “Yeah?” she asked, an excited smile starting to creep across her face. Seeing Cullen holding baby Olivia had definitely gotten her to thinking about how he would look holding a baby of their own. And she liked that idea quite a lot. She grabbed his face with both hands and kissed him fiercely. “Whenever you’re ready, I am,” she said as she rubbed her nose against him. “Though you know we’re going to have to make a lot more time for each other,” she teased, giving him a wink.

He smiled at her, wrapping his arms around her securely. “Mm, that we are,” he breathed against her before he picked her up in his arms, standing from his chair. He paused when he saw the ladder leading upstairs and he sighed, dropping his head against Lindsey’s shoulder, “Remind me again why I thought the loft would be a good idea. I am seriously regretting it now.” He looked up at the ladder before he grinned and moved to it, holding Lindsey against it as he wrapped her legs around his waist and he kissed at her with a renewed passion. “Mm, are you certain you are ready for this? You would make a wonderful mother, but you’ve seen how much your sister has gone through.”

“For you, it’s worth it,” she breathed, kissing back at him as she tightened her legs around his waist. A thrill shot through her at the idea, of giving him a family. She’d seen firsthand how much work it was, and yet that didn’t deter her in the slightest. She kissed and sucked at the side of his neck, nibbling on his ear as a soft moan escaped her. “I want this,” she whispered as she squirmed in his grasp, the rungs of the ladder pressed against her back, but providing a little bit of support. “If you want it too, then let’s go for it, love. I just want you to be happy.”

“You make me happy. More than I ever thought possible,” he murmured against the skin of her neck as he reached down between them, pulling at the ties on his breeches. He had to have her, he could go slow later, but he had to have her in that moment or he thought he would go crazy. The thought of actually starting his own family, it made his heart want to burst and he didn’t want to wait for the war to be over. “This fighting isn’t going to stop us. It can’t have our happiness,” he moaned against her as he finally freed himself, his hand stroking himself to full hardness.

“Oh gods,” Lindsey breathed as she looked at him, the way his hand slid over his hard length, that lust in his eyes. She hiked her skirt up around her hips and pulled him closer, shivering as she felt his cock brush against her already wet sex. “Damn right this fight can’t stop us,” she breathed and kissed him again as she hooked her leg over his hip, pulling him into her body. Her eyes rolled in her head as he slid into her, his thick length making her feel stretched and full. A hiss slipped through her teeth as she was pressed back against the ladder, her body accepting him to the hilt. “Yesss.”

Cullen couldn’t stop the groan that left his throat as she slipped down over him. She was so hot, so tight around him that it stole his breath away. He thrust up against her, enjoying the slick slide of her body. He leaned down, pressing his lips to her still clothed chest, mouthing at a pert nipple he could see pressing up against her shirt. “Not wearing any knickers, love.” Maker help him, she would be his undoing, his cock twitching deeply inside of her at the thought. He set a quick pace, unable to control himself from enjoying her.

“Same as the Winter Palace,” she said with a slight giggle. She moaned wantonly as he drove deeply into her and she clawed at his hair, pulling it slightly. “I do it on purpose, you know. I keep hoping that when you see me in a skirt that you’ll just grab me and have your way with me.” She bucked her hips forward, meeting his forceful pace. She bit her lip, her eyes rolling to the ceiling as a thought crossed her mind. How terribly would he blush if she talked a little dirty to him? She pressed a hot kiss to the side of his neck before testing the waters by breathing in his ear, “I love how big your cock is inside me.”

Cullen swallowed hard as she talked to him, her words inflaming him in a way he never thought possible. It was so wrong, but Maker help him, all he wanted to do was listen to her. He remembered the Winter Palace, when he had impulsively pulled her into the closet and had her while they were both dressed to the nines, stuffy nobles just on the other side of the thin door. He groaned and buried his face against her shoulder to hide his obvious blush. He thrust into her again, pulling her down over and over on his cock. She was a silken heat that he couldn’t get enough of. “Maker,” he breathed, “You like that? You like me filling you up, don’t you? Just think,” he gasped out against her, “You’ll be so full, carrying our child. You’ll be so beautiful.”

Lindsey shivered in his embrace, listening to him answer her. “I love it,” she gasped out, her body clenching around him. Slick sounds met her ears, the sound of their skin slapping together, mixed with her moans and the gasps from his mouth. She grabbed his face, tipping it up so she could see the blush on his cheeks before she crushed their mouths together in a searing kiss. “Oh gods, Cullen,” she whined as he drove harder into her core. “You’re so good at this, baby. It feels so incredible to fuck you like this.”

He shuddered against her, relishing in the feeling of her around him and he lifted her up only to drag her back down over him again. “You little minx, you like seeing me blush.” He swallowed hard at the look she gave him and he moaned before catching her lips, slipping his tongue to slide alongside hers, drinking in her sweet flavor. “I love you,” he sighed, his lips ghosting over hers, “I want you so much. I want this. Our family. I want to be happy with you.” 

“I love you too,” she answered, hissing through her teeth at the sheer pleasure that radiated through her entire being. A longing seemed to stab through her heart at his words, wanting so badly to give him the family he wanted, that she wanted. “We will have it, our family, our happiness,” she promised, kissing back at him as she bucked her hips against his. She met his eyes, holding his gaze intensely. “I will do whatever it takes. As long as I can make you happy, that’s all that matters to me.” She panted heavily, the ache low in her belly intensifying, seeming to pulse as he thrust into her. “Cullen, I’m so close,” she whimpered. 

“That’s it,” he breathed reaching between them to circle his thumb around her clit. There was something so erotic about the both of them still clothed. It was driving him insane and he loved the impropriety of it all. The dirty talk, the thrill of doing this in his office. He loved the thought that every time he had another boring meeting or report to look over, he could always remember this moment, every gasp, every cry for pleasure that he could pull from her sweet lips. “Maker, you are so beautiful.” He cried out as he wrapped his other arm around her as he pounded into her, their movements jostling the ladder so much that it shook and he thought it would break. The sounds of their gasps, cries and the sound of slick skin slapping against each other. “Come for me, love. Let me see. Let those messengers hear you.”

She cried out in pleasure as he drove himself harder into her body. “Yes! Oh gods, Cullen!” she screamed out as she went over that edge, her body jerking and clenching around his thick shaft. She nearly sobbed in bliss, her center throbbing with pleasure, her breasts swelling and tingling as she came. It made her eyes roll back in her head and her toes curl as she rode out the waves of orgasm. She wrapped her arms around him, breathless as he continued to pound himself into her body. “Come, baby. Come inside me,” she begged, tightening her legs around his waist. “I want it. Please, Cullen, please.”

He leaned down, burying his head against her neck, biting harshly at the juncture of her shoulder as he pumped into her, crying out as he finally came. Her slick hot walls milking him dry as he held himself within her, making certain to give her every last drop of himself. “Yes, love. Yes,” he moaned, his body on fire as he held her tightly, “Lindsey.” 

Sharp pain from her shoulder somehow only made the pleasure that much stronger and she gave a soft cry as they finally stilled against each other. Her head fell back against a ladder rung, one of her legs slipping from his waist to help support her weight again. “So good,” she panted, running her fingers through his hair and cradling his head to her shoulder. Something in her heart fluttered as she thought about what they just did, the intention behind it this time. It made her happier than she thought was possible and she wrapped her arms tightly around his shoulders, kissing at the side of his neck. “Should we head upstairs?” she asked softly.

Cullen groaned against her, humming in his agreement. “Yes, my darling. I think we should,” he murmured as he pulled back to look at her warmly. “As exciting as this was, I want to love you properly,” he said as he leaned forward, kissing her soundly, sliding his tongue along the seam of her lips, “And if someone walked in on us, I am fairly certain I would never be any other shade save for red.” He rubbed his nose against hers, smiling at her.

She giggled at that. “Aww, but you look so cute when you blush,” she teased as she shifted, letting his body slip from hers, and she turned to climb the ladder. “Come on then, Commander, before any of your troops see more of you than they bargained for.” She paused and winked over her shoulder at him. “I rather like keeping that privilege all to myself.”

* * *

The weather at Skyhold steadily grew bitter cold as the months turned from late summer to fall, then to winter. Residents seemed to keep more to themselves, and they certainly didn’t venture out into the courtyard unless absolutely necessary, choosing instead to huddle inside and stoke the fireplaces. Ice covered the stairs and the battlements, hidden beneath a thick blanket of snow. Wind howled and whistled through the windows and under the doors, whipping through the courtyard to sting the cheeks and noses of anyone trying to sneak across to get a drink from the tavern.

Lindsey sniffled as she hurried to Cullen’s office as fast as she dared, her arms wrapped tight around herself, trying to shield herself from the wind. Her eyes streamed, her face stinging, but she knew it wasn’t entirely from the cold. 

It was from disappointment. Again.

She slipped through the door and sighed as the warmer air of the office washed over her. She let the messenger exit before she shut the door, her hand resting against it as she steeled her nerve. She hated to tell him this again. Every month there was the excitement, the hope, the anticipation, and then inevitably the disappointment. It made her stomach coil tightly, and she sniffled again before she scrubbed at her eyes, calming herself as much as possible. Her face was still rather pink when she turned to him, an apologetic frown on her lips as she crossed the room to him again. She was half-frozen, but that was the last thing on her mind. “I’m sorry,” she said, her voice barely above a whisper and cracking as she spoke. “I’m… I’m not pregnant.” She hung her head to avoid seeing the look in his eyes, and she wondered to herself what she was doing wrong.

Cullen felt his heart drop again, and his stomach churn at the look on her face. He opened his arms wide, accepting her into his embrace. “C’mere,” he said quietly, “It’s not your fault.” He pulled back to look at her. “It isn’t. I don’t want to see that look on your face.” He sighed as he rubbed at her arms. “I think it might be more of my fault than yours.”

She sighed heavily as she let him wrap her up in his arms. The more she thought about the situation, the more it nagged at her. When they weren’t trying, it wasn’t such a big deal. But now, it was disheartening. “I don’t understand it,” she murmured into his shoulder. “I’ve been good, I haven’t been drinking, been trying to eat well. I just don’t get it.” She shook her head and hide her face against him, a mirthless snort escaping her. “Half tempted to have a drink now,” she muttered flatly.

Cullen winced and looked away from her. “You should have one. On me.” He sighed and looked back to her, catching her eyes. “I should tell you. After the first two times you told me that you weren’t pregnant, I began to suspect. What if the reason that we can get pregnant is because of me… because of my,” He trailed off, “My lyrium addiction. I am beginning to think that I quit too late. It’s my fault. Something is wrong with me. It cannot be you, because you are perfect.”

“I’m not perfect, Cullen, don’t say that,” she muttered, feeling her heart sink even more. She knew that he was trying to cheer her up, but it only made her feel worse, like he had high expectations of her that she couldn’t meet. She pulled back from him and wiped at her face with a groan before she looked up at him. “You really want to go have a drink? With the way I feel right now, I wouldn’t say no. And don’t blame yourself. You’ve been taking care of yourself too. It’s just… not happening for some reason.” It was lame, she knew that, but she refused to believe that it was something he’d done, that it was somehow his fault.

He smiled at her and he stood up, turning towards her as he drew her into his embrace. “Let’s have a drink then,” he murmured against her, “You do this every time, you know. You are trying to save my emotions, but I know. It’s my mistakes that have led us here.” He hugged her tightly. “You are as stubborn as your sister’s baby,” he accused. 

“Can’t help it,” she muttered as she took his arm and they headed out of the office. She shivered as the wind hit them full force and she clung a little tighter to his side. “It’s so slick out here, I keep feeling like I’m just going to fall over the side,” she said. A smile pulled at her lips the next moment. “But all this snow makes me think of Christmas. I should make you celebrate with me.” She turned her face to look at him as they walked, seeing how his nose had already gone red from the bitter cold. “Did I tell you about that holiday from back home?”

Cullen chuckled as he kept his arms securely around her as they walked. “You have a holiday to celebrate snow and ice?” He paused as he thought back over their time together. “Hmm, now that you mention it, I think you did bring it up. Something with decorating trees and then hiding presents under them for children?” he asked, she and her sister celebrated the most unusual things and at that thought he blushed, remembering another holiday she was telling him about during the fall that year. “Andraste preserve me, it’s not something like that… Bel… Bel… ah… holiday where you dance naked around a fire? Though, a fire would be most welcome about now.”

“Beltane,” she filled in for him with a slight giggle. “No, dear, that one is in the spring. And if I’m not pregnant by then, I am SO making you dance naked around the fire.” She leaned against him for balance as they made their way down to the tavern, her mind filled with thoughts of Christmas. Spending time with him, with her sister and Solas and baby Olivia… A pang shot through her heart as she wondered if she would never spend a Christmas morning with her own children, and she frowned again, blinking her watering eyes. “This cold is miserable,” she commented as she scrubbed at her eyes, hoping he would buy the excuse. 

They stepped inside the tavern, stomping the snow from their boots, when a familiar voice called out boisterously to them. 

Lindsey whipped around to see Iron Bull gesturing them over, Dorian seated next to him. “Should’a known,” she said to Cullen and took his hand, pulling him along with her to join them at the table. She shrugged off her coat and draped it over the back of the chair before leaning her elbow on the table, propping her cheek against her fist. “Keeping warm?” she asked Dorian, knowing how much he hated the bitter cold.

Dorian made a face. “My dear, at this point all I have to do is just think about going outside and I am frozen solid. If Corypheus strikes now, all he is going to have to oppose him will be a bunch of frozen statues to stand for the Inquisition’s forces,” he said, moving to take a long sip from his spiced wine and reached for the bottle on the table, offering it to her, “I can’t imagine how you can stand being in the dear Commander’s quarters. He still didn’t get that hole repaired in the roof, did he?”

“No,” she sighed as she accepted the bottle from him and poured herself a healthy measure of it. “I think he’s using it as an excuse to cuddle at night. I keep telling him I’ll cuddle anyway, hole in the roof or no. But he still hasn’t done it.” The corner of her mouth twitched as she looked at Cullen out of the corner of her eye, but she could tell that he wasn’t much in the mood for jokes. Truth be told, neither was she. She gave another sigh and took a big swallow of the wine.

Bull watched her for a moment. “So still no kid, huh?” he asked bluntly. He blinked at the scandalized look Dorian shot him. “What? You think it isn’t obvious they want one? Ben’Hassrath, remember? I can see it in their eyes. And she wouldn’t be drinking otherwise.”

Lindsey scowled at him over the rim of her glass. “I swear to the Goddess, you’re worse than Cole sometimes, Bull.”

Cullen rubbed the back of his neck as a blush crept across his cheeks at the expectant look that Dorian and Bull gave him. “Ah, no, that is, I mean. Yes, we are trying for one, but...” He sighed and reached his hand down to give Lindsey’s knee a firm squeeze as he caught her gaze and held it. “We still haven’t been able to get the timing right, I suppose.” He knew what he thought it was and he was cursing himself at the thought that once again, lyrium had stolen something else from him. 

Bull took a long slurp from his tankard, then set it noisily on the table. “You might be trying too hard,” he commented. “You both look way too stressed out. This is supposed to be the fun part!” He couldn’t help the low chuckle that rumbled in his throat. “Maybe you should try something new, experiment a little. You know, spice it up. I can give you some pointers if you like,” he said suggestively.

“Oh for the,” Cullen said as he felt his face heat up more at the thought of getting pointers and experimenting, “No. Thank you, but we are fine… oh Maker, we are not talking about this, are we?” He turned and gave Lindsey a look, his face felt like it was on fire when he saw her watching him with interest.

“Hey, c’mon, it’s not like I offered to demonstrate for you,” Bull countered good-naturedly as he grabbed up his drink again. “That’s more her sister’s thing, anyway.” He took a long drink, enjoying Cullen’s embarrassment a little more than he probably should have. He smacked his lips as he pulled the mug away. “Anyway, like I said, you should be having fun with this. That big bed up in one of the highest towers in Skyhold? It’s not like anyone can see you up there. Or hear you. You should try tying her up.” He paused and smirked at Lindsey. “Or you could tie him up.”

“Oh jeezus,” Lindsey whispered and dropped her forehead to the table. It took every ounce of her willpower not to burst into giggles, partly from being embarrassed about this conversation, but more so from how brilliantly red Cullen’s face had gone. She drew a long breath through her nose to sober herself and looked up again, her lips pressed thin, though her eyes danced with mischievousness. “Is that something you do often?” she asked, her eyes darting over to Dorian, barely able to keep her face straight. “Tie each other up? How… ahem… how does that work exactly?”

Dorian felt his own face heat up at her question and he tilted his wine glass back until he drained the entire thing. “Oh I am not discussing this while I am even slightly sober,” he muttered and gestured to the bartender for another bottle. “It’s obvious you can’t both tie each other up at the same time. Unless you were very, very creative. It’s about trust.”

“I didn’t mean at the same time,” Lindsey huffed, clapping a hand to her eyes. “You sure you haven’t had enough to drink, Dorian?” 

“Nah, he’s just getting started,” Bull said. “He thinks it keeps him warmer.” He sat back in his chair, watching the three of them for a moment. He kept picturing Dorian back in his bedroom, tied up with silky red ropes, the way they contrasted with his amber-colored skin. He cleared his throat and shook his head, having to shift a bit in his seat as his body reacted to the mental images. “You could always pay a visit to Orlais if ropes aren’t your thing. They’ve got all sorts of… options. Just gotta know the right shops to visit.” He knew he should stop, but he couldn’t. He just couldn’t. “C’mon, Cullen. Surely there’s something you wanna try that you haven’t yet. Or do you like the idea of the ropes? I can show you how to tie them.”

“Oh sweet Maker, no. Thank you,” he grit out as he ran a hand through his hair, starting to seriously regret coming down for a drink, “I seriously doubt that our… issue… isn’t because we aren’t… ah, enthusiastic about the process,” he stuttered through and Bull caught his eyes. He suddenly found himself wondering if Bull knew the reason why he was having trouble and he was trying to help lessen the guilt he was feeling and he rubbed at his face, trying to make the blush go away. “I don’t much fancy the ropes and I’m sure Lindsey has something else in mind after her experiences here in Thedas.” 

“Hmmm,” Bull hummed thoughtfully. “Well, like Dorian said, that’s where the trust comes in. But if it makes her uncomfortable, that would be counterproductive.” He leaned back, scratching his chin as he tried to think on it. Still, he couldn’t get the images of Dorian and those ropes out of his mind. He tugged at the leg of his pants, trying to adjust himself as his length hardened and strained against them. Good thing the table was there or the Commander might really have fallen over out of sheer embarrassment. “I wasn’t questioning your enthusiasm. I’ve seen the way she walks after a long night with you.” He threw his head back and laughed as Lindsey banged her forehead on the table again and Cullen’s face turned an entirely new shade of red. “I’m just reminding you to keep it fun. It can end up seeming like a chore if you don’t mix things up a bit. Hey, I’ve got it! You ever heard of an Orlesian tickler?”

“Bull!” Dorian poked the Qunari, “No.” He shook his head at him as he looked across the table. “I daresay, you’ve traumatized the dear Commander enough as it is, not too mention that some things should remain private.” Dorian looked to Lindsey, giving her an apologizing look, but he could see she was enjoying herself far more than Cullen. “When he blushes like this, does it go full body? I mean, I remember the card game, but he was rather fast when he bolted.” He smirked, watching as Cullen groaned and buried his face in his hands. 

“Now Dorian, didn’t you just say that some things should remain private?” she asked, reaching over and patting poor Cullen on the back. She shouldn’t have been so amused. She refilled her glass with the wine and slid it to Cullen. “Here, honey, drink more. Drink enough and you won’t remember any of this by the morning.”

“Or you’ll get him drunk enough to let you tie him up,” Bull chuckled. He shifted in his chair again. He reached under the table, grabbing the inside of Dorian’s thigh and gave it a firm squeeze before sliding his hand up to brush over his crotch. A smirk tugged at the corner of his mouth as Dorian gave a slight jump. He didn’t know how much longer he could just sit here like this. “Oh fuck it,” he growled and downed the rest of his drink before he clanked it back on the table. “C’mon, Kadan. We’re going to bed.”

Dorian felt his own face heat up, his cock twitching at the low promise he could hear in Bull’s voice. “You brute, you can’t go five minutes without thinking or talking about sex without working yourself into a hot mess.” He sighed and gave Lindsey an apologetic look. “Come find me later, perhaps we can discuss issues in a more academic manner, if you can brave the cold,” he said as he pushed himself up and away from the table.

“Wha? But we just got here!” Lindsey protested until Bull stood up and she saw the reason for their sudden departure. “Oh,” she giggled, turning as Cullen choked on his drink and she had to thump him on the back. “Yeah, uh, see you later, Dorian.” She shook her head as she watched the two of them go. She turned her attention back to Cullen. “I’m sorry about them,” she apologized. “I… really wasn’t expecting all that. I shouldn’t have gone along with Bull like that.”

Cullen sighed and reached out, taking her hand in his. “No, it’s okay. Maker, I don’t know why he insists on that. I mean,” He closed his eyes, “I’m not ever dissatisfied with our passion. Our nights are more than I have ever dreamed I could ever have.” He lifted her hand and pressed a kiss to her knuckles. “You should know that it is no fault of yours why we are having issues,” He swallowed and looked away from her, “I’m sorry, but the lyrium… it might have taken this from me as well.”

She sighed and leaned her forehead against his, wrapping her fingers around the back of his neck. “Cullen, I’m still not sure I believe that. But, if it’s somehow true, I don’t want you to feel guilty about it. I want a family with you. I do. But if it’s just you and me for the rest of our lives, I am happy with that too,” she said softly. She swallowed and met his eyes. “Not… not that I want to discuss our private life with everyone, but Dorian spoke as if he had an idea. Do you want me to talk to him? I’m sure it would be more productive than Bull’s idea of ropes.”

Cullen relaxed against her, closing his eyes as her fingers felt blissfully cool on the back of his hot neck. “I would hope so. He at least tries to take some things seriously. The ones that matter, at any rate,” he breathed in her scent, smiling at the closeness between them. “I don’t see what it can hurt. So long as it doesn’t involve any sex toys, I’d be willing to try it,” he murmured.

“Prude,” she teased and kissed the tip of his nose, giving him a wink. “Alright, I’ll talk to Dorian. Once, you know, I’m sure he and Bull have, ah, finished. Don’t need to walk in on that,” she said, giggling and shuddering at the same time. She hated seeing Cullen blaming himself like this. Perhaps Dorian would have an idea, a potion, a spell, something. Anything that could possibly help at this point, she was willing to try.


	20. Chapter 20

“What’s the matter, Kadan? You said you wanted me to use the bedposts.”

“You great lummox! This isn’t what I meant and you know it!”

Bull chuckled as he stepped back to admire his handiwork. Dorian lay on the bed, his legs spread wide with each ankle tied to a bedpost, his arms restrained at his sides. The red silk ropes crisscrossed over his chest, knots strategically placed to tease his nipples with every movement. “You like it,” Bull purred as he stood at the foot of the bed, drawing his fingertips tantalizingly along the inside of Dorian’s thigh, ghosting over his already hard length. 

Dorian bit his lip as his cock twitched at the sensation of Bull’s hand so close yet so far away. He shifted on the bed, his arms were bound beneath him and quite useless. He was completely exposed and at Bull’s mercy. Every movement made had the cool silk teasing his pebbled nipples and he groaned out as Bull teased him again. “As if I would give you the satisfaction of saying yes.” He pulled against his restraints, feeling the burn in his thighs from being stretched so widely apart. Nothing was hidden from Bull’s heated gaze.

“You’ll be screaming it by the time I’m done with you,” Bull rumbled and dropped to his knees at the foot of the bed, his eye roaming over Dorian’s flesh. He leaned in and pressed heated kisses to the inside of the other man’s thigh, traveling steadily closer to the hard length that seemed to tremble in anticipation. He loved this, teasing Dorian, making him squirm, making him want it all the more. Ever so slowly, he teased one of the orbs beneath the hard shaft, working it around with his tongue. His own length twitched, but he ignored it for now. He never liked to rush these things.

Dorian shouted out, thrusting up against Bull as a blessed heat wrapped around his balls and he keened. “Vishante kaffas,” he cried as he threw his head back, whimpering when Bull pulled back when he squirmed too much and that feeling, being held tightly with no chance of escape. It was good and he could fall back into it, knowing he could not be in a safer place. He pulled on his legs again, wishing them free so he could wrap them around Bull’s head. He grit his teeth, trying to at least put up some fight. It wouldn’t do to just give right into begging.  

Bull suppressed the urge to chuckle again, watching and waiting for Dorian to settle on the bed again. “So eager,” he teased as he trailed the tip of his tongue up the length of Dorian’s shaft. He drew his finger between the mage’s buttocks, lightly teasing the entrance to his body, then captured the tip of his cock in his mouth. He sucked gently at it, wiggling his finger, but not sliding it into his body just yet. A low moan rumbled in his throat at the sounds coming from Dorian already.

The mage bit his lip so hard he tasted blood, trying to thrust up into Bull’s mouth, but the Qunari pulled back with him so that only the tip stayed within the hot cavern. He whimpered as he felt Bull teasing his ass and he wanted nothing more than to sink down onto him. “Bull!” he grit out, his thoughts were quickly becoming hazy and difficult to keep focused, “Please. Please don’t tease me!” He knew damn well Bull would do whatever he wanted and he could recall a particular torturous session where the brute had walked off and went down to the bar for a drink while he was still tied up for all who ventured in to see. 

Bull smirked and pulled back, his finger still twirling around the puckered flesh. Dorian hadn’t uttered the safeword yet, and he had no intention of giving in that easily. He loved listening to him beg for it, though. “Easy, Kadan,” he said as he wrapped his large hands around the fronts of Dorian’s thighs, holding him steady on the bed. “I’m just warming up.” He lowered his head and licked at the opening to his body, poking at it with the tip of his tongue, savoring the taste of his lover’s body. He growled low in his throat and held Dorian down firmer as he tried to squirm in his grip.

“You are the most… ngh… infuriating man I have ever met!” Dorian hissed, it lost it’s bite the more Bull dragged his tongue over his opening. The pointed tip slipping in past the ring of muscles only when Bull pleased. He could feel a few drops of cum slipping from himself as the anticipation grew. He knew that the man could carry on for days at this pace without any thought, nor concern about his own pleasure. “You just had to get worked up over the ropes,” he breathed out in a gasp as he looked to his leg, his ankle caught and delicately tied up. He had to admit, red was a lovely color on him.

“Can you blame me?” Bull countered, placing a love bite to the juncture of Dorian’s leg and buttcheek. He breathed heavily as he placed hot kisses all over his lover, nibbling at his sac before he sealed his lips around the base of his cock. He gave it a firm suck as his finger traveled back to Dorian’s ass, letting just the first digit slip inside him. He wiggled it, thrusting it quickly, shallowly into him, just enough to drive the mage mad. He leaned slightly up to lap up the drops of cum on the tip of Dorian’s cock, pressing the tip of his tongue into the slit. He groaned at the spicy sweet taste before trailing his mouth back down the length of his shaft.

It wasn’t near enough to get him anything close to an orgasm, the thick finger stayed shallow when he wanted it to go deep and work over his prostate, but no. It was still so very good though. The heat, the slickness of Bull’s talented tongue lit a fire deep in his belly and he weakly thrust up against his bindings to no avail. “Amatus,” he breathed, clenching his muscles down around the finger spreading him apart, “Please.”

Bull ignored the weak plea. He worked his way up Dorian’s body, licking, sucking, nibbling the warm, honey-colored skin. He paused a moment to make sure the ropes were still properly in place, knots placed over Dorian’s nipples, and he smirked as he listened to the mage hiss. He straddled Dorian’s chest, looking down at the other man in admiration for just a moment. “You look amazing like this,” he said as he took his own cock in hand, stroking it slowly and moaning low in his throat. The corner of his mouth twitched as he grasped the base of his length and teased Dorian’s lips with the head. 

Dorian shivered as Bull’s cock slapped at his lips and he opened his mouth, his tongue chasing after the hot flesh. He moaned out as he got a taste of the musky flesh and he cried out in frustration as Bull pulled it away at the last second, “You are insufferable!” He secretly or not so secretly loved the weight of the other man on top of him. The loss of his control over the situation and the utter not caring he had for it. Bull making him beg for it though, the humiliation only further heightened his pleasure.  

Bull groaned low in his throat as Dorian’s hot tongue lapped at him. “You want it that bad?” he asked, quirking an eyebrow. He drew his fist over his cock slowly, moaning again as thick beads of precum slipped from the tip and ran down the side. “I’m debating on if I want to let you have it, or if I should just make you watch,” he said, squeezing himself firmly, acutely aware of the way Dorian’s eyes followed his hand. He didn’t know how much longer he could hold off and finally gave a shrug, deciding to get the easy one done and over with first before he really took his time with Dorian. Bull moved to get on all fours over the mage, rocking his hips so the head of his cock bumped against Dorian’s lips. “Suck it.”

Dorian’s cock twitched at the command, at how inescapable Bull’s cock was as the man straddled his face and he gladly opened his mouth, moaning as the Qunari slowly slid into him. He had to take a deep breath from his nose, inhaling the masculine scent from his love’s body. He almost paused at that thought, his heart thudding in his chest at the realization. He loved him. He closed his eyes and moaned around the cock in his mouth, tongue licking up the precum that coated it and he relaxed his throat as best as he could to take more of him in. He felt himself tremble as his throat expanded as Bull pushed in.

“Oh yeah,” Bull breathed as he slid his cock into Dorian’s mouth. The wet heat wrapped around him perfectly, the slick tongue pressing against him, making him shiver. He pulled back before sliding back in, taking care not to go too fast. “So good, Kadan,” he said huskily, reaching his hand down to hold the back of Dorian’s head. He hissed through his teeth at the hungry pull of the mage’s mouth, the way it made his balls draw up against his body. “Harder,” he commanded, rocking his hips just a little faster. “Suck it harder.”

He couldn’t deny him, not that he would want to in the first place and he greedily sucked harder around the firm flesh, moaning around it as he could feel the telltale sensations that the Qunari was about to come and he whined, wanting everything from the man. He wanted his arms freed so he could reach up and grasp the Bull’s ample hips in his hands. He swallowed around the flesh instead, trying to bob his head in time with his thrusts, but they were becoming erratic so he just laid back and took what he was given as he worked his tongue and teeth over the cock he could reach.

Bull tried to restrain himself, to hold back, but it was impossible. Dorian was just too good. His fingers clawed at the bedsheets as he thrust faster into that hot mouth, his cock throbbing and tingling, his body demanding release. He roared with pleasure as his cock pulsed, spilling into Dorian’s mouth before he pulled back, allowing the rest to splatter over the mage’s face. He was nearly breathless from it as he grabbed himself, squeezing, milking out the last drops of cum and letting them fall into Dorian’s open mouth. “Damn,” he growled, sitting back and admiring his handiwork.

Dorian was still quite hard, but the satisfaction of bringing Bull pleasure was more than his own and he licked at the drops that fell to his face, moaning softly as he did. He could die a happy man like this. If only his father could see him now. Not that he cared what his father thought, this was what he cared about. Making the man he loved happy and content. He opened his eyes, his lashes clumping together where some of Bull’s essence had landed. It was a completely inappropriate time to do this, but he was caught in the passion, “I love you.”

Bull blinked, not entirely sure he’d heard Dorian right. Something skipped in his chest, then a warmth bloomed there and a smile tugged at his lips. He moved back, stepping off the foot of the bed and leaned over Dorian so he could suck at the side of his neck, his large hand wrapping around Dorian’s cock. He groaned as he stroked it, moving his hand at a slow and steady pace as he rolled the other man’s words around in his head. He needed a moment to process it all, and he used the pleasure he gave to distract Dorian, to buy himself a few minutes before he would have to respond. The fingers of his other hand sought the opening to Dorian’s body, working a finger into him and crooking it, smirking as the mage gave a cry of pleasure. 

Dorian couldn’t stop himself, his head smacking back against the pillows Bull had propped up behind him as a courtesy. “Kaffas! Bull!” he pleaded, he needed to come and the Qunari knew that. He exploited it, making it a love-hate relationship at the moment. “You... damn you! Please! I’m begging you! Please let me come!”

Bull could tell Dorian was nearing a breaking point and he chuckled as he pulled completely away, crossing the room casually to pick up a little bottle of oil on a table there. He poured a healthy measure into his hand before he began to stroke his cock, turning to the side so Dorian had a clear view. A groan rumbled in his throat as he hardened again. He loved the look of outrage and desperation on Dorian’s face. “Patience, Kadan,” he said in a low voice as he went to the foot of the bed again, pouring more oil into his hand before he set the bottle aside. “You know I don’t like to rush these things.” 

Dorian moaned into Bull’s touch, thrusting up into the warm hand that wrapped around his cock. “You and your damned Qunari stamina. I’ll bet that if we were out doing this on the battlements, you wouldn’t be able to contain yourself. Discretion was never your thing.” He meant to say it with bitterness, with some sort of tone that would reflect annoyance, but the only thing he could manage was admiration. Admiration that he had finally admitted to something outside of his comfort zone. He was excited he had finally bested the Bull at something and still…  His heart hoped that Bull would answer back.

Bull trailed his fingers over Dorian’s backside, slicking him with the oil. With a groan, he pushed a finger inside, wiggling it, opening his lover up. His lover. His love? He shook his head, trying to chase away the thoughts in his mind, to concentrate on the task at hand. But he couldn’t do it. With an impatient snort, he pulled back, looking over Dorian. He stood up straight and walked around the edge of the bed to sit down next to the mage, studying him carefully for a moment. “Did you mean what you said, or was that just a heat-of-the-moment sort of thing?”

Dorian almost groaned and hissed at him, trying to get him to pay attention to the task at hand. He remembered what he said and he nearly froze again at the thought of Bull calling him out on it. Didn’t Qunari not believe in love and things like that shit? He cursed himself then and he closed his eyes against the pleasure of his body. Bull’s touches he could never get rid of. “The only thing I say in the heat of the moment is fire spells.” 

Bull studied Dorian’s face, reaching out to cup his cheek, encouraging the other man to look at him. There was a strange warmth that spread through his chest, something unfamiliar to him. He didn’t know what to make of it. He let his hand slip down to Dorian’s chest, sliding a finger under a rope to adjust it slightly, still loving the way Dorian squirmed slightly. He gave a barely visible shake of his head. “You going soft on me, Kadan?” he asked quietly. Or was it he himself who was going soft now? 

He knew there was a double entendre there, but in that moment, he didn’t want to joke about it. He leaned his cheek into Bull’s hand, his nose brushing the large palm and he breathed out as he kissed the calloused skin, giving the man a serious look. “As if I would ever go soft with you around, Amatus. I detest confessions, but that couldn’t go unsaid. Not by me and it doesn’t matter if you can’t say it back.”   

That made Bull feel better, like it wasn’t expected of him to just mindlessly repeat it back to Dorian. Like some of the pressure had been taken off his shoulders. After everything he and Dorian had been through, he knew he cared deeply for the other man. It had become far more than just a physical thing between them, it had been more than that for a long time. And now he knew for certain that Dorian felt it. It had taken a long time to get to this point, for Dorian to be open and accepting of their relationship. He was proud of his kadan for that. But was it really love he felt? He leaned over and captured Dorian’s lips in a searing kiss, his hand traveling back down Dorian’s body to wrap his hand around the hard length there. “Just wanted to make sure.”

So much was said in that kiss, it nearly had Dorian coming undo when Bull wrapped his hand around his cock and those sultry words in his ear seemed to curl around his heart. He keened and thrust up against him, wanting nothing more but to be wrapped up in him, held securely, safely. His heart pounded and he felt… right. “Amatus, please!” he begged, finally giving in as he tried to move his hips to get some kind of friction on his length.

Bull grinned and sealed his lips against Dorian’s throat, sucking at it a moment before he moved off the bed again, going around to the footboard. He stroked the hard length a few times as he pressed himself against Dorian’s rear, moaning low in his throat as the oil-slicked flesh began to give. “So good, Kadan,” he rumbled as the impossibly tight heat swallowed him up. A violent shiver racked his shoulders as he became fully seated in the mage and he waited a moment, letting Dorian adjust around his thick length.

Dorian threw his head back as his body was spread wide, the thrill of being filled so completely without anything he could do to stop it. It was breathtaking. He bore down on Bull’s cock, feeling the way it stretched him so, how even without moving, the thick member pressed deliciously against his prostate making him see stars. His own cock gave a twitch, in time with his pulse. “Maker, yes. Please. Don’t hold back on me. Let me have it!”

Bull was all too eager to comply and he pulled back before snapping his hips forward, giving a shout of pleasure at the delicious friction on his cock. The oil made the movement smooth as silk, Dorian’s heat seeping deep into his cock. He leaned over the mage, bracing himself with one hand as he stroked Dorian with the other, and began to set a brutal pace. He grunted as he slammed his cock deep into the other man, over and over, a sweat breaking out on his neck. “Tell me how much you love it,” he growled, smirking as a heated blush spread across Dorian’s cheeks.

Oh that man, Dorian thought as he swallowed thickly, letting his eyes meet with Bull’s heated gaze. The brutal pace was so perfect and it set him on fire with each pass. “Maker, yes. I love it. I love you inside me. Please, Bull, let me come,” he cried, squeezing as hard as he could around Bull’s massive girth before it was pulled away and then forcefully slammed into him again. He shifted in his bonds, feeling his cock dribbling precum at the delicious sensations wracking his body, the silk teasing at his tormented flesh.

Hearing Dorian beg, feeling him clench around his cock, was Bull’s undoing. “Come, Kadan,” he commanded as he increased his pace, driving himself feverishly into the hot, tight flesh. His breath was stolen away as his cock swelled and he only managed a strangled growl as his body spilled into Dorian. He continued to pound into his lover as he rode out his orgasm, stroking his fist rapidly over Dorian’s hard, hot cock.

Dorian came with a choked cry, his vision going dark around the edges as he felt Bull pulse inside of him and he clamped down hard around the other man as he bucked up into Bull’s hand. “Yes, yes, yes, yes,” he cried, his breaths coming out harshly as he felt himself being thrown over the edge, his body seizing as he orgasmed, his body curling up as best as he could as his cock jerked in Bull’s grasp and he moaned so loud, he was sure the rest of Skyhold knew what they were doing. He didn’t care.

Bull’s thrust slowed as he came down from the pleasure high, still slowly squeezing Dorian’s cock as the hot cum trickled over his fingers. He was panting, his body spent and sated. A smirk touched his lips again as he saw Dorian’s cum splattered over that golden tanned skin and the red silk ropes. He leaned forward and carefully followed the trails with his tongue, a moan rumbling in his throat at the flavor.

Dorian moaned weakly at the sight of Bull licking him and he squeezed back at Bull’s cock still buried deeply within him. He was sticky, sated, and boneless. “Mmm, Amatus. You never cease to amaze me.”

“I aim to please,” Bull chuckled as he pulled back, letting his length slip out of Dorian, and began to untie him from the bedposts. The ropes had only left minimal marks on his ankles, but Bull rubbed gently at them anyway before he moved to untie Dorian’s wrists. He tossed the ropes aside, then climbed into the bed, tugging Dorian to move up and lay beside him. “And you never cease to amaze me, Kadan.”

Dorian smiled against Bull’s skin, sighing out in contentment as he did so. He didn’t regret a thing as he slid his arm over the Qunari’s chest, thumbing at a long scar. “Perhaps if this is the result, you should give the good Commander pointers more often.” He muttered before he craned his next back to look up at Bull’s eye.

Bull snorted with laughter, almost choking himself. “I don’t think Cullen would appreciate that. He was traumatized enough by one conversation,” he said as he finally settled down. He wrapped his arm around Dorian, pulling him tighter to his side. A long sigh escaped him and he smiled up at the ceiling, trailing his fingertips up and down Dorian’s bicep. “You know I care about you.”

“I would think that anyone with a pair of eyes would be able to see that.  Or that I am great in bed and you just like to keep me all to yourself,” Dorian said as he slid his leg over Bull’s. The man was a furnace and feelings aside, a wonderful person to cuddle up with on a cold night. He sighed out and moved to look at the man more directly. “I told you that I wasn’t holding anything to you. I said what I said because it’s the truth. Confessing back makes it seem… forced.”

Bull gave a nod, feeling that relief again, mixed with a strange sense of reassurance. He wasn’t used to feeling that. He shifted in the bed, drawing Dorian into his arms, and pressed a long, lingering kiss to the mage’s lips. He settled back on the bed again, holding Dorian tightly to his side. “Goodnight, Kadan,” he rumbled. 


	21. Chapter 21

Lindsey sat at the table next to Varric’s fireplace in the Great Hall. One of the messengers had come to find her that morning, saying Varric needed her to meet him there, but didn’t elaborate on the why. She obviously had beaten him there, and she sat at the empty table, drumming her nails on the worn wood. She perked up when she saw him enter the hall, a package in his hands, and she grinned as she waved at him. “About time you got here,” she teased. “So what’s up? The messenger said you wanted me to meet you.”

Varric smiled at Lindsey as he walked over to the table. “That I did, Freckles,” he said as he moved to take up his usual seat at the table, placing the package in front of her before he slid it over into her space. “A present. My publisher was faster than I thought he would be and already got the prints done. So that means, this is yours.”

Her eyes lit up and she eagerly opened the package, a high-pitched squeal escaping her as she scooped up the cards. The original ones he’d made, not the copies they’d had made of them. “Oh! It’s like I’m whole again!” she gushed dramatically and held them to her chest over her heart. “Gods, Varric, you are fucking awesome, you know that? Seriously like the best friend I’ve ever had. And I’m not sucking up, either.” She let out a heavy, happy sigh and looked at the cards in her hands, smiling brilliantly as she thumbed through them. “I can’t wait to put these to use.”

He chuckled at her. “I figured you could use them. I know you and Curly have been trying hard for a little one of your own but without much luck. Hopefully this can help you do what you do best.” He smiled again and tapped at the package again. “One more thing for you in there. They’ve already had sales, like hotcakes, I’m told.”

She blinked at him and looked back into the package, noticing the drawstring pouch there. It was heavy as she picked it up, the coins jingling inside of it. “I don’t know what to say,” she said breathlessly. A grin split her face and she looked up at him again. “Thank you, Varric. Thank you so much.” She looked down at the cards, her lips turning down in the slightest frown. “Now that I have them, I’m almost afraid to use them,” she admitted, a knot forming in her throat. “What if there are no children in my future?” she asked softly. “What if there’s something wrong that I can’t fix?”

Varric reached across the table and covered her hands with his. “Hush. I’m certain that there is nothing that you can’t do if you put your mind to it.” He searched her eyes, “You’ve been through enough shit as it is. You deserve to be happy and have as many kids as you and Curly can handle. Hell, maybe a few mabaris as well. If you’re interested, I know a guy who breeds them back in Ferelden.  Nice guy, good with kids,” he said with a smirk.

He could see the hesitancy in her eyes and he sat back. “Come on now, what would your grandmother tell you? She wouldn’t want you to have this fear, to carry on not knowing when you could have the answer you’ve been looking for staring you in the face the whole time. Besides, nothing is set in stone. Things can be changed, if you don’t like what answers they give you, then do something about it.”

“I know,” she nodded, offering him a small smile, though it almost felt forced. “It’s so easy for me to go poking around in someone else’s future, but when it comes to my own…” She trailed off and shook her head. “You know someone who breeds mabaris? I, ah, actually might take you up on that offer. Cullen said he’d like to have one.” 

A sharp exhale escaped her and she gave a nod as she met Varric’s eyes. “Alright, no more wondering, no more guessing. I’m gonna figure this all out. You know, before I lose my nerve,” she said as she got up from the table, setting the cards and the coin purse carefully back into the package, then hugged it to her. “Thanks again, Varric.”

* * *

Lindsey wasted no time hurrying back to the room she shared with Cullen above his office. She noted that the office was empty; he must’ve been in a meeting with the Inquisitor or out running the troops through drills. She spreaded out a small piece of black silk on the floor of their room to cleanse and bless the cards. They were truly the most beautiful deck she’d ever owned. 

It was with shaking hands that she laid out a spread for herself and began to read it. The cards spoke of a driven, dedicated man who worked too hard.  _ ‘Obviously Cullen,’  _ she thought to herself. But her heart sank as she turned over more and more cards. Addiction. Substance abuse. Infertility. She felt her eyes well up and she leaned over, her elbows on the floor, and covered her face with her hands. “Damn it!” she gasped and banged a fist on the floor. 

Cullen blinked as he pushed open the door to his office, hearing the curse above his head. Worry creased his brow and he moved to set his armful of paperwork on his desk as he looked up. “Lindsey? Are you alright?” he called as he moved to the ladder, climbing up to the loft and he smiled as he saw her, but then it fell the next moment when he spotted the look on her face. “What’s the matter, love?”

She tried to compose herself quickly as she looked up at him, dragging her hands down her face. “I, ah, finally got the cards,” she said, gesturing at them laid out before her. A sudden worry filled her stomach as she remembered him once saying he didn’t care to know what his future held. She hoped he wouldn’t be upset with her. “I… I thought I’d do a reading for myself. Well, for us,” she corrected herself. She didn’t want to tell him, but it wasn’t fair to keep it from him either. “I thought maybe I could figure out, you know, why we haven’t been able to get pregnant.”

Cullen studied her face a moment before he went to sit next to her on the floor. He looked at the cards she had spread out before her. None of the images made any sense to him, but they had upset his wife-to-be. “I take it you didn’t like what they had to say.” He felt his own heart drop and the sense of guilt was starting to creep up on him. He opened his mouth to speak, but the words stuck in his throat. “What… ah. What did they say?”

Oh, she didn’t want to tell him. “It… it’s the lyrium,” she said, an apologetic look in her eyes. She hadn’t wanted to believe it, even though he suspected it. But now she knew there was no denying it. She grabbed his hand and squeezed it at the look that crossed his face. “I’m not giving up,” she said quickly. “There has to be a way to fix this. I know it. I can talk to my sister and to Dorian. Maybe there’s a spell or a potion or something that can change it.”

He wanted to scream, to tear his hair out. Of course it was the lyrium. The bloody lyrium that had tried to take everything from him and now this. He bowed his head, holding her hands tightly and only realizing he was shaking when Lindsey wrapped her arms around him. “I should have known. It’s my fault. I’m so sorry,” he breathed out, trying to ignore the tears that were gathering in his eyes. “You deserve better than the little that is left of me. I cannot even give you a family.” He lifted his hand and rubbed at his eyes, “Forgive me.”

“Shh, don’t talk like that,” she whispered fiercely as she hugged him tighter, her own eyes burning with tears. She hated to upset him, to see him this way. “I don’t blame you for this. We can still fix it. I know we can.” She swallowed the lump in her throat and pulled back to look at him. His face had gone red, but it wasn’t that adorable blush that she loved so much. She pressed her lips to a thin line and reached out to wipe a tear from his eye. “I love you,” she said firmly, cupping his cheek. “If there is a way to fix this, I will find it. And if there isn’t, I still love you and want to spend the rest of my life with you. No matter what.”

He swallowed hard as he leaned his face into her palm. He couldn’t stop the tears that slipped down his cheeks. “I don’t deserve you,” he breathed as he pulled her into his arms before he buried his face into her hair. “I…” His voice cracked and he tried again, “I suppose I should visit one of the healers. See if they have any advice. If they can.” He trailed off and hugged Lindsey tighter. “Maker preserve me. I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry. It’s okay,” she said, though her heart broke anyway. “The spellbook has to have something in it. It’s never failed us before.” She silently prayed that she hadn’t just jinxed herself by saying so. She turned her face and kissed at his stubbled jaw, breathing in the comforting scent of him. “We will find a way. I promise,” she whispered in his ear.

* * *

“Dorian!” Lindsey said loudly as she threw open the door to his room with a loud bang. “I need your help. I need help making a baby.” She paid no attention to the way he jumped with a cry of surprise, and she closed the door behind her then marched forward, crossing her arms over her chest as she looked at him expectantly.

Dorian’s heart hammered away in his chest at the sudden intrusion. “Maker’s breath, Lindsey! Don’t do that! I could have been naked in here! Whatever happened to knocking?” He blinked at her and narrowed his eyes at her suspiciously, “And while I am flattered, I’m not sure the dear Commander would feel the same way about your proposition. Also, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but you are sadly still female. Lovely creature, but not my type.” 

She blinked at him. “Okay, first of all? Finding you naked in here is an  _ incentive,  _ not a deterrent. Second, although I’m certain you would make beautiful babies, that is not where I was going with this and you know it,” she said, and she couldn’t help the slight smirk that touched her lips. But it fell the next second and she sighed, dragging a hand through her hair. “I got my cards from Varric, finally. And I did a reading for me and Cullen. We’re having troubles because of the lyrium. We’re both really upset about it and I don’t know what to do.”

The mage went silent as he saw the distressed look on Lindsey’s face and he gave her a sympathetic look. “Life needs to give that man a break,” he said as he closed the book he had been reading before he stood up and went over to the table in his room where the Grandmother’s spellbook was laying open. “As far as I’m aware, there’s not much in Thedas that could be done for fixing infertility caused by lyrium. Blood magic might be an option, but since it was lyrium that caused the damage, I’m not sure if that route is something you want to explore. I wouldn’t if I were you. Did you have any ideas on the matter?”

“I think we’re on the same page,” she muttered, moving to stand beside him and looking down at the spellbook. “I think this needs more of the magic my sister and I do. Something different than the magic here might counteract it, if that makes sense?” She sighed and pulled at her own hair again. “A fertility spell. I know there has to be one in here. I know Gramma cast one for a lady in town once. It’s not something people ask for often, but she had to have it in here.” She began to thumb almost desperately through the book, her eyes quickly scanning the pages. “I just… I can’t stand seeing him so upset.”

Dorian gave her a smile and rubbed at her shoulder. “If there is anyone who can help the dear Commander, I know it’s you.” He turned her from the book, looking at the frantic need he could see in her eyes. “Now, now. You know rushing the good things rarely yields satisfying results. So let’s both sit down and look at this together. We will find something that will work for Cullen. I swear it.”

* * *

Lindsey felt better by the time she returned to Cullen’s office that afternoon. She offered him a small smile when she saw him sitting at his desk, staring at reports. She could see the distress still in his eyes, his posture. “Hey,” she said softly as she crossed the room to him and set a bottle on his desk. She could practically feel the magic pulsating within it, the flowers and herbs almost glowing in the oil. She moved to sit in his lap as he sat back in the chair, and she wrapped an arm around his shoulders. “I think I figured out how to fix this. Dorian helped me find a spell in the book that I think we should try. You know, if you want to, that is.”

Cullen settled his arms around her before he looked at the bottle on his desk that she had set down. It was strangely beautiful but it had him wondering what exactly she was planning. His heart pounded at the thought of being able to fix whatever damage had been done to him by the lyrium. “You found a spell? What kind of spell?” he asked cautiously as he rubbed at her arms. “I just don’t want any more harm to be done than what’s already been done. I don’t want you to be adversely affected by anything because of me.”

A warm smile crossed her lips. “I spent a lot of time working with Dorian this afternoon. We made sure that nothing can backfire,” she assured him. She paused for a moment, thinking it over. She wanted to explain this the right way without making it seem awkward or putting him on edge. That, and she knew that their religious beliefs were different. It had never been an issue between them before and she hoped it wouldn’t become one now. “It’s pretty simple, really. Most spells are, actually, but it’s supposed to be a powerful one. Apples are sacred to my goddess, and represent fertility. So the spell says for us to each eat one, light some candles, spread rose petals on the bed. And then,” she said in a seductive tone, reaching for the bottle, “I’mma strip you down and give you a massage with this oil.”

Cullen shivered in his chair at the image that she painted for him. He swallowed and looked up at her, seeing her pupils blown wide and he gave her a small smile. It sounded more like a ploy to have a romantic night instead of some fertility spell. He rubbed at her arms. “That doesn’t sound so bad. We can give it a try, if you think it will help,” he murmured as he looked at the bottle when she brought it closer, “What’s special about this?”

“The herbs and flowers are all for fertility, or aphrodisiacs,” she explained. “I’m hoping that by using it for the massage, it’ll counteract whatever the lyrium did to you. I already blessed it, but I’ll work even more magic into it when I rub you down,” she said with a wink. She licked her lips nervously. “And, I, ah…” she scratched at her temple and didn’t quite meet his eyes, “asked my sister to help me with this spell.”

Cullen froze and drew back, looking up at Lindsey. “You… what? You asked her to help you?” He looked to the oil, his mind working furiously and the only thing he could think of was not good. He felt a heat creep along his cheeks. “I’m not certain if I am comfortable with this. I mean, what in the Maker’s name could she help with? You certainly don’t mean that she and you are…” He shook his head, “I’m certain Solas is going to have objections and I wouldn’t feel right either. This is a private matter between the two of us.” 

She’d been prepared for this reaction and she managed to keep herself calm. “Just hear me out,” she said, setting the bottle back on the desk. “Whenever me and Jen work a spell together, it’s always more powerful. We always have better results. She’s not going to, you know, stay for the sex part. You can lay on your chest, I was just going to have her help me massage it into your back. She’s not going to touch you anywhere inappropriate,” she said. “I know she teases Bull and Dorian about watching them, but she knows what this means to us.” She sighed and trailed her fingers through his hair. “If you want it to just be us, that’s okay. But I really, really think the spell will be more powerful if Jennifer helps us.”

Cullen swallowed and closed his eyes as he thought about it. It felt like his face was on fire at the thought of Jennifer being there with them, knowing what they were going to be doing. He supposed that wasn’t so bad, but the thought of being so exposed in front of anyone save Lindsey was a little off putting. Still, he had seen the sister’s magic work before. It was some of the strongest that they had ever seen in Thedas and the thought that this might be one of their only chances just short of blood magic to start a family, it was enough to at least warrant them trying. “I trust you, and if Solas is alright with her being there, I suppose we could give it a try.”

Lindsey wrinkled her nose. “Not sure what Solas is going to say. Let Jen handle him,” she said and couldn’t stop the snicker that escaped her. “I don’t think this is going to be as awkward as you think,” she said and leaned in, rubbing her nose against his before she pressed a soft kiss to his lips. She had to swallow to keep herself from giggling. “Besides, I’ve already made it less awkward for you and you don’t even know it. Trust me, asking Jennifer is better than the alternative. Dorian wanted to be the one to help me work this spell.”

“Oh sweet Maker. That man is incorrigible,” he muttered, “Thank you for that. I think.” He leaned his forehead against hers, their noses touching. “You just like seeing how red you can make me blush. Be honest,” he said, trying to get his own heart to stop hammering in his chest. He would do whatever it took to have this family with Lindsey. That thought alone drove him, gave him the strength to look past how embarrassing this situation could be. She was right though, it could be much worse.

“I do love that blush,” she admitted with a soft giggle, “But not this time. I'm serious about this. I'm not trying to embarrass you. Honestly, Cullen, I'm not. I just… I know how bad you want this. I want it, too. I'm doing everything I can, baby. I'm trying.” It was her turn to feel guilty, like she should have been able to come up with something better, something that wouldn't embarrass him so badly. A heavy sigh escaped her. “I wish it was me. I don't want you to be uncomfortable. If it was me, you wouldn't have to go through this.”

“Don’t say that,” he said immediately, “You’ve been through more than enough and if you were to be the one to go through this…” He trailed off and shook his head, “No, if this is what we must do, then I will gladly bear this. I should be thankful if this is all that we have to do in order to save the dream of a family all our own.” He kissed her cheek. “Just tell me what I need to do.”

“Just meet me in your office for dinner tonight like always,” she answered, running her fingers through his hair again. “Then we’ll go upstairs afterwards.” She leaned her forehead against his and sighed, hope flaring in her chest. “This will work, Cullen. If we both believe it enough, it will work. Don’t give up hope yet, love.”

* * *

“You are rather adorable when you are all hot and flustered. Really though, you are getting worked up over nothing. It’s just a spell and my sister called in a favor. This is important to them both,” Jennifer said as she dressed in a simple dress that was modest. She didn’t want Cullen to be more uncomfortable than this was no doubt going to be. “And it’s not like I’m staying the whole time.”

Solas squeezed his eyes shut, pinching the bridge of his nose. He could feel a heat across his face all the way up to the tips of his ears. “I know that your magic is different than mine, but I never expected it to involve all of this,” he said as he dropped his hand and looked at her. “Is it really necessary for him to be nude? I’m surprised to learn that your sister got him to agree to this at all.”

Jennifer smiled at Solas, walking over to him as she placed her hands on his arms, rubbing at them. “The magic will work best on skin to skin contact. It can’t very well be absorbed through his armor and clothes.” She tilted her head at him. “You really have nothing to be jealous about. As if I would have eyes for anyone but you, ma lath. If it makes you feel any better, I will happily come back here and oil you up too,” she said, wagging her eyebrows at him.

“I would hope that you will wash your hands first,” he deadpanned. He gave a sigh, but relaxed his posture a bit. “I am not jealous, vhenan. It just all seems awkward.” He stepped closer and placed his hands on her hips. “I trust you. And I trust your sister and Cullen, at least in regards to this. It’s not that I disapprove. It just caught me by surprise,” he admitted. He tucked a piece of her dark hair behind her ear and smiled at her. “Go on. I will watch Olivia while you are… busy.”

She reached up and cupped his cheek while she studied his blue eyes for a moment. “Thank you. I will find a way to make this up to you. This means a lot to my sister,” she said as she leaned forward, hugging him tightly. She loved his hugs the best. His arms were deceptively toned. She turned in his arms and looked over at the crib where their daughter laid and she smiled. “Lindsey and Cullen deserve to be happy.”  

He chuckled at her. “Yes, they deserve to be just as sleep deprived as we are,” he said as he wrapped her up in his arms. “There is nothing to make up to me, ma vhenan. Do not worry. As I said, it just took me by surprise. I am not upset.” He pressed a firm kiss to her lips, sighing contentedly. “I imagine they are expecting you. Go, before the commander loses his nerve.”

Jennifer laughed and nodded. “I’d better hurry then,” she said as she reluctantly drew away from him. “Hopefully, I won’t be long.” She blew him a kiss as she slipped out the door. Well, she’d be lying if she wasn’t a little interested in seeing Cullen bared to the world, but really he was just eye candy to her. She would most definitely have her way with Solas later. Definitely with oil. She shivered at the thought as she hurried across the battlements towards the Commander’s room, knocking on the door as a bitter cold when blew by.

Lindsey yanked open the door and pulled her sister inside. “Hurry before you freeze to death,” she said. “Perfect timing. We just finished dinner.” She looked over at Cullen, who had already started to blush. “He’s still not sure about this,” she muttered so low that only her sister could hear. To be honest, she was starting to feel a little nervous herself, mostly out of sympathy for Cullen and his shyness. “I’ve already got everything upstairs.”

Jennifer nodded and gave Cullen an understanding smile. “If it helps, think of this like any other medical procedure. I can be professional when it counts. I know how much this means to you and my sister, so I’m going to do my best. And if doctors freak you out, it’s just a relaxing massage.” She laughed as his blush only deepened and she moved to the ladder and climbed up.

Cullen swallowed, watching her climb for a moment before he looked to Lindsey. He was so nervous, he thought for certain his dinner would come climbing back out again. “Let’s do this before I lose my nerve.” He wasn’t sure if he hadn’t already lost it. If he could disappear into his armor, he would have done so already.

“It’s okay,” she assured him, speaking softly as she rubbed the back of his neck for a moment. “If you don’t want to go through with it, you don’t have to. You can tell us to stop at any time. I won’t be upset. I promise.”

She climbed up the ladder and into the loft where her sister had already taken the liberty of lighting the pink pillar candles placed strategically around the room. She’d taken the time to bless them earlier and already, she could feel a warm calm settling in the room and her affection for Cullen seemed to grow in her chest, if that was even possible. By the gods, he looked handsome in the soft candlelight. “Sit beside me,” she said as she sat down on the floor next to the bed and grabbed the things she’d set on the bedside table; two apples, a rose, and a pretty vase.

Cullen’s breath was taken away when he saw the bedroom. It was spectacular. Though, even more so was Lindsey. There was something about the air of the whole thing; Jennifer faded away into the background and all he could focus on was his love. His heart pounded with the anticipation of what was about to happen, what he was going to take part in with Lindsey. Somehow that made the moment all the more sweeter. He went over to Lindsey, moving to take off his cloak and gloves first before he sat down in front of her. 

Lindsey held the apples in her hand, closing her eyes for a moment as she concentrated, envisioning them glowing with a soft white light. When she opened her eyes again, she placed the rose into the vase sitting between them. She exchanged a look with her sister, then read aloud from the book in her sister’s lap.

__ “Symbols of the Goddess, apples and a rose of red,    
We call for fruitfulness to follow us now to bed   
A rose pink candle for love and to increase our fertility   
We call on Aphrodite, Freya, and Frigga to hear our plea   
Love and pleasure are their rituals, this much is true   
Goddesses, bless us with a child, make us parents soon.”

She shivered as a strange sensation seemed to shoot up her spine, coiling around her heart, and a heat pooled low in her belly. “Here,” she said, handing one of the apples to Cullen, then bit into her own. It was crisp and tart, sweeter than any apple she’d ever eaten before. A lust was already growing in her and she didn’t even realize the look in her eyes as she watched Cullen while she ate.

Jennifer picked up the bottle of oil while she watched Cullen and her sister eat their apples. It felt like she were intruding upon an extremely private moment between them and she could see the deep emotions that they held for each other on their faces. She was honored to be part of something so important. She focused on the oil in her hands and concentrated on it, imbuing it with more magic than what was already in it. It was so strong. She imagined she was sending all the good, positive emotions and intents into the oil. For health, for family, for life. 

Lindsey finished off her apple, and paused to suck the juice from her fingers as she stared at her fiance. She waited for him to finish chewing before she suddenly leaned in, crushing her lips to his. She could taste the apple on his mouth, sweet and tangy, making a thrill run down her spine. Carefully, she tugged at his shirt, untucking it from his breeches as she continued to kiss him. She broke the kiss as she tugged the shirt over his head and set it aside. “You ready, baby?” she asked softly as she stood, offering him her hand.

Cullen shivered and nodded, leaning forward to catch her face in his hands so he could kiss her back with such a passion he had never felt before. His heart was full to bursting from such a little gesture. There had to have been something in the candles, the apples. He found he didn’t care and despite the situation, he felt his length throb for her. “Anything for you, Lindsey.”

She gave him a smile. “Just lay down after you undress,” she said softly, gesturing to the bed that had been sprinkled with rose petals. It amazed her how unawkward the situation seemed to her and she thought that perhaps this was the quietest she’d ever heard her sister. She moved to sit on the bed, leaving room for Cullen to lay down and for her sister to sit on the other side of him. 

Jennifer smiled as Cullen stood up and she averted her eyes from him, keeping them focused on the oil. It was the oddest sensation, but she had no desire to see anything that she wasn’t supposed to, which was odd for her. It didn’t matter, the magic was working and it was potent. 

Cullen stood, feeling the heat on his cheeks, but he didn’t feel it from embarrassment. This went beyond something, he felt that he was safe here. Unjudged. He didn’t need to be embarrassed. He let his eyes lock with Lindsey’s as he stripped down, letting his trousers fall to the ground, exposing himself completely. “My love,” he breathed as he moved to the bed and kissed her sweetly before he moved to lay down on his stomach.

She leaned over, running her hand down his back as she spoke softly in his ear. “I just need you to do one thing. Just imagine the oil, the magic, sinking into your body, undoing whatever the lyrium has done. Okay?” She gestured for her sister to join them, holding out her hands for the oil. She was surprised to find it already felt warm as Jennifer poured some into her palms. It tingled, feeling as though it had a life of its own. She drew a long breath through her nose, concentrating for a moment before she began to rub it over his back, working it into his skin.

Jennifer poured a measure into her own hands, moving up so she began to rub his arms, being quiet and methodical as she made sure that not a bit of skin was missed. She marveled in the firm muscles of his shoulders but didn’t let it distract her from her task. She moved, rubbing the oil into the base of Cullen’s neck, soft moans coming from his lips. 

Cullen let his eyes fall closed, it felt like liquid heat seeping into his muscles, relaxing him. He breathed out, trying to remember what it was Lindsey said that he should do. Imagine the oil and magic sinking in, healing him. He relaxed further, feeling a warm fire curling around him, sinking into his limbs, from his head to his groin. He gave out a moan as his cock hardened despite himself and he shifted on the bed. “Lindsey,” he murmured.

A slight blush touched her face and she glanced at her sister. She was grateful for her help. She slowly worked the oil over his skin, admiring the way it glowed in the candlelight, her fingers brushing over the scars here and there. “Just relax,” she said softly, still concentrating, working her energy, her magic through the oil, focusing on it undoing whatever damage the lyrium had done. She ran her hands over his rear, the backs of his thighs, letting Jennifer massage the lower parts of his legs. She tried to control her breathing, the way her heart seemed to hammer in her chest, wanting nothing more than to roll him over and have her way with him.

Jennifer finished with Cullen’s feet, taking some extra time to massage the oil into the cracked soles of them; he clearly needed to spend more time off of them. She could see Cullen’s hips moving slowly as he pressed into the bed. It was about time for her to go, she knew, she wasn’t sure if Lindsey wanted her to help with the front. Probably not. Just as well, she felt intruding and it was borderline. She gently touched her sister’s shoulder, gesturing to Cullen’s back, hoping her meaning was clear.

Lindsey gave a nod and leaned over to give her sister a quick hug. “Thank you,” she whispered before she pulled back. She continued to rub at Cullen’s back as Jennifer climbed down the ladder. She wasn’t entirely sure that Cullen even realized her sister was gone. When she heard the door to his office close, she gently nudged his side. “Roll over,” she said gently. “Jennifer’s gone now.” A soft smile touched her lips as he rolled over. It wasn’t nearly as awkward as any of them had thought it might be. Her core throbbed as she saw his hard length and she began to rub the oil over his chest, taking her time. “I love you,” she said softly.

Cullen shivered as he turned over on the bed. He could feel the rose petals sticking to his slick skin and he felt almost boneless as he peered up at Lindsey. “It’s so hot. I… I can’t...” He swallowed and closed his eyes as he felt out the liquid fire coursing through him, ending pleasantly in his length. He felt so hard, so hot, he wasn’t sure how much more he could take. Especially with Lindsey’s slick hands rubbing the oil all over him, making certain not to miss one inch of his body. “I’m so hot for you,” he murmured.

A shiver down her spine made her shoulders jerk. She almost asked him if it was too much, but she could see that he wasn’t uncomfortable. “Just a little more,” she assured him as she ran her hands over his arms, his hands, then moved to his hips, working her way down his legs. She couldn’t remember ever being so turned on in her life. A soft whine escaped her and she had to swallow hard to keep herself from jumping him. Not yet. She finally pulled her hands away and undressed quickly before she sat next to him again, pouring a little more oil into her hand, then wrapped it around his hard length. Another shiver raced down her spine as she stroked him slowly, her other hand massaging the full orbs beneath his shaft. “Gods, I want you so bad right now,” she breathed.

He was certain he had never wanted anyone more in his life than he did in that moment, but he was to lay there while Lindsey worked her magic into him. He couldn’t choke back the moan that escaped his lips as her warm hand wrapped firmly around his length and the other around his balls. His flesh twitched in her grasp and he nearly sobbed out, but he knew this was the most important part and he would hold off until she was finished. “Lindsey, my darling, please… I’m not certain how much longer I can hold off,” he pleaded as he spread his legs apart for her.

“Me either,” she breathed as she gave him one final, firm stroke, then climbed up his body to lay over him, kissing him with more passion than she’d ever felt in her life. She was desperate for him, feeling his oil-slicked skin against her own. “Cullen,” she whined, kissing his lips, tangling her tongue with his, “I have to have you. I can’t wait any more.” She reached down between them to steady his hard length, moaning obscenely as she sank down onto his cock.

Cullen’s eyes rolled into the back of his head as Lindsey sank down over him. She was almost a cool relief to the fire that was his blood, his body. Every cell in his body was alive and thrumming with a lustful, beautiful energy and he wrapped his arms around her, loving the way the oil felt between them. Everything was slick, hot, and perfect. “Oh sweet Maker, yes. Maker yes. You are so perfect on me, love. So good,” he cried out as he thrust up into her heat, not believing how hard he was.

She nearly sobbed with pleasure as he thrust up into her, his cock impossibly hard and hot inside of her. Her center throbbed around him, clutching at him as she rocked her hips. She hissed through her teeth with pleasure. It was sheer bliss, ecstasy. Words couldn’t even begin to describe it. She met his eyes with burning lust in her own, panting already as she rode him hard. “I want you on top,” she breathed, hooking her leg behind his and rolling with him, crying out as his weight drove him deeper into her. She wrapped her arms around him, dragging her nails down his back as she bucked her hips up to meet his.

He swallowed hard as he suddenly found himself on top of her, still buried into her blissfully hot body and he groaned, thrusting forward as he did so. “Lindsey,” he purred as he buried his face into the crook of her neck, his hips setting a steady pace. She was like liquid pleasure, they were so slick together and he couldn’t stop running his hands over her flesh. Maker, please let the spell work. Please let him give this woman everything she wanted and more. He silently prayed to the Maker that this would work. He could feel it, he felt different, more vital.

A low moan escaped her throat as he drove himself into her, hitting all the sensitive spots that made stars burst in her vision. “Fuck,” she gasped out, the sound almost a whimper, as an ache settled into her. It was the most delicious sensation, seeming to consume her entire being. “Cullen! Oh gods, Cullen!” she cried, her core throbbing, clenching around him as her pleasure built. She dug her nails in harder to his skin, turning her face to kiss at the side of his neck. She’d never felt this before, like her body was hungry for him. “Please! Please, can we come together?” she begged.

Cullen cried out as he felt her breath hot against him. The needy way she absolutely wrapped herself around him, pulling him deeper into her body. He felt the heat building, faster and quicker, almost as if his body was answering her own in a way that made him think that they were in tune, but the heat soon drove the thoughts from his mind and his only focus was her. “Yes, my love. Please. Please please come with me,” he pleaded, nearly sobbing from the amount of pleasure that wrapped around him. He was so hard, so hot. He came a moment later when he felt her body tighten around him at the telltale signs of her orgasm and he let out a strangled cry as he continued to thrust into her as he came and came and came.

Lindsey screamed out as pure ecstasy consumed her. She clung to him for all she was worth, feeling a liquid heat fill her. She tried to find words to express it, but nothing came to mind. She was lost in the pleasure, her mind empty, her only thoughts a small prayer to the Goddess to let this work. After several moments that seemed to last forever, yet were over too soon, she gave a soft sob and hugged him tightly as they came down from the pleasure-high. “Cullen,” she whimpered. “Oh gods. I love you, baby. I love you so much.”

For a moment, Cullen couldn’t hear her, the blood rushing in his ears as he came down from the sheer bliss he had just experienced. He smiled weakly at her and he braced himself above her as he hugged her back. “Lindsey, my love. Nothing will ever happen to change this. We will make this work. I swear it to you. I want nothing more than to make you the happiest woman in the world, despite what faults I may have. I am so lucky to have a woman like you in my life. Words cannot even begin to describe the depth of my feelings for you.”

She smiled at him, cupping his cheek and drawing her thumb across it. “I am the happiest woman in the world,” she answered, her heart swelling with more love than she ever would have thought possible. “It will work this time. I know it.” She pressed a firm kiss to his lips, gently squeezing his softening length inside of her. It felt different this time, a new sort of heat low in her belly as if she could feel the magic working inside her body. “I love you so much, Cullen. I can’t wait to marry you, to give you a family. We will have all of that and more. I promise.”

He moaned softly against her before he nuzzled at her cheek, leaning his head against hers. “I would love nothing more, but all I need is you at my side and I could take on the world.” He chuckled as he slipped from her body and fell to her side, gathering her up into his still slick embrace. “That sounded much better in my head.”

“Things like that usually do,” she giggled, a contented sigh slipping from her lips as she laid next to him. That had to have been one of the most powerful spells she’d ever worked. A smile touched her lips as she settled at his side, looking up at the ceiling, feeling sated, a little tired, and blissfully head-over-heels for the man at her side. It had to work this time. Now all that was left was to wait and see.


	22. Chapter 22

Solas could smell the delicious scent of food wafting from the rotunda as he entered the Great Hall. He wasn’t entirely sure what to expect. All he knew was that Jennifer had been busy most of the day, preparing for this “Christmas party.” While obviously Thedas had no such celebration, it was the winter solstice, which Jennifer and Lindsey declared was close enough to the date of their own holiday. And he knew how much this meant to his vhenan.

He carefully held baby Olivia as he crossed the hall, giving a nod to the others who were standing around talking. He smiled when Cassandra turned and grinned at Olivia, reaching out and letting the baby grab her finger. She’d become slightly more comfortable now around the little one. “Shall we?” he asked, tilting his head towards the door to the rotunda.

The sight that met his eyes as he led the way into the rotunda left him stunned. A huge evergreen tree had been brought in and was covered in pretty, glittery decorations. Several brightly wrapped packages sat beneath it. Couches had been brought in and set up near the tree. Candles glowed and twinkled, set carefully around the room, nestled in little bunches of evergreen branches. And a large table sat in the middle of the room, laden with all sorts of dishes he’d never seen. There was a warm, almost cozy atmosphere to it, and it left him speechless.

Jennifer turned as she heard footsteps enter into the rotunda and smiled at Solas and her daughter, she laughed at the look on his face and everyone else who was filing in as well. It wasn’t the whole inner circle, just those closest to them. She went over to them, taking Olivia from Solas’s arms before giving him a firm kiss.

He really did not know what to make of it all. “Oh vhenan,” he muttered, squeezing his eyes shut as he chuckled and shook his head. He blinked and looked at her again, an affection in his eyes as he trailed his fingers through her hair and pressed a kiss to her lips. “I suppose I should not be surprised,” he said in an amused tone. “So what is the expression? Happy Christmas?”

“Merry Christmas,” she corrected, leaning into his hand that combed through her hair. Damn him for knowing what she liked. “Mmm, and it is that indeed,” she murmured and leaned against him before she turned to look at everyone else. “We normally eat a big meal, exchange presents to those we love, family, friends. All of the above. It’s a time to be together and cherish one another.” 

Lindsey finally turned away from the tree where she’d been adjusting one last handmade ornament, and a big grin split her face. “Merry Christmas!” she cried cheerily. She threw her arms in the air. “The tree is now perfect! Victory is mine!” She giggled and crossed the room to Cullen, wrapping her arms around his neck. She pressed a firm kiss to his cheek, then looked at the tree again. “If only it had lights on it,” she lamented. “Sometimes I still miss electricity.”

Cullen caught her and smiled down at her. “It’s perfect just the way it is. Like you,” he murmured, leaning down and kissing her soundly. “I was wondering what you and your sister were getting up to in here. You know I had to walk around the long way from my office to get here? I’m positively frozen right now,” he said, rubbing his cold nose against her warm one.

“Oh come on, Curly,” Varric said as he slipped an arm around Cassandra’s waist, “You’re making the rest of us look bad.” He gave the man a wink before he looked to the two sisters and gave them a stern look, “And you didn’t tell us we were supposed to bring gifts for you all! I would have brought something. Even if it were just the dead flowers out from the garden.” He laughed.

Cassandra wrinkled her nose at him. “Dead flowers? No wonder they didn’t tell you,” she said flatly, though she really was teasing. She drank in the decorations, the effort the sisters must have put into all of it. While odd to her, she appreciated it all the same. She snapped out of it the next moment when Jennifer announced that they should eat before the dinner went cold. She smiled when Varric pulled out her chair for her. “Look at you, being a gentleman.”

“See Cassandra?” Dorian said as he took up a seat next to Bull, “He isn’t always an ass.” He smiled at Varric good naturedly, laughing at the look the dwarf gave him. He wasn’t entirely unprepared for the evening. After talking with Lindsey about the holiday, he had been aware that gifts were to be exchanged, but when she insisted that he not bring anything for her, he settled on a gift for Bull. And he was scared out of his wits to give it to the Qunari.

“Yeah he is,” Bull argued as he began to fill his plate. “This is just an act to get on her good side.” The whole holiday was weird to him, but as long as the food was good, he didn’t mind. Ham, and casserole, and potatoes, all sorts of strange dishes, but he’d learned a long time ago not to question it. His eyebrow quirked slightly at Dorian, picking up on the fact that the mage was nervous. “Eat up, Kadan,” he rumbled, wondering whether or not he should ask what was the matter.

“Just trying to savor the good food, Amatus. These two have been slaving away all day long, I think they would appreciate us far more if we took the time to enjoy the meal they worked hard to prepare,” Dorian said back as he looked around on the table and decided to just try one of everything. He picked up a cheesy looking dish near him and took a spoonful to his plate before he passed it around.

Cullen chuckled, “Dorian does have a point. Thank you both for doing this for us. I’m sure I speak for everyone when I say that we are honored to be included in this celebration from your world. Good food, good friends. We definitely need more of this, now more than ever.”

“Always so proper,” Lindsey gushed teasingly. It was good to see him like this, happier, less worried. And she couldn’t wait to give him his present. She cast a nervous glance over at the largest box under the tree, as if reassuring herself that it was still there. After all the disappointments, she hoped that this might make up for it in a way. “Ah, it’s no big deal. This is fun for us,” she said, looking over at her sister. “Although I still wish we could’ve had turkey for dinner. I didn’t even think about Thedas not having turkeys.” She and her sister had bickered about it the day before, Jennifer wanting ham and Lindsey wanting turkey until Jennifer had reminded her that the birds were native to the US and probably didn’t even exist here. 

Varric smiled as he passed on a bowl of rolls to Cassandra. “Oh I’m sure we could have found something close to what you were looking for, Freckles.” He looked down at his full plate and tried to decide what he could eat first, “Damn, I think you made enough food to feed an army here though. Does this holiday always involve so much food?”

Jennifer smiled as she held Olivia in her lap, watching as Solas filled her plate and his together. “Oh yes. Followed by abnormal amounts of sleeping and watching television. Most people are watching football by noon. It’s a game we play. Mostly just an excuse for men to throw a ball around and then tackle the people who have it. Bull, you would like that sport I think.”

“Sounds like fun to me,” he laughed. “You know I like any excuse to hit things.” He almost smirked at the innuendo as he looked at Dorian again. It was driving him nuts, trying to figure out why Dorian was so worked up. He knew the others didn’t notice it, Dorian hid it well, but Bull could see it. Dorian was worried. Without saying a word, Bull reached over and squeezed the back of Dorian’s neck, discreetly working his fingers into the stiff muscles for just a moment. 

“Football. Bleh,” Lindsey gagged. “I will never understand people’s fascination with all that crap. Yes, let’s pay men millions of dollars a year to fight over a fuckin’ ball.” She rolled her eyes. “Ah well, to each their own I suppose.” She dug into her dinner, impressed even with herself and her sister this time. “Hurry up and eat, guys. I wanna give you all your presents!”

Solas chuckled at her and began to eat, savoring every bite. “It is amazing as always, vhenan,” he said in a low voice to Jennifer. It was no time at all and they were all sitting back, stuffed full of their Christmas dinner. He leaned back in his chair with a sigh, wrapping one arm around Jennifer’s shoulders when something under the tree caught his eyes. “Ah, is that gift moving?”

Lindsey turned with a start. “Oh no! No, no no,” she gasped and almost knocked her chair over as she hurried over to the tree, clapping her hands on top of the large box. It thumped against her hands and a whine issued from inside. She looked at Cullen, her face turning a bit red. “You, ah, might wanna go ahead and open this,” she said. She saw the smirk on Varric’s face and she knew that he realized in that moment what she’d done. He’d helped her get it, after all, though she hadn’t told him she was going to stick it in a box under the tree.

Cullen’s eyes went wide as he heard the whine and he looked back and forth between the box and Lindsey. “You… oh you didn’t, did you?” he asked, awe in his voice as he stood up and went over to the box, kneeling next to her as he rested his hands on the box, tugging the lid off the top. He gave a surprised gasp as the mabari puppy stood up, whining and wagging it’s tail at him. “Maker! Look at you!” he breathed as he reached in and pulled out the little dog, a grin spreading across his face. He smiled up and over at Lindsey, “You got him for me? Where on earth did you find one?”

“Varric helped me,” she said, her heart skipping at the genuinely happy look on Cullen’s face. Oh, this was what she’d hoped for. She laughed as the puppy licked at his chin, whimpering and wagging its tail. “I know it’s not the same, but I just thought… after everything hasn’t turned out like we thought it would…” She trailed off and offered him a small smile. “I thought this might make you happy. At least a little,” she said softly. She reached over and ran a hand over the puppy’s soft fur. “You’ll have to think of a name for him.”

Cullen laughed and reached out to Lindsey, cupping her cheek. “How many times do I have to tell you? You make me the happiest man alive,” he said as he leaned forward, kissing her gently, “I love him. He’ll be the perfect addition to our crazy little family.” He looked at the puppy who yipped at him in agreement, “Let’s think on the name, we can come up with one together.”

She leaned in and kissed him, laughing when the puppy lunged up and licked her chin. A happy sigh escaped her as she sat back, watching Cullen with the puppy. She turned suddenly, remembering that the others were there. “Well? Come on. There’s gifts for everyone over here,” she said with a sweeping gesture of her arm. “None of the others are alive. I promise.”

“Well that is a relief,” Solas chuckled as he got up, helping Jennifer to stand. “I believe our hands are full enough as it is.” He couldn’t help but to smile as they all walked over to the tree, sitting down on the couches there that had been brought in. It was good to see the commander so happy. A laugh escaped him as the puppy barked and pounced on Cullen’s boot, bouncing around him with excitement.

Lindsey waited for a moment, watching Cullen play with the new puppy. “Yeah, okay, he’s occupied for the night,” she muttered teasingly before she rummaged around under the tree, pulling out gifts. “Bull, Cass, Varric…” she said as she handed each of them their gifts. She finally sat back on the floor next to Cullen once all the presents were handed out. “Now open them one at a time! I wanna see what you all think.”

Dorian smiled and moved to open his package first. “Well, I don’t know about all of you, but I am a very poor sport about waiting my turn,” he said as he opened up the gift, his eyes widening at the bottle of exquisite wine he pulled out first. “Oh, be still my beating heart,” he murmured and looked back at the wrapping, his eyebrows going up at the sight of a first edition book by Genetivi. “Fade and Spirits Mysterious! How in the Maker’s name did you find such a treasure? Wait, don’t tell me, it was either Josephine or Varric. Simply marvelous,” he said as he looked to Lindsey and Jennifer, “Thank you, truly.”

Bull chuckled at Dorian, seeing the true joy on his face. “Well you made his night,” he said as he worked open the wrapping on his gift. His eye widened once he had it open. “I keep forgetting how well you know us,” he grinned as he weighed the package of cocoa in his hand. Oh, he would be into that before the night was out. A jar inside the package caught his eye and he grabbed it up, a big genuine smile splitting his face. “Horn balm!” he exclaimed, throwing his head back with a laugh. “About time! Where did you find it? It’s impossible to get out here!”

Jennifer beamed over at Bull. “It is impossible to get out here. I made that myself and I can make more if you need it. It’s certainly better than anything you would ever find in some fru fru store in Val Royeaux,” she said, smiling, “Got plenty of herbs and a blessing on it to work particularly well in cold weather so it should keep you pretty happy for a long while.” 

“Thanks, Jen,” he said smoothly, settling back in his seat and marveling at the jar. Oh, he couldn’t help himself. He opened it up and sniffed at it, sighing happily at the heady, earthy scent of the herbs inside. He put the lid back on and threw an arm around Dorian’s shoulders. “I could get used to this holiday.”

Varric chuckled as he opened up his own package, eyeing the way Dorian’s hand kept going to the corner of his robes. He was trying to work up the nerve to do something. He shook his head as he opened up the package, his smile growing wider as he saw the leather bound books within. There was an intricate cross embossed on the front and he ran his fingers over the marks. The leather was worn and soft and he breathed in deeply the familiar scent. “You girls keep spoiling me, you know that? Who told you my supply on books and sketchbooks was low? Hmm?” he asked, but his eyes were already moving to Cassandra, grinning as he saw her duck her head.

“Oh shush, Varric. If it wasn’t for you, I wouldn’t have been able to afford any of these gifts,” Lindsey teased, knowing full well he’d done much more for her than she’d been able to return to him. “And call it a hunch on the books,” she said, shooting a wink at Cassandra, who had already given it away.

Cassandra cleared her throat, determined not to respond. She quickly tore away the wrapping on her gift, her face lighting up when she saw the fancy little bottles inside. Bath salts, bath oils, lotion and… “A whetstone,” she laughed as she picked it up. It was just like the one Blackwall had lent her, and she’d wanted one ever since. “Scary how well you know me,” she said as she opened up the bottle of lotion to smell it. Oh, it smelled heavenly. “Thank you. Both of you,” she said, looking between Jennifer and Lindsey, knowing Jennifer had most likely made the lotion and oils herself. She appreciated the time that had to have gone into it. 

Solas waited patiently for everyone to open their gifts before he turned his attention to the one in his lap. He grinned as Olivia blinked her big blue eyes at the bow on it. “You want to help me, da’len?” he asked softly, offering the gift over to the baby. He chuckled as her chubby little fist closed around the bow and pulled, her little face scrunching up with the effort until it came away with a loud rip. He sighed as she stared at it, preparing to pop it in her mouth, he was sure. The rest of the wrapping came away easily and his eyes widened at the gift. “Vhenan, you shouldn’t have,” he said softly as he lifted one of the new paint brushes out of the package, admiring it.

Jennifer smiled warmly at Solas as he ran his fingers over the bristles of the brush and she leaned in, bumping his shoulder with her own as she stopped Olivia from eating the bow. “I know you like to mix your own paints, but I saw the brushes looking a bit scraggly the last time I was in here. These should help you keep painting away the room,” she said, looking around the rotunda. “I like it when you paint,” she said quietly, before she studied his face. She was so going to give him a much more private Christmas gift later. Maybe involving paint. Definitely involving paint.

The corner of his mouth turned up in a smile. He didn’t miss the tone of her voice, the look in her eyes. “Then I shall have to do it more often,” he answered in a low, almost husky tone and he leaned in to kiss her soundly. He let his lips linger on hers for several moments, perhaps a little too long, but he didn’t care. He loved that she was to thoughtful, that she would give him such a gift. He finally pulled away, chuckling as Olivia nommed on the bow and he pulled it from her mouth. “Thank you, vhenan,” he murmured. He turned and looked at her sister. “And thank you, Lindsey.”

“Ah, that was all her,” Lindsey said with a dismissive wave. “She just stuck my name on the tag.” She reached over and teasingly grabbed at the puppy, laughing as it barked and jumped back from her reach. “So! Should we make everyone sing Christmas carols now?” she asked excitedly, her eyes lighting up. She tried to hold the expression, but snorted with laughter the next second. “Kidding. I’m just kidding.”

Dorian raised an eyebrow. “As much fun as singing together sounds, and I know that we have all be dying to hear Varric’s baritone, there is another gift I have been saving.” He let his eyes move to look at Bull. He swallowed harshly, trying to calm himself. It felt like his heart was about to jump out of his chest and run away. Everything he had been raised to believe was telling him what he was doing needed to be done in private, it needed to be hidden. He steeled his nerves, no. This had to be done out in the open. He was breaking free. He reached into his robe and withdrew the box he had and handed it over to the Qunari.

Bull raised his eyebrow and looked at Dorian before he carefully accepted the gift. It was a rare thing for him to be surprised, but his kadan had definitely gotten him this time. “Sneaky,” he accused softly. He pulled the ribbon on top and let it fall away before he lifted the lid on it. His eye widened at the sight of the dragon’s tooth necklaces that lay in the velvet-lined box. “Kadan,” he said breathlessly and carefully lifted the two halves out of the box, each attached to silver chains. He didn’t know what to say, he thought his heart might leap out of his chest, and there was a knot in his throat. His eye burned slightly and he turned, crushing Dorian to him before smothering his lips with a searing kiss.

Jennifer was startled by the surprise gift and the absolute tenderness between Dorian and Bull. She remembered the scene in the game when the Inquisitor gave Bull the dragon’s tooth. This was better. The emotion between the both of them was palpable, it brought tears to her eyes to see it. Dorian pulled back first, a smile on his lips as he lifted a necklace from the box and undid the clasp so he could loop it around Bull’s neck. It was the look in Bull’s eye that was really making her heart clench and she exchanged a look with Lindsey.

Bull could’ve cared less if anyone else was in the room or not, though he did feel a bit of pride flare in his chest that Dorian had chosen to do this in front of the others instead of hiding away to do it. He took the other necklace and fastened it around Dorian’s neck, admiring the way the light caught the chain. His fingers trailed down the chain of his own necklace, enjoying the weight of the dragon’s tooth that hung there. He silently vowed that he would never take it off. A smile pulled at his lips. “I love you too, Kadan,” he rumbled, loud enough for the whole room to hear.

Dorian was sure that his heart had stopped as he heard those words from Bull’s lips, the pride he could see in his eye. He knew then he wanted to spend a lifetime waking up to that look, to this man. He smiled and reached up, tugging Bull down for another kiss, not caring that he could hear the others whistling and cheering them on. He felt great, like a weight had been lifted from his shoulders as he wrapped his arms around Bull’s neck and he couldn’t stop smiling. He was going to deny that he was crying too.

Bull chuckled as their lips parted, resting his forehead against Dorian’s. “You big ol’ sap,” he teased in a low voice. He brushed the tears from Dorian’s eyes, then settled back in his seat on the couch, wrapping a heavy arm around the mage’s shoulders. His heart felt like it was racing, ready to burst, and he just couldn’t stop smiling to save his life. “Yeah, I could get used to this Christmas thing.”

A loud knock at the door drew their attention and the Inquisitor let himself into the rotunda. There was an almost apologetic look on his face. “I’m sorry to interrupt,” he said, pausing only a moment to glance at the decorated tree. Such strange customs. He shook his head the next minute. “Leliana just received word from her spies. There’s trouble in the Arbor Wilds.” He looked at Cullen, who was sitting on the floor, the puppy trying to get his attention again. “We’re heading out first thing in the morning.”

Cullen looked up from the puppy, his heart dropping at the news. Just once, couldn’t things go right whenever they tried to have something special? He set the puppy on the ground and stood up. “The Arbor Wilds? What have her spies found out? If it’s another army like what we’ve seen in Adamant, they will outnumber us! It will take time to move our forces there, it might be too late to stop whatever he is planning to do.”

“But we must try,” the Inquisitor said firmly. “Leliana’s reports say that Corypheus’ forces are moving that direction. And Morrigan believes that Corypheus is after an eluvian there, an attempt to enter the Fade. We must make every effort to stop him. Even if we fail. We must try.”

Solas didn’t like the sounds of this at all. He didn’t trust Morrigan in the slightest. “I will join you,” he said as he stood. He didn’t know how, but something in his heart told him that he must accompany the Inquisitor on this particular mission. “If it involves the eluvians at all, I feel that I must.”

Varric’s eyes widened as he heard what the Inquisitor said. If an eluvian could be used to enter into the Fade... He looked to Solas and caught his eyes and he nodded and he sighed out, giving Cassandra’s knee a squeeze. “I’d better come along too. There’s a chance that we could find out more about how to bring Hawke back from the Fade,” he said as he looked at the Leader who nodded, “Shit. Why can’t Corypheus ever do things when we are having downtime? He always waits until we are busy before he strikes.”

“We have downtime here?” the Inquisitor joked. “Dorian, I’d like you to accompany me as well. The rest of you should remain with our forces. We don’t know what we’re going to encounter there.” He gave a small sigh; he really did feel guilty for interrupting their celebration. “As I said, we need to leave first thing in the morning. Cullen, have your forces ready. We’ll stop Corypheus.”


	23. Chapter 23

Solas sighed heavily as he sat on the bed, rubbing at his face with the heels of his hands. Olivia had finally fallen asleep and was nestled carefully in her cradle. This was part of working for the Inquisition, to be called out at a moment’s notice to fight, but damn if he didn’t wish that just for once they had a little more time to prepare. And that it hadn’t happened that night. Jennifer had worked so hard to make their little celebration special.

He dropped one arm, looking up at her as he rested his forehead against his other hand. “I am sorry, vhenan,” he muttered. “I know what tonight meant to you. Even though our celebration was cut short, I know everyone enjoyed it. I certainly did.” He hoped that his words would ease any disappointment she felt. He stretched slightly, leaning to his side, and his spine popped. Still it did nothing to ease the tension he felt. He wondered, looking up at her, “Did you foresee this as well?”

Jennifer stepped up to him, sliding her hands up his arms until she was cupping his face in her hands. She rubbed at the spots behind his ears that she had learned seemed to bring him some relief from the tension he would sometimes get. His skin was so warm beneath her palms and she loved it. She still got a squee feeling in her stomach at being this close to him, touching him, knowing that he was so much more than pixels on a screen. She leaned forward and pressed a kiss to his forehead. “More or less. Granted, it all seems like it should have happened sooner than this. I’m glad it didn’t. I’m glad that you’ve been able to spend time with me and our little girl,” she said pulling back, “Because you need to go to the Arbor Wilds. There are other elves there. Elves from your time. You cannot let the Inquisitor listen to Morrigan. Morrigan will kill them if she has to. There is one elf in particular, his name is Abelas.” She pressed her lips together, thinking about that mysterious sentinel. He had left quite the impression on her even though his time on screen had been short. “I think he can help you with what you need to do.”

Solas groaned and flopped back on the bed. “I really wish the Inquisitor was not bringing Morrigan,” he muttered, pressing his hands to his eyes again. “Even Sera would be preferable to that insufferable know-it-all.” He thought about her words, about meeting more elves from his time. The sentinels of Mythal’s temple. Something panged in his heart. How long had it been since he’d been to the temple? He hoped it had not fallen to ruin, that the sentinels had been able to protect it well. He let his hands drop to the bed and sighed, staring up at the ceiling as he pressed his lips thin. “No. I will not allow that.”

She moved and sat next to him on the bed, leaning over him as she looked down at his face. His eyes were focused on something in the distance, something further away than just the ceiling. “Do you know Abelas? I know you and Mythal were close,” she said placing a hand on his chest and rubbing at him in what she hoped was a soothing manner. To be honest, this trip to the Arbor Wilds worried her and she wished that she could go with him. She didn’t know what would happen, if he would come back at all or if one of the others would be lost. She remembered the look on Dorian’s face when the Inquisitor asked that he come as well. The way his fist had tightened around Bull’s forearm. 

He gave a nod. “From a distance,” he answered. “I will not pretend to know him on a personal level, but I know him well enough. I would not see him or the other sentinels come to harm.” He sat up enough to tug off his shirt and cast it aside before he laid back again, sighing as Jennifer rubbed at his chest. It warmed his heart, calmed him enough to let him at least try to sort out his thoughts. He finally looked at her, the smallest smile pulling at his lips in an attempt to ease her worry. “I will be alright, vhenan,” he said, reaching up to squeeze her shoulder, running his thumb over it. “I just hope that this time, things do not go too off course from what you know. It would be nice to have the upper hand for once without getting blindsided by unexpected turns.”

Jennifer nodded. “That’s the understatement of the year,” she said quietly as her eyes drifted over his face. She reached out, gently tracing her fingers over his high cheekbones, brushing her thumbs over his eyebrows, giggling a little when he arched one at her. She paid him no mind and traced a little symbol onto his forehead before leaning down and kissing the scar there. “May the Goddess protect you and bring you back to me. To us,” she prayed before letting her fingers move to his ear. She watched her fingertips trace the edge to the point. She wished she had long delicate fingers like him. 

He shivered at her touch, the words of the little simple spell sinking into him. He reached up and slid his fingers into her hair. “I will come back,” he promised, his voice a fierce whisper, and he gently pulled her down to him so he could kiss her lips. A happy sigh escaped him at the feel of her warm, soft lips against his own, her silky hair in his fingers. He knew that he should rest, he would have an early morning and a long day ahead of him. Yet that didn’t sway him in the slightest. He kissed at her mouth more forcefully, sliding his tongue along hers as his hand trailed up her side, her ribs, to cup her breast in his hand.

She gasped into him as he surprised her, he tasted of spices from their Christmas meal from earlier. Of the spiced cider she had made. She swallowed harshly as she thought about what was to come and how much she didn’t want to let him go. She pulled back only long enough to tug off her shirt before she let him pull her back down on top of him and she settled over his chest, sinking into his arms as she kissed him deeply again. She practically curled around him as she did and could feel his heartbeat through their skin. “I wish I had some sacred ashes from Beltane. I could paint them onto you for more protection. I would go mad if I lost you, Solas,” she said his name, cherished the way it rolled off her tongue. She could never forget how real he was. 

A soft chuckle escaped him. “I will be fine, vhenan,” he murmured, chills erupting over his skin at the feel of her pressed against him like that. Her skin was so soft, her curves pressed deliciously against the muscles of his chest. He kissed at her jaw, her neck, then lifted her up just enough to press his face into the valley between her breasts. He trailed his tongue over her skin, breathing in deeply the sweet spicy scent of her. “You will not lose me. Not now. Not ever,” he vowed, kissing his way across her breast to the taut skin of her nipple, capturing it gently in his lips.

Jennifer cried out as his hot mouth closed around her and she let her arms curl around his head, holding him to her. It was an incredible sensation, now that she was a nursing mother, it felt so intimate to feel a pleasure from such an act. She let her hand run over his head, feeling all of the little imperfections and dips in his skull before she caressed his ears. “Solas,” she breathed, kissing the top of his head as she bowed over him, “Paint me.”

He sucked a little harder at her breast before he pulled back, licking his lips as he looked up at her. His eyebrow raised questioningly. “Paint you?” he asked and his eyes went to the new set of brushes that lay on the bedside table. A smirk touched his lips. “Alright,” he agreed, curious but intrigued at the same time. He grabbed her hips and pulled her firmly down on him as he ground his hard length up against her for a moment, a moan escaping him. Oh, he had to stop that now or he wouldn’t be able to stop at all. He gently moved her off of him and got out of the bed with a groan to grab a couple small containers of paint from the corner of the room.

She swallowed thickly as she watched him, his pants doing very little to show how interested he was as he moved about the room to gather his things. Her mouth watered at the thought of taking him in while he painted her. She was hopelessly in love with him and she suddenly hated that Corypheus was doing what she had always known he would do. “I wish you didn’t have to go,” she breathed as she laid back in the warm bed, her hands trailing over her chest, cupping her breasts as she watched him, pinching her own nipples. “I just want to hide you away from the rest of the world. Have my wicked way with you.”

He shivered at her words, and turned to grin at her. “You can have your way with me any time you like,” he answered, his breath catching in his throat as he watched her touch herself, her fingers teasing her breasts. He didn’t hide the way his eyes rolled in his head as he gave a longing moan, then fixed her with a predatory gaze. “Why do you do this to me, vhenan?” he asked as he walked back over to the bed, setting the paint on the little table. His length throbbed and strained against his breeches, demanding to be touched, and he grabbed her wrist, placing her hand over his aching flesh.

Jennifer shivered as her hand was placed over the length straining in his trousers and she looked up at him sheepishly, pushing herself to sit in front of him. “How inconsiderate of me,” she murmured and leaned forward, nuzzling at the bulge. She could feel his heat radiating from it and she clenched her hand over his hardness, licking at the tip through the clothing. She looked up at him, catching his eyes as she worked to free him. She breathed him in deeply when he sprang free, the musky scent mixed with spice met her and she moaned as she gently curled her fingers around his impressive girth before she swirled her tongue around the head, swallowing him down a moment later.

A cry ripped from his lips as he found himself captured in her hot mouth, her tongue working over his cock. “Jennifer,” he gasped, gathering her hair in his hand, gently thrusting into her mouth. His toes curled and shivers ran over his skin at how incredibly talented she was. He squeezed his eyes shut, swallowing harshly, and finally pulled back from her. He wanted to draw this out, to savor every moment with her he could. A smile on his lips, he gently pushed her to lay back as he stepped out of the trousers pooled around his feet on the floor, then helped her out of hers and cast them aside. Sitting on the edge of the bed, he turned his attention to the paint, working open the lid to one. “Any requests?” he asked teasingly.

She smiled up at him, her eyes hungry for his form. She swept her gaze up and down him, licking her lips at the sight of his glistening hardness. She laid back on the bed, stretching her arms over her head as she stretched, feeling her back pop deliciously. “A wolf,” she purred up at him, “I think you know the one.”

“Of course,” he murmured, dipping one of the delicate brushes into the paint and swirling it around before he turned his attention back to her, his eyes roaming over her curvaceous form on the bed. He could see the image clearly in his head and he leaned over her, carefully brushing the paint onto her skin. He paused to lap at her nipple with his tongue, giving it the tiniest playful bite. The way she gasped and jerked made him smile and he pulled back, massaging it with his thumb as his other hand resumed painting her. “This was an excellent idea, vhenan. Now hold still or I won’t be able to make it look right.”

Jennifer shivered as he teased at her flesh, the pinprick of pain dissolved into delicious pleasure and went straight down to the apex of her thighs and she ached for him. She grinned at him anyway. “I’m starting to have second thoughts.” She gave him a wink before she moaned softly at the way the soft brush lovingly passed over her skin. “I love the way you look when you paint. The focus in your eyes, the way you seem transported. You get the most adorable little crease between your eyebrows.”

He snickered at her as he bit the paint brush between his teeth and reached for a different sized one for better detail. There was the most brilliant mixture of playfulness and intimacy, and he found himself longing for days where they could have this without the threat of Corypheus looming overhead. Without even realizing it, he let his brows knit together as he concentrated on his work, moving the brush fluidly over her skin, the curves and valleys of her body. Memorizing every inch of her. He paused to take the brush out of his teeth. “You are perfection,” he murmured.

Jennifer shivered as he worked. There was something about the way he looked, a paint brush between his teeth, a jar and another brush in one hand, another brush in the other hand that was ghosting over her skin. She felt herself blush at the quiet words he spoke. “Such a charmer you are,” she breathed as she watched him work, “I’ve always been a firm believer that the artist should be part of his work.” She spread her legs slightly and waggled her eyebrows at him. 

His eyes widened to see her spread open for him, her glistening center so tantalizing that for a moment he was tempted to toss the paint on the floor and have his way with her. “Tease,” he managed around the brush in his teeth. He set aside the can of paint and reached over with his now free hand to brush his fingertips over her wet lips. He shivered at her heat, the scent of her body. The tip of his finger sought out the little sensitive nub there, massaging it gently as he continued to try to paint. His features pinched slightly in concentration, though his focus was getting harder to control. “Still, vhenan,” he murmured, though he continued to tease her body.

She shivered, unable to stop the moan and the way her hips bucked up into his touch. “That’s easy for you to say.” She locked eyes with him, feeling her nipples hardening at the intimacy of the moment. “Solas.” She licked her lips. “Gods I need you. Can’t you see how wet I am for you?” She groaned and pressed her lips together as she tried to keep herself still for him, she really wanted to see what he had painted on her.

Solas had to swallow hard as she spoke, his fingers still carefully working over her clit as his other hand added more detail to the painting. His length strained and twitched, aching to be buried in her body. “Patience,” he said softly, reaching for her hand and guiding it to his cock again. Hard, shaky breaths escaped his nose as her fingers wrapped around him, and his brow creased again as he tried to concentrate on pleasuring her and painting at the same time. It was no easy feat.

Jennifer smiled and let her fingers curl around his length. It was like velvet steel and she drew her fist up to the end, swirling her thumb around the tip, gathering the bead of moisture there and spreading it around before she worked over his hardness again, reaching down to cup his balls, weighing them in her hand. She loved how worked she was making him and she watched his face as it was screwed up as he focused, a bead of sweat rolling down the side of his temple.

His hand trembled as he tried to add more detail to the painting on her body. His balls twitched and swelled in her hand, drawing up slightly, and he couldn’t stop the groan that escaped him as she touched him so perfectly. He pressed his thumb against her clit and let two long fingers slip into her body, crooking against the sensitive nerves there. Oh, he didn’t know how much longer he could hold out, and when she drew her fist up around his shaft again, he felt his resolve waver. He turned his face and spat the paintbrush onto the floor, then moved to crawl between her legs. Sitting on his knees, he grabbed her hips and lifted them, pulling her closer. “I cannot wait any longer,” he breathed huskily and drove himself into her wet heat.

She gave a shout as he thrust into her to the hilt and she arched her back as she wrapped her legs around his waist, her heels digging into his buttocks. “Oh gods, yes! Yes Solas!” She clenched around him, shuddering as he thrust into her. She met his eyes, loving how wide his pupils had been blown, the sliver of blue around the edges was amazing. She loved the smile that tugged that the corners of his lips. Jennifer reached up and brushed her thumb over the swipe of paint that was on his cheek. “Messy.”

He managed a grin for her as he drove himself into her over and over. Her body was like a vise upon him, tight and wet and soft as silk. He would never get over that. He held her hips firmly, looking down to watch his length slide in and out of her. It was incredibly erotic to him, to watch their bodies join, and the next moment he threw his head back with a hiss as he felt her squeeze around him. “You are exquisite,” he breathed as he wrapped one arm around her waist to hold her hips off the bed, his other hand moving to tease her clit as he thrust into her.

Jennifer gasped at the position, writhing in his grasp. “Solas!” she shouted, clenching down hard on him. “N...not fair!” she cried out and reached up to grab him, pulling him down on top of her. “Mmm, guess you will have to touch up this painting,” she murmured against his lips, her fingers moving up to trail over his ears. 

He shivered as she touched his ears, breathing heavily as he pounded himself into her at a brutal pace. “Not fair?” he panted, meeting her eyes, seeing the burning lust there that mirrored his own. “I’ll show you not fair.” He suddenly pulled out of her and moved quickly to hook her knees over his shoulders. A low moan escaped him as he sat up straight on his knees and buried his face against her sex, licking and sucking, his arms wrapped around her as he held her tightly, unescapable.

Jennifer’s eyes went wide and she screamed, unable to control her pleasure as his hot mouth was suddenly sealed around her and she was unable to move, to do anything at all. She was flailing, his grip the only thing holding her to reality. She grit her teeth as stars popped in front of her eyes and she reached behind herself, grasping at his length that was bumping her back. “Show… show you fair, Solas.” She could feel her orgasm fast approaching and she tightened her legs around Solas’ head. “Fuck, yes. Yes, yes!”

She tasted divine as he plunged his tongue into her, wiggling it, move up to lick at her clit. He drew a sharp breath through his nose as she grabbed his length, rapidly stroking it in her fist. He rocked his hips into her grip, moaning and panting and he suckled at her. His toes curled with the effort to hold off his own orgasm. He wanted to be inside her for that. But he would bring her to climax first. “Come for me, vhenan,” he begged breathlessly before he sealed his lips around her clit again and gave it a harsh suck.

She was helpless to do anything but what his velvety voice commanded of her and she gasped as she came, every muscle tightening in her body as white hot pleasure soared through her veins. “SOLAS,” she shouted, part of her wondered if she was choking Solas with how tightly she was holding him to her body. She shuddered as she came, finally sagging into the mattress as he licked at her. “Oh gods. Solas. Oh gods…”

He smirked and lowered her hips back to the bed, wiping his mouth on the back of his hand. He loved that, seeing her almost boneless, the blush that spread across her face and neck. His length throbbed again, trails of cum dripping from the tip, and he knew he couldn’t hold back any longer. He had to have her. He grasped himself, twisting his wrist as he stroked his cock a couple times before positioning himself at her opening again. He leaned over her, kissing her lips. “You are nothing short of amazing, ma lath,” he breathed as he pushed into her again.

Jennifer gasped out as he slid back into her, her body clenching around him. He seemed to go further into her now that she was so relaxed and she moaned softly at him, “Ma sa’lath. Please. I want to see you come undone.” She breathed out, wrapping her legs tightly around his hips and drawing him in further. “Let me have everything you’ve got.” 

Solas met her eyes and gave her the slightest nod, unsure he trusted his voice in that moment. He snapped his hips forward, gritting his teeth at the sheer pleasure that radiated through him. Faster and faster, he repeated the movement, driving himself deeply into her body with every thrust. He could feel it, his cock swelling, his balls tingling and drawing up against him, his orgasm so close. Sweat trickled down the back of his neck and he redoubled his efforts, never tearing his eyes away from her. So close… he was so close… He growled through his teeth and squeezed his eyes shut as he finally climaxed, his cock twitching deeply inside of her as he came, thrusting into her at a feverish pace as he rode out his orgasm.

Jennifer sighed out, drawing him down on top of her as he stilled inside of her. Her body was still thrumming with pleasure as they both caught their breath. “Mmm,” she sighed against him. “That was wonderful,” she murmured against his skin, kissing at his cheek while she rubbed her hands up and down his back, reaching down to squeeze his bottom, “You are so good to me, my love.”

He shivered as she grabbed his rear, panting and sweating as he lay atop her, completely spent and sated. “No. You are the one who is good to me,” he murmured, groaning as he pushed himself up and rolled to lay at her side. He chuckled when some of the paint came away on his own chest and stomach, the design he’d painted on her smeared. “Oh well,” he laughed and sighed contentedly as his heart continued to hammer away in his chest. “I believe you have worn me out, vhenan.” He would pay for it in the morning, he was certain of it. 

The morning. He huffed as he thought about it, what would happen at the temple of Mythal. He dragged a hand down his face, not even realizing that his fingers left smears of paint on his temple and cheek. He was not looking forward to this. “I do not wish to confront the sentinels at Mythal’s temple. I hope the Inquisitor will see reason, that he will not listen to Morrigan.”

Jennifer rolled to her side, propping her head up on her arm as she studied Solas. “She’s actually going to be the one to suggest that you take your time through the temple, to go through the ancient rites of passage. On that, she will agree with you. Aside from that, you must convince the Inquisitor to accept the deal that Abelas offers you.” She smiled at him gently, taking the paint from her own body and began painting with her fingers on him. “I know you can do it. You can do anything if you put your mind to it.”

“You have more faith in me than I do,” he said, letting his eyes fall closed as he felt her fingers moving over his skin. He rubbed at her back, staring up at the ceiling again. “I will do what I can. The Inquisitor is a reasonable man. Let us hope that he will remain so,” he said before he turned to look at her, a smile tugging at his lips. “We should probably clean up before we ruin the nice sheets Dorian bought you. And before Olivia wakes up. She may not be impressed with us if you are covered in paint.”

She chuckled and looked down at herself. “No, I suppose paint-tainted milk would not impress her. She gets that from you. Only the best for her,” she murmured as she sat up with a groan, “I’m not sure if I want to go to sleep. If I go to sleep, it just means that you are going to leave sooner.” She looked to him, giving a small smile at the paint on his face and she reached out to grasp his chin between her thumb and forefinger. “I’m a selfish person.”

“You’re not selfish,” he argued softly, loving the affection he could see in her eyes, that he could feel from such a simple gesture. He sat up and leaned in to kiss her again, pulling her closer as he pressed his lips firmly to hers. A smile spread across his face as he got out of the bed, taking her hand and helping her up. “We do not have to sleep tonight,” he said softly. “Let us get cleaned up and then we shall spend the rest of the night enjoying one another’s company. I can sleep in the wagon on the ride tomorrow. And if you need to take a nap, well, that is what your sister is for.”

Jennifer giggled at that. “Yes, she will take the kid and one of three things will happen. One, she steals it and doesn’t give her back. Two, Cullen steals her. Or three, she gives it back after she’s filled her full of sugar and has a front row seat to the destruction,” she stated as she moved to step close to him, enjoying being in his arms in front of the fire. It was wonderful. “But yeah, let’s clean each other up and spend the night together. I could spend hours just listening to you talk, read, whatever.”

Solas chuckled. “Let us be grateful that Olivia is not yet old enough for option three,” he said, though he knew that one day, that scenario would most likely become a reality. Jennifer’s sister did seem to enjoy antagonizing him. He still hadn’t gotten over her asking if she would be allowed to see him naked since Jennifer had helped her with that spell for Cullen. He shook his head and managed a smile again. “Come, before the little one wakes up. We have a few hours before I must depart in the morning. Though I do not intend to spend much of it talking,” he said in a sultry tone, tugging her hand as he stepped closer to the fire and picked up a large pot of clean water to heat over it. It wasn’t as good as a full bath in other parts of the castle, but it would do for quickly washing up. His mind went to all sorts of naughty places as the firelight washed over her and he grabbed up a cloth to dip into the warming water. Oh yes. He could think of all sorts of things to occupy their time for the rest of the night. He began to wash the paint away, revealing her flawlessly smooth skin beneath and his mouth ran dry. “Yes, there will be no sleeping tonight.”


	24. Chapter 24

_ ‘RUN.’ _

It was the only thought in Solas’ head as his long legs carried him across the bridge as fast as he could push them. Had he shouted it? He didn’t know. The dragon was bearing down on them, its leathery wings renting the air, a gurgling rumble low in its throat as it prepared to belch fire at them.

He skidded to a halt just inside the doors, the Inquisitor and Morrigan already leaning against one to push them closed against the dragon’s attack. Dorian was at the other one, but could not move it on his own. Solas’ eyes went wide as he looked over his shoulder. “VARRIC!” he cried, seeing the dwarf running for all he was worth, his shorter legs unable to keep pace with the elf and the humans. “HURRY!”

_ ‘Don’t look back. Don’t look back,’ _ Varric chanted over and over in his head as he ran, his heart pounding in his chest as he heart the dragon roar; he could feel the heat from the flames growing behind him. His heart gave a lurch as the doors in front of him started to close and he felt the cold trickle of fear run down his spine and he could see his life flashing in front of his eyes. Those doors would slam shut and he would be a blackened smear on the wall. 

Shit.

Cassandra would never forgive him for that. In a last ditch effort, he threw himself forward, brushing past the doors as they squeezed shut behind him. The burst of flame from the dragon caught the tails of his duster on fire and he rolled on the ground as he hit it, panic and fear ruling his mind. “A little help here!” he shouted at the others, his breath nearly gone from running so hard and so fast. 

Solas turned without a second thought, the ice spell extinguishing the fire in a burst of steam. He leaned over his knees, gasping for breath. It felt like his heart was going to jump out of his chest. He drew a deeper breath and walked closer to Varric, almost afraid to see the damage caused by the dragon’s fire. A breath of relief escaped him when the back of Varric’s coat was revealed to be singed away, but he appeared unharmed. “You are lucky,” he breathed, leaning on his staff.

“Shit, Chuckles,” Varric groaned as he laid on the floor, turning over and spreading his arms wide as he caught his breath looking up at the ceiling, “I think I’ve had enough of wasting my luck on lyrium dragons for the day. Have I mentioned how much I hate dragons? And darkspawn magisters who think they are gods trying to destroy the world. Just once, could the weird things not happen to us?” He closed his eyes, swallowing hard as he felt sweat run down the side of his face and into his hair. He focused on Cassandra, the heated kiss she had given him before the Inquisitor’s party had left camp. 

_ “You had better come back to me, Dwarf.” _

Dorian breathed out as he wandered over, leaning on his staff as well, looking down at Varric. “I think I will agree with you on this one. This weird ‘shit’, as you so eloquently put it, is getting rather old. Nice to see that Corypheus has a few new tricks up his sleeves to keep us on our toes.” He stood up and looked back at the others, “I wasn’t the only one who saw that, right? That thing… out there. Corypheus regenerated. What hope do we have of killing him if he is immortal!”

The Inquisitor shook his head, not knowing what to think about what they’d just witnessed. “I don’t know. But we must keep going. We have to stop Corypheus from whatever it is he’s after now,” he said, casting a glare at Morrigan as he walked forward and offered Varric a hand, pulling the dwarf to his feet. “Don’t go and get yourself killed,” he said in a low tone. “Cassandra would never let the rest of us hear the end of it.”

Morrigan let out a heavy sigh and rolled her eyes. “Yes, I was wrong about the eluvian, but whatever it is that he is after we must make an effort to stop him from getting it,” she said as she watched the dwarf stand and shoulder his crossbow. They all gave her untrusting looks. Let them. If the well was anything like what she was thinking it was, they most certainly had to beat Corypheus to it. She wanted it. “As for his apparent immortality, he appears to behave like an archdemon. His soul passing on to any blighted creature, darkspawn or grey warden that is in the area.”

“We’ll have to find a way to kill him after we’re done here,” the Inquisitor said as he led the way, though he really had no idea how they were supposed to kill Corypheus.  “Really, how do you kill a being like that?” 

“Carefully,” Varric muttered as he fell into step with Dorian and Solas, “Shit, maybe he can’t be killed.” He licked his lips as they made their way into the temple. “Still, the sisters said it was possible, but what if that’s changed too? What if they’ve found a way counter what we know already?” He thought back on the torture he and Lindsey had gone through. They hadn’t talked, but still, what if.

Solas swallowed harshly as they walked. He remembered the nightmare Jennifer had had, the one where Erimond said that they’d found a way to see the future on their own. “It is very possible,” he said, keeping his expression neutral as he could. Still, it didn’t stop the trickle of sweat down the back of his neck, the apprehension he felt in his stomach. He could see the hungry look in Morrigan’s eyes already. He only prayed that the Inquisitor would listen to reason, that he would not choose to fight the sentinels of Mythal’s temple. “No matter what, we must not underestimate Corypheus.”

Dorian nodded as they came to a stop in front of a pillar surrounded by odd looking tiles. He remembered the talk that he had with Lindsey about this temple. “So, this must be one of the rites of passage. Might I suggest that we observe them once we enter? No matter what the enemy knows, it is unlikely the ancient elves residing here know of their plans. We might be able to persuade them. Gain their aid in this matter. It would be a much needed leg up against Samson and the others.”

The Inquisitor hesitated for a moment, wondering if he was wasting precious time, but Dorian did have a point. He carefully stepped onto the tiles, watching as the blue magic began to glow under each one he stepped on. “Don’t fuck this up,” he muttered under his breath, trying to work out the puzzle in his head as he went.

This was a good sign. If the Inquisitor was willing to walk the petitioner’s path, perhaps he would not be eager to fight the sentinels. Solas gave a nod of approval, watching their leader carefully, yet keeping an eye on Morrigan at the same time. He didn’t need Jennifer’s warning about this witch; she unsettled him enough on her own. He shifted closer to Dorian, speaking in a low voice, “We must do all we can to dissuade the Inquisitor from fighting the sentinels here. I do not wish to see them fall. Perhaps we could even convince them to join our cause, if we are careful.”

Dorian glanced at Solas, nodding. “Agreed. She seems a bit… too eager to get inside to this well, don’t you think?” he asked as he let his hands curl around his staff, watching Morrigan. She was looking at the stone tablet, reading it over and over to herself, her lips moving but no sound escaping. 

Solas nearly snorted when he heard Morrigan claim that she could translate no more than was written there. Wasn’t she the self-proclaimed expert on elven lore? He rolled his eyes and chanced a glance at Dorian, who seemed equally as amused and unimpressed at the same time. He had to look away before he snickered. Of course he could read what was written there, not that he needed to. He knew what the well was. He was just about to make a snide remark when the sound of a blast drew his attention and he saw Samson ahead.

Varric drew his crossbow, cocking it as he looked towards the warrior. “Shit. This party is about to come to us. Hurry up, Inquisitor!” he shouted as he lifted his weapon and fired off several shots at the red templars, “Can’t you solve that puzzle faster?” He swallowed hard, wanting nothing more but to deal with what was in the temple and get back outside to help the others fight off Corpheus’ forces. Cassandra was out there fighting and he wouldn’t forgive himself if she fell because they were too busy trying to play around. True, he had to trust Solas on this matter. He was one of the ancient elves. He said the safest way to do this was to complete the rites of passage. Maybe if the sentinels were on their side, they would help those out of the temple as well.

The Inquisitor completed the puzzle, then turned and ran towards the fighting, preparing to jump down after Samson. That bastard. “Come on! We have to stop them!” he insisted, waving the others closer. “The sooner we end this, the better!” Without waiting for the others to speak a word, he jumped down through the chasm.

“Fenedhis,” Solas cursed under his breath. Hadn’t they decided that walking the petitioner’s path was the better option? They needed to show respect to this place, to the sentinels guarding it, or this would end badly. For a moment, he was tempted to walk the path himself, to let the Inquisitor go it alone. The fool. But then he knew that he could not, the Inquisitor was too valuable to be lost, and he followed after him. “Come on,” he growled to the others.

Dorian reached out and grasped Solas’ arm before he could jump. “Wait!” he cried, looking back towards the other shrines around the temple. The path that they were supposed to walk. “Solas, my people have done more than enough to elves everywhere. I don’t think I can stand by and just jump off into there without at least trying to do this the right way. I…” He closed his eyes as he heard the fighting down below and the Inquisitor’s shout for help. 

“There is no time to argue. This is not the way it should happen, but we cannot abandon the Inquisitor!” Solas argued. “We may still be able to reason with the sentinels here. But we must hurry!” A sinking feeling filled his stomach. He hoped Abelas would listen, that they would be forgiven for not walking the petitioner’s path and showing the proper respect due to Mythal. He shook his head and jumped down, landing lightly on his feet and quickly joining in the battle.

Morrigan sneered in disgust as she jumped down with the rest of them. “You are a fool to think that they will listen to reason for blatantly ignoring these ancient rites.” She summoned her magic and attacked the red templars to aid the Inquisitor. “They will kill us now, sooner than listen to us. Destroy the well before we even have a chance to explore what it could offer us.”

“Offer you, you mean,” Varric muttered as he jumped down with Dorian and raised his crossbow, finishing off a templar that was engaged with Solas. He wasn’t going to say, but he was rather glad they had jumped. Anything to get this over quickly so he could get back outside and help with the fighting there. “We’ll just have to find the well on our own and figure out what to do with it before Corypheus gets it.”

The Inquisitor didn’t have time to listen to Morrigan’s complaining as he fought, his only thoughts of stopping Samson from becoming this vessel that Corypheus intended. Perhaps walking the path would’ve been the more respectful approach, but with his forces still out there fighting, he couldn’t waste the time. He growled as he lunged at Samson with his daggers; they could deal with the well after this threat was dealt with first.

Dorian growled as he threw spell after spell at the red templar. “I think we should have looked into that red lyrium armor of his, Inquisitor!” he shouted as the enemy got right back up off of the ground with barely a scorch mark from the fire spells he was using. He swallowed hard as he spun his staff around, collecting the energy of the Veil he manipulated to cast a fear spell. The weight of the dragontooth necklace was heavy on his chest and it reminded him of what he was fighting for. What Bull was doing outside the walls of the temple at that very moment. They had wasted time, but then again, that great lummox always did love a good fight. 

On and on the battle seemed to drag until finally Samson collapsed at the Inquisitor’s feet. Solas leaned heavily on his staff, catching his breath, worn out but luckily unharmed. Now it was just a matter of dealing with the well, and hopefully finding some sort of agreement with the sentinels of Mythal’s temple. It made his heart ache to think that they may have to fight them. Movement out of the corner of his eye drew his attention and made his breath catch in his throat. “Abelas!”

Abelas turned his head at the call of his name, his eyes narrowing at the intruders as his heart pounded in his chest. How they knew who he was, he cared not. He had to hurry to the well, his duty compelling him. He turned and dashed up the steps, the caw of a raven right behind him and he looked up to see it soar over his head to land in front of him trying to stop him from reaching the well. 

Varric cursed and ran after the others as they took off after the elf. “I hate running, just so you all know!” He swallowed hard and shouldered his crossbow as they ran, looking down at Samson’s body curled up on the stone. Bastard was still breathing. He looked up to the Well of Sorrows as he climbed up the steps. He had to admit, he thought running through the temple, fighting, would have taken longer than it actually did, but the Inquisitor had been determined to get through the place at a record speed. He wondered, briefly, what the sisters would recount of the temple if he asked them. What the other outcomes could be.

Abelas turned his head, still keeping an eye on the witch in front of him as well as the man with the mark came up to her side. He backed up as even more joined them. He was outnumbered and he could feel the hair on the back of his neck raise as he regarded them. The other elvhen who had called his name caught his eyes. He looked familiar, but he couldn’t place him. It was a ridiculous notion. A shemlen looking familiar.

Solas could see the slight confusion in Abelas’ eyes and he realized that the other elf could not place him. Perhaps that was better, at least for the moment. The sentinel looked like a wild animal that had been cornered. “You need not fear us,” he said in a calming tone. “Had the enemy not forced our hand, we would have approached this place more respectfully.” He shot a look at the Inquisitor as he said it, still feeling the disapproval coursing through his veins. Too many had already died that day. He did not want to add more. “We only came to stop Corypheus from gaining the power of the well.”

“Which I could do without your aid,” Abelas replied, looking to the others, “You are no better than the invaders who also came for the well’s power. I would see it destroyed before it fell into the wrong hands. This is not for mortals. Not for the undeserving.” It sickened him to think that these invaders would dare come seek the well, beg him to use it after they had ran through the temple, destroying it as they destroyed each other. It was obvious to him that they had little respect for him and his kind. “Allow me to destroy the well, shemlen, and I may yet decide that you are worthy enough to leave this sanctuary alive.”

Dorian’s eyes lit up at that. “Isn’t that what we want anyway? Keep Corypheus from taking the well’s power? I have to say that I am with Solas on this one. Let the man do what he came here to do. Corypheus is foiled once again and we can all go home. No one else has to die needlessly for this!” 

The Inquisitor debated for a moment. “But what of the well’s power? If it can be used against Corypheus, used to stop him, can we afford to let it be destroyed?” he asked, carefully watching the sentinel. “We do not wish to fight you. Allow us to use the well so that we can stop Corypheus and his plans,” he said to Abelas, not wanting to fight the elf, but knowing that the well was too important to destroy.

“Not that I’m the person to ask on all of this… weird,” Varric started, looking at the well and pressing his lips together. It felt wrong to him, like it was watching. Which was ridiculous because it was just water… right? “But I don’t think any of us here could understand the well’s power, let alone use it. It might be more of a danger to us if we do something with it. Let the man destroy it. We’ve done enough harm as it is.”

Abelas considered them all, looking back and forth between the divided members of the group in front of him. “No mortal could even begin to comprehend the Well’s power. It is not for any of you.” He looked to Solas, Dorian and Varric before he looked to the Inquisitor and Morrigan, “You would do well to listen to their words. Your companions are wiser than you in this matter. Leave now and I will allow you to live.”

The Inquisitor drew a long breath through his nose, thinking over what his companions had said. They didn’t have long to deliberate, he knew that much. Ultimately, they would be accomplishing what they had set out to do. If the well was destroyed, then Corypheus wouldn’t be allowed to use it. He gave a nod. “Do it quickly before Corypheus can get to it,” he said, taking a step back. “As long as it stays out of his hands, that is all that matters in the end.”

Solas felt a relief wash over him. They could end this peacefully and no more blood would be shed. “We should return,” he said. “Our forces are still battling against the templars. We may be able to assist them.” He looked at Abelas. “You could join us,” he suggested carefully. “Now that your duty here will be done once the well is destroyed.”

Abelas didn’t know what to say to that. It hurt to think that after centuries of defending the temple, he was being forced to destroy the very thing he had sworn to protect. “It is not my war,” he said quietly before he turned to the well, his eyes glowing as he summoned up his magic. His stance widened and he lifted his hands, drawing up the well, letting his power surge into it. He had to destroy it. All at once though, he felt his power leave him and his eyes went wide as a white hot pain erupted in his back, making it painful to draw his next breath. He fell to his knees, unable to stand on his own before he fell to his side. 

Dorian gave a shout as he watched Morrigan suddenly move, faster than he could stop her. He saw the flash of steel before she made to plunge it into Abelas. “NO!” he shouted running forward and catching the sentinel as he fell. “Vishante kaffas! A potion! Does anyone have a potion! Hurry!” he cried as he pulled the dagger from Abelas and threw it at the witch; it clattered harmlessly to the floor.

Solas felt his stomach swoop painfully as he saw the sentinel fall and he rushed to his side, fumbling in his pocket for a vial of healing potion. The wound was deep, the sentinels’ blood pouring from it. “Abelas! Take this!” he commanded as he uncorked the vial and tipped it to the other man’s lips. The bleeding stemmed, but the wound didn’t heal completely. “He needs a healer,” he said, “The wound is too great for a potion alone.”

“Damn it, Morrigan!” the Inquisitor barked as he rushed over, seeing the sentinel struggling to breathe, the blood covering Dorian’s hands. “What were you thinking?! This was not your move to make!”

Morrigan sneered at the Inquisitor. “We need the well’s power. I was just not going to stand by and watch him destroy it. The power of the well is too valuable to let it just disappear with the rest of elvhen culture,” she said as she turned to the well. “Save him if you must, but he is better off dead,” she murmured as she stepped into the well while the rest of them gathered around Abelas.

“Damn you, Morrigan!” Dorian called after her as he ripped off a portion of his own robes, bundling it up and pressing it to the wound on Abelas’ back. Already the elf had turned a rather pale shade from the blood loss. He looked up at the others, his eyes wide, “I don’t think we can get him back to the base camp fast enough. He’ll be dead by the time we fight our way back to it. Not to mention Corypheus is on his way here. He’s probably regenerated by now.”

Varric cursed under his breath, his eyes going to Morrigan where he saw her kneel down in the Well. “And she’s going to drink the damn thing herself. How predictable,” he muttered as he looked down at Abelas, his brow drawing together in worry. The elf had just been doing what he had been tasked to do. And Morrigan stabbed him for it. He closed his eyes a moment before he glared over at the human in the water. “Shit.”

“Hold on, lethallin,” Solas murmured as he pulled Abelas to stand, draping the sentinel’s arm over his shoulders to support him. “We must move quickly.” He scowled at Morrigan as he watched her drink from the well, taking the power that she did not deserve. He shook his head with a snort as the Inquisitor took Abelas’ other side. They barely paid Morrigan any attention and he secretly hoped her actions came back to bite her in the ass threefold. His eyes widened when he saw Corypheus, the magister looking furious as he rose into the air. “The eluvian! Quickly!” he cried, all but dragging Abelas towards it as Morrigan ran forward, activating the mirror.

Dorian ran towards the mirror, his eyes wide as he looked over his shoulder at Corypheus. He was positively fuming as he headed their way. “That is not good!” he shouted at the others as he ran towards the mirror. How odd that it could be activated now. Perhaps the well, no, it had to have been the well that granted them the access they needed. Without a second thought, he followed the Inquisitor and Solas as the dragged Abelas through the mirror as well. He looked to Varric who was fast at his side when they reached what Morrigan called the Crossroads. “That was a bit too close for comfort,” he muttered as he looked around their group, his eyes landing on Abelas who hung limply between the Inquisitor and Solas. 

“Great. So, we’ve escaped Corypheus, but now what? I didn’t see any other way to get back. How do we get back to the camp in the Arbor Wilds if we are stuck in here?” Varric asked, looking around uneasily at the strange landscape around them. “I didn’t sign up for all of this weird shit,” he muttered, but he hoped it hid the worry that grew in his chest as he thought about the battle that had to be going on. 

“We can’t go back,” the Inquisitor said, shaking his head. If there was a second eluvian anywhere in the Arbor Wilds, he was certain that Morrigan would have known about it. He looked to her. “The eluvian back at Skyhold. Take us to it,” he ordered, his tone forceful. He was beyond angry with her as it was. “And you and I are going to have words when we get back,” he warned her as he adjusted his grip on Abelas and started forward, following her through the crossroads.

Luckily Morrigan led them swiftly through to the eluvian that led back to Skyhold, and Solas couldn’t help the slight heat that touched his ears as he remembered his night with Jennifer in this very room. But there was no time for that now. “We must get Abelas to the infirmary,” he said, never pausing in his steps. 

“Dorian, help him,” the Inquisitor said, pulling the mage closer and ducking out from under Abelas’ arm. He turned to Morrigan, balling his hands into fists so tightly it made his arms shake. “I have other matters that need addressing.”

Morrigan watched the others leave, Solas casting her a rather poisonous glance back at her before he left through the door that Varric held open for them. She looked to the Inquisitor, crossing her arms as the voices from the Well chattered away in her head. She swayed on her feet a moment from the sensation. It was rather… wonderful, but disorienting at the same time. “We need this power, Inquisitor. I will not apologize for doing what had to be done. If I had let Abelas continue, he would have destroyed the power of the well and we wouldn’t know what we needed to defeat Corypheus. I have a plan now.”

Solas shook his head as he heard Morrigan’s words and he walked faster, eager to put some space between himself and the witch before he did something he might later regret. “Varric, run ahead and let them know we’re coming,” he said as he and Dorian struggled to drag the near unconscious sentinel through Skyhold. He sighed heavily as the dwarf hurried on ahead of them. “We should have had a better plan in place. This was not how I wanted this to go,” he muttered to Dorian.

Dorian nodded as he helped the other man pull the elf along. He shifted his grip on Abelas’ arm before he glanced over at Solas. “I seriously doubt that was how any of us wanted that to go. Save for Morrigan, of course. If I didn’t know any better, I would have said she played us from the start. Or at least when she found out there was an Eluvian there at the temple. Or the well. She might have known of that the whole time and just needed the rest of us to retrieve it.”

“That thought crossed my mind as well,” Solas said as they finally made it to the infirmary, carefully laying Abelas on one of the cots there. He stepped back, a frown on his lips as the healers moved quickly to assess the wound. He nearly sighed in relief as he recognized one, the healer who had acted as midwife to Jennifer, and he knew her to be the best healer at Skyhold. “Let us give them some room,” he said to Dorian, stepping back towards the door. “He is in their hands now.”


	25. Chapter 25

“There you are,” said the healer as she swiped the cool rag across Abelas’ face. She smiled slightly when he opened his eyes. She could see the confusion there, the slight pain, but she grinned anyway. “For a minute, I thought we were gonna lose you,” she admitted, tossing the rag back into the basin with a  slosh.  Her eyes widened when he tried to sit up. “Whoa, slow down,” she commanded, putting her hands on his shoulders and pushing him back onto the bed. “I healed you up as best I could, but you’re in no condition to go anywhere just yet.”

Abelas pushed himself back on the bed, his eyes narrowing on the woman in front of him. She was unfamiliar to him, with her pale blonde hair pulled up in two large disheveled buns on her head, her big eyes blinking at him. His body felt heavy, weak and he didn’t like it. He had never felt like this, not even after centuries in uthenera. “What have you done to me? Where am I? Am I a prisoner here?” he grit out, trying to remember. The Well. He had been trying to destroy the well and then... He remembered pain and then numbness, hands grasping at him, unfamiliar voices telling him to hold on. He closed his eyes as he remembered the witch stabbing him. 

“Done to you? I saved your life,” she answered, but there was no harshness in her tone. “Well, mostly me. If Solas and Dorian hadn’t given you that potion, you never would’ve made it this far.” She paused and frowned, tipping her head slightly at the way he moved on the bed, something wasn’t right. “I was worried about this,” she muttered, moving the blanket off of him and looking him over with a critical eye. “Move your feet,” she commanded, her hands on her hips as she looked at him expectantly.

He kept his eyes trained on her, not trusting her as she looked down at his legs. He realized his chest armor had been striped away and he was clad only in his leggings. Why should he have to humor this shemlen? Still, if she had saved his life… he almost wished he had died. He moved his feet and his eyes widened when the left side didn’t do what he said and the foot barely gave a twitch. “What sort of trick is this!” He tried to move his foot, his leg again but to no avail. 

She watched with a keen eye as his left leg didn’t cooperate with him. “Nerve damage,” she muttered, more to herself than to him. She shook her head and pulled the blanket back up over him. “Hey, calm down,” she said softly. “Don’t you remember? They said that witch stabbed you. She got you good, too.” She almost felt sorry for him, the confusion and near-panic she could see in his face. She tucked a piece of hair behind her long, pointed ear and moved to sit in the chair at his bedside. “You’re not a prisoner here. And it’s no trick. You’re just gonna have to be patient. We’ll get you back up and around in no time.” She’d gotten pieces of the story, enough to be able to do her job and to know who he was. “Abelas, right? My name’s Ellie.”

“You claim I am no prisoner, but I am not able to leave this bed, let alone this room. I would know where I am.” He lifted a hand to his head, wishing he had his cloak at the very least. He looked to the side and spotted his discarded armor, covered in blood resting on the floor. He snorted at the sight. “They should have let me die. I am not worthy of anything but death for letting the undeserving even dare touch that which they cannot understand,” he muttered. 

Ellie pulled back, crossing her arms over her chest and wrinkling her nose at him. “Well that’s a piss-poor way of thanking someone for saving your life,” she stated. “This is Skyhold, by the way. And you’re free to leave any time you want. But you’re not gettin’ far without my help.” She followed his gaze to the armor. “We’ll have someone clean that up for you. You know, if you decide you still want to live.” It left a sour taste in her mouth to know that someone she’d spent hours working to save would rather have been left for dead. Not that she hadn’t heard that before from other soldiers, but it didn’t make it any better the more she heard it. “Ungrateful,” she muttered as she got up. “You hungry? I can have them bring you something to eat. Or drink. Or you can just lay there and starve to death. Your call.”

He ignored her, his mind catching on Skyhold. “ Tarasyl'an Te'las,” he breathed out, knowing of the place. The very name answered so many questions he had and then the image of the elf who had called out his name flashed across his mind. His eyes widened as he realized he knew who he was. He looked up to the healer as she stood up. “I would see the one they call Solas,” he said firmly, “I have questions for him and him alone.” 

Her eyes narrowed slightly at being ordered around like that, but she silently reminded herself of what he was. Perhaps he was just used to barking out orders and having them obeyed. She crossed her arms over her chest again and stared at him for a long moment. An irritated huff escaped her. “You know, a please would be nice,” she snipped before she marched off, shutting the door a little too loudly behind her.

* * *

 

Solas hurried to the infirmary the moment the healer told him that Abelas had asked for him. Cautiously, he let himself in and closed the door behind him before going to Abelas’ bedside. “I’m pleased to see the healers were able to save you,” he said softly as he sat in the chair there. His head tipped ever so slightly as he looked at the sentinel. “You remember me?”

“I do. Unless there is another of the Elvhen who could have possibly led a group to this stronghold. It is yours and no other would have found it without your expressed permission,” Abelas muttered as he studied the man in front of him, “You look different without your normal attire. I would not have recognized you had it not been for the healer’s mention of the name here.” He pressed his lips thin before he looked up towards the window in the infirmary, the sunlight that shone through. “I would have expected you to follow the Petitioner’s path. It is not like you to follow the will of another.”

“It was my plan to do so,” Solas answered softly. “Had the Inquisitor stopped only for a moment, I would have attempted to persuade him to walk the petitioner’s path. As it was, he was more concerned with stopping the immediate threat and he followed our enemy. There was no disrespect intended on his part. Only… ignorance of the importance of respecting such sacred ground. He is a good man, but he made a hasty decision yesterday when we were in the temple. It is my duty to keep him safe. He is the only hope of stopping Corypheus we have right now.”

“I do not know of this Corypheus other than he is the one who led to forces against Mythal’s temple,” Abelas said, closing his eyes as he remembered the losses. “More and more of us die away each time we awaken. I do not know how many linger still at the temple. I would have prefered to die among my men, my people, than to be crippled here as a prisoner among the shemlen,” he said bitterly as he looked back to Solas, “Do these people even know who you are?”

“No,” Solas answered quickly, “And I would prefer to keep it that way. There are a handful of very close friends who know the truth, but that is all. It is better if no one else knows. I would appreciate your discretion.” He sat back in the chair, a frown slightly pinching his features. Ellie had mentioned the nerve damage caused by Morrigan’s blade. “You are no prisoner here. Crippled or otherwise. You could have a new purpose, a new duty here, Abelas,” he said softly. “Do not wish your life away. This world may seem a strange place to you now, but we can make it better.”

“The witch’s aim was truer than her words,” Abelas said as he leaned back, thinking over what Solas said, “The world is like a rock being beat upon by the ocean’s waves. Each passing year, more is worn away never to be regained again. What new purpose would you suggest? It is you who sealed away the Veil, granted, it is what I would have done in your position of the matter. There is no punishment harsh enough for the crimes the Enuvaris committed against the Elvhen.” 

A relief eased into Solas’ chest at Abelas’ words. It was refreshing for once to hear that someone agreed with his actions. “I am working on a way to bring about the world we once knew, to make this world a better place for the elves. They have lost so much of what we once were,” he answered in a hushed tone. “But it is a slow process of working out my plans. I cannot tear down the Veil; doing so would destroy this world. And I cannot do that either.”

“Tearing down the Veil could allow you to reshape the world as you wished it to be. Granted, it would also release the Evanuris, but we could easily handle them, given the time to build our forces. They would be considerably weakened from their imprisonment,” he said, studying the other Elvhen. “You say you cannot, is it because the Inquisitor holds your power in his hand? It will kill him, eventually.”

“I know that. And yes, that is partly why,” Solas answered. He swallowed, not knowing if this next bit of information would change Abelas’ opinion on the subject at hand, but it was the truth and he was tired of lying. Not that he would lie about it anyway. “Over the past year, my view of this world has changed somewhat. I do not wish to see it destroyed. My vhenan, my daughter, they are part of this world. And I cannot destroy the place that gave me them. I will not be a man my daughter grows up to be ashamed of.”

Abelas raised his eyebrow at the admission. “It is surprising. I would not have thought you to build a family in such times. Mythal would approve, no doubt,” he said dryly, “I can understand why one would not want their daughter to know their father as the man who destroyed the world. One would hope that she will be raised knowing the truth instead of the lies the shadows tell each other in their fumbling attempt to recreate what was lost,” he said. He wasn’t sure how he should feel. It was not his place to judge others on their actions. He knew what reopening the Veil would do to the current world. “How many innocents would perish in the fires that would start after you did tear down the Veil. How many of those you were trying to save would burn up?  What is your plan to better the world if not to tear down the Veil?”

Solas opened his mouth to respond, but the door opened at that exact moment and he snapped his jaw shut as Ellie came into the room.

“Here,” she said, sharply setting a tray of food over Abelas’ lap. “Jennifer made that for you, asked me to bring it to you. You know, if you’ve decided you’d like to hang around and live for a bit more,” she said, a slight tone of bitterness to her voice. “But if you’re gonna starve yourself to death, do let me know. I’ll eat it. Her cooking is far too good to let go to waste.”

Solas had to bite his lips to keep from chuckling, both at Ellie’s words and at the look on Abelas’ face. “It is rather good, lethallin,” he said to Abelas. “It would do you good to eat something, keep up your strength. The situation may be disheartening now, but I have the utmost faith in Elowyn. She will have you back on your feet in no time.”

“Ellie!” she hissed at Solas, half tempted to smack at him. She narrowed her eyes at Abelas. “Call me Elowyn and you just might get your death wish.”

Abelas was stunned for a moment, looking down at the tray of food that had been shoved into his hands. He looked back up to the healer who had supposedly saved his life. Her face was clear of marks and he wondered, briefly, if it was because Solas had erased the marks from her or if she never had them in the first place. He didn’t really know much about the shadows that walked this world now. He would have to educate himself on them if he were to stay here for the time being. “You… have my gratitude,” he said slowly, looking down at the dish. It smelled better than anything he had eaten in recent memory. In Uthenera, one did not need to eat. 

She quirked her eyebrow at him. “For what? If it’s for the food, thank Jennifer. His significant other,” she said, jerking her head at Solas. “If it’s for saving your life… then you’re welcome.” She had to turn away from him to hide the little smile that made the corners of her mouth twitch. He’d come around, eventually, she knew. He was just in a strange place with people he didn’t know. She couldn’t blame him for being crotchety. “Now eat before it goes cold,” she said over her shoulder as she busied herself with tidying up some supplies. “And rest. Tomorrow, we’ll start on getting you moving again.”

Though Solas didn’t know her well, he had always approved of Ellie’s straightforward approach. She was a bit different than the other healers, younger, but she had a talent that was undeniable. And from what he understood, she had handled Jennifer’s attitude during labor with the utmost grace. He fought to keep the smirk off his lips and he looked to Abelas again. “It would be a mistake to let that meal go to waste,” he said gently, then lowered his voice, “If only because doing so would offend not one but two women. That alone is not worth it.”

Abelas pressed his lips thin but spooned up a bite of the meal and ate, his eyes growing wide at how good it was. He swallowed, bowing his head over the meal. “Your vhenan has skill,” he said quietly as he ate.

“That she does,” Solas agreed. “I will tell her you enjoyed the meal she prepared.” He hesitated a moment before continuing. “She would like to meet you, when you are feeling up to it. You may find her an interesting person. She has talents unlike anyone else I’ve ever encountered in this world. Well, save for her sister who has similar abilities. But it is a long explanation, probably better suited for another time once you’ve had a chance to settle in.”

“It seems the world still holds many surprises for one such as I,” he muttered as he ate the food in front of him. “I would not have thought you would have taken,” he paused, his eyes sliding over to Ellie, “someone from here as your mate.” He couldn’t, really the elves from this era were blind, seemingly to everything around them, stumbling like children through a world they barely understood. “Perhaps I would meet the one you deemed worthy. And I want to see Tarasyl'an Te'las,” he said, “But I would not be seen hobbling around like some old fool.”

“Well swallow your pride because that’s the only way you’re going to be able to get any better,” Ellie said as she turned from the hand-towels she’d been folding. “If you’re feeling particularly stubborn, I might be able to clear out my schedule for the afternoon. The sooner you start, the better before you lose even more mobility.” She looked him over with a sweeping glance. “Don’t worry. If you fall, I won’t laugh… much.”

Abelas couldn’t stop the scowl that appeared on his face at the woman. “If this is what I must now suffer, you may as well kill me now, Elowyn,” he muttered, looking towards Solas, “You should have left me to my duty in the temple. I was meant to die in service to Mythal. It is the only life I have known. I am not certain what purpose there could be for me out here in this world of shemlen.”

Ellie narrowed her eyes at the sentinel. “Now I’m going to keep you alive just to make your life miserable,” she snipped. She rolled her eyes and reached over, snatching a piece of bread from his plate and popped it in her mouth before he could protest. “Now eat. We’re getting to work just as soon as I get back. I have others to check on,” she said, brushing the crumbs from her fingers, and she stuck her nose in the air as she stomped away.

A sigh escaped Solas as he watched her go. “Give it time, Abelas. There is a purpose for you yet in this world. Otherwise, you would not be here,” he said as he stood, reaching over to give the sentinel’s shoulder a squeeze. “I must get back to my research. I have many things I am working on. But do not hesitate to send for me if you need me for anything. Do not give up. Things will work out the way they are supposed to. I am beginning to believe it myself more and more every day.”

“We shall see,” he said as he watched the other elf stand and leave. He sighed and looked down at his food, his appetite vanishing as his guests did. He moved and placed the tray on a chair nearby and pushed himself up, doing his best to swing his legs over the side of the bed. It felt odd and rather nauseating to feel the ground beneath his feet, but to have that numbness there. His heart beat faster in his chest at the thought that he might never be able to have feeling again in that leg and he grit his teeth as he scowled down at himself and he pushed himself to stand. He stumbled forward, falling to his knees with a cry.

He cursed under his breath and pushed himself up again, hating the way he wavered on his own feet awkwardly. He looked around the room, spotting a chair next to the lone window in the room and he set his jaw, determined to get over to it. He stepped carefully, but he fell hard again. Oh, he would pay the witch back for what she had done to him, he swore as he pulled himself to the chair and lifted himself into it.

* * *

 

It was an hour later when Ellie finally returned to check on him. “Okay, Abelas, I’m going to let you off the hook for all that crap earlier. I know this is all… Abelas?” she asked, blinking when she saw the empty bed. She spied him at the window the next instant. “How in Andraste’s name did you get over there?” she asked. She sighed heavily when he didn’t answer her. “You know, being like this isn’t making it any easier. On anyone.”

He held his tongue as he gazed out the window. He could only see the training yard and a few trees. “This view is dismal,” he muttered instead. The throbbing in his foot had not gotten any better, it was as it was before. He absently rubbed at his thigh, somehow trying to will feeling back into it. Something about the words of the woman just irked him. “How would you have me act then?” he said harshly.

“Like you don’t have a thorny stick up your ass?” she suggested. Normally she wasn’t this mouthy with her patients, but he made her want to scream. She spotted the mostly uneaten plate of food left at his bedside and she frowned. “You know, I get it. I do. You don’t want to be here. You’re… one of the ancient elves or whatever. But this place isn’t so bad. There’s good people here. But you won’t know any of that if you keep acting like a grumpy old man,” she said as she moved to clear away the plate. Such a waste.

“You know not of what you speak,” he murmured quietly as he turned his head to look at her, seeing the disappointment in her eyes, but he could hardly bring himself to care what a shem thought of him. Were the people at Skyhold good people? It mattered little to him, they were not his people. Solas, yes, but aside from that he was doubtful. They were all ignorant and intolerant of so much. The spoke of things they did not know, yet they pretended as if they understood the world completely. “What of the woman who attacked me with no provocation?”

“I haven’t heard,” she answered honestly. “There’s rumors flying all over the place, of course. They always do here. I know the Inquisitor broke it off in her ass pretty good for it. I can only imagine what the stories will be when the army comes back. This place seems so empty since they all left,” she said, her voice becoming soft as she looked out the window behind him. She shrugged and looked at him again. “I don’t know what they’ll do about it.” She chewed her lip, a mischievous sort of smirk growing on her face. “You want me to kick her ass for you?”

He raised an eyebrow at her, but looked out the window again. “I am not used to others fighting my battles for me. It is unnecessary,” he said before he moved to stand up. He faltered a little bit, but did not fall. “I would work quickly, I want the use of my leg back as soon as possible. I tire of being confined to this room.” 

“For someone who’s thousands of years old, you really have no patience,” she commented. She could see that he was standing mostly on his good leg. At least he had decent balance. “Well you can’t just take off running. You’re going to have to get the muscles working in that leg again. Go on, move it. Let’s see it,” she said, crossing her arms over her chest. 

“Has anyone ever told you how infuriating you can be?” he muttered before he grit his teeth as he moved his other leg, the muscles not wanting to do what he wanted and stepping down on the foot caused his knee to buckle. He went down to the floor with a cry. It didn’t hurt, but it was embarrassing to be so helpless in front of another. He pressed his lips thin and stood up once more.

“All the time,” she answered in an almost chipper tone. “C’mon, lay back down in the bed. You’ve gotta do some exercises to get your leg moving properly again.” She moved to his bed and pulled the blankets down to the foot of it, then turned and offered him her hand. She sighed and rolled her eyes when he didn’t immediately take it. “Whether you find me annoying or not, I’m here to help you. So either let me do my job, or enjoy flopping around Skyhold like a damn fish out of water.”

Abelas scowled at her, looking at the outstretched hand for a moment before he grit his teeth and hobbled forward, ignoring her as he limped to the bed. Humiliation burned at his cheeks, but he managed to sit down before he looked up at her. “What are these exercises?” he asked and after a moment, “And may I have a shirt?” He knew he sounded ungrateful, but he didn’t trust these people. He didn’t know who he could trust. He was lost, for the lack of a better word. Lost, hurt, his brothers and sisters fighting without him, maybe they were dead, maybe he was the only one left. It wasn’t fair if he was alive and they died without him at their side.

“Yeah,” she answered, moving to a drawer in the room and pulled out a simple white shirt. “Shame to cover up all that sexiness,” she commented, just trying to see if she could rile him up even more. Anger was good, would push him to work harder, if nothing else than to get away from her. “Or you know, you would be sexy if you’d get that scowl off your face,” she said as she tossed the shirt to him. “Put that on and lay down on your right side. It’s nothing too intense. You can handle it.”

‘More humiliation,’ Abelas thought as he pulled the shirt on over himself and he laid on the side she indicated, pointedly not looking at her. The sooner he could walk again, the sooner he would be free of the wretched place. What would she think if she could see him now? Take orders and being objectified by a shemlen. Being a sentinel earned him a modicum of respect and it was being thrown in his face now. He stared off at the wall, perhaps death was better than this. “Keep your thoughts to yourself, shemlen. I do not actively seek your humiliation. I will not suffer it. My leg be damned.”

Oh this man. She stood behind him, flexing her fingers at the back of his head as if she wished nothing more than to strangle him. “Don’t call me that. I have a name,” she spat. “And be grateful you still have a damn leg to work with. I’ve had soldiers in here that have lost limbs that have a more positive attitude than you do.” She grabbed the ankle of his right leg and moved it so it was slightly bent at the knee, his left leg still stretched straight. “It looks like you can still move your hip a bit, at least. We’ll start there.” She held her hand out flat, several inches above his leg. “Lift your leg to touch my hand.”

Abelas was silent as he did as she asked though with some difficulty. His leg didn’t want to cooperate and it only made a heat burn his cheeks as he couldn’t quite reach her hand. He let his eyes fall closed as he listened to her instruction, doing what she asked and nothing more. He called upon the meditation he had learned an age ago to center himself, control his anger. He needed clarity. He needed purpose because he could no longer see his path.

“Good,” she encouraged, her tone softer and professional now. She could see the struggle in his expression. “Try to lower your leg slowly. Don’t just let it flop back down. And lift it a little higher, try to touch my hand.” She was used to this, seeing the frustration from her patients. It wasn’t an easy road to have to take, having to relearn something they’d done naturally all their life. “I know you’re not happy about any of this,” she said, “But if you give it a chance, maybe this world won’t seem so bad. There are people here fighting for a good cause. You could join them. Give yourself something worth fighting for.”

“Perhaps,” he said, flicking his gaze towards her for a moment before he looked back to the wall, “Thank you for your aid. I wish to rest now.” Alone and with his own thoughts. He was lost and he didn’t know what to think or to do. He needed to speak with Solas again. He wanted to know if his charges were alive. “Ask Solas if he knows if my men are alive. I would not suffer not knowing their fates.”

Ellie drew a breath through her nose, but decided not to argue. She pulled the blankets back up over his shoulder, taking a moment to smooth them down. “Alright,” she said and moved to place a pitcher of water and a glass next to his bed. “I’ll go find him. And when I bring you your dinner later, I expect you to eat it. We can do more exercises then.”

“Ma nuvenin,” he said, not pulling his eyes from the wall. There was a plank of wood there that was old and knarled. He could see the splinters coming up off of it. “But you will find I do not have much of an appetite at the moment.” He closed his eyes against the world, “But I will try.” 

A small smile touched her lips at his words. “That’s all I ask,” she said and slipped from the room, leaving him to his thoughts for the moment as she went to find Solas.


	26. Chapter 26

Dorian despised the cold weather and the winter months were the absolute worst in Skyhold. The garden was a brown, barren place now that few wanted to venture into. It had only been a few days since they had jumped through the eluvian to end up back at Skyhold. One day since they found out that Abelas was paralysed and that the rest of his fellow sentinels back at the temple of Mythal had perished, either at the hands of the red templars or Inquisition forces. 

He wrapped the cloak around himself tighter as he flexed his fingers around the mugs of hot cider he had in his hands as he looked to the elf who was seated in the middle of the garden, staring off into the distance. If that distance was a nearby tree, that is. He looked as if he was far far away. He felt horrible for it. Gathering up his nerve, he glanced at Lindsey who stood by his side before he strode into the garden, scowling at the snowflakes that dared land on his face. “You know, there are better places to be if you wanted to stare at nothing. Particularly where you wouldn’t freeze to death in the process,” he said as he came up to the elf’s side. 

Abelas had his stretched out in front of him, and he wore nothing more than a thin shirt, his trousers and a blanket pulled over his shoulders. The elf did not even bother looking his way. 

“Here.” Dorian offered the steaming mug over to the elf, “Hot cider, courtesy of the sisters.”

Lindsey watched as Abelas didn’t even acknowledge their presence. Solas had warned them that the elf was being like this, but she and Dorian figured they had nothing better to do at the moment and so thought they might try to warm up to him a bit. “It’s really good cider,” she said, her hands clasped around a mug of her own. She glanced at Dorian before she sat down at the table across from Abelas. Goodness, he was like a statue. If he hadn’t slowly blinked, still staring off at the same tree, she would’ve thought he was frozen solid. “We could go inside and drink it there, if you want. We’ll help you inside.”

Abelas let his eyes come back into focus, the steam from the mug that the human placed under his nose pulling him from the trance he had managed to work himself into. He had been trying to decide if he wanted to return to uthenera and hope that the sleep would be eternal. The offer Solas had made him was still rolling around in his head. New places, other duties yet to be had. He needed help creating a new world for the elves, where they would no longer be oppressed, slaves, shadows of their former selves. 

He let his eyes flicker across the table to the humans who sat with him. He recognized the mage as the one who had helped saved his life. He did not recognize the other shemlen. He glanced down at the hot drink, the spices wafting up to his senses and it reminded him of the fall harvest from a long long time ago. “Why do you care? I am alone, one of the last of my kind. Do you not want to follow in the footsteps of that witch, stab me in the back when it will be of most benefit to you?”

Lindsey felt herself bristle at the mention of Morrigan, to be compared to that witch hurt. “She doesn’t deserve to call herself a witch,” she muttered softly, a slight frown on her lips. Oh, she’d like to introduce Morrigan to Gramma. Gramma would teach her what a real witch was supposed to be. She looked up and met Abelas’ eyes. “Dorian helped save you. We’re not planning on turning on you. And we came out here, we care,  because you are alone,” she said and reached over to nudge the mug a little closer to him.

Dorian watched as the elf once again looked down at the mug, but after a moment a slender hand emerged from the cloak and wrapped around the cup. He smiled, “There you go. No need to freeze to death out here. Morrigan will get what’s coming to her, if not through conventional means, than karma as I am told.” He took a long drink from his cup. “Maker knows you have had more than enough troubles with humans mucking things up for you and your people.” He frowned and looked down at the table, “Sorry for that, by the way.”

Abelas lifted the drink to his lips, inhaling the spicy scent deeply before he took a sip. It was sweet, tart, earthy. He closed his eyes as he swirled it around his tongue for a moment before he swallowed and looked up at the shemlen. “And just what is it that you think you are apologizing for?”

“The war, of course. What my countrymen did to your people was unforgivable,” Dorian said, “Something they have not apologized for in the slightest. You should know that we aren’t all like that, that we do care.” He looked to Lindsey, she hadn’t given him a much of a heads up for what was to happen with this part. 

Abelas snorted. “The war of carrion feasting upon a corpse. The Elvhen were already warring among themselves long before any shemlen came along. Any victory they claimed was ill gotten,” he muttered.

“Wait, didn’t you already have this conversation at the well?” Lindsey asked, looking between Abelas and Dorian. At their blank stares, she slapped a hand to her face. “More shit changing. Abelas didn’t tell you that the elves caused their own downfall? About the elven gods killing Mythal? That that’s why Fen’Harel locked them all away?” She sighed and gave Dorian an apologetic look. “I thought you’d already had this conversation. I would’ve mentioned it before if I’d known things had changed.”

Abelas’ eyes widened as he listened to the woman talk and he looked back and forth between the two of them. She must have been one of the people that Solas had mentioned knowing about him, but this other human did not. The shock on his face was evident and he looked very much like a fish out of water. He drank deeply from his cup, enjoying the way the hot liquid burned his tongue. “She is correct. Shemlens had nothing to do with the fall of Arlathan, it was our own doing.”

Dorian was shocked. “But… that’s... that can’t be. Everything I know...” He trailed off and set his mug on the table, running a hand through his hair. “If the truth ever got out… this would knock everyone down a few pegs. Our entire society believes that the greatest moment in the Imperium’s history is when we battled the elves and claimed victory over them. But it wasn’t us?”

“That just sounds like incentive to tell them all the truth, doesn’t it?” Lindsey asked. She looked down at the mug in her hands. “You know, if you wanted to knock them all down a peg or two. Or maybe not.” She took a long swallow of her cider. “I’ll just shut up now.” 

“Does it matter? Shemlen are like children, they will believe what they want to believe even if you tell them the truth,” Abelas said, finishing off the cider before he pushed the mug back towards them. “One man apologizing for the actions of an entire nation is hardly worth the effort. You should apologize for any wrongs you have done and let your country speak for itself,” he said almost bitterly. 

“Why is that wrong?” Lindsey asked before she even considered her words. A feeling of defensiveness rose up in her. “It may not change anything, but at least Dorian cares. That’s more than most from Tevinter. And you’re the last of your kind, as you said. Who else would he say it to?” She ran a hand down her face. “Not that he needs to now, since he knows it wasn’t his country that destroyed the elves. But still, you could… I don’t know… at least appreciate the effort.”

“You misunderstand my meaning,” Abelas sighed looking over at Dorian, “It is… appreciated, but you should not hold yourself accountable for another’s actions.” He shook his head. “It doesn’t matter. I should thank you for your efforts to save my life, though I am not certain what life there is left for me in this world or if uthenera is the only promise that I have.”

That satisfied her slight anger at the elf for being rude to Dorian and she sat back in the cold chair, wishing they could convince Abelas to come inside. Her nose felt like it was going to freeze off of her face. “I wonder,” she muttered to herself, slightly raising an eyebrow at the elf, “If you want to know what’s in your future, you should let me read your cards sometime. You know, inside. Where it’s warm.”

Dorian chuckled at the look on the elf’s face. “Oh she’s got a special bit of magic that is all her own. She and her sister are from another world,” he said with a flourish, “I should know, a handful of us had the privilege to visit. Remarkable inventions they have, but that’s besides the point. She could give you some valuable insight on what is to come next. Aside from that whole Morrigan incident. We are most displeased with the Inquisitor and his actions at the temple. They do not reflect our views on the matter.”

Abelas looked between them both for a moment. He was surprised how much the company seemed to ease his tension, and he breathed out heavily through his nose for a moment. It was cold, but he hardly felt it any more. It didn’t matter. “Perhaps another time,” he said as he looked at Lindsey, “I would enjoy my freedom outside of that room before I am forced back inside.”

“Suit yourself. No one’s got a gun to your head. Er…” She stopped herself, realizing that expression didn’t really work here. “You know, no one’s forcing you. My offer stands if you want help figuring anything out.” She cast a glance at Dorian and finished off her cider, which had already gone cold. “Maybe we should go,” she said, picking up Abelas’ empty mug as she made to stand. She felt sorry for the elf, how lost he seemed here. “Don’t stay out here too long and make yourself sick, okay?” she said softly. “You know, you’re not the only one who’s new to this world. You’re not as alone as you think.”

Dorian watched as the elf went silent again before he went up to Lindsey and wrapped an arm around her shoulders, drawing her under his cloak before he turned to lead them inside. “Well, that went about as well as I expected… not really though. I can’t believe you didn’t give me some kind of heads up. That’s really big news. I mean… to know that the Imperium has been lying, okay, maybe not that part, but to think that we didn’t destroy the elves. Do you have any idea how mind boggling that is?”

She wrapped her arm around his waist, huddling against him as they walked through the snow-covered garden. “I honestly thought he’d already told you that,” she answered, casting a final glance over her shoulder at the elf still sitting there. “In the game, he tells you all of that at the well. If I’d known he hadn’t, I would have told you before we came out here.” She sighed as they tromped back inside. “I don’t know if we did any good or not. They’re right. He’s stubborn.”

Dorian rubbed at her shoulder. “There there, my dear. I had my suspicions. You can’t really blame him, now can you? After everything he’s been through? We ignored the Petitioner’s path, Morrigan stabbed him, his leg might be beyond repair and then his fellow brethren are slaughtered.” He snorted, “I would be bitter as well. Though I wouldn’t be freezing myself to death, more of drinking myself into a stupor.” He sighed and pushed the door open to the Great Hall. 

“Well, at least we can say we tried,” she said as she stomped the snow from her boots and sighed as the warmth of the fireplaces in the hall washed over them. “Speaking of drinking, you wanna sneak into Vivienne’s private stores and swipe some of her wine?” she asked, waggling her eyebrows mischievously at him. “She’s not here. She can’t prove a thing.”

* * *

Ellie poured the last bucket of heated water into the large tub in the infirmary, just as Abelas managed to hobble through the door, leaning heavily on the walking stick she’d given him. “Ah, there you are,” she said. “I was just about to come looking for you. You’ve been here for several days and haven’t gotten cleaned up yet. So here ya go,” she said, gesturing at the steaming bath. “Granted, it’s not as nice as what they have up in the rest of the castle, but it’ll do.” She grinned at him, determined to be cheery. If for no other reason than it seemed to annoy him even more than when she snipped at him. “Here’s a washcloth and soap, a towel,” she paused and nodded at his bed. “And there’s fresh clothes for you.”

He blinked at the clothes she had brought him, the warmth was stinging at his skin after he had been outside for so long. It was almost a welcome relief, to be able to feel something even if it was just pain. It made the numbness in his leg almost feel as if it were just part of the cold. “Thank you,” he murmured under his breath and turned from her as the door swung closed. She was rather… infuriating with how cheerful she was. It seemed wrong to him. It was a time for mourning. Mourning the dear friends he had lost at the temple. Whom he had served with, shared meals with for centuries. It seemed wrong to brush them off without a second thought. He lifted the shirt off of his head and tossed it away, working on his breeches next, but he had trouble. He couldn’t stand on one foot long enough to remove the garment. He sighed irritably and hobbled to a chair to wrestle with it.

She watched him struggle for a moment before she huffed and knelt in front of him. “Here, let me help you,” she said grabbing for his breeches. When he didn’t let go of them, she fixed him with an unimpressed stare. “You do remember what I do for a living, yes? If you think I haven’t seen it all before, you are mistaken. You’re nothing special. Now come on.” She finally managed to help him get them off and she stepped back, grabbing up the shirt he’d discarded. “Finally. I’m surprised these clothes aren’t walking around on their own,” she said, holding them at arm’s length and wrinkling her nose.

He pressed his lips thin as he narrowed his eyes at her before he pushed himself and hobbled over to the tub, leaning against the side heavily for a moment. He turned and sat on the rim so he could swing his legs over without much trouble before he sank into the water. He couldn’t stop the groan of appreciation that escaped his lips as he sank into the water and he didn’t want to move for a moment. His limbs were stinging as the heat washed away the coldness. He lifted his hands as soon as he was able and took the braid he wore his hair in and undid it with some difficulty. He must have really looked a mess. 

Ellie shook her head at him and grabbed up a brush. “Your hair looks like shite,” she said, moving a chair over behind him in the tub. She grabbed up a hank of his hair and began working the brush through the ends. There was a strange sense of satisfaction that coursed through her as the silvery white strands became straighter again. “Would you sit up straight?” she asked irritatedly. “I can’t brush your hair with you all slouched like that. Sit up.” She poked at his back with the brush. “Sit up.”

He grit his teeth and turned his head sharply to glare up at her. “You are possibly the most infuriating creature I have ever had the displeasure of meeting. I do not get to even die with dignity, with the brothers and sisters I have known all of my life.” He felt heat prickle at his eyes and he wrenched them shut as the pain grew. “Instead I am forced to endure this… bizarre form of punishment, not death, but humiliation. I am not an invalid,” he grit out, clenching his hands so tightly, he blinked at the sudden rush of pain and he looked down to see his nails had broken the skin of his palms. 

“You’re not being punished,” she said, grabbing his face and turning it away from her before she resumed brushing his hair. Maker, the knots in it were ridiculous. “I know you’re not an invalid. But like it or not, you need my help right now. It’s my job to get you back to being independent. Or did you forget that part?” She took a moment to calm herself before she spoke again. “If you don’t want me to brush your hair, I won’t. I know you can do it. It’s just… some people find it comforting,” she said, her tone softer and she set her hands back in her lap for a moment, looking at the tangled mats of hair before her.

Abelas couldn’t stop the shiver than ran through his spine and he closed his eyes. He wasn’t used to this, to depending on others. He was the one who had to be strong. He was the leader, the one who had to make the hard choices. He couldn’t be like this. It felt odd to let someone, a stranger brush at his hair. He wasn’t sure what to think of it. He was torn between his skin crawling and just sitting back and letting it happen. “I am not used to others waiting on me hand and foot. It is I who serves. If I cannot take care of myself, then I am of no use to anyone.”

“Uh-huh,” she deadpanned, clearly unimpressed, and decided to keep brushing his hair. “So instead of being grateful to someone for helping you as you try to get back to being the person you think you should be, you’re just going to skulk around and be pissy with everyone instead?” A harsh huff escaped her. “I serve people, too. I get it. Without it,  you don’t know what to do with yourself. But right now, as much as I hate to say it like this, I’m serving you. So deal with it.” 

He wasn’t certain what to say to that. It was the first time he had ever been put in such a unique position and he swallowed hard, thinking about her words. He was in a new world now, unsure of where to go, what to do. Injured as he was there was little more he could do but what he was told. And there was one thing he wanted asides from aiding Solas in the bringing about of a better world for the elves and that was to see that the witch got what was coming to her. He looked down at his legs and tried moving again, but it was still stiff and numb. “As you wish.”

A haughty little smirk crossed Ellie’s lips and she gave a sharp nod, even though he wasn’t looking at her. She took her time brushing his hair as he washed up and she marveled at how silky his hair felt even though it was dirty. For a long while, the only sound in the room was the occasional quiet trickles and slight splashes of the water as he washed. “So what did you do?” she asked as the silence became too much for her. “I mean, besides guarding that temple. What sort of things did you do? What do you  like  to do?”

He stilled at her question, surprised by the simplicity and yet how it wasn’t just a busy question, something to keep him talking. He smiled faintly as he thought of the temple. “There was little time when we were awake at the temple that was not spent in battle, defending all that we were. When we were not in battle and not in uthenera, there were many libraries. I often enjoyed reading what would survive the times. Like us, though, each passing year more and more faded and rotted away.”

There was something about the way his tone changed that made her smile slightly. “Yeah? You know, they’ve got a decent library here. Probably nothing like what you’re used to, but it might keep you occupied better than staring out that window at the snow. Or sitting in it, trying to freeze yourself to death,” she said as she finally sat back, the knots and tangles gone from his hair. “There. That’s better. Now wash it and if you’re nice, I might be persuaded to braid it for you.”

It was ridiculous, but something about her tone made him feel like a youngling again, being scolded for getting into something he wasn’t supposed to and it made him want to rebel. Still, she had healed his wounds and had thus far put up with his less than cordial attitude. He thought over the talk he had with the human who had saved his life. How he and Solas would have both walked the path had it not been for their duty to the Inquisitor. He let out a heavy sigh and ducked his head under the water before he surfaced, grasping the soap which he worked into a lather. “Where did you learn your healing abilities?”

Ellie blinked in surprise at him. That had to be the first personal question he’d asked her. She scooted the chair back and set the brush aside. “I, ah, always sort of had a knack for it. I worked as an apprentice for a while before all the chaos with the breach and all that broke out. Then I wound up at Haven and eventually here,” she answered. “The Inquisition seemed like a good cause and I felt like I could help people. And I have. It’s just my little way of feeling like I make a difference,” she said and shrugged.

“Do you have any magical abilities to aide you or are you a natural healer?” he asked quietly as he worked the soap into his hair, keeping his eyes down on the water. Talking was… better. It distracted his mind, keeping it off of the things he didn’t want to think about. Off of the guilt he knew he should be drowning in. “You must be skilled to bring someone back from the brink of death and then hassle them about it.”

“I do. I’m a mage. I use a mixture of magic and practical approach to help heal anyone who needs it,” she answered. She watched him as he washed. He was certainly more likable when he was being pleasant. “Some think one way or the other is better. But I think someone really interested in helping others should use every tool at their disposal.” She gave a dismissive wave of her hand. “Bah. Doesn’t matter. As long as I save lives, help those I can, that’s all I care about.”

Abelas finally ran his hands through his hair, feeling all of the dirt and grim washing away as he did. “I am surprised to hear that. You speak about it with passion.” He wasn’t used to talking with the elves of the world today. Truth, he hadn’t spoken to any. He had seen the Dalish in the woods, walking around, marking themselves foolishly with slave markings thinking that it honored their would be gods. If only they knew the truth. This woman though… she claimed no such illusions. Still, she was but a child to him. “A nobel cause. What would you do if it were all suddenly ripped away from you?”

She tipped her head thoughtfully. What would she do? This was what she’d always done. “Find a new way to help people, I suppose. There’s always someone out there that needs help somewhere,” she answered finally as she picked up his towel, then held her hand out to help him out of the tub. She could feel his strength as he grasped her hand; while his leg might have been affected by Morrigan, the rest of him had not. “I mean, if I couldn’t heal people any more? I don’t know. Bring them food or find some other way to help those in need.” She narrowed her eyes slightly at him. “I certainly wouldn’t just sit around feeling sorry for myself.”

Abelas felt hot anger pulse through his veins and he took the towel from her, limping over to the bed and turning his back to her. “You ignorant child,” he said lowly, “You think I am feeling sorry for myself?” Of all the things she could have said. It was not sorrow for himself, but his brethren, his People that no longer drew breath because of a war that was not their own. “You know not of what you speak.” He grit his teeth, “Leave me.”

She puffed up at being called a child. “Oh I think I know pretty well,” she answered, not moving from where she stood. “You’ve done nothing but sulk since the moment you woke up here. And that was BEFORE you found out about the other sentinels. So yes, I think you’re throwing yourself a damn pity party.” She put her hands on her hips, glaring at him for a minute before she snorted. “And here for a split second, I thought you were snapping out of it. Fooled me. You know what? Never mind. You can dress your own damn self. Good luck getting those pants on.”

“GET OUT,” Abelas shouted, louder than he had intended, but by Mythal, this woman was getting on his last nerves. His patience was thin and he was done with this disrespectful place with its disrespectful residents. He had never felt a loss of control this badly before. Being away from the Well, exposed to so much disrespect, it was wearing on him and he could barely keep himself from acting out of turn, his hands itching to throw something at her. 

She glared at him. “I’ll go, but only because I have others who need my help,” she spat, stomping closer to stare up at him. They would have been nose-to-nose if she’d been taller. “I don’t know or much care who the hell you think you are or if you think you’re better than me and all the rest of the people here at Skyhold. You’re just another pissy old man as far as I’m concerned. You don’t frighten me in the slightest.” And with that, she stomped away, slamming the door behind her as hard as she possibly could.

Abelas let off a long string of curses in elvish before he moved and sat down hard on the edge of his bed. Mythal help him, he wasn’t going to survive here for very long. He needed to get better and then get away from Skyhold as fast as he could. He would have to speak with Solas about it later.


	27. Chapter 27

“I don’t know why I let you all talk me into this. I suck at this game more than Cassandra,” Lindsey huffed as she slapped her cards on Varric’s table in the Great Hall, then sat back with a huff. She barely paid attention as Cullen’s puppy chewed at her boot, its tail thumping against the leg of her chair. “You guys invite me to play because it’s easy money,” she accused, narrowing her eyes playfully at her sister. Really, she was in too good of a mood these past few days to be truly upset about losing some coin, but she felt she had to at least act the part.

Varric smirked at his cards as he sorted through them, finally setting on one before he tossed it to the middle of the table and picked up some silvers to add to the pot. “Well Freckles, maybe if your mind was focused more on the game, you wouldn’t be losing as badly as you are,” he said, raising a brow at her before he took a swig of his ale. Though, he couldn’t say he blamed her. Every few minutes, his mind would wonder about Cassandra and the others. He had received a letter from her a few days ago, saying that they were leaving the Arbor Wilds and she wanted the full story of what happened as soon as they returned. “With any luck, Curly and the others will be back here in about a week. Maybe two.”

Dorian frowned into his cards, taking a sip of wine before he shook his head and threw more coins into the pile. “It’s absurd that we are back here while the others were left to their own devices out in the middle of a jungle. We should have done something,” he muttered and looked around the table, “And I think that baby is helping you cheat.” 

Solas chuckled as he looked at the cards in his hand, baby Olivia in his other arm, napping. “I am teaching her,” he claimed as he carefully added to the pot. “She is a fast learner,” he said affectionately as he looked down at the little one, her curls of brown hair framing her chubby face as she slept. He screwed his lips together, trying to fight the smirk. “Perhaps when she is older, she can teach her aunt Lindsey to play.” He laughed as Lindsey stuck her tongue out at him. “Vhenan, tell your sister to behave in front of the baby.”

Jennifer laughed and looked over at her sister, giving her a wink. “As if I can control my sister,” she said. Granted, her sister was a bit bitter with her at the moment. Mostly because Solas had been the one to come back with the others and not Cullen. She did feel bad about that. She also couldn’t believe that they had brought Abelas with them. It was something new and unexpected. Apparently, they had jumped after Samson and ignored the Petitioner’s path. It was a miracle that the elf hadn’t been killed by Morrigan. She wasn’t happy that the witch had gotten off scot-free with the act though. “Did you get any new letters from Cassandra on their progress so far, Varric?”

“Not since yesterday,” he responded, looking at the others who glanced up at him, “And you all can send crows too. Why is it that I have to be the go-to person in the group? Tiny’s fine by the way, Sparkler,” Varric said as he played another card, “They should be getting close to the Exalted Plains soon. You know Cassandra will be urging them on.”

“It will be a relief for everyone when they all return safely,” Solas said. He shifted Olivia in his arm slightly, watching the others for their tells while he kept his own expression neutral. He’d always been good at that. “I know the waiting is awful, but be patient. They will be home soon,” he said, accepting a new card from the deck. “Although I must say it feels as if I have said that a lot lately,” he muttered, thinking of Abelas.

Dorian sighed out. “Seems like it’s becoming your new catchphrase.” He shook his head and tossed his cards down. “I’m out,” he said and picked up his wine glass instead, “Solas, you are absolutely horrible. Why don’t you have more tells! You seem like you are staring at wallpaper for all that you are giving me.”

Solas let a smirk play across his lips. “Everyone has tells, Dorian. Mine are just subtler than most. You must learn to pay closer attention,” he said as he laid his cards out, trying not to look too pleased with himself as the others revealed theirs and he won the pot. He let Jennifer gather up the coins. “If it makes you feel better, I will sit out the next hand,” he offered, looking down at Olivia as she gave a little squeak, wiggling in his arms and he gently rocked her to settle her down. “It will give you a chance to win back some of your money, at least.”

The mage laughed. “Not likely. Let me hold the little one and we can call it even for a while,” he said as he looked at the baby in Solas’ arms. “Honestly Solas, you’ve been hogging her all night. There are more people here who can benefit from the baby therapy,” he said as he set his glass down and held his hands out expectantly.

Jennifer chuckled at the look on Solas’ face and she shook her head at Dorian. “You should know better. He is still in protective father mode and probably won’t ever come out of it. Even when she’s past the age of eighteen.” She scooped the coins up before she took up her cards and passed them towards Varric who began to shuffle the deck again. 

Solas was hesitant as always, but Dorian had a point. There was something comforting about holding the little one and perhaps the others needed that at the moment. He carefully handed over his sleeping daughter, taking care to make sure she was cradled perfectly in Dorian’s arms. “I suppose it is only fair,” he said softly. He had his daughter and his love to hold, while everyone else at the table was left with empty beds until the rest of the Inquisition returned. 

Lindsey shook her head as she watched Dorian holding the little one. “I know I said it before, but I’ll say it again. It’s a damn shame, Dorian. You would’ve made beautiful babies,” she teased, giving him a wink. She snorted and clapped her hands to her face, bursting into giggles. “Now I’m picturing little babies with tiny curled moustaches!” 

Varric looked over at Dorian as the man held the baby so carefully. He chuckled and shook his head as he dealt out the next hand. “She’s got a point, Sparkler. You make quite the picture there holding that little one. You sure that you and Tiny aren’t going to be interested in adoption?” He grinned at the look he got and he held up his hand, “Hey, just saying. The baby is rather addicting.”

“Now there’s an entertaining thought,” Solas commented, trying to picture the Iron Bull as a parent. It was an odd image in his head that just didn’t seem to click. A smile quirked the corners of his mouth. “Though I’m certain the little one would be thoroughly spoiled if Dorian had his way,” he said. 

Varric opened his mouth to reply, but the caw of a raven above drew his attention and he looked up and held out his arm for the bird to perch on. His eyes widened at the envelope clutched in the raven’s claws. He recognized Cassandra’s hand writing on the side. “I’m guessing the wagon ride isn’t exactly exciting for them,” he said as he took the paper from the bird and sent it on its way, “Speaking of exciting, where is Grumpy? I thought you were going to invite him for a game.”

“I did,” Solas answered, frowning at the new hand of cards Varric dealt him. “Abelas does not yet feel comfortable here. And his progress is moving much slower than he would like. His healer is working with him every day, but it is abundantly clear that they do not care for each other. When he is not exercising his leg, he manages to make his way out to the garden. It’s freezing out there. I don’t know how he stands it, other than the fact that it truly gives him time to himself. No one wants to venture out in this cold if they can help it. And certainly not to a barren garden.”

Jennifer shifted her shoulders as she looked at her cards. “It’s a shame. He’s not eating very much either. I cook up the best meals I can think of and the plates come back empty, but I think Ellie is cleaning up after him. There’s no way he eats more than half the plate.” She eyed Solas, “Any tips on what someone like him might prefer? Something irresistible.” 

“Nothing more irresistible than anything you’ve already prepared,” Solas answered. “He is lost in this world.” He’d hated having to tell Abelas that the other sentinels at the temple of Mythal had been killed. It only seemed to solidify his idea that he should have perished alongside them. “Everything he has known is now truly gone. He feels he is without purpose. It is not your food that is causing his loss of appetite, vhenan.”

Dorian rocked the baby in his arms. “Maybe we should give him a turn with this little one. It works for everyone else who holds this little gem.” He looked up at Varric who was reading over the letter he had, the smile curling at his lips telling. “Good news I take it? What is the word from our friends on the road?” he asked. 

Varric smiled. “They’re moving faster than I thought. Everyone is anxious to get back here to us. Even Tiny, Sparkler, just so you know,” he said and folded up the note, “They just entered the Exalted Plains and should be back here within a week.” He leaned back in his chair. “The rest of the letter is private,” he said.

“Ooo! That just makes it more interesting!” Lindsey said and grabbed for the letter, which Varric held out of her reach. “Spoilsport,” she grumbled, but smiled a minute later. “I can’t believe how long they’ve been gone. Next week can’t come soon enough.” Back in her world, she’d always wondered how long it would actually take to travel to these places. She’d always thought the minute or so of loading time was a pain in the ass. Now, living it, she realized just how bad it really was. “Ya’ll should’ve dragged everyone through the eluvian,” she said, reaching down beneath her chair to pick up the puppy, letting it lick her nose. “Daddy will be home next week. Yes he will,” she cooed to the little dog as it happily nipped at her face. “About damn time. His room is so cold at night without him there. At least the hole in the ceiling is tolerable when there’s someone to cuddle up to.”

“Using the commander for his body heat?” Solas chuckled, raising an eyebrow at her. 

“Hey, just be glad I haven’t crawled in bed with you and Jen.”

Jennifer chuckled. “You are more than welcome to snuggle up with us, just be warned that the baby wakes up whenever she damn well pleases. Sleeps like a rock through most things unless she’s hungry, needs to be changed, or wants to be held,” she said as she smiled at Solas before she looked over at Lindsey.

Dorian shook his head. “Oh my, Lindsey, my dear you had better come keep my bed warm. I only wake up crying for two of those reasons rather than three,” he said with a wink at her. 

“Why Sparkler,” Varric said with a twinkle in his eye, “I thought for sure you were housebroken. Don’t tell me I was wrong.” 

Lindsey couldn’t stop the shout of laughter that escaped her, but she nodded her agreement to Dorian. “I think I’ll take you up on that offer,” she said. “I’m sure Cullen won’t mind. You bring a bottle of wine, I’ll make snacks and bring extra pillows. We’ll make a night of it. Deal?” she asked with a grin. It sounded nice, actually. Who wouldn’t want to snuggle up to Dorian? She squared her shoulders a bit, her nose slightly in the air. “The rest of you should be jealous.”

“Yes, yes they should. Varric, you could have joined us if you didn’t just make that crack about me. Such a shame. I have been wondering what it would be like to spoon with a dwarf. How would that work with the height difference, I wonder?” he muttered and smiled a second later when the baby squeaked up at him and he cooed at the little one in his arms, “Yes, you wonder too, don’t you?” 

“She shall wonder no such things until she is at least thirty,” Solas said stiffly, for once his concentration on the card game wavering. “And even then the topic will be debatable.” Stars, help him. He didn’t even want to think that far into the future. He rubbed at his temples and folded his hand of cards. “I fold,” he muttered.

“Careful, Chuckles,” Varric said as he shuffled his cards around, “Word is going to spread faster than wildfire that your tell is talking about your baby girl’s future love life.” He laughed at the look the elf gave him and held up his hands defensively, “Just a friendly word of advice.”

“That is not a tell, Master Tethras,” Solas said firmly and professionally. “It is a low-blow distraction.”

* * *

 

Lindsey knocked on the door to Bull’s room before she let herself in. “I brought my pillow!” she grinned and held it up, but paused the next second and lowered it. “And you… actually brought a bottle of wine. I was kidding about that!” She sighed and rolled her eyes, then threw her pillow at the mage already in the bed. He was propped up against the headboard, a book in one hand and a glass of wine in the other. “Sometimes I really don’t know what to do with you, Dorian,” she teasingly scolded as she shucked off her coat. Her “pajamas” were underneath; a pair of comfy pants and one of Cullen’s shirts.

Dorian looked up from the page he was on and raised an eyebrow at her. “You think that I would joke about wine?” He tsked at her. “I thought you were supposed to bring snacks, not just a pillow.” He chuckled as he set his wineglass to the side table and he picked up her pillow that had landed at his side and he placed it next to him. “Come on then, I’m just getting to the good part. I need to steal your body heat.” He patted the covers next to him. “I told you this bed is too large to sleep in it alone. Blasted thing was made with that big lummox in mind,” he said as he turned to the side and picked up another wine glass he had setting ready and poured Lindsey a glass.

She kicked off her boots and hurried across the room to slide under the blankets next to him. “Eh, no thanks, Dorian. I’m… not much in the mood for wine,” she said, gently pushing his hand away when he offered the glass to her. “You drink it.” She adjusted the pillow and snuggled down into the big bed. It felt a little weird to be in Bull’s bed, but she’d been rather lonely ever since Cullen had left for the Arbor Wilds. “I hope they get back soon,” she murmured as she scooted a little closer to Dorian, finally resting her head against his hip. “I don’t know how the wives and husbands of our military back home can stand it. It’s bad enough with Cullen gone for almost a month. Back there, they get sent out for a year or two or more at a time. Can you imagine? I never much thought about it before. I feel sorry for them now.” She blinked up at him, his book still held open above her head. “Sorry, I’m rambling. Finish reading. I’ll be quiet.”

“Making me drink alone? Rude,” Dorian said, but smiled as he poured her glass into his near empty one and set it aside. “And hush, you can ramble if you want. I am rather good for listening and there is only so much talking to one’s self before you drive yourself insane. Trust me, I know.” He rested a hand on her head, threading his fingers through her hair as he lifted his book up again. “It’s absolutely ridiculous that we managed to get back here while leaving everyone else behind.” He let out a heavy sigh. “It’s not a comforting thought, after everything we’ve been through.”

“I’ll just be glad when this whole thing with Corypheus is done and over with,” she muttered. “It sucks, being away from them for so long. I just want Cullen here for myself. And if that makes me selfish, well then so be it.” She closed her eyes as he played with her hair; it made her want to fall asleep just that much faster. “What will you do when it’s all over, Dorian? Are you and Bull staying here or do you have other plans?”

Dorian pressed his lips thin as he thought about what would happen after the Inquisition was no longer needed. His heart ached to think of leaving Bull behind and he didn’t think he could do it, but… “I’m not certain. I should go back, shouldn’t I? To Tevinter,” he murmured and looked down at her, catching her green eyes, “After hearing the truth from Abelas… I’m not certain if I want to sit here and let them go on thinking that the Imperium is what it is because of what they think or claim to have done to the elven empire. It might destroy them, knock them down a few pegs. Most of them need it, of course, but leaving everyone here behind.” He sighed. “It won’t be easy.”

“We’ve all been together so long now,” she said, a sad frown pulling at her lips, “I can’t imagine you not being here. Do you really think they’d even listen? I mean…” She trailed off, feeling a burn in her eyes, and she gave a heavy sigh. “I suppose everyone will move on, won’t they? Varric will go back to Kirkwall. Hell, Cass might be made the next divine. You… you’d take Bull with you, wouldn’t you?” She wiped at her eyes. “Sorry, I’m tired and emotional. I don’t mean to get all worked up.”

“Now now, don’t make that face,” he said as he wiped away the tears that spilled down her cheeks, “It’ll get stuck that way and then where will you be?” He gave her a sad smile. “I would wish that Bull could come with me, but he can’t. Qunari aren’t exactly welcome back home, what with the on again off again war between our two empires. He would be assassinated on sight. Or at least the attempt would be made. I wouldn’t want him to get hurt on my account.” He sighed and leaned his head back. “At this point, I think Leliana is going to become Divine before Cassandra, or at least I would hope that’s the case. Can you just imagine what a mess Varric and her would be if she were named Divine?” 

“You can’t leave Bull!” she protested, moving to sit up so she could look at him better. “You just gave him that dragontooth necklace! And he said he loves you. I heard him! You…” She shook her head adamantly. “Fuck Tevinter. You can’t go back if it means leaving him behind.” She scrubbed at her eyes with the heel of her hand, trying hard to keep her lip from trembling and failed. She sniffled and set her face, swallowing hard. “I will tie you down here and never let you go if that’s the case. Bull will help me. And not in a way you’ll enjoy,” she threatened.

Dorian chuckled, a smirk tugging at the edge of his lips. “Look at you, being all emotional and defensive. Just because I need to leave him here doesn’t mean that it’s going to be over between us. He is the man I love, he won’t be rid of me so easily. It’s just going to be...” he waved his hand in the air, “complicated. We’ll work something out.” He looked down at her, brushing her hair back out of her eyes. “And you and the Commander will be so happy together. A new life out in the country, far away from any kind of war, demons, or whatever else might come your way. Lots of dogs and who knows what else. Horses? You like horses, don’t you?”

She let out a shaky exhale and settled down at his side again, nodding her head. “Cullen thought I was weird because I was so excited to see the horses. Had to explain to him that most people back home don’t have them,” she said, wiping the last tears from her eyes as she tried to calm herself. A watery laugh escaped her. “And then I explained about cars and the time I tried to teach you how to drive.” She’d always wondered what happened to all the members of the Inquisition after Corypheus was destroyed. Though she knew it probably wasn’t true, in her mind she wanted to picture them all continuing to live at Skyhold as a happy little dysfunctional family. “I don’t know how you could stand being away from him for that long,” she muttered. “Just being away from Cullen while he’s in the Arbor Wilds is enough to drive me insane. I can’t imagine doing this long-term. You are a stronger person than I am.”

He rubbed at her shoulder. “Oh, I doubt that, but I have a few ideas on how to make the long distances between us more bearable. It’s remarkable what being friends with the Inquisition can get you access to. I have a few things in mind, so just you stop fretting. I swear, I haven’t seen you this worked up since…” He trailed off, his mind sorting through things and he looked back down at her, his eyebrow raised, “Hmm, my mistake. I haven’t seen you like this before.”

Lindsey hid her face, snuggling more into his side. “Yeah, well, I hadn’t really thought about what the end of the Inquisition would really mean for all of us. And I haven’t been away from Cullen for this long before either. So…” She shrugged. “Ugh, I thought we were supposed to be sleeping together to make each other feel better. Not to get all emotional and crap. And NOT sleeping together like that, I know, I know.” She managed a little laugh. 

Dorian laughed at that and nodded. “That we are,” he said and marked his book before he closed it and drained the cup of wine at his side. He stretched and moved to settle down in the bed next to her. He waved his hand around the room, dimming the candles and the fireplace before he opened his arms for her to cuddle up next to him. “No offense, but I really miss Bull. Even if that lummox does take up half of the bed.” 

“That’s okay,” she murmured, a sleepy sigh escaping her as his arm wrapped around her. “I didn’t really expect to make a good substitute for Bull.” She yawned and settled her head on his shoulder. “And sorry I didn’t actually bring you midnight snacks. I’ll make an extra big breakfast in the morning to make up for it. Deal?”

He rubbed at her back, smiling faintly as he pulled the plush covers up around them. “Well, I wouldn’t want you working yourself to excess on my account. Besides, I need to watch what I’m eating. I think your comfort meals are starting to show. I’m getting a little food pouch. Not that Bull’s complaining, the brute. Something extra to bite at, he says. Ugh.” 

“Yeahhh… Didn’t need to know that,” she said, blinking before she squeezed her eyes shut. “And tough titty said the kitty. I want a big breakfast in the morning, so you’re getting one too whether you like it or not. So there.”


	28. Chapter 28

“Finally,” Cassandra breathed as she reached the bridge to Skyhold. She was saddlesore and half frozen, and all she could think about was the soft warm bed in Varric’s room. The return to Skyhold was thankfully uneventful, but long. She urged her horse forward a little faster, wondering if Varric would be at his table in the Great Hall near that fireplace, or if he would venture out into the snow to greet her. Part of her secretly hoped that he would, though she knew it was selfish to expect that of him. 

She was not disappointed as she came through the gate and saw him standing there. “Varric!” she cried happily and flung herself off the horse, stumbling only slightly in the snow. She didn’t even have time to be embarrassed, she was too happy to see him. “I missed you,” she said as she flung her arms around his neck.

Varric couldn’t keep the smile off of his face as he caught Cassandra in his arms as she nearly fell into the snow. She was cold, but she was there and the weight was a comfort he didn’t even know. He hugged her tightly, burying his face against her. “No shit, Seeker. That was the longest two weeks of my life. Coming from me, that’s saying a lot.” He swallowed, thinking of when they had shown up in Skyhold with the way behind them blocked off. “I about lost it when I found out we couldn’t get back to you.” He cupped the back of her neck, holding her to him.

A small laugh escaped her. “And I felt the same when we couldn’t find you,” she answered. “Thank the Maker you sent that raven. I would have lost my mind with worry.” She pressed her lips to his, sighing happily through her nose at the feel of his kiss. He was warm and solid, and she felt like she could just hide away with him for a week after such a long journey. She rested her forehead against his, not wanting to pull away from him. “Part of me wanted to leave everyone behind just so I could get home to you faster. I almost wish I had, but you know me,” she said. “From now on, if one of us goes with the Inquisitor, the other does too. Agreed?”

Varric leaned his head against hers, pressing a longer, passionate kiss to her lips before he nodded his agreement with her. “Yeah. I think that’s a solid idea. Though, I’d be happy not following the Inquisitor into that weird shit again. Almost got burned alive by that damned dragon,” he admitted before he looked up at her, studying her eyes, committing her already familiar face to memory again. She had a few more worry lines around her eyes. He let his fingers slip through her short hair and he kissed her again before he pulled back, still keeping his arm around her waist. “But that’s a story after plenty of ale has been consumed.” 

“Fair enough,” she said, smiling at him as she stood up straighter and wrapped her arm around his shoulders. “But first, I want a hot bath. Maybe it will chase away some of the chill in my bones. I feel as though I am frozen through.” An affectionate smile made the corner of her mouth twitch and she brushed some of the snowflakes from his hair. “And you look as though you are about to freeze as well. Let’s get inside.”

He smiled and chuckled at her, his arm settled around her waist and he gestured towards his rooms as he started to lead her across the courtyard. “Lucky for you, I think I can accommodate a hot bath for the beautiful lady. If you think you can stand some company. I’d rather not miss out on your company after two weeks of wondering how many bad guys you maimed trying to get back to me.”

“I wouldn’t miss one moment with you,” she answered, not caring how sappy she might sound. Her heart fluttered at the feel of his strong arm around her waist, the promise of his company while she relaxed in a hot bath. “Did… did you happen to write any more of Swords and Shields?” she asked, not quite looking at him. “I haven’t had a chance to read anything since we left here. I was hoping that… maybe while I was away…” She trailed off, her face feeling a little hot, and she chanced a glance at him, seeing the amusement in his expression. “What?” she demanded.

“Oh Seeker, as if I would leave you wanting. I did manage to write out a few lonely chapters while you were away, but I was hoping to do a little,” he smirked and let his hand drop a little so he could give her firm bottom a decent squeeze, “research for a few chapters I had in mind. Particularly involving a bath, maybe a few scented oils…” He trailed off, “But I can understand if you aren’t up for it. You have had a long journey after all.”

Cassandra’s eyes widened. “Of course I am up for it! You cannot offer me something like that and then just take it away! You…” She trailed off, her eyes narrowing at him. “You’re messing with me, aren’t you?” she asked in a deadpan. She pressed her lips thin and stopped in her tracks, then playfully kicked him in the ass. “You are going to make it up to me now. You can add candles and a back massage to that list, dwarf,” she said and walked forward again, putting her arm around his shoulders once more. “And if you’re lucky, I might let you read to me.”

Varric couldn’t stop the smile that grew across his face the longer Cassandra talked, the playful kick at him sparking something in his chest and he tightened his grip on her waist. “Ah, always so forceful, Seeker.  Your wish is my command. I know better than to cross you like that. Books get stabbed, I get punched; I’d prefer the nonviolent way. How about I throw in some wine and fruit while we’re at it? I’d rather you didn’t stab what I’m currently working on.”

She pursed her lips, looking up at the sky as they walked as if considering his offer. “I suppose that is acceptable,” she said, fighting the smile that tried to spread across her face. “Now hurry up. That bath isn’t going to draw itself.”

* * *

 

Bull had chuckled at the way Cassandra had all but tackled Varric there in the courtyard. Everyone had seen it. He spied Dorian standing there, looking half-frozen, and he just couldn’t resist. “KADAN!” he roared and ran for the mage, tackling the smaller man and knocking him flat on his back in the snow.

Dorian couldn’t stop the ooof that escaped him as he landed in what had to be the most convenient snowdrift in all of Skyhold. He found himself flattened against a snow bank, the cold and ice seeping through his clothes and his arms full of a Qurani. He smiled at the position despite himself. “Amatus, I am certain I couldn’t imagine you coming up with better way to greet me.”

Bull chuckled as he braced himself on his arms over Dorian. “You know you missed me,” he rumbled and smothered the mage’s mouth with his own. He’d known that Dorian was safe back here at Skyhold, the letters exchanged between Varric and Cassandra confirmed that, but it did nothing to change how much he missed his kadan. He didn’t care that the courtyard was full of soldiers, that they were being stared at. All that mattered was that he was back and had Dorian in his arms.

Dorian let his arms wrap around Bull’s neck. The great lummox was pushing him deeply into the snow, but he couldn’t bring himself to care in that moment. It was perfect, down to the last detail as he kissed at the lips he had missed for over two weeks. He didn’t know if he could stand being forced apart from his amatus again.

Bull sighed deeply as he broke the kiss, a smile on his lips as he gazed down at Dorian. “You ever pull some crap like that on me again and you’ll be sorry,” he threatened, though his tone had no bite to it when he spoke. He pressed his hips forward firmly against Dorian’s, smirking at him, then stood and pulled Dorian up with him. “You alright, Kadan?” he asked seriously. Dorian looked a bit tired, like he hadn’t slept very well, but otherwise no worse for wear since Bull had last seen him.

“Well I was, until you decided to flatten me,” Dorian answered as he let Bull pull him up. “I might have lost a wink or two of sleep wondering if you were going to be detained on the way home because you stopped to fight a dragon. The bed has also been so dreadfully cold without you.”

“HA!” Bull laughed as he wrapped an arm around Dorian’s shoulders, marching him towards the tavern, thinking of a stiff drink near the warm fireplace. “Aww, were you worried?’ he asked teasingly. “As if I wouldn’t come back to you no matter how far apart we were. You know better than that. It’ll take more than some shit demons or red templars to be the end of me.”

Dorian couldn’t stop the smile that spread across his lips as he let Bull pull him close. He relished in the man’s presence, his scent. The warm comfort that he provided him. “I would certainly hope not. I’d be terribly bored without you, Amatus. I hope you know that,” he said, looking up at the other man, his fist clenching at the man’s hip where it rested, “I’m not ready to say goodbye.”

“Hey, who said anything about saying goodbye?” Bull asked, quirking his eyebrow as he looked down at Dorian. He felt the mage’s hand clench, saw the look in his eyes. There was something there that worried Bull, made him wonder if Dorian was talking about something different than the current conversation at hand. He rubbed his hand down Dorian’s back as he ushered him into the tavern. He nodded to the barkeeper and went to sit down at a table, sighing as the warmth of the place washed over him. “Whatever it is that’s on your mind, we’ll talk about it later when we’re alone.”

Dorian nodded. “It’ll keep until later,” he agreed and draped himself in Bull’s lap, crossing his arms as he leaned back against the other man, “I hope things went well for you after we went through the mirror. Morrigan ended up stabbing one of the ancient elves protecting the temple. We brought him back with us, but there was some severe damage done and he’s having trouble walking. Not too happy about it either. I wouldn’t be, in his position. Morrigan barely got a slap on the wrist for the offense.”

“That’s because the Inquisitor thinks he needs her for some fucking reason,” Bull growled, tipping his horns at the barmaid who brought them drinks. He took a long swig, smacking his lips in appreciation as he clunked the tankard down on the table. “Or he’s afraid of her. Might be a little of both. Don’t know much about her, but she seems the type who’s used to getting her way and will cause problems if she doesn’t.” He sat back with a sigh, pulling Dorian back with him. “Enough about her. You been alright here by yourself? I know you get cranky without your amatus.”

Dorian chuckled. “It’s been horrible, not that you need to have your ego stroked any more than it already is. I busied myself, trying to help Solas with his little pet project about the Veil. Tried to get Abelas to stop being such a grump, but that’s a lost cause. Learned an interesting fact about Tevinter history, but we will talk about that later,” he said as he looked up at the man, “I’d rather not have a lot of thinking to do right now.”

Bull grinned. “Sounds good to me,” he rumbled and crushed his lips to Dorian’s, wrapping his arms around the mage. He’d tried not to think about it on the road, about how much he missed his kadan. But now the weight of it all that he hadn’t even realized was there was suddenly gone now that he had Dorian back in his arms. “Talking and thinking can wait until later.”

* * *

 

Lindsey stood in the courtyard, her arms wrapped around the puppy as she watched the soldiers and members of the inner circle return to Skyhold. She shifted from foot to foot, her eyes searching for Cullen. “Oh come on,” she huffed impatiently, her breath misting in the cold air. He was keeping her waiting on purpose, she just knew it. Her eyes widened when she finally saw him ride through the gate and a big grin split her face as he dismounted his horse. The puppy yipped and wiggled in her arms and she set him down. “Got get him. Go get Daddy,” she said, laughing as the little dog pounced through the snow to bark happily at the commander.

Cullen felt his heart lift as soon as he saw Lindsey waiting for him in the courtyard and he laughed as he puppy attacked his feet, barking and yipping happily. He leaned down and scooped the little one up and held him close as he strode over to Lindsey, the dog licking at his face. “You know, this little guy has gotten bigger in the time I’ve been gone! Been feeding him table scraps?” he asked his love as he got close and he set the dog down only to pick Lindsey up and gently swung her around before he cupped her cheek, tilting her head up so he could kiss her soundly. “Maker’s breath, I missed you.”

She nearly whimpered at the feel of his lips against her own. “I missed you more,” she breathed, her arms wrapped around his neck. Happy butterflies filled her stomach and she wasn’t certain if her trembling was from excitement or the cold. Her hand cupped his cheek, a smile spreading across her lips that she didn’t even bother to fight. “I have something to tell you,” she said quietly, searching his eyes. “I had this whole big idea planned, but I can’t keep it to myself. I have to tell you now. I’m pregnant.”

Cullen stilled, his eyes widening as he blinked at her. He wasn’t quite certain that he had heard her correctly. His heart gave a lurch. “But… you are?” His eyes flickered down to her abdomen. “Are you certain? I thought...we were so sure that the spell didn’t...” He trailed off at the excitement in her eyes, the way she nodded at him and he felt his own spirit lift and he laughed, giving a cry of joy as he picked her up and crushed her tightly to him, “You’re pregnant!” 

She laughed as he hugged her so tightly. She’d been waiting nearly two weeks now to tell him that. “I saw one of the healers a couple weeks ago when I started feeling… weird. She confirmed it,” she grinned. She kissed him again, so happy to see the happiness in his eyes. She couldn’t remember ever seeing him so excited. Another laugh escaped her. “Well I certainly hope you were ready for everyone to know, seeing as how you just announced it to the world,” she giggled, glancing at some of the soldiers who had stopped dead in their tracks at the commander’s declaration. “I haven’t told anyone. I wanted you to be the first to know.”

He smiled, a healthy blush creeping across his cheeks and he kissed her again. “I’d shout it from the top of the battlements if I didn’t think you would personally maim me for trying.” He leaned his forehead against hers. “You’ve just made me the happiest man in Thedas, love. I didn’t even think… I had given up hope,” he admitted, moving to scoop her up into his arms, “Come, it wouldn’t do to have either of us freeze to death now.”

A squeak of surprise escaped her as she suddenly found herself cradled in his arms, and she wrapped her arms around his neck. “Oh I could get used to this,” she grinned, rubbing her nose against his. “Better enjoy packing me around while you can. Try this again in a few months and you’ll hurt your back,” she snickered. “I don’t mind if everyone knows. I think Dorian’s onto me anyway. He keeps offering me wine, like a test to see if I’ll have a drink with him. He’s not as sneaky as he thinks he is.”

Cullen kissed the tip of her nose. “Hush, this is good exercise for me. I’m hoping to surprise you.” He carefully walked up the snowy steps to his rooms. He wanted to be warm again and the long trip back to Skyhold had been unnaturally cold. “Though, I’m going to spoil you as much as possible. Are you going to be anything like your sister?”

“You’ll have to be more specific than that, Commander,” she answered. “Jennifer and I are alike in a lot of ways. Aaaand in others, we’re completely different.” She leaned slightly over to open the door, then wrapped her arms around him again as he carried her through the door and kicked it shut behind them. “And if you’re planning on spoiling me, you can start by fixing the bloody damn roof.”

He laughed and nodded as he set her down on the floor. “First thing tomorrow morning, I’ll put in the requisition. Or I’ll climb up there and fix it myself,” he promised her as he looked up, seeing the sky through the unintentional skylight. “It’ll be a shame not being able to stargaze from the bed any more though,” he lamented, chuckling when she shoved at his arm and he caught her, pulling her close as he looked down at her, “Wow. I still can’t believe it. I’m going to be a father.”

“You’re going to be an excellent father,” she answered and ran her fingers through his hair, damp from the snow that now melted in the warm air of his office. “And if you want to stargaze from our bed, you can put in a skylight when we have our own home. A proper one with glass.” There was a longing that suddenly pierced her heart, to have her own home with him, to give him a life somewhere away from war. “We’ll have that one day soon, won’t we? Our own home?”

“Maker, I hope so. I think it’s about time I put away my sword and focus on something that doesn’t involve death and destruction. I want to build a life with you, somewhere far away from this. No more war, no more lyrium. Just you, our little ones, and the dog,” he said, a smirk tugging at his lips, “Maybe move back to Ferelden, near Honnleath. It could be anywhere, so long as I am with you.”

The corner of her mouth twitched in a smile. “I think I’d like that,” she said softly, sliding her arms around his waist as she gazed up at him. “I would follow you anywhere.”


	29. Chapter 29

Cassandra moaned as Varric’s rough hands slid over her back. Her skin was still warm and damp from their shared bath in his room. The oil smelled heavenly and she made a mental note to thank Jennifer for it the next time she saw her. “I forgot how soft this bed is,” she murmured, letting her head sink deeper into the pillow. Varric’s weight over her hips was the only thing keeping her awake at that point and she wiggled them teasingly. “Are you trying to romance me or put me to sleep?”

Varric smiled down at her, though she couldn’t see it. He watched his hands as he pressed his fingers into a hard knot on her back, using his thumbs to work it out. He rather enjoyed how the candle light glinted off of her skin. The scent of the oil was rather hypnotizing. “Hmmm, which would you prefer, Seeker? I think I could go either way after that little tumble in the tub,” he murmured as he shifted himself on her, teasingly moving his palms down towards her hips, following her spine.

She moaned again, a soft sort of throbbing settling into her core the lower he rubbed on her back. She knew exactly what she wanted, but she enjoyed teasing him too much. “Keep rubbing there and we shall see,” she answered and pressed her hips up against him again. Her fingers curled into the sheets beneath the pillow, her breathing becoming slightly heavier. “It felt like it would take forever to get back here to you,” she admitted, forcing herself to keep her eyes open as she stared at the flickering flame of a candle. “I barely dare to believe I am actually here.”

His body throbbed with a small pleasure as she shifted beneath him and he paused, closing his eyes as he tried to get control over himself. All he wanted to do was lean over her and press into her body, holding her so tight. “I didn’t know what to think after we passed through the mirror. Morrigan stabbed Grumpy and then drank that weird shit. I wasn’t sure what happened to you and the others. I was worried. Good thing Nightingale's ravens fly fast.”

“Mmm, true that,” she agreed. She blinked slowly, torn between wanting to drift off to sleep and wanting to stick her rear in the air and beg him to take her. Her eyes fluttered as he dug his thumbs into the small of her back, his strong fingers gripping her hips. “You tease me, dwarf,” she grumbled into the pillow. She thought over his words the next moment. “I do not know why the Inquisitor would not punish Morrigan. But let us not speak of her. The mere mention of her kills the mood.”

“That it does,” he said and bit his lip before he finally lifted himself from his seat on her hips and moved back, trailing his hands over her round bottom before he slipped a hand between her legs, groaning softly at the slick heat he found there. “I definitely don’t want to kill the mood,” he breathed as he reached down and grasped himself while his other hand tugged on her hip to get her to raise herself up. 

Cassandra gasped and clawed at the sheets as she felt his fingers tease her sex. When she felt him pull on her hip, she eagerly raised her rear in the air, a shiver of anticipation racing up her spine. “Varric,” she panted, rocking herself back against his hand. It wasn’t enough. Not nearly enough. “Please,” she begged, biting her lip, her center throbbing for him. “I need you.”

“Shit, I’ve got you, Seeker,” he breathed and brushed the head of his cock against her before he pressed in. He sighed out as she surrounded him and he pressed into her until he was seated inside of her completely before he leaned over her back, pressing a heated kiss between her shoulders. “Maker, you feel amazing Cassandra.” He ran his hands over her, reaching around her front, cupping her breasts and pinching her hard nipples. 

She bowed her head to the pillow, clenching around him as he filled her with his hard, thick cock. “Oh Varric,” she gasped, her voice breathless and high-pitched. Her breasts swelled and tingled in his hands, sharp jolts of pleasure shooting through her as his fingers tormented her nipples, pinching and rolling them as he began to thrust into her. “Maker,” she whined, rocking her hips back to meet his thrusts. Oh how she’d missed this.

He groaned as she clenched around him, moving in time with him. It was like a dance between the two of them. “Cass, I have to see you. I want you. Please,” he breathed, reluctantly pulling out of her and urging her to turn over on the bed. “Yes, that’s better,” he gasped out and lifted one of her long legs over his arm before he pressed back into her, shuddering. 

A hiss escaped through her clenched teeth as he slid into her again. “Much better,” she agreed, bucking up against him. Her placed her other foot on the bed, lifting her hips slightly, letting him even deeper into her body. “Oh Maker,” she gasped out, her eyes rolling in her head as he drove himself into her. She slid her hand down her stomach to the curls between her legs, teasing her clit and crying out at her own touch.

Varric managed a chuckle and reached his hand to join hers, letting their fingers slide together around her clit as he thrust into her. “Shit, I don’t think I can last much longer, Seeker. You do this too me, you are so good. Just perfect.” He leaned over her and pressed a kiss to each breast, savoring her.

“Yesss,” she purred, grabbing the back of his head and pulling his face tighter against her breast. “Please. Please, please,” she begged, crying out the next moment as he sealed his lips around her, tugging her nipple into his warm mouth. “Oh Maker!” she cried, lifting her hips to his faster and faster, swirling their fingertips around her clit. Her toes curled and her muscles tensed as hot pleasure washed over her. “Varric!”

Varric gasped out, crying his pleasure as he followed her a second later. Her tight muscles milked him dry as he fell over that blissful edge and he bowed forward as he held her to him as he rutted his hips against her as wave after wave of pleasure broke over him. He swallowed hard as his mind went blank and he smiled against her warm skin, finally relaxing against her. “Shit. I missed you,” he groaned, rubbing at her shoulder as he finally stilled.

“And I you,” she breathed as she went limp in the bed, breathing deeply to catch her breath. She let her hand fall to his hair, stroking her fingers through it. Her mind was hazy with pleasure, her body sated and tired now. A small smile pulled at her lips as the sapphire ring on her finger caught the candlelight, glinting. “I cannot wait to be your wife,” she murmured. “Soon, when all of this is over, we shall do it.”

He smiled against her before he pulled back, slipping out of her with a groan and moved to sit up against the headboard. “Mmm, I like that idea,” he murmured as he tugged her up into his arms. “Cassandra Tethras. Or were you planning on tacking one more name onto the long list of names you already have?” he teased, “Or we could mix it up and I’ll take your name. Varric Pentaghast.” He chuckled. “Doesn’t really roll off the tongue, does it?”

She wrinkled her nose at him. “Surely you jest,” she said, her tone disdainful. But a little satisfied sort of smirk played across her lips the next moment and she settled against his side. “Cassandra Tethras will do nicely, I think,” she said, tipping her head to rest it on his shoulder. “Besides, if you change your name, your books might not sell as well. Readers will not recognize you. And then where will you get enough money to rebuild Kirkwall?”

Varric laughed and nodded. “Good point.” He smiled and leisurely rubbing her shoulder, his eyes watching her skin as he traced patterns over her. “It isn’t going to be easy. There’s a lot of shit that needs to be done.” He paused and looked at her, “So you are going to be rebuilding the Seeker order, aren’t you? You’ll need a base of operations, you know.”

“I would like to,” she said softly, enjoying the feel of his fingertips against her skin. “It will take time. And only once we have settled somewhere so I can focus on the task at hand.” She gave a little smile, looking down at the quilt on his bed. “I suppose we both have things we’d like to see rebuilt, don’t we? But it will be good. We can support each other, especially when things get hard. Remind one another why we’re doing what we’re doing. Just as we have here.”

He smiled at that, leaning down and kissing the top of her head. “You paint the prettiest pictures, Seeker.” He reached up and brushed his hair out of his face as he thought about it, the future. “Any interest in kids? They seem to be all the rage these days.” He laughed at the look she gave him. “Though, I think I might be a bit old for kids, but if you want a few, I can give it my best try.”

“Maker… no,” she deadpanned, giving him a look. “With all the  weird shit,  as you so eloquently put it, that we get into, I cannot fathom having children. With all the work we have planned for ourselves, can we really give a child all the attention it deserves? It would not be fair.” She shook her head. “I do not care how adorable little Olivia is. If you feel the need to be fatherly, go babysit her for the day. I think you may change your mind.”

Varric chuckled and nodded. “I think I could be okay with that.” He thought for a moment. “Dogs? Cats? I think I’m more of a cat person than a dog person. Don’t get me wrong, Mabaris are great and all, but I think I lean towards the cats.” He smiled as Cassandra slapped at his arm. “And about the wedding, you want something big and romantic. Candles, flowers, the whole deal, right? I’ve got the best location in mind.”

She huffed irritatedly. “Small and romantic! I do not want a bunch of people fussing over the deal. Flowers and candles, yes, but I do not want a lot of guests. There is no need for a dance afterwards. A small reception with food and drink will be fine. And if I see so much as one bird or halla there, I will walk out,” she stated firmly. “And Maker help you if you try to stick me in a dress.”

He couldn’t stop the rich laughter that came forth at her instructions and he turned in the bed, lifting one arm to rest his head on and he smiled down at her warmly. “Why Seeker, you’ve actually put a fair bit of thought into this, haven’t you? Also, I think the world might implode if you were ever actually forced into a dress,” he joked, “But maybe we can have some special uniforms made up. Or we could just get married in our normal dress, I’m going to put my vote for that one. Maybe I’ll tuck a flower into my duster or something.” 

A soft snort of laughter escaped her. “And what? Rivet a rose to my armor?” she asked, a grin playing across her lips. A blush spread across her cheeks. “I… may have given it some thought. I was very bored on the road home,” she said defensively, looking away from him to stare at the fireplace. “I had to have something to occupy my mind besides just writing you letters. Otherwise there would have been a constant stream of ravens from the camp to Skyhold.”

Varric smiled at that and tilted her head up, looking into her eyes for a moment. He sighed out happily and leaned his head against hers. “You have no idea how happy you make me, Cassandra,” he said quietly, feeling tears gathering at his eyes, “I don’t think I could picture it any other way. A life with you, the woman I love. You are my dream come true, my fairy tale ending.”

Cassandra felt her heart absolutely melt and she turned more in his arms, wrapping hers around his neck. She didn’t think she’d ever heard anything so romantic in all her life. “This is why I love you,” she said and kissed him passionately, her hand sliding into his hair, draping her leg over his hip. “I could not picture it any other way either.”

A pleasant feeling settled in his chest, expanding until he thought he might burst. She fit so perfectly in his arms, the way she curled around him, her fingers slipping through his hair. He sighed against her contentedly, letting his hand slide down her arm, to her hip, pulling her closer to him. He let his fingers dance along her leg, hiking it further up around him as he kissed her back. She tasted so sweet, like the wine and chocolates he had gotten for her and he knew he could get drunk off of that taste alone, just her. And he didn’t have to share, didn’t have to hide it. 

A soft whine escaped her throat as he pulled her closer, his touch awakening her body to his again. Her hips rocked forward against him, her leg curling tighter around him as she kissed him harder. Sleep be damned, she had missed too much time with him while she was on the road and he was here at Skyhold. She kissed along his jaw, his stubble scratching at her face, and she raked her nails through his chest hair as she nibbled at his ear. “Maker, I want you again, Varric,” she breathed as she felt his length harden.

He smiled against her, moaning softly as her soft skin brushed up again, a delicious ache settling back through his whole body. He turned his head, pressing a firm kiss to her cheek as he enjoyed her against him like this, it was an intimate position and he really didn’t want to break away from her. “Like this, just like this,” he breathed as he reached down between them, angling himself so he could thrust into her easily. 

Cassandra rocked forward to meet him, her body easily accepting his, and she sighed in pleasure and contentment. “Yesss,” she whispered back. All the pleasures in the world could not compare to this, to being joined with him, held by him. It was as if the rest of the world faded away and nothing else existed except for him. She gasped as he thrust into her, no rush, no need to do anything other than enjoy each other and the moment. “Perfect,” she breathed.

Varric smiled against Cassandra and pulled back to thrust into her again, but the next moment, the entire room shook. He stopped, his eyes wide s he looked down at Cassandra. Fear took over his chest as he looked up towards the door and he swallowed hard as he heard another rumble. “Shit! Did you hear that?!”

“Deaf men could’ve heard that,” she answered as she wiggled out from beneath him, jumping up to pull on her clothes. “What is happening?!” In all her time here at Skyhold, she’d never heard such a noise. It shook her to her core as she tugged on her breeches and laced them with trembling hands. Her head whipped towards the door as she heard voices, shouting and crying out in anger or fear. “We must hurry! Whatever it is, it cannot be good.”

Varric stumbled off of the bed after Cassandra, tugging on his breeches and his tunic. He pressed his lips thin as he looked after Cassandra as she went for the door. His eyes widened at the sight of the smoke and screams coming through the door, “Maker’s breath… What is going on out there!”

Cassandra was still buckling her armor as she ran, her eyes darting this way and that for some sign of whatever was causing this ruckus. She cried out and lifted her sword as pieces of the stone crumbled overhead and rained down on her. Her heart raced in her chest as she made it to the Great Hall and then out to the stone steps. Everywhere was chaos. Soldiers poured into the courtyard, preparing to fight whatever enemy had chosen to attack. Servants ran screaming for cover, and smoke rose heavy in the air as fire crackled on the roof of the tavern. 

Cassandra narrowed her eyes, trying to make sense of the scene before her. “What is this?” she breathed as Varric came to a stop by her side. “I cannot see our enemy! Someone has attacked us, but where are they?!”

Varric winced and he looked up into the sky, the flash of something against the dark of the sky. “Up, Seeker, up! It’s that damn dragon Corypheus has!” He grit his teeth, “Come on! I need my crossbow! I dropped it off at the blacksmith’s before you got back… Shit, Seeker, I’m sorry.”

Her eyes widened as she looked up, hearing the beating of huge wings against the night sky. “Don’t be sorry, just run!” she shouted, giving him a push before she ran down the steps with him. Now her heart really felt like it was going to jump out of her chest. “Where is everybody? Where is the Inquisitor?” she cried as they ran through the mess of people, bumping into some of them as they panicked. “This is chaos! We must stop that dragon before it tears the whole fortress down!”

Varric dashed to the left as a part of the great hall fell down on top of them. It was something he had never expected. He remembered back in the other world where he had watched what happened at the end of the Inquisition. Corypheus was supposed to open the rift over Haven again, but this was Skyhold. “Shit! What the hell!” he cried, grabbing Cassandra’s hand.

“This isn’t right! The sisters would have told us about this, surely!” she protested. Her mind was dizzy, not understanding what was happening or how or why. Something had changed again, she was certain of that much. Her blood turned to ice as she heard a voice, calling out to the Inquisitor, and she turned, her eyes going wide. “It’s Corypheus!”


	30. Chapter 30

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: This chapter is potentially upsetting for some readers. 
> 
> Please don't kill us for this.

It was chaos. 

Jennifer held Olivia to her chest as she and Solas burst out of their room to the destruction that had become Skyhold. Her eyes widened as she heard a dragon’s roar and spotted the lyrium dragon pass overhead, a bolt of fiery red energy hitting the mage’s tower. She covered her daughter’s head and stepped back to Solas. “Corypheus is here?” she gasped in horror, “This… this isn’t right. He’s supposed to reopen the Breach back at the Temple of Sacred Ashes!”

“He knows that! That is why he has attacked now. He is purposely changing the timeline to throw us off,” Solas answered, his mind working furiously as he tried to find the safest way out of Skyhold for Jennifer and their daughter. It was too dangerous for them there now. The dragon was setting everything possible on fire, knocking into towers and walls to crumble them. An idea struck him and he turned to her, grabbing her by the arms. “The eluvian,” he breathed. “You know how to get there. Take Olivia and go. I will meet you there. Abelas still cannot walk properly and I will not leave him here to die. The eluvian is the safest way out of Skyhold for all of you.”

Jennifer looked at Solas worriedly; the thought of letting him out of her sight now was terrifying. “You’d better be coming with us!” She swallowed, thinking of what else was supposed to happen. She had told Solas what she knew, what happened to him after the end of the game, his meeting with Mythal. She grit her teeth. “Don’t you dare leave me!” she cried, feeling her throat ache and her face grow hot as she felt tears stinging her eyes. What about her sister? Cullen? Dorian and the others? They’ll get out, they had to. She turned and dashed back into their room, grabbing a travel bag and started throwing things in it while she held onto Olivia. 

Solas watched her only for a moment before he turned and ran for the infirmary. He skidded to a halt when a voice drew his attention; the inquisitor had come out to face Corypheus and it looked as though Sera and Cole had already joined in the fight. And it looked like they were all on the losing end. 

No, he had to help Abelas. If there was time, he would return to help fight Corypheus, but he had other priorities. He continued on, bursting through the door to the infirmary where Abelas lay sleeping, Jennifer’s cat perched on the elf’s chest. “Abelas! We must go! The fortress is under attack and I do not know how long it can stand.”

Abelas jerked awake, his eyes snapping open. The smell of smoke and the distant sounds of fighting reaching his ears instantly. He was so used to having wards wake him, he might as well have been dead to the world while he slept.He groaned and lifted his head, feeling an unnatural weight on his chest and he wasn’t certain what to do with the ball of fur he saw there. He looked over to the other elf. “Solas? What is going on? Who is attacking?”

“Corypheus,” Solas answered simply, moving to grab the cat off of Abelas’ chest. He had to resist rolling his eyes as it gave him an irritated look, as though he had interrupted a perfectly good nap. “And his dragon. It is trying to bring the castle down around us. I am taking you and Jennifer through the eluvian to safety until this battle is over,” he explained hurriedly as he grabbed up a shirt and tossed it to the sentinel. “Get dressed. We must hurry.”

He stood and tugged on the shirt that was thrown to him and he looked around for anything else that he might have had. He scowled at it, but picked up his walking stick Ellie had given him. He pressed his lips thin. “What of everyone else?” He remembered the Darkspawn Magister when he had shown up at the temple. How the creature had resurrected after being utterly destroyed by the ancient defenses. “He will murder everyone within these walls.”

“They are smart. They are resourceful. They will find a way out,” Solas assured him. Perhaps he should’ve thrown himself into the fight, but making certain that Jennifer and his daughter, and Abelas were safe was more important. He stepped closer and pulled Abelas’ arm over his shoulders. 

“Abelas!” Ellie gasped as she burst through the door, her eyes wide with fright and her hair falling down around her face. She was surprised to see Solas there. “What do we do? That dragon… it’s attacking everyone! The other healers, the servants… I think they’re all dead! I barely got out of there! I came to try to help you, but I don’t know where to go!”

Abelas blinked at the elf, she came to help him. After everything he had said, had done, she came to risk her life and help him. “You came after everything that’s happened? You are an odd individual,” he muttered and looked around, “We are going to the eluvian. Grab any supplies here that you can see. We are going to need them if we are to survive.” He leaned heavily against his stick. “We will grab anyone else we see on our way.”

Ellie gave a breathless nod, relieved that at least someone had a plan. She rushed about, filling a pack with as many items as she could, trying to hide the panic she felt. Everything outside was chaos and she couldn’t stop herself from cringing as she felt the very ground shake and heard the roars of not one, but two dragons outside now.

Solas looked out the open door, seeing another dragon challenging the lyrium dragon. “It is Morrigan,” he said, “Though it would appear she is doing more harm than good.” Both dragons were now knocking into walls as they fought, burst of flame from them catching more of the castle on fire. “Hurry, Ellie,” he encouraged, beckoning her over, and together they began to help Abelas through the mess towards the eluvian.

Abelas’s eyes widened as he looked up to the sky as Solas pulled them along. The cat in his arms was less than pleased as the dragons fought above. He scowled at the dragon that was Morrigan. The witch who had crippled him for her ill gotten power. He snorted at that, she would get what was coming to her, one way or another as she was bound to Mythal. And Mythal was not kind to those who harmed her own. He stopped short as a large piece of the roof fell down towards them. “Fenhedis! We will be lucky if we are not buried alive! How much further to the eluvian?”

“Not much, keep moving!” Solas answered, moving as quickly as they could with Abelas between them. He prayed Jennifer had reached the eluvian safely. And he prayed that she would not kill him for what he was about to do. He had not forgotten about his orb, what she said the outcome would be. But things had changed. So much had changed that perhaps he could change this, too. 

He gasped in relief when they made it through the door and he saw Jennifer standing next to the eluvian, Olivia held safely in her arms. “We must go through,” he said, letting Ellie take Abelas’ weight, and he strode forward to activate the mirror. “Hurry.”

Jennifer watched as Abelas hobbled through the mirror after accepting the cat from Solas. She looked back at him, seeing the look in his eyes, the way his fingers curled around his staff. “Oh no. No no no. Solas. Please, we need you,” she pleaded, stepping towards him and reaching out to let her hand curl around his bicep, “Don’t go out there!” She pressed her lips, wondering where her sister was, if she was alright. She felt a little guilty disappearing into the mirror.

Oh why did she have to look at him like that? He gave her an apologetic look. “I have to, vhenan,” he answered. “There is still a chance to recover the orb. I have to try.” He cupped her cheek and pressed a fierce kiss to her lips. “I will follow you once this battle is over. You will be safe in the crossroads. I will find you there.” He pressed a kiss to the top of Olivia’s head, then met Jennifer’s eyes. “You must hurry. There is little time and the Inquisitor needs my help.” He kissed her again quickly, fear burning in his heart that he might not see them again no matter what he promised. “Ar lath ma,” he whispered in her ear.

Jennifer felt tears slip down her cheeks as they kissed and she reached up, cupping his cheek as she searched his eyes. “I love you too, heart. You had better come back to us,” she choked out. She forced herself to let go of him and she backed up towards the mirror as the room shook and another explosion rocked the foundation. “Go! Go quickly!” 

He stepped backwards, slightly shaking his head, his heart ripping itself to see her go. He told himself he would find her, he would follow through the eluvian as soon as Corypheus was defeated. His own eyes burned, but he did not let them fall, and once she was through the mirror, he closed it off, then turned to run through the castle to join in the fight.

* * *

 

“Load up those wagons faster! You have to make it across the bridge before those monsters destroy it!” Cullen shouted at his fellow soldiers as the occupants of Skyhold fled the scene of the battle. He raised his shield, blocking a chunk of rock from falling onto himself and Lindsey as they helped women, children, and the injured up onto the transportation. He cursed under his breath; most of their troops were still in the Arbor Wilds, finishing up there and securing the area. It left them all vulnerable and exposed and Corypheus had figured it out. “Lindsey, take the dog and get on a wagon too. I’ll follow as soon as I am able!” But he could see it in her eyes, the argument, the stubbornness as she planted her feet. Even the dog poked its head out of the bag on her shoulder and gave him a look. “I’ll not be responsible for your death and the death of our child!”

“And I won’t leave you!” she shot back. She couldn’t fathom it, being out there away from him, not knowing if she was going to see him again or not. Staying at Skyhold while he went out to fight battles was one thing. But being here and seeing it in person was quite another. She felt tears burn her eyes, angry tears that he would try to send her away even though she knew it was probably the smartest thing to do. She crossed her arms over her chest and shook her head at him. “I won’t!” she insisted, her face burning hot. “I’m safer with you. I know it!”

Cullen pressed his lips together, knowing what he should do, but after just being reunited with her after the Arbor Wilds incident, he didn’t want to send her away either. He reached out, letting his fingers curl around the back of her neck as he leaned their foreheads together. “Then stay by my side and do not stray. My heart could not bear it if I lost you both,” he breathed before he pressed a kiss to her cheek before he turned and looked around, trying to see who else needed to get into the wagons. He bent down and lifted a little child up into the wagon before offering a hand to the mother. Out of the corner of his eye, he spotted familiar faces on running up the stairs and into the Great Hall. “Varric! Cassandra!  Where in the Maker’s name are they going? That building is going to fall any moment!” 

“I don’t know!” Lindsey answered, cringing as the dragons raged overhead. She saw Solas come running, joining the Inquisitor in the fight. “Oh gods, where’s Jennifer?” she asked, looking this way and that, hoping to catch some sight of her sister. He wouldn’t have left her. No, Jennifer was safe somewhere. She had to be. Her eyes widened in horror as one of the dragons fell from the sky, smashing into the Great Hall and causing the ground to shake. “They’re going to be killed! They have to get out of there!”

Cullen cursed under his breath as he watched the roof of the castle cave in and the ground shook dangerously. He drew his sword. “Come on! Maybe they ran into trouble! We have to help them! Stay close to me!” he shouted over the roar of the dragons as they took flight again. He grabbed Lindsey’s hand and they ran up the steps towards the crumbling hall. “Maker’s breath, Morrigan is doing more harm than good at this point! She’s going to get everyone killed! If they smash the bridge out of here…” He trailed off, not wanting to think about what might happen then.

She’d never really thought much about it before. “What kind of castle only has one way out?!” she cried as she ran with him. There was no time to think about that now. They had to find their friends. “Varric!” she shouted as loud as she could, “Cassandra!” Her heart really began to race then, not immediately seeing them. “Where did they go?” She gripped Cullen’s hand tighter, her own beginning to shake. She didn’t want to panic, but she could feel it building in her chest. She couldn’t lose her friends, not now. “Varric!” she called out again.

Cullen scanned the area. It was a warzone, looking worse than the day that they had first come to Skyhold. A large section of the roof had collapsed thanks to the efforts of the dragons outside. His eyes landed on the door to the Undercroft and he noticed it was intact, but open. “There! Maker, they must be after their weapons!” He winced and looked up again as a beam fell down and the looked worriedly at Lindsey, clutching her hand tighter, “You should stay here. I’ll be back in a moment, but you are going to follow me, aren’t you?”

“Scary how well you know me,” she said and grabbed his hand again, dragging him quickly through the Great Hall towards the Undercroft. A cry escaped her as another chunk of the ceiling gave way and they had to jump to the side, narrowly avoiding it. “Shit, shit, shit,” she breathed as they hurried, tripping over bits of rubble and debris. She let Cullen take the lead when they got to the door, and she peered over his shoulder when he kicked it open. Relief flooded her chest when she saw Varric and Cassandra there; the dwarf was messing with the crossbow in his hands and it looked like something wasn’t quite right with it. “If we survive this, I’m going to kill you for scaring me like that!” she scolded.

Varric winced as he looked up. “Sorry Freckles, the mods weren’t done yet and the blasted thing jammed. I’ve almost got her,” he muttered as he looked back down at the weapon as he carefully moved the parts around to fix it. “Shit,” he breathed as he finally heard the telltale click as he pulled out a busted bolt and successfully clicked the loading dock into place. “Okay, let’s get out of here before the whole castle comes down on us. And demons. And whatever other weird shit that monster wants to throw at us,” he grit out as he looked up at Cassandra, shouldering his weapon. “Sorry to worry you guys. You shouldn’t have come back for us!”    

“No time to argue it now,” Cassandra said, drawing her sword and looking towards the door. “It sounds like the fighting is getting bad out there. We must join the Inquisitor before more lives are lost.” But as she moved to take a step towards the door, the most bone-chilling sound met her ears and a blinding flash of green light erupted from all around. The floor trembled so violently that they were all thrown to the stones. “What was that?!” Cassandra cried as a low, rumbling groan reverberated around them. Her eyes went wide as the stones beneath her began to crack, the line growing and spreading across the floor. “The castle is going to fall! We must go!” she cried, trying to push herself to her feet as the ground continued to shake.

Cullen felt his heart drop into his stomach as the foundation shook and the section of the castle they were in groaned, wooden beams splintering as they were forced apart by the sheer weight and gravity of the section. He cursed and picked up Lindsey in his arms as he dashed towards the entrance of the Great Hall. “Hurry!” he shouted over his shoulder at their friends.

Varric cursed his dwarven physiology as he stumbled over a large piece of debris, the castle shaking and groaning again sending him to his knees. He shuddered, it was the bridge back at Adamant all over again. Only this time, the Inquisitor wasn’t with him to open a rift for him to fall into. He felt the castle lurch beneath his feet and he slipped backwards as the worst sound he had ever heard filled his ears. Like rocks imploding on themselves. “Keep going, Cassandra! This whole section is going to fall into the valley!”

“No,” she gasped, watching as if in slow motion as the floor began to give way, Varric on the wrong side of the split in the floor. Without thinking, she flung herself forward and grabbed his hand as he fell. It felt as though her arm was going to be pulled out of its socket as she lay flat on her chest, her hand tightly grasping his. “Varric!” she grit out, her face already going red with the effort of holding his weight. “Do not let go!” She’d never felt such fear in her life, to see him like that, dangling at the end of her arm above the falls that ran beneath Skyhold. “I will pull you up!” she promised, though in the position she was in, she had no idea how she would manage it.

The feeling of hopelessness washed over him then as he held tightly to Cassandra’s hand. The floor beneath him fell away and he closed his eyes as he heard the terrible sound of it crashing below. The rush of the waterfall like a terrible roar in his ears that promised death. He opened his eyes, the vision blurry in front of him as he stared up at Cassandra and he realized he was crying. The castle gave another lurch and he and his love both gave a cry as she slid towards the edge. “Seeker… if I don’t let go, you’ll fall with me,” he gasped out, trying to blink away the tears in his eyes. He swallowed the heavy lump in his throat. He should have known he was never meant for a happy ending. He would give anything to have one more day, one more moment with Cassandra there beside him. Cassandra Tethras. It would have been glorious. “I love you so much. Never forget that.”

“NO!” she shouted at him, squeezing his hand so hard she was surprised that he didn’t cry out in pain. “Don’t you dare say goodbye,” she snarled at him, trying to push herself back onto more solid ground, to pull him with her, but it was his weight pulling her forward instead. Tears burned the corners of her eyes and she gave her head a shake, gritting her teeth. “You don’t get to leave me like this,” she growled, pulling with all of her strength to try to get him back into the safety of the Undercroft so they could flee together. “Climb, Varric,” she commanded, meeting his eyes with a stern glare. “You have to.” Another desperate cry escaped her as the floor shook again, the rumbling growing louder and she felt her grip on his hand slip ever so slightly. “Varric! Please! Do not let go!”

He only had a few more moments and they both would go over together. There was nothing to climb and if he tried, he would only succeed in pulling her over with him. “I’m sorry, Cassandra. I’m so sorry,” he sobbed out and he did the hardest thing he could ever remember doing. He let go of her hand, crying out as she tried to hold onto him. “You always make me want to do better. To be honest. You were the best thing to ever happen to me. I….” The goodbye stuck in his throat and he felt her grip slipping on his hand. She didn’t want a goodbye and he didn’t either. Some things were inevitable though. “I’ll see you later.”

His fingers slipped through hers.

“NOOOOO!” Cassandra screamed as Varric fell, disappearing from her sight. She lay there in stunned silence, her hand still outstretched, as her heart shattered into a million shards. “Maker, NO!” she begged as the sobs began to shake her shoulders. Even as the floor trembled beneath her, all she could do was to lay there and scream in horror. He couldn’t be gone. He couldn’t. 

Cullen ran for Cassandra, having gotten Lindsey safely to the entrance, the scream that he had heard behind them made his blood curdle. She was on her stomach, screaming over the side of the break where the castle had fallen away and he felt his heart stop. “Andraste, no. Please no. Not him,” he cried out as he reached Cassandra, grabbing her up off the ground. Varric was nowhere to be seen. He squeezed his eyes shut as tears welled up. Cassandra fought him, trying to stay. “His sacrifice will mean nothing if you go over after him! He wouldn’t want that for you! Come on! We have to get out of here NOW.”

Cassandra kicked out as Cullen picked her up, her back against his chest, and all but carried her away from the Undercroft. She couldn’t see, her mind replaying it over and over, the sight of Varric falling. His last words echoed in her mind. She wanted to throw herself after him. She wanted to cry and scream and STAB things. “MAKER DAMN IT ALL!” she bawled as she regained her footing, letting Cullen drag her out of the Undercroft.

Lindsey was horrified, tears welling in her eyes as Cullen told her to move, steering her towards the front of the Great Hall. Beams and chunks of stone wall and ceiling fell all around them. Fire crackled and smoke billowed into the sky. She forced herself to keep moving, not letting herself think on Varric’s death too much. It hurt. And if she gave into that right now, then she and Cullen and Cassandra might die as well. She remembered what Varric told her, when they were being tortured by Erimond, to go somewhere else in her head. “We have to get out of here. This whole place is going to fall,” she said over the sound of the castle collapsing. “We have to get to the bridge.”

Cullen tightened his grip on Cassandra as they ran for the bridge. The fighting had stopped, but the fires were roaring so loud, it was hard to hear much. With the castle collapsing behind them, the ground ripping and shaking away, they could have been in the middle of a tornado. “We’ll be lucky if this whole plateau doesn’t fall down with us on top of it!” he shouted, his eyes trying to pick out the archway to the bridge, but Maker, it was all rubble and twisted metal. What happened to everyone while they were inside? “Where’s the Inquisitor?!”

For a moment, it was like Cassandra had forgotten about the Inquisitor, about Corypheus, about all of it. She took in her surroundings then. Everything was in ruin. Bodies were scattered among the rubble and she wasn’t certain if she wanted to see the faces or not. But one stood out - the Inquisitor, the mark on his hand no longer glowing, and the broken orb beside it. It was as if someone had twisted the knife in her chest. After everything they’d done to protect him, after all the sacrifices, the blood, the sweat, the tears, and the bastard had to get himself killed in the final battle. “There,” she gasped, giving a nod at the Inquisitor’s body. “We must keep going,” she said, her voice flat and numb.

The Commander winced at the sight of the Inquisitor on the ground and he turned away from him, looking to Lindsey. There was nothing but death there now. He swallowed harshly as he set Cassandra on the ground, taking both her hand and Lindsey’s as they picked their way around the debris and onto the bridge. He could see wagons far ahead, already off of the bridge and waiting for them. Survivors. “What happened to everyone else? Jennifer, Olivia, Bull, Dorian?” He squeezed his eyes shut at the thought of them still back in the rubble, but the castle had fallen and it wasn’t safe to go back. “It’s over, but it still feels like we lost.” 

“We did lose,” Cassandra answered simply as she let Cullen lead the way. She couldn’t bear the sight of Skyhold anymore. She could hear parts of the castle still crumbling behind her and she knew there was still the possibility that all of it could fall. They had to keep moving, they had to get away from this place. Where they would go, what they would do, she didn’t know. But they could not just stand there and wait to die. “It is over.”


End file.
